Impossibly-Cool Cover Art?: Lifeforce

I love Lifeforce.

It's weird and silly.  It's most notable for never letting its Lead Actress wear clothes.  It's about Space Vampires.

With that in mind, it's always neat to find new Covers for it like this...

Nice!

This is certainly not the first Poster for this Film I've featured and it may not be the last.

With that in mind, I like the different angle- pun intended- on this one.  It doesn't give away much and really makes you want to see the Movie!

Here's the original...

Besides upgrading the color and contrast, I also made the Astronaut bigger and 'closer to frame.'  It's kind of a subtle thing, but I like to think that it gives the Poster more depth.

Should You Bother?: Once Upon a Deadpool (2018)

This may or may not become a recurring thing, but...it's the best way I could think of to do this.

Deadpool 2 came and went.  I liked it a lot.
To try out the waters with a PG-13 Version, this was produced and released in Theaters.
I didn't see it.

Well, now that it is on Digital, I can check it out for Review.

Is it worth a double-buy?  Is it the Version for you if the normal Cut is too raunchy?

Should You Bother?

The Film is intercut (more at the beginning parts) with a new Framing Device- Deadpool kidnaps Fred Savage to tell him the Story.

I thought that was just a joke for the Marketing, but it's really in the Film!

So the Story is mostly the same.  That said, they confusingly added in some stuff that was CUT FROM Deadpool 2 (for pacing).

For instance, two bits where Deadpool tries to kill himself before the one they just jumped right to in the Theatrical Version.

So they get points for adding stuff in (and returning 'Take on Me' to the End Bit with Vanessa!), but then lose points for all of the awkward cuts.

For instance, Deadpool's fall ends with him breaking his back upon impact with the table.  In this Version, they don't show the injury- just the reaction shots.

Why is Rusty so upset that Deadpool just fell down?  Who cares- cut for Rating!!!

The most prevalent thing is them simply removing the CG Blood added to stabs, gunshots, etc.

While we can't agree on CG Blood as a whole, its removal NEUTERS a bit like this, since you don't see the bullets make impact and realize that he's not doing as well as he thought.

Oh and you can be ripped in half (with a cut away) and we can see your separated torso...but no blood can be shown.

Removing the one bit of realism from 'Deadpool is ripped in half by Juggernaut'- really?!?

Oh and just straight-up blurring this sight gag- both times.  Why bother?!?

Can they make a PG-13 Deadpool Film?  Absolutely.
Can they realistically-cut an R-Rated one down to PG-13 without butchering it?  No.

If you can't stand fake blood and F-words, you can watch this.  Just know that you're getting a bastardized Version that doesn't work as well as the original in many, many ways.

Verdict: No (unless you *really* can't stand what somehow separates PG-13 from R)

Holiday Flix?: The Black Dragon (1974)

I love it when Movies are honest.  So often they lie, trick or mislead you into seeing their Film.  We see it now with Glass being marketed around what basically makes up solely the 3rd Act.  It's not 100% false, since the moments do happen.  Other Films lie to you in subtle ways- like showing Hulk in Wakanda last year- and others do it somewhat accidental ways.  When your Film was shot and then reshot to death, it is somewhat understandable to see Footage in the Trailers that doesn't make it in.  It happens all of the time- from Justice League to Rogue One.  Bigger stuff like blatantly adding nonsense to Films like the Villain in Highlander: Endgame using magic to fight our Heroes appears to be just outright lies.  This is The Black Dragon, the tale of Ronnie Van Clief trying to survive in The Philippines as a new arrival.  It's a good Film to do for MLK Jr Day, since it is about a famous Black Martial Artist.  There's actually a neat Documentary on this as well that you should check out.  The people themselves talk about learning Kung-Fu or Karate in self-defense, but also to empower themselves.  They managed to be marketable worldwide this way- see Jim Kelly.  Mr. Van Clief has a very impressive Resume, which you should definitely Google.  To see how his breakout role took place, read on...

Our Story begins...in China.  Weird place for Ron to live, but it worked for Jaden Smith.

He's...a Chinese Guy who moves to the Philippines to make money to help his family...

Say what?!?

Did a DVD Box (and 40+ years of Marketing) lie to me?  Does the Box describe Ron as the Hero (literally in this person's place with the exact same setup) to trick me?  Can I NOT trust a DVD Set called Bad Ass Mofos?!?

No, I can't.  Ron is in the Movie...at about 20 minutes in.  Back again at around 40 minutes.  He turns out to be a good guy who fights (for a little bit) alongside the real Film's Hero and doesn't add much (other than being a Bad Ass Mofo for a few minutes).  Damn you, everything about how the Film was sold!!!!

The End (for me).

Seriously though, he is NOT the Star!  The actual Film is mostly just Chinese Connection (and made a year after Bruce Lee's death).  It's alright.  The Print is terrible, being a Pan and Scan with notable hissing and fading.  Even in glorious 4K HD, the Film would still just be 'alright' though.  It's not what I was promised and it's not even *that* interesting if you can accept that.  Time to track down more Van Clief at a later date (probably in February).  In the meantime, let's see what this Serial with a similar Title is like...

Fooled again!!!

Happy Holiday and all that.  If you want your fix, just watch Dolemite (or 1,000 other better Films).

WTF Cover Art?!?: The Tingler

I don't know for sure who made this.
I don't know why they made this.
I don't know why this exists.

In spite of my questions, someone posted this bizarre mix of original Poster and bizarre painting on Facebook, so...enjoy?

Just to be safe, I blocked out a little bit of this.

I definitely have many MANY questions about this whole thing...

1) What?
2) Huh?
3) Do the people on the Poster see what is out there?
4) Is she making out with a Tingler?
5) Why is it glowing?
6) WHAT?!?
7) Are there more of these?

I have no explanations.  All I can do is share this insanity with the World.

You're welcome?

Poor Bastards of Cinema: Halloween (2018)

The streak continues!

In the new Halloween, an older Meyers 'returns home.'  His first stop- getting some new clothes.

If you've seen one of these before, you know what happens.

Yeah, it does.

Another dead Mechanic/Truck Driver!

It's the only outfit that he likes, apparently!

The moral: don't be a Truck Driver or Mechanic in Illinois.  Better safe than sorry!

Quick Reviews: Halloween (2018)

The Holidays are over (for like a Month), so let's celebrate that instead.  How better to do than with...a Holiday Film?  I confused even myself there, but, let's get to it...

In 2018, a Horror Podcast duo goes to see the still-contained Michael Meyers.

In case you missed it, this one ignores EVERY OTHER Halloween Film.  Yes, even the one with the Robots powered by Druid Magic.  What a loss.

Laurie, meanwhile, lives in seclusion as she's been ready for Michael.  The problem- she's been that way for 40 years.

And, just to be clear, she's NOT related to Michael anymore (in this Film).  She's just a Survivor.

She has a bad relationship with her family, with her Daughter resenting the paranoia driven into her.

On the plus side, Judy Greer makes up for being in Carrie by being here.

Michael Meyers, of course, escapes and starts killing again.  His motivation- killing.

Can Laurie defend the people she loves about- but can't connect to- from Michael?

Or will Michael finally get a chance to kill Laurie (in a Film that people like)?

To find out, watch the Film- now on DVD and Streaming.

A solid Thriller that manages to not bring shame to the Franchise.  After two Films that both dragged shit out and ruined Laurie, this is a nice change!  Jamie Lee Curtis being back is great and she brings real depth to the role.  The Film really delves deep into the human toll that her behavior takes.  It would be nice to see this kind of thing in more Films like this, to be honest.  My only real issue is that they took any motivation away from Meyers.  The 'I'm your Sister' thing is a bit cliché, but it did drive him.  Now he just waits 40 years to break out, since it is Halloween and he comes back home...until he then tries to kill Laurie.  The Film tries to yadda-yadda him to her for the end, but I still don't see his motivation.  He's literally killing people out of need and desire for their stuff.  He kills a person to take a knife.  He kills a person for his clothes.  He doesn't then go outside of Town to kill someone that he, I guess, remembers from 40 years ago.  The other inherent silliness from the Sequels managed to slip in here too.  With no extra background to explain it, how is a 61-year old Michael splattering heads, deadlifting people and the rest?  On the flipside, he also can't break a Bathroom Stall Door, while he can shatter a neck like rock candy.  I'm nitpicking, but the Film is really good regardless.  It is dark, gruesome and manages to be quite good too.  Hell, just look at the fact that they used footage from Repo Man...

A really good Film that manages to make up for those Remakes.  Here's to more Films if they can keep it up.

Impossibly-Cool Cover Art: The Jaguar vs. The Mystery Invaders!

Action!
Excitement!
Masks!

Luchadores give you all 3 of those, so they made for natural Action Stars in their heyday.

Outside of the more famous names like Mil Mascaras, Blue Demon and El Santo, you had the Star of this Film...

Awesome!

Given the actual awkwardness and stiffness usually prevalent in these Films, it is unlikely that this happens, but...damn is it a great poster.

Silly, but great.

Here's the original...

Still just as crazy- just without the extra bit of color and flair that a touch-up gives it.

Almost Heroes: Elizabeth Hamilton (The Dunwich Horror)

Here's one you haven't gotten in a while!

In Horror, a woman is taken to Dunwich to be part of an occult Ceremony against her will.  When she doesn't come home, her friend Elizabeth calls the Professor and they find her there.

While Armitage learns more about the Town and it's past, Elizabeth finds a house that she thinks something important is hidden in.

Ignoring the warnings of the villain's father, she goes to a locked door and opens it...

...only to be attacked and killed by the evil twin/host of an Elder God.

I'd just like to point out again that this freaky, snaked-headed monster make sure to remove all of her clothes before going in for the kill.  I still can't make sense of that!

In Elizabeth's defense, she makes a strong move to help her friend and goes above and beyond here.

She just accidentally releases the creature and dies at its hands...err, snake heads.

She was *this* close to helping really save the day.  Sorry. 

Pilot Wings: Young Justice- Season 3, Episode 1

DC listens to its fans!  Well, except for when they rejected the tone of the Films...and the Shows...and liked the 'fun comics' better.  One out of 4 ain't bad!  They brought back Young Justice and let's see how that turned out...

Bad guys are kidnapping kids, testing them for their Meta Genes and then forcing them to go through unpleasant ways to activate their powers.

Oh no, you'll make Deadpool!

On Rann, a girl turned into a 'Meta' dies from a blast of electricity (due to a previous ailment).  Not good!

In the wake of this and the League stuck working under the jurisdiction of Lex Luthor (as Chairman of the U.N.), Batman quits, taking with him Green Arrow and some others.

In Markovia (a Country tied to the trafficking), murder happens!

Can the League work without many members?  What will become of Batman's group?  What will the Prince do to save his land?

To find out, keep streaming the first set of Episodes now on DC's Streaming Site.

A good tease for what is to come.  A lot of little things happen in this first Episode.  It's just there to give you the Plot and tease many, many things.  What is Batman's new team?  Will the split change the Justice League?  What will happen to Young Justice?  Will the Team's new mission go smoothly?  Do you care about Geo-Force?  It's a strong Episode now matter how little you actually get in 24 minutes.  A good Pilot makes you want to keep watching.  I watched the 2nd Episode right away, so it works.  I'm going to space out the 6 Episodes, since I waited too damn long to get them in the first place!  While you decide what to do, just take in this adorable sight...

Considering the wait, the Show delivers so far.  Here's hoping that the quality stays up!

Impossibly-Cool Cover Art: The Killer Snakes

After referencing it in a recent Review (and updating the Review in case anyone clicks on a link from 2009), I found this Poster.

Time to play with it and make something fun...

Dang!  There's a lot to break down here...

Man scared by snake.  Blood.  Man with candle.  Falling ghost lady?

It's a Film about a guy killing people with snakes- why all the confusing mess?

Here's the original...

I added a little bit of 'texture' and contrast.  You're welcome, 43-year old Film Poster.

WTF Italy?!?: Baba Yaga (aka The Devil Witch)

At last, I get to explain what Fumetto is!  Today's Film is 1973's Baba Yaga, not to be confused with the about 20 Films with this Title.  Assuming you aren't Italian, this will probably news to you.  Fumetto is the Italian Version of Comic Books, only these are more marketed towards older readers and/or Adults.  Famous examples of Fumetto turned into Film include Satanik, Danger Diabolik and Barbarella.  This is based on one Story Arc in the Valentina 'Comics' from the time.  They ran from the early '60s up until 1996.  The Baba Yaga Story was released in 1971, so it was a quick turnaround to get this one into live-action.  If you don't know who Baba Yaga is, you've probably at least heard it mentioned as the nickname for John Wick in his Film.  She's actually a pretty famous witch from Slavic Folklore and very popular to adapt in that region.  There are literally TWO DIFFERENT Films about the Character set for release in Russia this Year!  This Plot involves our Heroine being targeted by the titular Witch and the chaos that unfolds.  In the whirlwind involved in getting this made, the Italian Photographer is played by a French Actress, a young woman plays the old Witch and the guy from Anthrophagus plays a romantic lead!  Yes, George Eastman- most famous for 'eating a fetus' as the Title Character- is the romantic lead here.  The guy from Porno Holocaust.  There's more insanity to share, so to find out, you must read on...

Valentina- our Title Character- is a Photographer from Milan who doesn't like Art Films, is a bit snooty in other ways and won't 'put out' for Eastman.

She runs across a dog and then a 'chance meeting' with Baba Yaga, who agrees to drive her home...and knows where her home is.

The biggest complaint is that she's miscast as 'Yaga,' but I still liked her.  No, she doesn't look much like the one in the picture above- I know.

That night, she dreams that she's forced to strip naked and jump in a hole by some Nazis...as you do.

The Director's Cameo(s) are as the SS Commander.  Yea?

She takes part in her day job- cultural appropriation.

Yes, I'm not going to get too hung up on it, given that the Film is older than me and Italian.  I still will point it out though...

Yaga starts to do weird stuff to our Heroine, for reasons that aren't clear.  She just wants her...I guess.

One method- cursing her camera to kill anyone/thing it photographs.  Sucks to be you, Hippie!

In one of the more inspired bits, she and Eastman hook up and it turns into panels right out of the Comic.  Points for that.

The Film moves at a slow and leisurely pace- even after Producers cut half an hour.

To sum up, she gets a weird doll from Baba Yaga's house and it apparently comes to life, killing her model friend.

It all leads to Valentina going to Yaga's place, agreeing to be whipped and then Eastman saving the day.  She does, at least, push Yaga into her Chekhov's Pit.

In the aftermath, none of this was real...or was it?!?  The End.

Considering all of the complexity and silliness, this one's...alright.  It's definitely a love-it-or-hate-it Film.  It's just pretentious enough to make Bob watch it, but with a bit too much nudity.  I draw the line for his stuff at boobs, as opposed to monkeys being crucified.  So here's what you need to know: this is an Adaptation of a strange, one-off story from Italy.  It's Director was not *that* experience.  It's Director was very ambitious.  It's Director had around 30 minutes cut from the Film- on the negative!  Yeah, you can't get that back!  From what I can tell, this is the ONLY Feature Film based on the Valentina Comics.  So, just imagine, a world where you only get one X-Men Film ever...and it's the one where they fight Dracula.  You only get one Superman Film and it's the one where his Robot Tutor from Krypton gets him laid (that happened).  You only get one Spider-Man Film and it stars Big Wheel!  So the Version I watched was dubbed.  I had no other option- to be clear.  As such, it's hard to truly rate the Acting.  I do kind of like the Valentina Actress, if only for her portraying wide-eyed shock and awe quite well.  The same goes for Baba Yaga, who one Critic said looked more like 'Ms. Havisham than a Witch.'  Harsh, but kind of fair.  It's definitely got its own pace and you may be bothered by that.  It also has a sweet Jazz Soundtrack and lovely views of Italy.  It's not a *great* Film, but it's a flawed attempt at brilliance.  That said, this is my best summary of the Film as a whole...

Next time, will an Oscar-winning Actor regret coming back for one Film.  Will this forgotten Film be a blessing or a sin?  Stay tuned...

DCE-Hulu: Titans- 'Asylum'

After a Holiday (and sanity) break, it's time for more Titans.  Will they turn it around or...just get darker?  Let's see...

Back together, the group needs to question the man behind the machinations so far.  He will only talk to Raven, who learns more about her powers.

The group needs to break into an Asylum to rescue Raven's Mother.  There's no way that this will...

...of course.

Can they escape?  Can they do so with their sanity?  Will Raven be corrupted and call Trigon (who they refuse to name for some reason)?

To find out, stream it.

A dark, dark Episode.  I like that they are together.  I hate that they keep going back to 'we can't get along.'  We get it- they are brooding and angsty!  To be fair, it also comes down to them just not waiting five minutes to listen to the other.  Wait- is that better?!?  The whole Plot hinges upon Robin being a bit of a dick and Raven leaving after talking to Beast Boy for like 2 minutes.  Should I even point out that they call an Uber to a Safehouse?  Should I even point out that there's no way that Robin wouldn't know about this?  Should I even ask why Beast Boy didn't try to case the place out as a Tiger?  Hell, they don't case it out at all!  They just wander right up to the gate and things go wrong.  There's a learning curve for new Heroes- granted-, but you guys are really pushing it!  Also kudos for continuing to find excuses for Starfire to be out at night.  Back to questions now.  How does the group know about Starfire's powers?  They know about the incident with the Nuclear Family, but that's it.  They know nothing about what kind of power limit she may have or her weakness at night, but they somehow exploit both!  This one goes right to torture- both psychological and physical.  It's almost kind of 'funny sad' seeing people compare this to the Mad Mod Episode of Teen Titans.  Yeah, he hypnotized them and that's it.  He sure as hell wasn't carving Starfire open to see if she could regenerate!  Everyone goes to dark places in this one and I'm not a fan.  They seriously need to complete this 'always darkest before the dawn' crap soon!  With 4 Episodes left to go, I'm not holding out too much hope.  If you're wondering why this one is so dark, take a look at the Director's IMDB page to see one of their recent works...

Next time, everyone needs a break from the violence.  Will we get all of the Plot instead?  See you then...