Never Translated: Back to the Future

In honor of 'Back to the Future' Day, let's jump back to the Past and see some stuff that didn't quite make the cut.

Famed Artist Drew Struzan has made many Posters for many Films that you know and love.  However, this is one that didn't end up getting used for Zemeckis' Film...

Kind of shame that this one didn't get used, because it is actually kind of cool.  Kudos for the use of Forced Perspective and Coloring too.

Just for fun: here's another one I found...

Again- kind of a neat one.  A bit arty for a mainstream Poster...but still neat.

On the plus side, you got to be a Character in The Mist, Drew.

Rare Flix: Project Metalbeast

Aw man, this is the shit.  It is mostly shit- but you have to love it!  Today's Film is Project Metalbeast, a 1995 Horror-Action Film.  Where do I begin?  'Brad' makes a bullet-proof Werewolf.  Oh right- that explains it.  Around the time that the Howling Films were still profitable (jokes), stuff like this got made.  This one has WAY more Werewolf action than the last few Sequels and doesn't shoehorn its Producer in as a Star.  Say what you will about Shyamalan, but he has yet to be as terrible as Clive Turner!  Good times.  Where was I?  Right.  The Film stars Barry Bostwick and Kane Hodder, although the latter is buried under about 50 pounds of fur and latex the whole time.  The Plot is pretty damn ridiculous- duh!  When in doubt, bring back a guy who hates you AND is a Werewolf- makes sense to me!  I love this kind of stilly stuff, but must watch it online when a DVD is so hard to find.  For a more easy find (that being more), read on...

In the opening, a Soldier tracks down a Werewolf at a Castle.

Well, it is actually on-screen, so it can't be the lady from Howling V!  Werewolf Burn!

After he kills the creature, he gets mad at his boss (Bostwick) for belittling him.  His response- inject the Werewolf blood into himself!

After he kills a few folks, he is taken down by a silver bullet from Bostwick.

20 years later (now in 1995), Bostwick pushes a group of Scientists to try their metal-skin-bonding program on some cadavers.  Somehow, the guy makes the cut and comes back to life to boot!

Naturally, the Scientists- especially our Final Girl/Woman- are suspicious of this whole thing.  They don't even know that he's a Werewolf...yet.

Soon enough, the man morphs into a now-bullet-proof Monster!  He's mean, ugly and metallic!

Can this creature be killed or is pretty much everyone doomed?!?

Well, yes and no.  Most of them- including Bostwick- die.

However, they just bust out a silver-tipped RPG (right out of Army of Two) and blow his ass to pieces!  The End.

Dumb, but awesome stuff.  A bulletproof, super-Werewolf running around a Military Base- what is not to love?!?  Yes, this is stupid.  Yes, this Plot is all over the place.  Yes, they did appear to steal the 'thawing a guy out that you shouldn't' thing from Demolition Man (released a year or so earlier).  What is your point?  I live for this kind of stuff.  I make no apologies about it.  Things balance out for me since I just watched a Wim Wenders Film, right?  Let's go with that.  If you watch Project Metalbeast, you know what you are getting.  Big whoop- wanna fight about it?  Oh no- not me.  Him...

Next up, a look at some new Horror.  Will it be a biting Comedy or something just plain weird?  Stay tuned...

Poor Bastards of Cinema: Near Dark

At last some famous Poor Bastards of Cinema.

In Near Dark, a group of roving Vampires stop in a Bar for a drink.  Naturally, it isn't Scotch.

Yep, they cut this poor Waitress' throat and drink her blood from a beer glass!  That isn't all though.

They don't stop there.  When the Bartender puts up a fight, he gets his throat slit via a boot stirrup.

There's only 2 guys left, but I'm sure that they will totally stop there.

Nah, just kidding!  This Vampire kid/adult shoots him!

Only one guy escapes, but that is so that the Plot can escalate.  He gets a pass for Plot Convenience.

What is the lesson?  Don't get to a Bar in Texas unless you are packing...some Holy Water and a Stake!  That's the 27th Amendment right?

2,900th Post Celebration!: Frankenstein Reborn

It is that time again!  Cue the Banner, me!

Sorry, Universal.  For my 2,900th Post (I know- right!), let's revisit a Studio who I've avoided for at least 6 months (an Immediate Response not counting, that is)- The Asylum.  Joy!  Today's Film is Frankenstein Reborn, the Asylum Version of a now-Classic Tale.  This one has many of the elements you'd expect to see, but many differences too.  This is part of the Shot Together To Save Money Series from the company.  Basically, they shot a bunch of Films together with the same Cast in varying Roles in 2005.  This includes War of the Worlds, King of the Lost World, Bram Stoker's Dracula's Curse, Legion of the Dead and The Beast of Bray Road.  The Films were all released in a 6-month period and feature recurring Cast Members aplenty.  This is notable not just for the Stars, but also for the bit players.  For example, Andrew Lauer- aka some guy from Caroline in the City- appears in Beast, Legion and King- literally for one Scene in the latter!  That brings me to this Film with, well, most of those people.  Bruce Boxleitner was too busy for this shit- good for him.  This one is set in modern times and takes some odd liberties with the Story.  Rather than watching me ramble here, how about you watch me ramble down below?

The Film begins with the typical Person Gets Killed bit.  It is...Sarah Lieving!

Do I act like a dick and go 'Yea- they killed her!' or just not care?  Vote, America!

Now that that we got that out of the way, the actual Story begins with Dr. Franks (since Rhett can't play German, apparently) under arrest before suspicion of murder.  Cue Flashbacks!

So the good Doc and his comrades were experimenting on this oddly-muscular guy with a degenerative muscle disease to cure him via nanites in the brain.  Naturally.

Things eventually go awry due to some confusing Plot Point involving the Doctor's evil thoughts being downloaded (like an evil Chappie, I guess) into the Patient...or something.  You got me!

Anyhow, 2 of them continue the work on what now looks like The Mummy.

We interrupt this Horror Story for a Threesome Scene.  It worked for Invasion of the Pod People,..

They eventually resurrect the Patient...who now suddenly looks like The Mummy in the face too.

Seriously, what part of the procedure messed up face and teeth so much!!!

The Monster kills off the Doc's co-workers, the latter of whom he once loved.  Time to make a Bride under duress, I guess.

As the Flashback and Present collide, the Police, the Doctor, the Psychiatrist (aka Dracula from Bram Stoker's Dracula's Curse) and the Monster all meet up.  After some random gore, the Shrink zaps both Monster and Doc, killing them.

After some cheesy narration, we get some Sequel Bait.  No such luck, Frankenstein Reborn...Again!

Madam I'm Adam....and this Film is not good.  The basic Plot is fine.  The Monster Make-Up (which grotesque in ways that make no sense for the Story) is actually quite good.  The random Gore and other Practical Effects you get are also good.  Pretty much everything else lets this Story down though.  The framing is confusing as they don't just stick with 'Doctor tells Story and sets up Ending.'  Instead, we get random breaks for the Psychiatrist to meet with the Police, his colleagues, the Police again and so on.  On top of that, we get footage repeated a couple of times for no good reason.  It is the 'I told you this, but the Audience will now see what really happened' schtick, basically.  In other words, your 84 minute Film (counting Credits) wasn't long enough.  The Acting is overall good, with some (like Giles) performing better than others.  The big problem for me is that I've seen this same bunch of Actors over and over again.  First it was Dracula, then it was King Kong, etc.  It is kind of tiresome now, so imagine what it was like in 2005-6 when these Films kept popping up in order over a 6-month time.  I appreciate that they didn't bring Andrew Lauer back for a Scene Cameo Kill, though...I guess.  Overall, it is like most Asylum Films- some good ideas (usually not theirs) done in a way that is less satisfactory than it should be.  This isn't too cheesy, which is a plus...I guess.  Now let me see that 'I'm reading your stupid Text' Face, Sarah...

Next up, some super-cheesy nonsense of the good kind.  Barry Bostwick, a Werewolf and some super-ridiculous Experiment!  Stay tuned...

80's Fun: Near Dark

Near, far, wherever you are.  Okay, enough of that.  Today's Film is Near Dark, a 1987 Horror Film that I somehow never covered.  Before you rage against me, I've seen it.  Like many other Films, I just somehow never ended up Reviewing it.  Let's make up for lost time.  If you don't know, the Film tells the tale of a young man- Adrian Pasdar- who gets drawn into a dark world.  It is basically The Lost Boys, only in Texas.  Good company, right?  This is one of the early Films by famed Director Kathryn Bigelow, who is now more famous for Films like The Hurt Locker and Zero Dark Thirty.  Who needs real Horror when you have Vampires?  This one is all sorts of awesome, but let's go over it more in-depth for all you neophytes...

A nice young Cowboy meets a pretty lady who acts a bit mysterious as the Sunrise approaches.

His body starts to react badly to the Sun as well and he's understandably confused.  He is taken from his home and meets a group of strangers that are with the woman he met.

It turns out that they are Vampires and now he is one too!  It seems that the lady bit him while kissing him that night.

While he's dragged along for the ride, his Dad- Tim Thomerson!- and Sister are looking for him.

After a dramatic Scene in a Bar (see an upcoming Poor Bastards of Cinema for more detail), the gang is saved during a daylight escape by our hero.  

He's not a full-Vampire yet (as he has to draw blood himself), but they respect him.

Things take a dramatic turn as one of the Vampires- who is stuck in a child's body due to the age he was turned at- takes a liking to our hero's Sister.  Awkward.

After a tough escape, our hero gets the idea to have a blood transfusion to save himself.

To be fair, none of the religious aspects like Crosses or Mirrors come up here, so this is purely-scientific.

Unfortunately, a deadly gang of Vampire still want him dead, so it probably would have been helpful to still be a Vampire...

All of this leads to a climactic Action Scene in early-Morning.  Lots of smoke and fire!

Our hero manages to save the day and turn his lady friend back human.  I still have several questions....but I can let it slide.  The End.

Damn good stuff.  The Film works well for several reasons.  First off, the Characters are all very relatable.  When good things or bad things happen, you feel invested.  Second, the Atmosphere is great.  The Film has a dark, rambling feel to it which really embraces the Texas location.  Never mind the irony of setting a Vampire Film in a State known for its heat and harsh Sun.  Another thing that the Film does well is creating a sense of dread.  These Vampires will f#%k you up real bad!  You feel for this guy suddenly thrust into this dangerous sub-culture and just trying to survive.  It is also worth noting that most of the Effects are still quite amazing to see, even nearly 30 years later.  Most of what you see is Practical- I know, I know- and looks great.  The Effects used to add fire in Post-Production still look pretty good, so kudos.  For the strictest of Vampire Film Purists, this one does things pretty differently.  Regardless, it is a great Film that definitely deserves to appreciated as something of a modern Classic.  If you need help dating it, here is the moment where you learn that TV just stops running at about 3am and shows you a shot of the Capital Building...

Next up, my old 'friends' The Asylum handle a classic Monster.  Will their Monster be better that 3-D shit from the Underworld folks?  Stay tuned...

'Holiday' Flix: Dementia 13

It isn't a Friday, but it sure didn't start out that way anyhow!  Today's Film is Dementia 13, a Film I've been holding on to for, like, forever.  I had a simple plan: review the Film on the 13th of the Month.  It took a few Months to do it right, but here we are now!  Hey look- my first Francis Ford Coppola Film on the site!  Is that good or sad?  The Film is the man's earliest work as a Director, coming off of working in a smaller role on another Corman Film.  As per usual, Roger finished early, so this Film was born.  The reason why it is notable for today?  The Film was all set to be released when they realized that there already was a Dementia.  What was a Producer to do?  Just add the number '13' to the Title- duh!  Years before Jason and his momma went around killing folks, Corman did the 13 thing first.  The Plot involves a greedy woman, a crazy family and a mysterious killer.  To find out more about this Public Domain Regular, read on...

In a Cold Open, this dick takes his lady out in a boat and brags about how she will be poor if he dies.

Right on cue, he dies of a heart attack!  Time for a swim...

The desperate (and greedy) woman covers up his death and goes to his family Estate in Ireland to get his cash.

Unfortunately, she is in a Thriller, so her schemes don't exactly work out for her...

With her dead, we learn that there is some twisted stuff going on with this family.  The Sister died young in a mysterious accident, the Mom has gone crazy and the kids have something to hide.

Seriously, they have something to hide!  Like...wow.

It turns out that someone has been holding on to the dead Sister's body!  Who is the culprit?

As it turns out, one of the Brothers has been repressing the memory of accidentally-drowning said Sister and has gone crazy.

Don't worry- his Therapist is there to treat him...and by treat him, I mean shoot him to death.  The End.

What an interesting mess.  This one holds up pretty well overall,  The problem is that Film was somewhat altered by committee.  Supposedly Corman took a heavy hand to the finished product.  He thought that the Film wasn't long enough, so he added a Prologue designed to only be a Promo for Theaters.  On the plus side, most Versions- like mine- don't have this pointless filler.  On the negative side, the run-time of the Film here is a lie (accounting for said filler).  The Soundtrack is also a bit heavy-handed and plays with the sense of immersion.  That said, the Film has an interesting, eerie tone.  It shows what Coppola would be able to do later with an actual Budget- this was made for $42,000!- and a real Schedule- as opposed to shooting around another Corman Film.  There are some neat little touches that speak to what the man could do, like the bit with the Radio being tossed into the Lake while it plays.  That said, it is still hard to imagine that this is from the same guy who holds the record of having all 3 Films in a Trilogy be nominated for Best Picture though.  This one isn't a disappointment, but isn't quite the hidden gem that it could be.  On the plus side, I found the Dad of Obviously-Fake Mustache Cop from Sleepaway Camp...

Next up, the original update planned.  For a Director who has glorified torture, this one is anything but!  Stay tuned...