New Streaming: Creepshow- 'Queen Bee'

 Let's keep rocking on with Season 3 as we look at the second half of Episode 1.  This is...

3 teens discuss their favorite singer Regina, who just so happens to be both in Town and about to give birth.

I suppose telling us the story of a week ago where nothing happened would be less exciting, so I'll excuse the convenience here.

One of their Moms is a Nurse from the same Hospital (another coincidence) where she's delivering.

They use her badge to get in, but aren't happy with what they find...

What the heck is going on in the Hospital?  
What's up with these Doctors?
Did you catch all of the subtle- and not so subtle- clues?

To find out, stream the Segment.

Without SPOILERS, I can say that this is pretty darn good.

It's a simple premise- people discover freaky secret and try to escape.  No reason to reinvent the wheel here.

The Acting is nice and realistic and the choice to use an empty Hospital gives it an appropriately-unsettling vibe.  I'm sure it saved on the Budget too.

Thankfully, they used the Budget they had in the right places to make the finale oh so freaky and oh so memorable.  It's some good Body Horror with the usual Creepshow twists.

If you still haven't seen the Show yet, check out.  It can't be worse than you're...expecting?

I stand by that pun.  

See you next Segment!

Bonus Post: The Bonkers Cast of Ed Wood's 'I Woke Up Early The Day I Died' (1998)

 So I had a problem when covering my 6,500th Post- too much content!

I had to talk about the Film's Plot to summarize it (as much as you can).

That left no room to talk much about how random and bonkers the Cast for this thing is.

Pick the most oddball people you could to be in a 1998 Film made in Los Angeles and see how many ended up in...

Aside from Billy Zane (again- a year removed from Titanic), you get lots of Genre Actors, rising Stars and random-ass people.

For instance...

Bud Cort (from Bates Motel) as a Shop Owner who has clothes stolen, but keeps the high heels.

Taylor Negron plays a Cop in the Street, while Andrew McCarthy plays a Cop in the Cemetery.

Other Cops include Conrad Brooks- naturally-, Character Actor Mark Boone Junior (aka the guy Batman says 'Where are they?!? to), Wings' Steven Weber and Leif Garrett!

Let's throw in Rick(y) Schroder too, since it's the same year that he joined NYPD Blue.  I guess he transferred.

One big missed opportunity- YET ANOTHER Cop is played by Brent Hinkley, who played Conrad Brooks in Ed Wood.  So, of course, he doesn't interact with the *actual* Conrad Brooks.

The Funeral Scene brings us Twin Peaks' Carel Struycken and....

*As noted in the Review, the Film uses the Music from Psycho, which makes getting the lady from The Birds extra funny to me.*

Another famous 'That guy!' shows up in the form of Will Patton (most recently the good Cop in Halloween Kills and The Forever Purge)

The Family he targets from said Funeral includes the aforementioned Actress, John Ritter and Sandra Bernhard, who gets an abrupt off-screen death.

Throughout the Film, we get some young Talent appearing here to do basically nothing...

River and Joaquin's Sisters Summer & Rain play Bartenders, while the latter also subs in for a role that they somehow didn't/forgot to fill.

Tara Reid is seen briefly in a Nightclub.  Insert Joke Here.

Christina Ricci- in her I'M AN ADULT NOW phase- is a young Prostitute.

As far as more respected, older Actors, we have a few to note...

Besides Ron Perlman (who served as my Stinger), we have Eartha Kitt.

We also have Karen Black (who works alongside Dana Gould) at the Carnival.

Last, but certainly not least in terms of historical importance, we have Vampira.

She...just kind of sits in the Lobby reminding me of Carolyn Jones in Eaten Alive.

I'm glad she got a part in Ed Wood's 'last Film,' but could she possibly do something?

Oh and here's a fun one- Johnathan Taylor Thomas (aka the middle Son on Home Improvement) is the kid (alongside Rain Phoenix) who finds Tippi's body when it lands.

I can see why he turned down being in the Show's finale if he had juicy roles like this.

Anyone NOT in this Film?!?

Tubi Thursday: Lady Frankenstein (1971)

 As we are in Women's History Month still, let's cover a lady-themed version of a Classic Tale.

This is...

This 1971 Film comes to from a number of people, including Corman Alumni Mel Welles, a member of the Vanderbilt Family, the uncredited Co-Writer of Silent Rage and Roger Corman himself (who paid off the remaining Budget in exchange for U.S. Distribution).

The Plot- the Daughter of Frankenstein (played by Joseph Cotten!) visits him and wants to join in the family business.

The ever-busy Frankenstein says 'no,' so she just shows up as he works on a new body anyhow.

It doesn't seem to succeed...

…until it does.  It ends poorly.

The creature kills him and escapes.

This- and the future murders- draws the attention of an investigator- Mariska's Dad Mickey Hargitay- in the area.

Sparks fly between Ms. Frankenstein and her Dad's Assistant, but there's a catch.

She's attracted to his mind, not his body.  Been there, bud.

Her solution- kill the mentally-feeble Houseboy and swap brains.  Naturally!

The plan goes off without a hitch.  The End.

*

*

-peeks out-

*
*

Not buying that, huh?

You know what happens.  Big fight, villagers with Torches, sex scene.  The End.

A pretty nothing Film, save for a few flourishes here and there.

The problem- there are ALOT of Frankenstein Films and this was still the case back in 1971.  It was just hard to find a new hook, even then.

Hell, the Female Doctor angle wasn't even new- we already had 1958's Frankenstein's Daughter and 1966's Jesse James Meets Frankenstein's Daughter.

In the Film's defense, the Acting (mostly Cotten and Hargitay) is enjoyable.  The Story twists and turns aren't unique, but they're fine.  Having things build up to two monsters fighting (and the other not being a Werewolf or Dracula) is a nice tweak.

All in all, Lady Frankenstein is decent, but nothing memorable.  My copy on Tubi was pretty poor, but there's also a Blu-Ray.  That...might help, but it also might hurt some people to be seen in HD...

This Lady is worth watching if you're into the trashy stuff.  Just don't put much effort into looking for it over other stuff.

4,600th Post Celebration: The Ed Wood Film Made...in 1998?!?

 After some slowdown and other nonsense, we've hit 4,599 Posts, so it is time for the...

To celebrate another numerical milestone, how about a weird gem out of my extended digital collection?  For all of the weird stuff I own on physical media and that I can stream through the 642 Services, I have a number of Films that are purely-digital.  They either don't have a release (like this one- outside of Germany) or it is so out-of-print that I can't be bothered.

So how did we get an Ed Wood Film in 1998?  The man died in 1978!

Well, one of his unproduced Screenplays (that thankfully wasn't Porn) got discovered and a one-time Director decided to shoot it as-is. 

The problem- the Script apparently didn't have Dialog yet.
The solution- don't add any.

Yep, this is a 'Silent' Film in 1998, although you get screams and voices in footage they spliced in (I'll explain later).  So how do you explain a Plot without Dialog?  You'll...see.

A crazy man escapes from a Sanitarium by stealing the Nurse's Uniform.  Check off 'Dressing in Drag' for your Ed Wood Bingo Card.

Of course, he abandons the outfit quickly, so it's not a lifestyle thing.

Also that's Billy Zane, a year after Titanic.

The Film having no Dialog means that it plays out like segments in a Silent Film.

They also changed none of the info in the Script, so you get stuff like 45 cent hot dogs in Los Angeles.

The desperate Zane robs a Bank, but isn't stopped by the Keystone Cops.

Instead, he shoots the Teller after he draws a gun and somehow misses by a mile 4x.

He runs away.

It's funny, because...he just killed that guy?!?

The Film does this odd bit throughout which is both creative and annoying- the fun combo!

We learn that Zane hates loud noises- who likes them?- and we learn this via Educational Short Footage spliced in.

It's kind of funny.  Once.  Only once.

Since we have no Dialog, the Film does this 'cute' thing where it just shows the Script notes on Screen.

It's literally the definition of Tell, Don't Show...but it also Shows...I guess.

My brain hurts.

Hiding out in a Cemetery (as one does), the man loses his stolen money.

He thinks that the people at the previous day's Funeral stole it, so he tracks them down by reading the Script (basically).

He tracks them all down to various Locales- like a Burlesque Club, a far-away House and a Carnival- and kills all but one of them.

He's stopped from taking out Tex (Jon Ritter) by the Carnies.

He flees from them and the Cops (all played by the most random of Actors and Conrad Brooks).

He goes back to the Cemetery, finds his money and falls into a grave, where he dies.

Crime never pays.  Neither does doing a Film without Dialog based on something half-written 20+ years earlier.  The End.

This...could have been good.  It wouldn't have been great, due to all of the hurdles it put in front of itself.

With no Dialog, the Actors do the heavy lifting in other ways.  That leads to Zane being a manic ball of energy that is sometimes fun, sometimes very annoying.  The other Actors are often various forms of deadpan to counter that.  At least it isn't full-on nonsense greeted with more nonsense.

The Cast for this is so weird and wacky that I'm doing a 2nd Post on it.  Cheap plug.

The Film is best described as a silly piece of Pop Art.  It has canned Music- from Psycho-, weird interludes, a goofy Plot, old-timey footage to be ironic and lots of silly Acting.  It's not meant to be taken seriously, so why bother?

As for Ron and I, we watched the whole thing for you.  How was it, Ron?

Bad...but in a way that some will like.  It would be a fun Short Film.  It's 80 minutes long though.

Poor Bastards of Cinema: Amityville 4- The Evil Escapes

 Amityville Horror is a Series that has somehow come back...but not really.

If you excise the word 'Horror,' it's Public Domain, since it's a location.

Before that happened, let's see a Poor Bastard from the 4th REAL Film that I somehow missed in my early days.  Make-up time!

The Plot involves a possessed lamp that ends up in a California home, causing many problems and later deaths. 
They call a Plumber to fix one such problem...

He goes into their spacious Basement and finds the Pipes.

No danger here, random unnamed Plumber!

He positions in a way that would be dangerous even if this *wasn't* a Horror Film...

The Lamp- which can move through electricity in the House- somehow causes sewage to burst through the pipes enough to break a beam that holds him down.

Somehow.

The sewage- as well as the severed hand of an earlier victim- come out and he drowns in some gross, evil stuff.

He dies.

To put a nice bow on this stupid present, the Lamp somehow takes control of his van and drives it away.

Somehow- a word you'll be using alot by the end of this Film to describe what happens.

Personally, I want to see the evil spirit have to make the long walk back after presumably driving said van a mile away.

In summary, a random Plumber is hired and killed with no knowledge of what is going on.  He didn't even get named on-screen!

The moral: do a safe job like Cliff Diver or Bank Robber.

Next time, I go old-school with a random victim from Universal.  Sound Recording was still new, but Poor Bastards were still getting killed.  See you then...

My Crazy Youth: The SECOND Time Morbius was on 'Spider-Man: The Animated Series'

 As Morbius finally (maybe) approaches, let's see how he made his return after a pair of Season 2 Episodes (not counting appearances to set up the Story).

Naturally, it wasn't until Season 4 of...

A group of people find a hibernating Morbius in a Cave and bring him back home.

The plan- return him to normal.

If you may recall/didn't know, he was mutated further by the Show's MacGuffin.

The problem comes when Kingpin and Dr. Herbert Landon want to use his DNA to make themselves immortal.  Sure- why not have a Vampire Kingpin!

This brings Black Cat (who Spidey doesn't know is Felicia) and Spider-Man (who doesn't know that he is Peter) together to bring him in.

Will she give in to hopelessness and kill him?

Sadly, we've lost the dolcet tones of Malcolm McDowell as Whistler (so he was already Cast as White here ahead of the Film FYI) and Blade is away in what is definitely not set-up for next Episode.

In spite of everything going on, the transformation works...to turn him back into normal Morbius, but not Michael.

In Part 2, Miriam the Vampire Queen (catchy name, no) shows up in New York.  She steals some knowledge about the MacGuffin device again.

Why?

She tells Blade that it is to cure her (but it's not).  Why the lie?

She's actually Blade's Mother (and evil)!

Can Blade learn the truth and stop her?  Can a redeemed(ish) Morbius help?

To find out, stream the Episodes on Disney + now.

A fun pair of Episodes, even if it is deeply-entrenched in backstory.  As good as the Show was, it REALLY loved to bog you down with lore and such.  It's a strength (to have so much) and a weakness (to make it vital to understand almost anything).

You need to remember the full Morbius Story (which happened 2 years earlier), the Blade backstory and the whole thing with Herbert Landon (like why he's half-mutant), the stuff with Kingpin AND Black Cat's backstory (which ties to Captain America and The Red Skull).  Enough for 14 year old me, Show?!?

That said, it's still a good time with the usual melodrama, great Music and fun action.  The Plot is both dense and a bit silly (a laser gun that turns you into a vampire FYI).  As always, it's well-Acted too.  Nichelle Nichols gets to be evil here, so good stuff.

Give me one last taste of that sweet, sweet melodrama, Show!

In spite of my memory, this is actually NOT the final appearance of Blade and company.  See how random their send-off is next time.

Tubi Thursday: The Leprechaun's Game (2020)

 It's all about the game and how ye play it.

It's St. Patrick's Day during Women's History Month, so how about a Leprechaun Film that was Directed by a Woman?  Sure!

In the Syfy Movie Opening (which at this point has turned into the DTV Horror Film Opening), two ladies are running from...someone who wants...something.

As it turns out, they got some gold from...

This Harpo-looking Leprechaun.

Note to Filmmakers- if we can see the neck, at least put make-up on it.
A touch of white powder on the neck makes this costume 10% less stupid and fake-looking.

The actual Plot involves a group of people- only 2 of which get real backstory- being hired to take some gold from a Leprechaun's stash (although the Film can't afford a Pot).

These aren't related to the same people from before (I don't think), so this Leprechaun is just plain bad at hiding his loot.

Guess what happens next...

The Leprechaun comes for them- and anyone that they happen to know or live with- and things don't look good.

Will anyone survive?  

Will at least this lady- who's also the Director- survive?

To find out, watch the Film (I guess).

It's been less than 24 hours- can I turn in this Game for at least Store Credit?  Yikes.

The Film isn't the worst thing out there, but it's very unimpressive.  You get such exciting locations as an empty Church, an empty Field, an empty Business Center and the same empty Garage twice.  Can the villain save this?

Yeah, you saw it.  That's a no.
Can the kills at least liven things up?  Eh...not much.  He mostly blows smoke and some sort of Jedi-like force powers to bend people around like that girl in the new Suspiria or just force people to put on a coat of 'burn' make-up.

The Leprechaun's Game looks like it was made for like $10,000 and has no real spark to make it seem more interesting.  The most interesting thing- the fact that their Leprechaun is played by a guy named Bao Tieu.

A pretty generic Horror Film with not much to recommend, other than the sheer sadness of the costume.  Naturally, they made a Sequel for me to cover next Year!