Quick Review: The Asylum's Bumblebee (aka Hornet)

 A compare-contrast Review can be fun.  Unfortunately, this Film is both a rip-off in its existence...and nothing like the other Film.  I'll explain...

Bumblebee is about the titular Transformer coming to Earth, losing his voice and bonding with a human girl to save the World.

Hornet is about 3 people that go out to the California Woods to test their Robot Rescue Drone (thing)…when Aliens show up...and make Rage Zombies/Infected.

Also it is Found Footage...in many ways that make no sense.

Their Robot- Hornet- is their only hope of escaping when the 'infected' attack.  Also the CGI is...yeah.

The twist: half of the Film is footage of two of our Leads being interrogated by the US Government about what happened.  

It is cross-cut, so when I see the Male Lead being yelled at, I also know that he won't die in the next Scene...or any of them after that.

Bye, Drama!

The trio run around for a long time until the Aliens show up...or their Ship does.

I can't get into more without SPOILERS, so I'll just end.  It's a shame that the Film wasn't so caring.

Well, it is different.  Is it good?  I've talked about this before, but it has been awhile since some Asylum content.  It seems like they find out about something coming out (usually due to the Trailer) and then quickly make a Film that can be similar-but-different.  That leads to some Films being released way earlier, when said original Film is delayed.  It is kind of like how they made a Spy Hunter Game with The Rock as the Lead...to tie into a Film that never got made.  The other thing is that some Trailers are vague, which leads to them having to guess.  That's how you got Monster, a Cloverfield 'inspired' Film about a killer Squid/Octopus...which is nothing like the Film.  Mind you, Bumblebee was a Main Character in 5 Movies, not to mention many TV Shows and Toy Lines.  There's no mystery here.  In this case, they made a CGI knock-off and mostly-ignored the Film's Plot.  If you ask me (and you did in a way), it is weird for them to do this when they made Transmorphers and Transmorphers: Fall of Man (like Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen).  Bumblebee was a Prequel/possible reset for the actual Transformers Films, so why not this?  I get that this Film probably cost less than $1 million.  That said, replacing Robot Fights with Rage Zombies and constantly writing Hornet out of the action is lame.  The Found Footage gimmick is not good here.  Rather than making the Film 'more personal' by focusing on the Actors, they constantly set down/drop the camera to stage normal shots that you get otherwise.  What's the point?  As I said, the other gimmick of cutting back-and-forth due to the interrogations kills the drama about who will survive?  They at least try to build up a slow burn Plot in them, but it amounts to little.  Hornet is not the fun, cheap-looking Transformers knock-off you might expect.  It's different, but that's not always good...unlike this Japanese Poster for the Film...

Bold attempts are made to make this different.  Excuse me- I left in a typo.  Bad attempts are made to make this different.

New Streaming: WandaVision- Episode 8

 As the Series comes to end by the time you read this, let's look back (somewhat) at the last Episode to prep all of you late-viewers...

I will be very vague here, especially with how this Episode plays out.  I will avoid major SPOILERS for you.

Wanda is forced to relive her past, giving the Writers an excuse to fill in her origin.

We see key moments in her life and learn new revelations about her powers.

In a nutshell, her Comic Book-style powers are in effect.
The first ones, not the 42 other times they've been changed in some way.

In more flashbacks, we see the final moments that led up to the start of the Show, explaining what drove her away from the others.

It's a pretty sad Episode all around, but that climaxes when we see the reason why Westview is so important to Wanda.

One final snap (poor choice of words, admittedly) leaves us to where we started.

Some other stuff that involves a Witch, but, that's all I will say here.

A big Episode for many obvious reasons.  Without getting into SPOILERS, the Episode gives us alot of new information about Wanda.  We see her as a kid, giving us the big moment she mentioned in Age of Ultron.  Did Wanda first use her powers here?  If so, that means that the Stone didn't give her powers- it amplified them.  It would probably be worth confirming that about Quicksilver...once you dig him up.  Too soon?  We also learn more about her motivations leading up to AoU, which helps explain her transition to heroism.  She wasn't evil- just manipulated into acting for Hydra.  Of course, knowing more about her powers and motivations is key to explaining why and how she managed to do what she did in Westview.  It also opens all sorts of possibilities for her next appearance on Film.  Is she the ultimate Heroine or the ultimate weapon?  I guess we'll see soon enough.  Speaking of seeing, we also get the setup for a line back in Civil War...

Next time, we get the final Episode.  Will it be a big celebration of what we got or will it rip the MCU apart?  See you then...

Quick Review: Bumblebee (2018)

 After 5 not-so-good to very bad Transformers Films, the Series ended (for now) with...a Prequel?  To see why that might not be bad, read on...

We finally get to see a big-time battle for Cybertron!  

It took six Movies, but...oh...it's over now.
Dammit.

A young woman is going through alot in her life, having lost her Dad and trying to figure out what to do with her life now.

Getting a new Car seems like a good start.

Of course, the Car is actually Bumblebee.

His arrival on Earth didn't go well, ending with him wounded and left for dead (as far as Transformers can 'die').  

He took on this new form when he lost his voice and memory (banks).

Two Decepticons follow him to Earth, hoping to find out where the other Autobots are.

They pretend to be good to work with the Army.

Credit where credit is due- Agent John Cena doesn't trust them, pointing out that the name 'Decepticons' rings a few warning bells.

Will the bond between giant alien robot and girl be enough to save the day?

Or will Bumblebee have to get into a big, dangerous and explosion-filled battle?

Produced by Michael Bay, you say.  Well, that's one mystery solved.

A better Film than it has any right to be.  At its core, the Film is a bit conflicted.  On one hand, it wants to be a Prequel to the Transformers Films.  On the other hand, it might actually be a setup for *different* Transformers Films.  That was about 3 years ago, so...who knows at this point.  This is a Film about the bond between a young girl and a robot.  This is *also* a Film about a Soldier learning to get over his fear/distrust of robots.  This is a Film about the Military not exactly being that smart.  I guess since they didn't use any actual Military Personnel for this one, they don't have to write in what they ask to be put in.  This is a Film about the power of family and how they unite us.  This is somehow *also* a Film about how your Military family is the really important group.  Confused?  I am and I wrote this!  When it is not being pulled in like 5 different directions, the Film really delivers key moments.  They can get emotional.  They can be fun.  They can be action-packed.  In separate parts, the Film really works quite well.  There is only one official Writer here- a woman, so this counts for Women's History Month- but there is some clear examples of Studio 'directives' in play.  According to reports, Cena's character was originally written to be more overtly-antagonistic, being known as Scarface.  In the final product, he's, well, not at all.  If you can look past the gumbo-like nature of the Screenplay, Bumblebee is surprisingly-good.  Shockingly, getting away from Mark Wahlberg as a Scientist, things improve.  Hell, even their Dog Scenes don't involve them humping each other...

A softer and more nuanced Film than any Transformers Film in recent memory.  It has some real heart, even if it tries a little bit too hard in some moments.

Buy the...VHS?!?: Poltergeist- The Legacy

 A while back, I stumbled across a double-find on one day.

At one Thrift Store, this VHS Tape- a Screener Copy sent to Video Stores/Retail Locations.
At another Thrift Store (less than a block away), a DVD of Season 1 (of 4!) of that Series!

It was a good (and weird day).

Before watching the Pilot (on the VHS Copy), I was treated to a now-defunct Service Ad for...

That's right- you can buy Tapes from MGM exclusively for your Video Store.
The future is bright and endless!

Look at the prices- it's a bargain!

The tape promotes three Films/Projects.

A TV Movie called The Limbic Region (no copy I can find)

A TV Movie called Escape Clause (which is Streaming on Prime, supposedly)
The Pilot Episode of Poltergeist- The Legacy.

How can you NOT get Pure Profits (TM) with those?!?

After all, the Projects have Ads run on TV.

It's fun here to see who has changed their logos/names over the Years and who hasn't...

The Ad is only five minutes, but what a fun five minutes it is.

Plus, I just heard about 2 Films that I haven't heard about before.

Double plus, I just saw a Trailer for the thing I am about to see (which SPOILS a few key bits).

Given that this tape is from MGM and I doubt the Promotion is still running, we're cool, right guys?

Either way, it was a fun little diversion for me.
Now to watch Video Formats and catch more of the Series....

Copycat Cover Art?: The Robber (2010)

 I won't get into how I got down this Rabbit Hole.  

Regardless, I found the following Poster for a 2010 Film.
See if you get Deja Vu like I did...

You feel it too, don't you?

You don't know why, but it feels familiar?

Well, let me clear it up for you.
This Film *also* came out in 2010... 

Yep.

To be fair, I don't know if the PLOTS are similar or if there is a direct copy-paste response by those responsible for the Film.

That said, whoever was in charge of Marketing had to have gone 'This will trick a few people!'

Am I wrong?

Quick Review: Gemini Man (2019)

As we're about to find out, technology can only get you so far.  This...

A Government Sniper (Smith) decides to retire after he nearly/possibly could have injured a civilian.

We can't have something *actually* go wrong, of course, because Will Smith.

However, he asks one too many questions and is targeted for death, alongside his new Handler.

His Spotter has like 3 lines before he's killed.  Is he a Poor Bastard of Cinema?

A young assassin is sent to kill him next in Cartagena (who is done Romancing the Stone, I guess).

The identity is, of course, no SPOILER as it is all over the Marketing.
In the actual Film, it is a 2nd Act Twist.  Oh well. 

Junior is Will Smith's Clone and he's...built like Ali-era Smith.  I mean, he should look like Fresh Prince Smith, no?

The Movie also fails to Science right as he's a clone via surrogate, but has identical DNA.

Also Shoot Em Up here decided IMMEDIATELY to clone Smith in 1995.

Can Smith get his clone to help him?  Can he survive even if he does?

To find out, stream the Film on Prime or, you know, buy a copy.

A decent Movie that feels like it wants to be great.  If you take away Ang Lee, is this a 'must see' Film?  No.  We've had Action Stars teaming up with/fighting their own twins/clones for Decades.  Why is the idea of this Film so great that it gestated for 20 years?  Van Damme had already done it- twice!  To be nice to the Film, it is shot really well.  The gimmick here was to shoot it at 120 fps.  It's...fine.  Maybe I didn't watch it in full blow out my eyes mode and missed the big appeal.  The Plot itself is so meh that you really need to take solace in the Action Scenes.  That said, the final ones are...weird.  Not getting into full SPOILERS here, but the There's Always Another Henchman thing comes up, since, you know, the 'always' part.  On its own merits, Gemini Man is a decent Film that tries to say alot.  The problem- it built itself up to be this big thing that was supposed to jump-start a new trend in Cinema.  Like this pre-rendered shot of Smith and his soon-to-be twin though, it isn't quite what it is supposed to be.

Good action, but it moralizes and monologues alot.  Yep, the key complaint about Lee's Hulk rears its big, green head again. 

WTF Japan?!?: Black Panther Bitch M

 No, this does not serve to fill my need for a new Marvel Film.  This is, say it with me, Black Panther Bitch M, a 1973 Film from Japan.  It was made by the Nikkatsu Corporation, who are behind a number of Films from the 1920s to as recently as stuff like Tokyo Gore Police.  I still love that Film (and Title).  With many Films, I get a deluge of information and have to pick and choose what to highlight.  I don't always mention if 'That Guy from That Movie was on That Show.'  For instance, I didn't mention that Ernest Dickerson was the Direct of Photography on Vampires, long before he became a regular Director for The Walking Dead.  This Film is kind of the opposite.  The Site I got this copy of the Film describes it as such 'Reiko Ike’s first appearance in a Nikkatsu film.'  Thanks.  What does IMDB say about it?  The Plot Summary is as follow- 'Add a Plot »'  Thanks for that.  What is the Plot then, me?  It involves a Corporation, a man trying to take over it and a woman hired by that man's boss (and target) to take him out first.  That woman- Black Panther Bitch M.  It's not my name- see below for yourself!  The reason for her name will come up later.  The Film has it all...if you like '70s Japanese Karate Thrillers.  It has Violence.  It has misogyny.  It has silly fashions (like our Heroine's floppy hat).  It has that especially kind of grating that Japanese Kids' voices can get.  Sorry, Japanese Kids- you have it coming!  The Film has an odd tone where it stays serious, but randomly has goofy stuff happen.  They aren't comedic moments- just odd ones.  I'll get into it, I guess.  To see what makes her better than Black Panther Bitch L, read on...

Our Heroine calls her Boss and begins to trail a Businessman.  

Naturally, she's the Master of Disguise in that giant hat and all-white ensemble.

We learn that the guy is divorced from his Wife and estranged from his Daughter.  Said Daughter is saved by our Heroine, which just sets up the ironic contrast for the end.

Of course, outside of that, letting him see her face is obviously a bad thing for her plan.

The guy is making a power grab against 'The President' and his intermediary is having none of it.

He sends goons to beat up the man, who fights back.

A random thumb poke to the stomach apparently kills him...20 minutes later.

Our Heroine watches the guy more, even having a weird scene where she uses the first of her two powers- super zoom-in eyes- to read his lips from across the Street.

An attempt to take him out leads to a long, but mostly-interesting fight/chase Scene.

The climax involves one henchman catching her off-guard to, well, have some fun with her.  He gets killed instead.

The next time he goes out, it is a trap.

Said trap involves casually hiding a SNIPER RIFLE in his golf bag.  He pulls it out to shoot her and, well, nobody seems to notice or care.

Our Heroine avoids getting shot by running towards the shooter.  No, really.

In the ensuing fight, we see her other cat-based power- shooting the scene with a fish-eye lens.

Other than that, I can't quite figure out how this helps her fight.

She gets wounded, so I guess that was an accurate critique.

The wounded M manages to hide out in, of all of the possible places, the ex-Wife's Restuarant.

In a long Scene, she tries to muster up the strength to kill him...but fails.

Once recovered, we get the next version of the Chase-Fight-Chase Scene.

Some new additions include throwing a pitchfork, a man rolling in a barrel during a shoot-out and a prolonged choking/escape scene.

M uses her connection with the Daughter to draw the man out (and alone this time).

The climax involves a swing set, an impossible flip and this not-so-subtle commentary on violence.

M calls her boss (The President) and goes to her next assignment.  The End.

A fun, but somewhat uneven Film.  The Film isn't especially-long, but the Pacing is weird.  Some Scenes- like the first Chase- go on for a very long time.  It's not a bad Scene, but a good Editor could have trimmed it down.  Likewise, they stretch out the 'watching from the window' Scene with the wounded M a bit too.  Again- a good Scene still.  The Action Scenes are fun and shot pretty well.  The little flourishes you get later with stuff like M's weird power help for the most part.  When these kinds of Scenes lack Drama, they can be a bit repetitive.  Thankfully, they pace them well enough to avoid the issue.  The '70s aesthetic is pretty strong here and it helps make the Film more enjoyable (to weirdos like me).  Everything you think of- short of an afro- is here.  There's also a weird sort-of tribute to Bruce Lee here (I think) with the Boss having 2 full-sized Posters from Enter the Dragon on his wall.  They are never addressed, so I don't know what the actual context is.  Black Panther Bitch M is a Film with a weird title that tells you nothing about what to expect.  Since IMDB is no help, I hope I was.  Take us away, unlicensed Donald Duck...

Next up, a new Month and some make-up Films to talk about.  Let's see what I've been skipping for this Month's theme.  Stay tuned...

New Streaming: WandaVision- Episode 7

 Another week (busy for me!) and we get another look at our latest obsession.  This is...

After the events of last week's Episode, Wanda is...tired.

Hey, who hasn't woken up in *that* outfit?  Am I right?

This one goes all Modern Family/The Office on us, complete with Wanda and company talking to an unseen Cameraman.

I bet he's related to the guy from Pro-Wrestling, since that guy could be standing next to people and they'd never be aware of him.

Vision is separated from Wanda (in both the Episode and the Opening Credits).  Can he make it back to her in time?

Meanwhile, will learning about his past be a good thing or a bad thing?

What makes Wanda snap (poor choice of words, admittedly)?  

What other secrets are there?

To find out, stream the Show.

A good Episode that sets alot of things up.  Obviously, I won't SPOIL that here.  Can you imagine being one of, oh, 10,000,000 sites that post SPOILERS within like an hour of the Episode debuting?  What a strange concept.  While I'm not into Modern Family (or most Sitcoms, to be fair), I can appreciate the job they do aping the look of it.  I guess Desperate Housewives isn't relevant enough for a Parody, no?  Here's hoping for an Arrested Development homage in the future though!  Without SPOILing anything major, I will say that I liked the pairings this week.  Vision and Wanda being separated opens up some stuff in this Episode which I liked.  Due to timing, we never got to see Vision and Darcy together.  They make a fun pair and their Subplot was pretty fun.  I can't say much more about getting into the you-know-what territory, so I'll just end by mentioning how I can't wait to see what is next.  Oh and more love for the Parody/Homage Titles...

Next time, the truth is revealed.  I'll see how I can make THIS one SPOILER-free.  See you then...