Quick Reviews: Happy Death Day 2U

Another day stuck in a Time Loop?  Another day stuck in a Time Loop?  To see how it goes (over and over again), read on...

After seemingly being set free from the Time Loop in the last Film, poor Tree gets 'thrown' back in.

There's a catch- her friends are experiencing it too.

Were you wondering why it is happening?

Well, the Film answers it.

You will either love or hate this.
There is no in-between.

The mythos here gets more complicated as people are now different- for reasons I won't SPOIL- and one big change happens in Tree's life.

Unfortunately, there's still a creepy-faced killer...

Can the new-and-improved Tree rise to the occasion again?  Can she literally learn new information to save herself this time?

Can she escape this new loop and the dangers it brings?

To find out, watch the Film.  It's now on HBO, as well as numerous other streaming locations.

More of the same...until it isn't.  If 2U was just more of the same premise- a killer in a time loop-, I'd rightly critique it for being uninspired.  Since it is very much not that, it gets quite a few points.  In fitting fashion for a Film about time running strangely, the Writer claims to have written THIS Story first and then the original Film.  That's...odd.  I guess it is like writing the Ending to a Mystery Story first...maybe.  In any case, this was what the original Film was supposed to be building to.  To be honest, it mostly doesn't work.  Explaining the time loop was a tricky, but necessary thing.  The answer they give doesn't *quite* feel good or in line with the first Film.  That's what you get for writing the thing backwards, I suppose.  The shift from a Horror Comedy with Drama elements to a Sci-Fi Comedy with Drama elements is the biggest issue.  Some of you may like the pull- mostly- away from being a Slasher Film.  Some of you may wonder why you bothered coming back for Part 2.  Depending on your stance, this Film either greatly enhances or vastly-undermines the first Film.  The Film didn't gross anywhere close to what the first did.  Hell, it literally made *just over* half as much- $125 million vs. $64.5 million!  It also doubled the Budget- granted, it went for $4.5 million to $9 million- so that's a bad double-whammy.  So are we getting the third Film any time soon, Mr. Blum?

Still a fun, interesting Film.  For better or worse, they make many big changes that make the Film quite different.

Quick Reviews: Happy Death Day

If you feel like you've seen people review this before, then, well, it's your Birthday.  Let me discuss it now...

A seemingly normal day for Tree- as normal as you can get when your name is Tree- ends in a big shock- someone wants to kill her!

A freaky killer in a baby mask- also the School Mascot's- ends up killing her dead.  The End?

And no, I don't know if they stole this mask or if 'baby mask' is generic enough to be used multiple times.  Do I care?  No.

As you no doubt know, she wakes up in bed the next day and everything has started over again.

Can she figure out who the killer is and break the loop?  Will she *actually* die after too many deaths in the loop?

More importantly, is there a sweet tale of finding yourself and changing for the better hidden underneath all of the killing?

More than I expected from all of the promotion, if I'm being honest.  Happy Death Day doesn't 'reinvent the wheel' by any stretch of the imagination.  What does it do is give you a good story about a character who grows into being what you- and she- hoped that she could be.  She goes through quite alot- countless deaths- and comes out the other side as a person who is more honest with themselves and better for it.  She definitely starts off unlikable, which is a risk.  On the other hand, there is a very vocal minority who watch these Films just to see unlikable people die.  I never *really* root for the killer, but some Films make it hard not to.  If the goal here was to play with that convention, then good job.  If not, I'm just inferring alot- nothing new.  The whole 'stuck in a time loop' thing is also not new, even if you center it around death.  Hell, there's a Show on Netflix about it- made completely separate to this Film, mind you.  Even so, they make it feel fresh by having the compounded days have consequences.  There's also a nice mystery to the whole thing- hopefully they don't SPOIL that in the Sequel...

A surprisingly-deep Film once you get past the stylized killings.  It's not a *great* Film, but it will give you more than you expected.

Rare Flix: The Beast and the Magic Sword (1983)

Werewolves and Samurais- rare do the two meet.  In this case, they do so in The Beast and the Magic Sword, a 1983 Film that is part of Paul Naschy's Werewolf Series.  Granted- this is the 10th one in the (unofficial) Series.  Why do this one now?  Well, it has a Werewolf (Naschy) and Samurais in it!  Why wouldn't I do it?  This one apparently never got a proper US Release and was never dubbed into English.  As such, my copy is in its Native Spanish (Castilian).  Well, it is the Native Spanish for *some of the Actors* at least.  This is a rare Film that happens to be Subtitled AND Dubbed, since the Japanese Actors are just dubbed into Spanish.  Of course, Naschy's Character shouldn't really be speaking Spanish either right- Waldemar Daninsky isn't exactly a Spanish name, right?  So, to summarize, I'm watching the Film in Spanish with Characters that shouldn't be speaking it AND it is translated back into English (mostly accurately) as Subtitles.  The Plot involves a re-summarizing of the Daninsky Family Curse and then a jaunt over to Japan to find a cure.  No, they don't explain why all of the Japanese people are speaking Spanish- thanks for asking.  With the Film's first U.S. Release coming in about a month, we might as well get a preview here now...

The Film moves around a bit in time and location, so try to keep up...

In the 10th Century, a Witch curses Waldemar's ancestor for personal reasons.  The curse is enacted by stabbing the pregnant Wife with a werewolf jaw, serving as a precursor that silly stuff from 1995's Werewolf.

After that, some pretentious writing appears to bring us to the Present...of the 16th Century.

This connects to the previous Films, even though they change Eras and he dies in all of the Films.  Continuity is more of a suggestion than anything else.

Now with that relative, trouble is brewing in Vague Area of Europe.  He can't find help for his curse without clearly-bigoted, religious zealots trying to kill him and those around him.

Time to go where a Christian can feel safe in the near future- Japan!

We now get to the weirdest parts of the set-up:

1) The time jump.  We learn that many attacks from obviously-a-Werewolf have occurred.  We know that they happen once a Month, so...um, how long have you been there not finding the guy who's name you were given.

2) Despite them trying to roughly nail down a real Time Period- by making Oda Nobunaga the Emperor- here, everyone just speaks Spanish.

I know I said it before, but it bears repeating.

The Film turns into a series of random Scenes at this point, but with a loose structure to hold it together (mostly).

First Scene- Waldemar killing people as a Werewolf.  These are all kinds of random, from battles in the Woods to indoor fights to, well, one I won't SPOIL yet.

Next Scene: this guy- the one they were told to find- offering to help them.  He drops in and out of the Movie at random & has his own Sub-Plot for some reason.

Final Scene: Random fighting!

The set-ups for this include Ninjas at an Onsen (below), guys in the Woods and Fight with Villagers that is just pointless Dream Sequence.

They look and feel nice, but really add nothing to the Story.

The final detour involves Waldemar seeking the help from a Witch, who turns out to be evil.  Pause for gasping.

He eventually escapes and kills her, but only after the blind girl who promised to look after in Act 1 is killed.

Oh yeah, he also FIGHTS A TIGER!!!!

Despite introducing the idea that the Samurai Doctor can fix his brain, it is immediately dropped.

Instead, he tries to kill him with a Silver Katana.  Waldemar dies when the Doctor's Sister- who's he suddenly in love with- deals the final blow, ending his curse...until the next 2 Films.  The End.

A weird mix of crazy and silly.  The Film has Samurais, Ninjas, a Witch, a Tiger and a Werewolf.  It somehow tries to mix into real history too, which is kind of hilarious.  Granted, the story of Nobunaga has been mixed into Video Games where he's been an actual demon, a shotgun wielding fighter or a...Pokémon Master?  It's weird.  This whole thing is just odd.  I like how it starts to have a story and then just keeps stopping for random fight scenes.  It's like 'I want to tell this story, but...I know the audience is too dumb, so here's a sword fight.'  They really didn't trust me...I mean, them to care about the story, did they?  Speaking of the story, our Hero arrives with the two ladies.  One- as mentioned- dies a dramatic death at the hands of the Witch.  The other accidentally activates a rope trap and is killed with some arrows.  Why?  Well, we have to rush to the Third Act and set Waldemar up with the Doctor's Sister, of course!  I'm sure that this is the full version, so it is less of a 'Footage Missing' situation and just weird writing.  One Scene of her 'feeling bad for him' and they are just in love when they next meet...for like the 2nd time!  The good definitely outweighs the bad here as it is more goofy fun than annoying/difficult to endure.  Again- Paul Naschy fights a Tiger!  How can you not love the insanity here?  Oh and I'm sure you were wondering about this Tiger.  Yes, it apparently is the same one from The Jungle Book (which was written more than 300 years after this is set)...

Next time, I cover another obscure Film.  This time, it is the most notable Film by one of the TWO Italian Directors I 'know' on Facebook.  Stay tuned...

Lost in Translation?: Highlander

There can be only one!

Well, that's not actually true.
I found like a dozen different Highlander Posters.

To be more accurate...

There can be only this one (right now)!

...um, this is a weird way to sell it.

Is this The Kurgan?
Maybe.

Does this represent the Film at all?
Hell no!

What in the what is this?!?

Leave the House!: Ju-On- The Grudge 2

Another Grudge- what did I even do to you?!?  This is Ju-On: The Grudge 2, the 2003 Sequel.  Are you sure they couldn't make this Title any longer?  Maybe Ju-On: The Grudge 2- First Blood or Ju-On: The Grudge 2- Your Sister Is a Werewolf.  I guess Ju-On: Another Grudge as my joke Title was too much too.  What is the Story here?  Well, it is more of the same.  We get a META aspect as a Film is being made about the previous events that occurred.  Wait- this guy did Reincarnation, a 2005 Film about people making a Movie about a family murder in the same House it happened.  Was he that short on ideas or is that a super-common trope in Japan?!?  I don't have much more to say here that I can't say in the Review, really.  The same Director is here, so that's good.  He only skipped one Film in the main Series (the DTV Sequel called The Grudge 3), so...yea?  To find out if this one makes more sense, read on...

In a strange opening, a woman and her husband are *sort of* attacked by the Grudge ghost(s).  One makes the accelerator stay pushed, but nothing really makes him crash (at least not visibly).

In the aftermath, the husband is severely wounded in the head, while the woman seems to have lost her baby.

She's a Horror Actress who hadn't told people about the pregnancy due to how it might affect her career.  One problem resolved itself in the darkest way possible!

After that, the Film is...more of the same.

More Vignettes that somewhat overlap and don't ever quite play out in order.
We also get the same strong visuals for the major moments too, so it is just as much of a mixed bag.

The little bit of clear story involves people filming a Movie about the cursed house...in the cursed house.  This time, the ghosts can also more clearly make you see its victims from earlier.

Are their ghosts trapped now too?
Will this matter that much?
Why named a Character 'Kyoko' when you have a Character already named 'Kayako?'  You don't see how confusing that can be?

Along the way, Kyoko ends up pregnant due to the spirit(s).  She takes it well.

Oh and her husband is in a vegetative state.  That might be bad too.

The spirit- Toshio- continues to kill random people who happened to go in/around the House as part of the shoot.  A pair of them die off-camera...which is odd.

The oddest bit- the sad Sub-Plot of this random lady.

We see her as an Extra for the Film within a Film who screams.
As it turns out, she's zapped around different times...somehow...by the ghost(s) and dies.
Why so mean to this poor girl?!?

The ghost's final act is to be born from Kyoko (killing the Doctors in the Room) and to grow up to kill Mom...in broad daylight.

Will this go anywhere?  I have to find out (at some point).  The End.

Consider this a slight improvement- only slight.  I can kind of tell what the main Story is here.  Progress!  I still needed a Wiki page to keep the Plot straight a few days after seeing it- not so much progress.  I still don't know why this can't be in chronological order.  Anyone want to explain it to me?  The visuals are strong and there are some good ideas here.  Like the last Film, I just couldn't connect to it as much as I should due to the format.  It is what it is- an Arty J-Horror Film that suffers for it.  I'd still recommend it overall, but don't expect a simple, easy to follow narrative.

Next time, I take a break from J-Horror to wrap up some overdue reviews.  It's a new Year, so let me play catch up as part of my resolutions.  Stay tuned...

Leave The House!: Ju-On- The Grudge (2002)

At long last, I tackle another J-Horror Series.  It's fitting that I cover Ju-On- The Grudge in 2020, since I apparently covered Ringu in 2010.  Yes, even I'm surprised that it has been that long.  What happened to my life?!?!?  Enough ennui for now- the Film is bleak enough.  The Plot is that an angry ghost or ghosts will kill you if you go into/live in this House.  That's basically it.  Since this was inspired by stuff like Pulp Fiction, they decide to tell the Narrative OUT OF LINEAR ORDER.  Yeah, that's going to be fun to summarize.  Is it really a Modern Classic?  Are people being generous?  If you haven't already made up your mind beforehand, feel free to read on...

Anyone that enters a cursed House will be tormented by a ghost (or two).

You get the creepy kid, plus some stuff with cats and the girl, so I'm a bit confused about the hierarchy here.

The Film proper is roughly 8 Scenes of people at various points in the Story wandering around, hearing about a curse, wandering around some more and being killed in some way.

Wikipedia is nice enough to put the Plot in *actual* order, which helped me quite a bit.

You won't be so lucky.  After all, it's 'part of the experience,' right?

Without a straight-forward narrative and a consistent Lead, the Film basically turns into a series of vague vignettes.

Granted- it would make some sense, at least, if presented in chronological order, but, nope.

In lieu of that, we do at least get some creepy imagery in each section.  Some of it very overt, but most of it subtle.

For instance, seeing the ghost in a glass door's reflection, but not in the other shots.

When the Film wants to have some direct payoff, it is usually quite good.

You just have to linger through lots of confusion and slow glances around a room to get there.

It all leads to a big climax that may or may not actually be the proper end to the Story.  I can only trust Wikipedia (and it's anonymous Editors) on this one.

Given how hard it was to summarize, I kind of just wrote my Review in those lines above, didn't I?  The Film isn't bad.  It would be sacrilegious to Film Gods to say that about this Film.  My main problem is just the presentation.  If it was presented normally, the scares and story would mean more.  It still wouldn't have one Main Lead, but at least I wouldn't need a Wiki to clarify which part is supposed to take place in which order!  As it is, Ju-On: The Grudge is a series of vignettes that kind-of connect, but mostly work for a Horror Anthology Film.  Instead, they are supposed to act as overlapping parts of a Story...which barely works.  Here's hoping for more coherency in the Sequel, which I'll obviously be tackling next.  In the meantime, enjoy the mystique being ruined...

Next up, the obvious follow-up.  Will he learn his lesson or double down the confusion?  Stay tuned...

Top 10 Worst Films of *My* 2019!

Time and space are relative.

I say this every time, but it bears repeating...
This is a look at the Worst Films that I *watched* in 2019.
This is *not* a look at the Worst Films I watched in 2019 that are also from that year.

All good?
Great.

Honorable Mentions (with the reason): Monster from Green Hell (not even green- just B&W), Humongous (too dark to see the Action), The Hurricane Heist (hilariously-goofy), Geostorm (4 years for this?!?), Cosmic Monsters (the Marketing is a lie), Grotesque (bizarre and confusing story), Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom (a bizarre and disappointing Sequel), Sometimes They Come Back...Again (a non-Sequel that is just too ludicrous for words!), The Meg (China pays for PG-13 fright), Cameron's Closet (a confusing and bloody mess of a Plot) and 1979's Seven (Andy Sidaris' original Film is boring!).

10. Tobe Hooper's Night Terrors: A Film looking for one big thing- a real Lead.  The poor Actress here is given NOTHING to work with.  She reacts to everyone, always does what she is told and never acts in her own agency.  She can't even rescue herself!  Oh and the Film is a confusing mess involving The Marquis De Sade in flashbacks and something to do with artifacts in the present.  Skip!

9. Psychos in Love: I'm not laughing.  The Film feels like bad, early Troma in all the wrong ways.  The 'Plot' is a series of kill scenes strung together mixed with fake dating videos and confessionals.  It tries to be funny and fails.  It tries to make up for it by being META and fails.  It tries to make someone hating grapes into a running joke.  I can't be missing anything here, right?

8. A Lure- Teen Fight Club: A waste- of time.  This one is really generic.  Like super generic.  Young people are captured by creepy people.  

The only twist- they are made to fight each other.  At least it wears its 'homage' on its sleeve.  It's still not good, but it's not bad enough to rank higher than this.

7. Monsters in the Woods: A Movie that tries to be way too much with too little.  Is it a Film about people making a Horror Film in the Woods that goes awry?  Is it a Film about creatures from Hell?  Yes.  

It somehow makes both of these the Plot, leading to a giant Cast of forgettable Characters and a nothing setting that make you ignore the actually-nice-looking creatures.  The Story is bollocks.

6. Cuban Rebel Girls: An historical oddity is kind of boring.  The Film sounds like a bizarre good time in theory.  Made in the late '50s, this one is about Errol Flynn standing with Fidel Castro in his quest to run Cuba.  Yeah, that ended well!  

He didn't live long enough to see how wrong he was, but you will feel like you watched the Film for 70 years.  It has almost no Plot and the bizarre enjoyment of a wasted Flynn is barely there.

5. Ator 3- The Iron Warrior: After a Decade of assuming that this must be 'the good one,' I'm saddened to be wrong.  Ator's Director was not one known for quality.  He hated this Film.  By the transitive property (go with me), this must mean that this Film is good, right?  Nope.  

It is very arty and very experimental.  It has some amazing visuals...that are just the actual Island they shot on.  The actual Plot to accompany this...is a big, dull mess.  I couldn't quite be interested enough to be mad, but my long-running assumption that it must be good places the Film here.

4. The Hellstrom Chronicle: A Film that is kind of fun...but for the wrong reasons.  Do you want to watch a dated Nature Documentary?  Do you love bugs?  Do you need to learn that bugs are better than us?  Has the 42,000 Cable Channels we have rendered this pointless?  

The reason this Film makes the Top 5- it's also a lie.  There is no Hellstrom.  We follow him and listen to him and...he's just an Actor representing a composite of Scientists (and their views).  Lame! 

3. The Wicker Tree: Making another Film won't bring back your goddamn honey!  Oops, wrong Wicker Man retread.  This time, it is the Director and Writer of the original doing basically the same Story, but...um, Scotland and...um, celebrities.  Robin Hardy wanted you to know that Christians can be hypocrites.  Um...thanks?  

The whole point of this is to make a new Film, but not really make one.  At least Lee is in it...in a Cameo...that doesn't matter.

2. The Frozen (2012): People like the new one, so I wanted to punish myself.  Well, to be more accurate, I already owned the Film anyways.  Sadly, my thrifty review was more of a punishment for myself.  The Film is just a re-skin of Carnival of Souls, just without Utah Carnivals, interesting visuals and constant organ music. 

 In its place, an essentially One Woman Show in the Snow.  Want to watch a decent, but not interesting Actress be confused for an hour?  What's wrong with you- don't say 'Yes!!!'

1. Old Mother Riley Meets the Vampire: Another bad Comedy on a Holiday- yea.  This one is a bit ancient- from the early '50s- and came about for very sad reasons.  As mentioned in the Review, Bela moved to England for a bit to star in a revival of Dracula.  It didn't go well.  As such, he needed to get back and didn't have the funds.  Guess where the money went.  

As such, he agreed to do this awful Film involving a man in drag and a worse version of The Phantom Creeps.  It's not funny...or scary...or interesting.  It hurt- alot.

There you go- I suffered various forms of self-inflicted torture for you.

Here's hoping nothing is as bad as arguably the saddest Bela Lugosi Film (which is saying alot!)!