'00s Trash: Doom (2005)

 In 2025, Karl Urban will Star in his 2nd Video Game Film (Mortal Kombat 2).  Why has it been 20 years since the last one then?

Today's Film is Doom, specifically the 2005 Film version.  
I saw this in Theaters.  Did you?
Don't be shy- we all make mistakes.

Like the Game Series, this one lasted in limbo for a while as an idea that just couldn't come to fruition.  Different Writers, Directors and Actors were attached.

Finally, Doom 3 came out and did huge.  The Film was based mostly on that (with liberal helpings of Aliens and others).

So why was it a flop?  Was my $7 not enough?

The Film, as mentioned, features Karl Urban and one of the last Films to have 'The Rock' in its credits, as he switched to his real name by the time Southland Tales came out.

Why did this fail?  Let's find out...

In the Cold Open, a bunch of Scientists are killed by an unseen thing/creature.

The head guy is Dr. Carmack.
Get it?  Get it?!?

A bunch of Marines are sent in to figure out what happened.

That involves teleporting to Mars via floating goo.

I have no questions about that whatsoever.

The group is made up of pretty basic Stock Characters.

Lead Guy (Urban), Leader (Rock), New Guy (who'd end up on Grantchester), Sassy Guy, etc.

Rock tries to talk Urban out of going, but he does anyways.
It wouldn't be much of a Film if he didn't.

As it turns out, the Lead Archaeologist is Urban's Sister (Rosamund Pike).

They spend the next 20+ minutes wandering around the dark facility to establish things.

Too bad you can't really see shit.

Along the way, the Stoic Veteran is killed and tensions run high.

What is killing people there?!?

Oh and The Rock might be going a little bit crazy.

Once he finds the Weapons Lab, he's drawn to the BFG (Basically Functional Gun- right?).

His mini-arc is getting his hands on it, which involves getting, well, someone else's hand to open the biometric locks.

They slowly figure out that the people are being mutated into Monsters by way of experimentation and said creatures spreading the infection.

More dead meats die, including the future Night King and Not Bill Duke from Predator.

Despite the Film being set in 2046 on Mars, this advanced lab still uses CRT monitors that you can swing like a flail! 

FYI for some reason, my friends and I found this bit hilarious at the time and I still remember it nearly 20 years later.

Things get worse as Rock goes full-on evil, kills the Rookie and is seemingly devoured by the mob (a la Day of the Dead).

Urban is wounded, so his Sister gives him the formula (which gives you a 24th Genomic Strain) to save him.

After 90 minutes, we finally get the famous First Person Sequence.

It is about a minute longer on the Unrated Cut here.  It is still too short.

The final battle comes down to Urban and Rocky (who didn't die). 

The two have Alien Infection Powers (a la T-Virus mutations in the Resident Evil Films).

Urban eventually blows up Rock and escapes with his Sister.

The End.

A Film that should have really focused more on the Plot and actually lighting its Scenes instead of just saying 'F**k' a few dozen more times.

This Film is pretty dumb.
To be fair, they borrow wholesale from Doom 3 in many ways, so blame that.

Mind you, that Game is not known for its Plot...so maybe write a better one.

As noted, this is the Unrated Cut, which means a bit more blood and swearing.  Little bits of Characterization are added and one sight gag is paid off.

We learn that early attempts to teleport failed, as noted by a Scientist missing his legs.  In the Theatrical Cut, we just kind of figure out what that means.
In the Unrated Cut, a pair of CGI legs hit the floor.  Hilarity ensues.

There are good, or at least fun, moments here. 
The Rock nails his 'going crazy' Arc nicely. 
The creatures look good (reminding me a bit of The Lair later).
Pike does her best with the material.

Ultimately, the Film does just enough fan service- like the BFG- to appease a small amount of the base, but not much more.
After all, they didn't pay to see it in 2005.

Now then, time to get back to my CrossFit Session...

Next up, maybe I'll watch something classier to cleanse my palette.  Any '70s Movies in the pile perhaps?  Stay tuned...