Wednesday, January 3, 2024

(Technically) '80s Trash: Dangerous Men (2005)

 A Film that defies time and space (and also logic & narrative consistency).  So let me explain the Title...

Dangerous Men was shot in 1984 and 85.  However, it wasn't released.  Instead, the Director kept working on it until it was *actually* released in 2005.

What do you expect from a guy named John S. Rad?

The Director was actually an Iranian man named Jahangir Salehi Yeganehrad (auto correct is not happy BTW) who fled the Iranian Revolution in 1979.  The Film was finally screened in 2005 in Theaters....after he essentially rented out an L.A. Theater to show it.

It reminds me of when WWE Films would release their DTV Films in one L.A. Theater for an afternoon, just so they could promote the 'uncut' Film as 'not being the one shown in Theaters.'

What the hell is this about, you ask rudely?  Well...that's a good question.

To find out, Rad on...

The Opening Credits tell us two things.

The first- John S. Rad (or John Rad in other parts) did everything.  He's both a Producer AND Executive Producer.

The second- this Film will be dangerous.  How dangerous?

Well, the Title Card just exploded!
In a Series of disparate Scenes, we meet a Cop, his Brother (who might be the same guy?) and we do so in really random ways.

We see the Cop once and then he breaks up a Convenience Store Robbery, killing a man.
We see the Brother wake up a woman in bed, who is thankfully his Fiance/Wife and they get romantic.

Things change when the duo go on the Beach and some Bikers target them.

The guy kills one of them (while the other makes moves on his wife) and then he gets killed.  The (apparently) annoyed Biker goes to leave...
...but the Woman asks her to take her with him.  Huh?!?

We see them have Dinner and rent a Hotel Room.

She *eventually* pulls a knife hidden in, well, she wasn't wearing clothes, so....guess and kills him.
She hitchhikes and is picked up by a British Man, whereupon she falls asleep.

He's also a creep, so she has to use- presumably- that same knife to threaten him and leave him naked in the desert.

Why not spend 5 minutes watching him monologue about this?!?

She hires a Hooker and asks to learn how to be one, whereupon this Film goes Ms. 45 and she just starts killing her 'Johns.' (not her John S. Rads though).

Call 'Stan Lee!'
The other Cop- remember him?!?- is on the case and he thinks that this relates to a Biker Gang...somehow.

He's right, leading to an awkward Scene where he saves this woman from attempted assault...only to use her to lure in a different Biker for the same purpose.

No joke- he gets his foot stuck in the car seat trying to get out and save her.
The lady's whole Plot ends abruptly when she's arrested...and never mentioned again.  Joy.

This Film is all about the Cops stopping this Biker- who was never shown before- now.  Deal with it!

Our Hero actually FAILS to stop him- no joke- and he finds a blind woman at her home.  Captain Stan Lee comes in to save the day as the Film just abruptly stops on a Freeze Frame.

I wish I was kidding.
Did he really spend 20 years trying to make this into a good Film?  Sadly, he's not around to ask him...because I have so many questions!

This Film is actually considered to be a modern Cult Classic, since it- like Winterbeast- was a long-delayed piece of crap that got released in HD as a 'must see.'
I bought both of them now- albeit through Rifftrax- so who's the weirdo here, I guess?

The Plot, as it was, is a big old mess.  It features people acting weird, random Scenes and just some of the worst, well, everything.

The Acting- bad.
The Writing- bad.
The Camera Work- bad.

Here's a quick example of how bad this one is.  One Scene features Captain Stan Lee listening to a guy via a PA System (which is clearly just him recorded on tape).  Said guy MESSES UP HIS LINE and they kept it in.
How?  Why?  Huh?  I mean...what?!?

With Rifftrax, this is a bizarre watch, but pretty fun.  It is less 'funny bad' than a Samurai Cop and more just 'bad, bad.'  If you are one of those people who like the more messed up or bad Movies from the MST3K days- like Red Zone Cuba or Monster A-Go-Go, this is a good one.

To give you an idea of how long the turn around is, the top picture is of one guy in the Film.
The bottom is his CURRENT headshot on IMDB.
* Before and After *

Next up, I finally get around to some more John Carpenter.  I've earned this- I really have.  Stay tuned...

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