Thursday, December 21, 2023

Tubi Thursday: The Elf (2017)

 Is it too late to trade this in for coal?  At least that has a practical purpose.

This does not...

A Cold (get it- it is Winter!) sets up a whole lot of nothing, save for general rules for the Elf.

In the Present (get it- it is Christmas time!), a guy finds a weird doll with a knife.
He doesn't throw it in the bin and leave, like a sane man.
He suffers from night terrors and vague fright that is easy to act out, but not actually explain.

He's freaked out when the Elf is on the Shelf.
Did I just violate copyright?
To make a long Movie short, we get...

Lots of arguing.
Lots of wandering around slowly.
Something about the guy seeing death as a kid.
The Elf starts to kill people...or so the Film implies.  You only see like 10% of what is supposed to happen.
Who will live?
Who will die?

Will this make me want to go into the Bathroom to cry and think about better Films?
Ho ho horrible.  I mean...I had to do that, right?

This one has potential.  There are over a dozen Puppet Master Films, a few of which are good.  There are what feels like 10,042 Christmas Horror Films.  I skipped over like 6 different Killer Santa Films to pick this one out.

Too late for a redo!

Director Justin Price has made a living doing Films that sound like other Films- like a one-man Asylum Studio.  Think I'm exaggerating?  Alien: Reign of Man.  The Mummy Rebirth.  The 13th Friday.

The biggest problem is that they just didn't have the money/production/wherewithal to put together a Film like this.  They use a CG Elf for one Scene and never again.  You get terrible POV mixed with shaky cam.  You get people holding a doll while a bunch of random slashing sounds are played.

When the Robert the Doll Franchise one-ups you, what does that say?

You made a bad Horror Film in the most boring way.  At least there's not a Sequel...oh, s#*t.

A Film that had potential and just kind of sucked.  I want these to be good- honest, I do!

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