As a warm-up for Halloween, let's face off with death and love. This is Cemetery Man aka Dellamorte Dellamore. The Title translates to 'Of Death, Of Love' in Italian. Yeah, I would go by Cemetery Man too. The Film comes to us from Michele Soavi, the man who made The Church and Demons 4: The Sect. He also was a Second-Unit/Assistant Director on a number of Classics like Tenebrae, Demons and Phenomena. The Film is based on a Comic by Tiziano Sclavi, who created Dylan Dog. That means something to like 5 of you, I know. The Plot involves a Cemetery that has a problem- people keep rising from the dead. It's Caretaker has a simple solution- just shoot them. The whole thing gets weird- yes, that part was normal- and, well, I'm going to try and make sense of this. Rupert Everett is here as a quirky bad-ass before he got famous for being Gay Best Friend in My Best Friend's Wedding. Nice one, '90s! Is it good? Let's wait for this to come back to life(ish) and find out...
A man- Everett- works as a Cemetery's Caretaker.
People come back as Zombies.
He shoots them.
Enjoy the fun while it lasts.
He falls for a mysterious woman- not named- and they have sex in the Cemetery.
What could go wrong?
She dies.
He's sad.
His sidekick, meanwhile, can only say one word- 'Gna.'- falls in love too.
A woman was in love with a Motorcycle Guy and gets killed, but comes back as just a head.
Young love.
Things get worse for Rupert when his lady love comes back as a Zombie and it turns out that she might not have been dead when he shot her.
Does that really matter?
No.
Death itself/himself/herself confronts him and tells our Hero to stop killing its Zombies.
Why not kill people instead?
That's not encroaching on Death's territory...right?
He does so, spurred on by losing out a few love interests- also played by the same lady.
One fears sex...until she gets raped...and now loves it.
Another is a prostitute, so he kills her.
Morals!
Upset about that (and other stuff), he decides to leave the Town and escape, you know, the murder charges.
The car crashes and he plans to kill his buddy to save him (even though he's not buried in the Cemetery that brings you back to life as a Plant Zombie).
He can't.
His friend can now speak and he can't.
They are now apparently inside of a snow globe
St. Elsewhere-style.
Huh.
What?
The End.
So, um...what? Seriously, WTF?!?
Cemetery Man is weird.
Cemetery Man is wacky. It's sometimes fun. It's some times bleak. It has lots of people dying. It has lots of Zombies second-dying. It is never boring. It's also never, you know, all that logical. There are many, many questions to be asked.
I want to love it. I...can't exactly make enough sense out of it. It's...I don't know.
Am I dumb for not liking this? Oh well.
Now I just need to get ready for Halloween. Anyone got like $40,000 and Zombie Stan Winston on retainer?
Next up, I'll cover something. Hey- you're not my Boss! Stay tuned...
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