'90s Trash?: Theodore Rex

 Before I saw the Film with Scarlett Johannsen kicking ass in a catsuit, I might as well see Whoopi Goldberg do the same.  This is Theodore Rex, a 1995 Film that is historically significant.  The first thing to note is how they got Whoopi.  The initial pitch must have been good, but she soon lost all faith in the project.  Of course, she was under contract, so she still had to do it.  All of the best Films- like The Cat in the Hat- are made this way!  The Film cost alot of money- over $30 million.  Most of it likely went to the practical effects, although Whoopi did get $7 million.  Ironically, when she renegotiated the deal under duress, her pay went from 5 to 7 million!  The Film was made for Theaters and screened for some Test Audiences.  It didn't go well.  As such, they figured it was cheaper to release the Film on Video/VHS instead.  Due to its Budget, the Film is the most Expensive Direct-to-Video Film in History!  Was it money well spent?  To find out, read on...

Whoopi is a Cop in the vague future, who, since it is Whoopi, is sarcastic to criminals and acts rough around the edges to everyone.

It's the Cop who doesn't need a Partner Cliché.

Our Title Character is a Dinosaur who talks (and is clearly not as giant as he should be).  He had a dream about a Dinosaur being killed (in the weird, black & white intro).

Why is he here?

Well, the Film EVENTUALLY explains that this Scientist starting bringing back some Species that went extinct.

How he talks and acts like people though- unexplained.

The bad guys are this Scientist (Armin Mueller-Stahl!), his Henchwoman and this City Official.

Since this is a Kid's Film (or Dark City's Theatrical Cut), the opening narration just straight up tells us who the bad guy is and what is plan is.

They put the pair together so that they won't solve the case in time (about 36 hours).

Honestly, there are so many Mismatched Buddy Cop Duos that I can't tell if this was inspired by stuff like 1991's The Hard Way or partial-inspiration for Films like 1998's Rush Hour.

The duo work the case with their unique methods- Rex, for instance, has bad breath and super-smelling power- and get closer to the truth.

Mind you, we already know it, so what's the mystery?

Oh and this weird sock-puppet thing and caterpillar by the Chiodo Brothers randomly show up.

The pair eventually discover the truth after lots of filler- including a kid who befriends Whoopi and a love story involving Rex and a Dinosaur voiced by Carol Kane.

Can they stop the man from unleashing a rocket to destroy humankind and leave only his Ark of Creatures?

Yeah, it's super-easy, barely an inconvenience.

Whoopi is shot (she's a cyborg, so it's all good) and our Dinosaur Hero stops the henchman (Not Aubrey Plaza and Actually Stephen Lang) before making the Scientist hand over the detonator.

His ship is destroyed early and the day is saved.

In the aftermath, Rex says that Whoopi should be his partner.

Ha ha ha- no Sequels.  The End.

A weird, silly little Film.  Does Theodore Rex have a message?  Well, they say that it is that we should all respect each other.  Good message.  The problem- Rex is not exactly a great Character.  He's way too chatty (it's like they paid the Actor by the word!) and kind of annoying.  He's somewhat caring, but otherwise pretty banal.  If he could have ever shut up for like 5 seconds, it would have been great.  It hurts me to say that since he's voiced by George Newbern, who is most famous (to me) for voicing Superman on Justice League.  He's so good on that...but not here.  Speaking of Voice Acting, most of it is fine.  I will say that Carol Kane (obviously) sounds older (since she is) than her Co-Star, so the romance aspect doesn't quite work for me.  Her Character is supposed to be a Lounge Singer Ingenue ala Jessica Rabbit.  Swing and a miss.  The big draw here should be the Dinosaur Effects.  For the most part, they work fine.  It sure feels like they just re-used and slightly-redesigned the ones used by the ABC Show Dinosaurs.  That one ended in late 1994 and this one came out in 1995, so it checks out.  Considering all of the stories about how the Production was a mess, it's amazing that it got done in the first place.  Theodore Rex is kind of on the edge of so-bad-it's-good Cinema.  If you ask me to recommend it, I'll probably make this face...

Next time, another '90s 'gem.'  It's the third part of an unofficial Trilogy, so will I be lost?  Stay tuned...