WTF Japan (Kind Of)?!?: The Grudge (2004)

Oh boy, this again.  After the Original (which is actually kind of a Remake anyhow), we got the 2004 American Remake of Ju-On: The Grudge.  Mind you, that Film came out right when The Ring came out (thereabouts) and we got this Remake less than 3 years later).  It's not like they discovered some hidden gem from way-back-when and Remade it- it was pretty damn new.  Never one to turn down a chance to make basically the same Movie again (he'd also do the Remake's Sequel AND Reincarnation, which is basically just this again), Takashi Shimizu took on this Film.  They brought in a new Writer, but that doesn't change much.  The idea here is kind of strange here, so try to follow.  They wanted to make the Movie again...for some reason...and change very little, so they brought in the same Director.  They kept the same location (Japan), but replaced most of the Cast with White Actors.  That means they have to keep pausing to explain why they are even in Japan, which is a distraction.  Fun Fact: Chyna was teaching English in Japan as her last job before her death.  No joke- all fact.  Is this just the same Movie with newer, more Caucasian Actors?  Is this an improved Version like Shimizu was hoping for?  To find out, read on...

Even though there's a new Writer, this Film STILL ISN'T SHOWN IN ORDER.  I'm fixing that here (mostly), so deal with it...

A crazed man kills his wife, kid and cat (not the cat!!!!) after he learns that she was obsessed with...Bill Pullman.

I believe in Rage Ghosts more than I believe that people are obsessed with banging Bill Pullman (no offense)!

Bill shows up later and finds the bodies.

In this Screen Cap, Gellar is there.  She shows up later and I'm too lazy to go back and get one without her.

Oh crap- I put the Movie back out of order!!!!

He kills himself.

He doesn't seem scared.
Was he possessed?

The Film never says, because f**k you.

A new (all-white) family moves into the House some time later.

After mostly-forgettable Scenes with them, they all die- none of them on-screen.

The Caretaker checks on the Mother- the one in the middle- as she actually dies last.  She just goes into shock and becomes comatose (I guess).

The spirit (Kayako) kills her, but isn't done with her just yet.

Another Caretaker- Sarah Michelle Gellar- comes over and is scared, but not killed by Kayako.

Why does it leave her alone (relatively- it just keeps spooking her)?  Has White Privilege finally paid off?

Will I end up a 4Chan target for that joke?  Oh well.

The bodies of the son and his wife are found in the crawlspace, but the Caretaker's body is missing, save for her lower jaw!

Said body shows up later to kill Ted Raimi since, well, that's what happens to him in these Films.

I sure hope that my Brother becomes a big-time Producer and kills me in his Films too.

Gellar finally tracks down more about the House and confronts the lead Cop about it.  He tells her that other Cops have died.

Obvious question- why hasn't the house been demolished?  The crimes in it aren't a secret and their are at least a dozen deaths tangentially-related to it.

I mean, we demolished Gacy's House (only for people to rebuild it and summon his bisexual ghost), so why not this place?

To make a long (out of order) story short, Gellar sees the flashback combo mentioned earlier (even that is out of order as she sees Pullman and then the B&W kills shown here first).

The Cop fails to burn the place down, but Gellar lights a match and...I guess fails, but also slows down Kayako.  She's in the Hospital now...somehow and still haunted.  The End.

The Grudge could be worse, but could be miles better.  The Cast does their best, but they really just get 2-3 Scenes before they die.  The interconnected nature of the tale barely works, since most deaths happen off-screen.  Gellar does fine- granted.  It has Tom Cruise's Cousin in it, so the nepotism level is up a bit here.  The best parts here are usually the pay-off to the haunting bit.  Kayako can be seen more in this version of the Story/Film, so that's something.  Due to the misaligned nature of the Scenes, we get some better payoffs early, which feels weird.  In the final bit, they build up to her showing up in full, but...I mean, she's done plenty already.  Jason Voorhees is intimidating almost every time, but he is only the MOST intimidating or scary the first few times.  It's weird that a Film like this can't figure it out.  To connect this to something nobody saw coming, it acts like a higher brow version of Son of the Blob.  That Film is basically a 'Shadow Play' (Comedy Scenes that are one-offs and end with the lights going out).  They do that, but with longer build-up.  In case you missed it, I wrote some of the summary out of my normal order- is it better this way?!?  Despite all of the supposed questions Films like this are supposed to make you ask, I have a weird one- why do you need a SECOND Carpenter waiting in the wings at all times?!?

Next time, I cover the sequel to the first Remake.  I know that the new one technically a Sidequel, but can we at least not get a Sequel to that too?  Stay tuned...

Impossibly-Cool Cover Art: The Amazing Captain Nemo (1978)

After covering the actual Film, I might as well have some fun with the cover.

That was a confusing sentence to write.

In any event, this is the 'spiced up' version of the Poster seen in the Review yesterday...

Bright lights, blue ocean!

This Poster really sells you on a big, flashy underwater battle!

Too bad you don't really get that- at least not as good.
As good as the final third of the Film/Mini-Series is, it is not because of a battle like this.

Oh and add one more to the Star Wars count, as this is clearly framed with the big ship looming past the viewer like that Film's famous opening shot.

As a bonus, here's the untouched version of the German Poster.  It's mostly the same.

...and just to keep tradition, here's the untouched U.S. Poster (or at least English-language Poster).

It's honestly a fun, silly Poster.  It just definitely feels more flat and lifeless with the washed-out-with-age colors from the Scan.  You're welcome, Movie.

Rare Flix: The Amazing Captain Nemo (1978)

Pure random chance brought me to this glorious, hidden treasure.  This is the 1978 TV Movie called The Amazing Captain Nemo.  It's origins are...complicated.  The short version: 3 Writers were given one section of a Mini-Series to write called The Return of Captain Nemo.  Another Writer was placed in charge of stitching all 3 parts into one cohesive story...mostly.  One of those Writers was Robert Bloch, hence my discovery of this Film on his IMDB Page.  Now here is where things get weirder.  So the Mini-Series was 3 Hour long sections designed to sell a future Show.  No such Show exists.  When that plan failed, they decided to cut it into a Movie- the one I'm talking about here.  To do so, they cut 78 MINUTES out of it.  Having only watched the chopped up version (on YouTube), does it make sense?  I should also note that this one of the many cases where the 'Film' Version was released in Europe as such, much like past Films I've covered/had people cover in the past with Project Terrible.  The Story involves Captain Nemo obviously coming back and he's got a mad Scientist to stop.  Naturally!  If this feels a bit familiar, it has alot of similarities to a Film called Latitude Zero.  That also had a Character Actor as a brave Hero/Scientist and another as the Villain/Scientist.  To further the comparisons, the Villain in Zero is Cesar Romero (aka The Joker) and the one here is Burgess Meredith (aka The Penguin).  Coincidence?  Probably yes.  Is this Film as silly as it sounds?  It is trying so much to be like Star Wars that you have to love it?  To find out, read on...

In the present (of 1978), a madman in a cardigan (Meredith) is threatening the World with a doomsday weapon.  He also has these robots and his manservant...who keeps calling people 'Aliens.'

Is this explained?  Nope.

As luck would have it, 2 Navy Men discover the long-lost wreck of the Nautilus.  Jose Ferrer as Nemo awakens from his frozen slumber and immediately takes over everything.

Part 1 of the Story involves him helping the U.S. stop the Nuclear Missile strike.

Meredith's ship design owes alot to George Lucas, no doubt.

Part 2 has Meredith back for revenge in an elaborate plan that, at one point, involves traversing a sea of mines.

Hmm...Lucas would have the Asteroid Field in the next Star Wars.  Did he borrow from this in return?

The plan also involves an undercover Scientist/Spy on board- Mel Ferrer (no relation)- and a young Scientist (Linda Day George).

The former is killed after a terrible sword fight- two old men who can't sword fight aren't interesting?-, while the latter is relegated to being the background for the rest of this.

Part 3- Bloch's part- brings everyone to Atlantis, which Nemo mentioned off-hand that he wanted to find.  What luck!

Meredith makes his big move by capturing/controlling the crew and the King of Atlantis.  His big plan involves stealing secrets from Nemo's brain, something we'd see versions of in 1980's Flash Gordon AND Batman Forever.

Another Batman connection?!?!?

Nemo, of course, figures out a way to escape- it is too silly to explain here- and they blast their way to freedom.

In a confusing and somewhat disappointing submarine battle- despite how cool the Poster makes it look- our heroes win and...that's it. 

A weird, silly and fun adventure!  This mostly-forgotten Movie is certainly worth a second look in modern day.  Mind you, its copyright owner doesn't think so, as it is only available as an On-Demand DVD-R.  In other words, they didn't manufacture thousands of Discs- they will only make one if you specifically order it.  Real commitment, guys!  The Film is cheesy.  The Film is ridiculous.  The Film is played 100% straight.  Jose Ferrer is a bit over-the-top, but never campy.  Burgess Meredith, meanwhile, is a bit ridiculous throughout.  Why is a super-smart mad scientist with a ship full of robots and advanced weaponry...but still wears a cardigan like a College Professor on the last day before Spring Break?  We never find out how he made or funded his many inventions and weapons.  I guess he stole some of it from Atlantis...maybe.  Mind you, I am watching the Film version that has 78 MINUTES MISSING, so maybe it is more clear in the Mini-Series.  The Star Wars influence is amazingly-transparent and I love it!  Besides clearly stealing the aesthetic, they literally use some of the Music!  If I was to break the Film down by Chapter, I'd say that the 1st one is the best, the 3rd one is next.  The 2nd part isn't bad per se, but it has slow parts and just isn't as dramatic.  Ironically, Star Wars managed to make their 2nd Chapter (or 5th, Nerds) the best.  Fight me!  If you like cheesy, well-meaning fluff, check this out.  Yes, you have to either order the DVD or watch it in 7 Parts on YouTube.  Yes, the 7th part is only 2 minutes long- why not?!?  As Bob can attest, this is quite fun.  In closing, I'm happily surprised to see that someone actually kept this after 40+ years...

Next time, the original Review I had planned.  Jump Scares and an American Remake- all win?  Stay tuned...

'90s Trash?: No Escape (1994)

A look at future bleaker than our Present- why not?!?  

This is No Escape, a 1994 Film made for HBO back in the day.  I'd joke about how I 'miss' HBO producing Films, but it will probably happen again with HBO Max in the near future.  

Besides, wasn't Watchmen just an 8-Hour Film Event anyhow?  

The Story involves a man- Ray Liotta- being sent to a Super Prison for his crimes.  That's only part of the Plot, however, as he is then sent to a SECOND Super Prison not 10 minutes later.  Why not skip right to this?  After all, he never returns to the FIRST Prison, so what was the point?  

The Film comes to us from Martin Campbell, a New Zealand Director who is notable for doing Goldeneye, the *third* Casino Royale, The Mask of Zorro and..... Green Lantern.  

Aw, I still like you, Film- even if your Star won't stop making fun of you.  

It was filmed in Australia- hence the tag- and really highlights the rugged beauty of the locations.  Of course, people are constantly trying to kill each other here, so it makes a slightly worse Travelogue than Midsommar.  

The Film has mostly been forgotten, although it did get a game on both Super Nintendo and Genesis.  You have that one, Bob?  

It doesn't have a Blu-Ray Release yet, at least not in America.  My DVD was made in 1998, so it might be older than some people reading this- congrats!  

Is the Film worth a look?  To find out, read on...

In 2022, the Prison System has been privatized.  Reality beat you for once, Movie!

Also thanks for inspiring The Condemned.

He's sent to a Prison run by Michael Lerner, but manages to get a gun drawn on him within 24 hours.

Better to take him out before he appears in Atlas Shrugged, Part 1.  He'll thank you for it later.

He's sent to the Prison where the other 96% of the Film takes place.

Liotta is offered a chance to join the Cannibals, but he quickly turns on them to escape.

He's saved from a fall off of a waterfall and taken to one of my Settlements from Fallout 4.

He makes lots of new friends, including Ernie Hudson, Kevin Dillon and Lance Henriksen.

Wait- Lance was in The Omen 2 and Lerner was in The Omen IV.  Any more Omen Actors in this I should know about?

The cannibals attack in a bit set piece battle!  This sets up a Plot Point where BOTH CAMPS have Spies in them.  How convenient.

The Villain here is played by Stuart Wilson, who was a bit typecast in the 1990s.
Don't believe me?

Well, he was the Villain in Lethal Weapon III, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III, The Mask of Zorro AND Exit to Eden.  Damn.

The people in the Camp are secretly plotting their escape, but it isn't easy with attack helicopters watching the perimeter.  

This reveals the presence of their spy in the camp, although he's not discovered personally just yet.

After trying to leave, Liotta steals something from the bad guys' camp, although Dillon is killed in the process.

He lures them into a trap at the Camp and blows them up...in a shot that is in every Trailer.  Nice SPOILERS, guys!

Liotta has the big battle with Wilson, who somehow escaped the explosion.  

In the process, Henriksen is killed, leaving Liotta to carry his diary of what happened on the Island.

He escapes said Island when he spots the traitor working for the Warden- who they occasionally would cut to- and make him set a trap.

Thankfully, the Warden flies there IN PERSON so he could get left to be eaten by Cannibals.  The End.

A pretty decent Film, even if it isn't that inspired.  This is specifically based on a 1987 Book, but it certainly feels more generic.  

I mean, what else is in this Film that you haven't seen before?  

The Pacing is weird too, as mentioned.  Right off the bat, the opening Credits take ages.  It is just that one shot I used as the Title Card and the words change...but that's it.  

No motion.  

No sound.  

Just staring at a still, motionless image while you see who's in the Film.  

When they are done, EXPLOSION.  Ahhh, I'm awake- honest!  

Once he's in Prison, he's taken right to the Warden.  He's done nothing personally to him, but we need to establish the hatred right away!  

Literally 2 Scenes later, he's taken to the Island.  Bye, Super Prison who we clearly spent countless hours on the Model for.  

On the Island, he pretty much immediately attacks and runs from the bad guys, despite them wanting to take him in.  It only settles down once he gets to Camp- finally!  

In the Film's defense, it looks lovely, and its practical effects look nice.  The sets feel fully realized and they look 'lived in.'  I wish I could have gotten more engaged with the Plot, but the Writing wasn't as strong as the Set Decoration and Prop Manufacturing.  I picked a weird train to hitch my support to, I know.  

If you get more invested in the Plot, this will be a stronger Film for you.  It does feature one notable achievement- it clearly inspired the Saw Franchise.

Next up, I jump ahead to look at the original Remakes of The Grudge.  Will I be able to make more sense out of these than the Originals?  Stay tuned...

Old School TV: Boris Karloff's Thriller- 'The Hungry Glass'

After re-watching Targets, I had a desire to see more Karloff and old-school stuff.  In lieu of watching The Terror, I picked his TV Show.

This is one of the random Episodes I just happen to have, so let's see what's going with...

A young couple- including a just 30-year old William Shatner!- buy a House that has a 'haunted history.'

 The place has a history of glass-related injuries and deaths, but they try to ignore.  To be fair, Goldberg stayed there once and nothing bad ever happened to him involving broken glass.

Shatner tries to act cool, but he starts to see things.

They eventually find all of the mirrors- which were hidden- in a locked room.  Nice and creepy stuff.

He shows a picture he took of a ghost to the seller- The Professor from Gilligan's Island!- but they both question their sanity a bit.

He tells Shatner the story about how the original owner 'lived in her mirrors' (seeing herself as young forever) until she died there decades later.

Shatner burns the picture, vowing to forget all of this...

...until he hears a scream from upstairs.  He goes into the Mirror Room and sees...the ghosts taking his wife away!

He rushes over to save her...by smashing up the mirror.  I'm not sure I follow your logic.

When he comes to, he finds that he had actually been smashing up his wife!

In a panicky and confused state, he sees the now-ghost of his wife by the bay windows and jumps to get her...

In the aftermath, the Professor takes his passed out wife and leaves.  Have fun with the Police!

A dark, interesting Story.  The people in it are very relatable, which is what a story like this needs.  They make sure to explain that the wife is 'suggestible' and Shatner has past issues with 'hallucinations.'  You get what would become a classic Shatner monologue as he talks about his past issues with hallucinations during his time in the Korean War/Conflict.  They even give him one of the 'turn your head back to the camera' moves to really show off his Shatner-ness.  This is 1961, mind you, so this is just something they did and it has nothing to do with what would become his big moves.  He does a really good job here being vulnerable, but also hamming it up a bit for the big monologues.  Honestly everyone is really good here, from both ladies to Russell Johnson playing straight and serious across from Shatner.  The effects are nice and subdued here.  The ghosts are usually pretty blurry, but, you know, they are ghosts.  When they show up, they are important.  It helps that the original Writer here is Robert Bloch, so you're starting with something good.  One day I'll watch one of these with Shatner and he'll survive.  Until then, I'll just wonder why they rear projected this GIANT MIRROR as the background for Karloff's Intro.

A classic Episode that you should definitely check out.  Kirk + The Professor + The Writer of Psycho = Win.

Quick Review: It- Chapter Two

All things must come to an end, even Movies based on super-long Books.  Is it good though?

It has been 27 years since the events of the last Film and It is back in Derry, Maine.

This Opening Kill is kind of problematic, since it features violent homophobic people beating up a couple and then It kills one of the victims.  The attackers face no repercussions, so...um...yea?

This is enough to bring the group back to Town.  All but one- the one who stayed- have lost their memories, but they'll come back soon enough.

Meanwhile, Pennywise kills more people, including this little girl.

Oh good- this was necessary...

As the group tries to figure out how to stop the creature, it keeps up its killing ways and enjoys taunting one of them.

Yea- more child death.  This...makes the Film more dramatic?

The Film actually manages to be longer than the original Miniseries (if you cut the Commercials) and the main reason is padding like a B-Plot involving them retrieving an item from their past.

That means solo wandering around Scene, solo Flashback Scene, solo Monster Scene and repeat.  Joy.

Will they manage to kill the creature this time?  Will they manage to nail the ending in ways that the Miniseries couldn't?  Will I still miss Tim Curry?

To find out the answer to at least two of those, watch the Film.  It is On Demand, Video and HBO (where I saw it).

I feel like reading the Book would actually take less time.  It might seem disingenuous for me to complain about the Film's length after having no complaints about Avengers: Endgame.  Again- that Film is a build-up of twenty-plus Films and 10 years.  It earned it.  This is PART TWO of a Film based on a Book.  Why is this longer than the last one (by over 40 minutes)?!?  It feels like the people behind the Film maybe got too much leeway after the surprise success of the 1st Film.  Who would question any of their decisions, after all?  Regardless, the Film is way too long and really doesn't have the stakes it acts like it does.  Just like the 1st Film, Pennywise only really seems motivated to kill people *around* the Leads and not them.  He has some of that by the end, but you're already over 3 and a half hours into this Story.  To make up for that, Pennywise kills a bunch of kids.  It feels like you are just trying too hard to be salacious now, Movie.  For better or for worse, they stick closer to the Book.  I can applaud the idea, but that's not always the best idea.  A Film is a Film, not a Book, you know.  I also feel the need to mention the odd idea in the Film that a Character committing suicide is framed as an heroic act via curious writing.  What a good moral to send, guys!  The Acting is really good in alot of this.  I could have done without Stephen King being here, especially since he is just here to be META.  If you liked the 1st Film, this one gives you all that you liked- perhaps too much.  It feels like the kids' parts were expanded to be about 1/3 of the Film's runtime, which is way too much.  If you cut them and the excess Pennywise transformations, you'd have a better Film.  This won't sell you if you didn't like the last one.  On the plus side, at least they rip off a good Film for one bit...

A long, bloated Film that has good scares throughout.  The problem is that it is too much of the same thing for too long.