Sunday, May 19, 2013

New Crap: Silent Hill- Revelation

The real evil is the almighty dollar.  Seriously, we needed another Silent Hill film?  To be fair, the Game and Comic Book versions have not stopped.  It's not like the series is dead or anything.  That said, the 2006 film did little to set the world on fire and didn't make us yearn for more films.  Say what you will about the Resident Evil films- and I have-, but they have been making them consistently.  Either there's enough of a fan-base to have five films so far, with a sixth on the way.  That probably says more about ourselves as a society than anything else, but I digress.  So what has changed between the two films?  Well, all but one cast member is gone.  The one that is still here- Sean Bean.  Given his reputation for dying in every film he's in, I'm just amazed that he survived the first one to even be able to be in this one.  Just like that film, he's barely in it, so I guess that explains a lot.  The creepy little girl from the first film is now a teenager and dressed up like the heroine from Silent Hill 3- the one in a mall- and it throws in a token mention to that.  One big issue is that the whole concept of 'Silent Hill makes you see visions of your own psyche as monsters' is completely gone for this film, apparently just excised entirely.  Getting back to Resident Evil for one last time, they at least have The Umbrella Corporation making Zombies of some kind in every film.  So will this long-delayed sequel be good or just a 3-D mess?  To find out, read on...
Years after the first film, the creepy little girl is grown up- now with a blond dye job- and hiding from Silent Hill residents with Sean Bean.
In a Mall- to make Silent Hill 3 fans happy-, she's attacked by the creatures and this Detective gets killed.  CG Gore for the 3-D market!
She finally ends up in Silent Hill at the behest of a young man from School.  This lady is the source of the whole trouble.  Why does she look like our heroine?
To be fair, the movie has some crazy creatures.  There is no logic to them- as the psychological verification for any of this-, but they look neat.  It's the 2011 Thing Prequel all over again.
Here's a shock: a Horror Sequel/Remake that nobody requested features Malcolm McDowell.  I love you, Malcolm, but you can say 'no' sometimes.
The killer Nurses are back too.  Again- there was a reason for them in the game.  Here- not so much.
It all comes down to the evil girl who is deeply connected to our heroine.  It's all totally symbolic and...totally obvious.  That's really all you've got, movie?  Okay.
Is it me or does the villain here look like the Princess from Hellboy II: The Golden Army?  I mean, the hair, the dress...everything.  It can't just be me, can it?
Hey look- Pyramid Head.  You're token inclusion here really says what you think of your audience.  That's all I've got to say here.  To find out what happens in the End, watch the movie.
It's all CG and fury, signifying nothing.  Not to sound like a broken record, but most fans of Silent Hill love the series for its psychological impact.  They are games full of people being chased by freaky monsters, but there is always more under the surface.  One creature represents this aspect of a character, while another represents his deep-seated guilt.  In this film, a bunch of random monsters exist in a Brigadoon-like town that either pulls you in, someone tricks you into going there or you can just randomly drive in there.  Seriously, there are a couple of corpses...I mean, people that apparently just kind of drove in there. just silly, movie.  The film also suffers from Main Character Syndrome.  Basically, the Final Girl runs around the whole place and always escapes (is that really a SPOILER to anyone?) from danger.  Other people around her...are not so lucky though.  Oh look- a monster.  Who will survive- the Final Girl or this bitch that we just met?  Hmm...I wonder.  The biggest problem here is that the film is just forgettable.  Once you get past the re-use of its more iconic villains, what is there?  I saw it less than a week ago and I barely remember a damn thing.  At least it has boobs to...damn you, Pyramid Head!
Next up, another recent Horror Sequel that took over 5 years to appear.  How accurate can a film about Texas be if it was shot in New Orleans?  Stay tuned...

1 comment:

  1. I can't help it: I had sooo much fun watching it in the theater. It's stupid and doesn't make much sense but Adelaide Clemens is quite a hottie and the effects are neat and the 3D was fucking ace. I want a 3rd part! :)