Tubi Thursday: Jiu Jitsu (2020)

 Remember when one of those Trailers comes out online and you're like 'Wow, that's weird.'  
Now remember when you forget about the Film actually coming out and then just move on with your life.

That's what happened to me until today with...

A man runs from...something and falls into the water, hitting his head.

He's stitched up and brought to a Military Base in Burma, but he has amnesia.

Meanwhile, a, well, let's just call it like it is, a 'Predator' is on Earth and killing people.

It is a cross between a Predator, a Guyver and those CGI Suits that that Kryptonians in Man of Steel wore.

After meeting his old allies (who he doesn't remember) and engaging in around 26 different Fight Scenes, he ends up meeting the real Star of this Film.

Nic MUFUGGIN Cage.

He reveals the truth to our Hero- after another Fight Scene, of course.

An Alien Not Predator comes every 6 years to fight the best Earth has to offer.  If they don't fight, he destroys, well, everything.
Cage ran away from his fight and hid.

Apparently, our guy did as well- see the beginning- but now he's willing to work with the others to save the World.

Can our Hero master the art of Jiu Jitsu to stop the Not Predator?

Will I lose count of how many random Fight Scenes take place?

Did I only review this because it has Nic Cage and Tony Jaa in it?

To find out the answers to the first 2 questions (#3 is obviously 'Yes.'), stream it now.

It is fine...I guess.  You really just need to know what to expect.

Basically, it is a series of good to alright Fight Scenes involving lots of people.  In the brief bits without fighting, you get some silly Plot.

That's pretty much it.

I do like watching Tony Jaa (clearly, if I made it through Ong Bak 2 & 3) and Cage was good fun here.  Too bad our Lead- like most in these kinds of Films- has to be about as exciting as watching paint dry in someone else's house.

Seriously, you really do appreciate the naturally charismatic Leads like Jackie Chan or Bruce Lee (to name the obvious) when you get so many that can fight...but you just kind of accept them as Actors.
Thankfully, they got 'Crab Man' from My Name is Earl to liven things up at times.

The Film has a wacky premise, a wacky performance by Cage, a cool-looking villain and... a pretty so-so execution.  This is just less bonkers than I was expecting.  

Kind of like the alternate Title really.

A good series of Fight Scenes that don't connect to make that great of a Film.  At least Cage and Jaa are good here.

Forgotten Sequels: Omen IV- The Awakening (1991)

 So yeah, I definitely wrote about this.  I don't feel like looking up *when* because I already feel old enough right now.

Let's take another look at it though, with fresh eyes.

In 1991, the Producer behind the Series wanted to bring it back after a long dormancy.  He still had the rights and he still had the props.  A TV Movie was proposed that would set up future entries in the Series, moving the Film from Theater to Televison.

If that sounds ridiculous to you now, consider that Midnight Run got THREE Sequels in 1994- all made for TV.  Not to mention other Films with forgotten TV follow-ups, ranging from The Jerk to Splash to Rosemary's Baby.

So how do you follow up a Film where your Main Character is dead?  That sure is tricky.

To find out how this all (sort of) makes sense, read on...

A happy Couple adopts a child, but the young Nun scolds Mother Superior for not killing the child.

Said Superior immediately dies of a heart attack, starting an oddly specific trend in this Film.

They, of course, know nothing about that.

Through a montage, we see the baby grow up into a little girl.  

When she sees the former Nun approaching, she bites the head of her doll- as you do- and scares her off.

We get our first hints of the girl being evil when she gets into a scuffle with a Bully.

She gets back at him later, exploiting his fear of heights to make him piss his pants when he tries to chase her up a ladder.

When the angry Dad scolds the Father, the little girl...makes him get decapitated in an auto accident!

Those...don't seem like equal punishments.

The kid gets wet...while Dad gets dead!

They hire a lady to help watch the kid- since both parents are allowed to work in 1991- and she sees the kid's dark aura.

She goes to her fellow crystal-gazing friend...Joe from Highlander: The Series?!?

It's not enough to be about Religion, so this one works in Crystals, the metaphysical and Kirlian Photography (Photos that supposedly show your aura).

In retaliation, the girl starts a fire that manages to burn down the whole outside event.

To be fair, NOBODY has a fire extinguisher, so that's like 40% on you!

Using her hell hound, she knocks the lady out of the window (despite the previous shot showing the window at neck level, she flies out in full).  The Wife faints as well.

The Wife goes to a different Priest- no heart attack for you, yet! - with a Bible and the Book on Crystals.  She says that the 2nd book mentions and quote The Book of Revelations...which seems unlikely.

We get some odd dialog from the Priest, who basically blames all of humanity for the Anti-Christ's eventual reign.  So... did he not know about Damien Thorn?

Also, mate, I'm not one to judge on hair, but...either shave that or cut it down a little.

The Wife is surprised a bit later when she gets pregnant.  

Naturally, she starts the investigation in full as the Film *casually* progresses time by having her announce to people how long she has been pregnant in each Scene.  Smooth.

She's having that baby.  It is good news...right?

Michael Lerner is here as a Private Detective (after appearing for 10 seconds in Act 1) who finds out all about Delia's background.

He finds the Nun and she's now a Snake-Holding Prophet (after briefly being a Prostitute!) and dies, but delivers the info to Lerner.

Once he gets that and mails it, he's toast as...I guess, Satan scares him into walking near a construction site for old Scratch to SWING A WRECKING BALL AT HIM.

Nobody is going to look into THAT death- no sir!

Time for the big twist, with ZERO build up.  Are you ready?

So, the Doctor was in it the whole time.  He learned that Delia was Damien's Daughter (from a Scene in Part 3, to be fair) and carried a copy of his Embryo inside her.  

When the girl fell off the horse, he took the chance to remove it... somehow.

When the Wife fainted, he took the opportunity to implant it in her (how long was she out?!?) and her Son is Damien...I guess.

After killing him, she takes his gun (all Doctors keep guns in their desk- fact) and goes home.

She kills the new Babysitter (who had zero build up) and then confronts Delia and the baby.  Delia reveals that the baby has the Mark ON THE PALM OF HIS HAND.

That won't raise suspicion!

She can't resist Baby Damien's power (I guess this one is evil and empowered at birth?) and kills herself.

Now Delia and Alexander will be raised by a potential Future President...in a series of Films that didn't get made when nobody liked this one.

I'll be honest- it is better than I remembered it being.  That said, I thought it was utter shit then, so...relative praise.

The Film, to its credit, does try to do some new things while sticking to the formula.  I actually liked the Actress who played Delia here.  I'm glad that she has kept working through at least 2015.  The other Actors are honestly pretty darn good here too.

The big hurdle is, of course, the Script.  The Story plays out in weird spurts.  It will rush to kill one Character- like the Priest- and then stay calm for a while.  The big deaths- like Lerner's- were apparently Directed by the Producer, which might explain how weird they feel.

As noted by IMDB, it is also odd that the famous Daggers don't show up in this one, even though said Producer I guess kept the props.  Maybe that was being saved for Part 5?

The Resumes on our Directors is notable too, especially given how infamously bad this one.  The original Director- Jorge Montesi- worked on the Captain Power releases, as well as Turbulence 3 and Mother, May I Sleep with Danger?  

When he left, they brought in Dominique Othenin-Girard, who had just Directed Halloween 5 to finish up.

It is impressive that they got a Film done, even if it was this one.

Omen IV is just on the right side of being 'funny bad' and not 'bad that is just boring.'  The insistent Soundtrack, ludicrous kills and ridiculous Plot Twist Sandwich at the end save it from that.

Sorry in advance to Martin here for reminding people of the unfortunate last name he was given... 

Next up, I cover a John Carpenter Film that I've missed for all of these years.  It is the same age as me, so let's see how it is.  Stay tuned...

Streaming Standard: Gary and His Demons- Season 2

 I guess I won't ignore every one of those 'Hey, watch Freevee' E-mails from now on.

After a year delay, we got a Second Season of this Canadian Show...in July.
I only discovered it in October.

Oops.

Previously on the Show...

Gary is The Chosen One.  The only one who can fight demons using his special powers.

He's been that since he was 16.

He's...well, a lot older than 16 now.

He got a replacement...but that didn't work out too well.

Now he's back on the job and overworked, since he can't keep pace with the kid.

On top of that, a Demon plans to fulfill a prophecy that will end the World.

She's...doing her best.

The gang has to stop a new slew of threats from literal Demons to imaginary creatures.

They also have to deal with- gasp- getting outside funding.

Will Gary keep up his curmudgeonly ways or will a new being come into his life to improve him?

Oh, and can he stop the whole 'end of the World' prophecy thing.

To find out, stream the Episodes now. 
It is on Prime in the U.S. right now.

Another fun Season and it is long overdue.  I can only wonder what could have happened to delay this between 2020 and 2023.

I'm at a loss.

Jokes aside, the Show is quite enjoyable.  It is more of the same, so don't expect something big and different.  Do people usually expect that in Season 2 of a Show though?

Well, I guess War of the Worlds did that in Season 2.  That is certainly an exception to the rule.

The bottom line- you get more Demons, more humor, a variety of bad guys and a nice Arc that builds throughout the whole Season.  Gary even changes, as much as it pains him!

It also gives us Larry, the lackey (and would be lover) of the Demon lady.  He's voiced by the guy from Creepshow's The Hat.  That was bugging me for like an hour at the time!

At least someone loves the duo as much as I do...

A good Show comes back for a second Season after a long delay.  Thankfully, it doesn't suck...and is actually still quite fun!

Shudder-day: Creepshow- 'The Hat'

 Less time, so a quicker Review.

Let's check out the first part of the 2nd Episode of...

A Writer has written one Book and now can't figure out how to start his 2nd one.

He learns that 'all Writers' had a lucky charm (Lovecraft a token, Matheson a cigar) and he is allowed to borrow the one used by his idol- Stephen Bachman.

This is Creepshow, so there's a catch.

It allows him to write constantly...but always constantly.

He also seems to lose control of himself...but is it worth it?

Surely there's not a horrifying secret behind this item.

Surely not.

Yeah, you know that there is.

How it all plays out, however, you'll have to watch and see...

A really fun and crazy one.  

Sidenote: I was going crazy (like the Lead) while trying to figure out where I knew the Actor from.  You'll find out tomorrow.

I like the idea and the execution.  It works nicely as a realistic thing at first- people believe in totems and superstitions- and then just gets pretty crazy.

It feels as real as, well, a Story like this can feel.

Hopefully you can figure out the joke with the Author's name.

This is a great example of how well something can work as a Creepshow Segment.  Stretched to full length, it wouldn't be nearly as good.  In here, it works.

Listen, Fictional Author, if you do need some advice, I know a guy who can help.  He's out at a Hotel...

A fun one that was just horrifying enough to be scary, but still funny.  I feel for you, man.

Remake This: The Omen (2006)

 At long last, I wrap up the Series properly.  Back in 2006, I saw this come out and flippantly said to myself 'I don't need to see 'The Omen,' I've already seen 'The Omen.''

In 2023, I kind of stand by it.  Good on you, younger me!  

The 2006 Remake of The Omen is notable for its release date- June 6th, 2006...or 6/6/6.  Cute.
The problem- this day came on a Wednesday, so maybe not the best pick in hindsight.

What is different in this one?  Not much.
What is better or worse in this one?

To find out, read on...

A man discovers a cluster of stars in the sky and runs off.  Thrills from the get-go!

We then cut to *oh boy* a Slide Show Presentation for the Pope (and his Men) talking about how vague lines from The Bible relate to real life events.

So... any given Tuesday?

The Deputy Ambassador is told that his Wife's newborn child didn't survive and that the conditions are such that she can't get pregnant again.

Not at all suspiciously, they immediately offer him an unclaimed newborn (they say that the Mother died) to adopt in the kid's place.

Red Flag, bro.

Time passes and he's now the Ambassador, after the previous one died in typical Rube Goldberg Death Trap Fashion.  

The kid grows up and the Wife has no idea that it is not her kid.

This Priest- Pete Postlewaite- warns him, but he ignores yet another Red Flag.
He was in Dragonheart- you can trust him!

At his Birthday Party, the Head Maid/Matron sees a dog and then publicly kills herself...as you do (don't do it- in case you don't grasp the sarcasm).

She cries it that it is 'All For You, Damien,' which really ruins any song called 'All For You' to me.

The new one shows up- with a lack of background- and it is Mia Farrow...with the Dog.

In the original Omen, the Mom and Damien go to one of those 'Drive Through Zoos' where the Animals move around you.  The monkeys attack the car and they drive away.

In this Remake, Mom and Damien are at the Zoo when the Monkeys (behind bars and plexiglass) freak out and try to get to Damien.

The Scene abruptly ends as we see a Gorilla trying to smash through the plexiglass wall to get to them...

Wait- what?!?

The Priest tries once again to talk to Thorn.  He's about 20% more receptive after the freaky events going on his life - like Damien freaking out when they drive near a Church- but still rejects his message.

Moments later, the Priest goes to a Church and...gets impaled by a metal rod that falls off.

Lots more drama at home, from the Matron doing things on her own to his Wife freaking out when she gets pregnant.

He STILL doesn't tell her the truth, but Damien and company take care of the future heir (who would challenge him for his power) when they knock 'Mom' off the third floor.

Why she was leaning over the railing on a tiny step stool to water plants- instead of just unhooking them and then doing it- is anyone's guess.

Thorn and the Photographer work together, which means leaving his temporarily crippled Wife alone with the obviously evil Matron and Damien.

Good plan.

They meet a series of people- from a regular Priest to a burned one- and finally meet Michael Gambon (RIP).  He gives them the famous Daggers, but Thorn is still resistant.

The Photographer goes to retrieve them and a metal sign swings down to chop his head off!

While he's gone, his Wife is killed (by medically inaccurate methods) and he is finally convinced to look for the mark on his 'son.'

He sees it- the 666.

He runs down Farrow (a bit they scrapped in the original) and tries to kill Damien in a Church, but...you know how this goes.

Oh, and the 'Hellish Alternate Ending' promised on the slip case just has him SHOWN being shot, rather than cutting away.  The End.

A pretty nothing Remake.  It is just too damn similar.  

That's the tricky thing, isn't it? 
 

Do you change lots of things to make a new Film...but risk making it not a Remake? 
Do you change nothing and just be a 'pointless Remake?'

In this case, they barely change a thing and just rely upon a new Audience seeing the Film.  It isn't done poorly.  The changes don't necessarily ruin the Story.

That said, the changes do pretty much nothing to improve the Story.  Changing the famous Decapitation Scene to involving a metal sign vs a pane of glass- meh.

The biggest thing is that the Film is so iconic that just Remaking it with slight CGI additions, new Actors and Color Correction isn't enough.  

The TV Show from 10 years later- for all its faults- improved upon its original adaptation.
This is just the same Story again.  It has plenty of good Actors in it, which makes the end result kind of a shame.  

At least original Damien and his 'Mom' got work again...although he looks far better IMHO.

Yes, that is the original Damien.

*****

Yes, his Mom in this is *literally* a Jackal.  Sigh.

Next up, let me revisit the black sheep of the Franchise- which is saying alot.  I had to get a Library Card to revisit this, so enjoy.

Tubi Thursday: Memoirs of an Invisible Man (1992)

 I'm an unabashed fan of John Carpenter and his Films.  

However, there are some gaps in my Film Viewing/ownership, so let's fill one...

Nick Holloway has the Upper-Class White Guy Trifecta- High Paying Job (that you barely have to do), Status and a new, Blond Girlfriend.

What could go wrong?!?

Through about 3 twists of fate, he ends up in a Building where a something or other device malfunctions and turns him invisible.

Look- if they won't explain it other than 'something about magnets, molecules and particles,' then what do you expect me to do?

He ends up on the run after a CIA Fixer (Sam Neill- get well, mate!) goes a bit rogue to take him as an asset.

This concept is so good that it has been a Show twice (make it 3 times, actually)

He tries to fight back against Neill and the other men, but he's outnumbered.

He opts to run and hide.

As a well-to-do Rich White Guy, he has a best friend (of sorts) with an empty Summer House to hide out in.

As luck would have it, the group show up and he can reunite with his lady friend- whom he had to blow off on account of being transparent- once again.

She falls for him and finds a work around for his face (aka an excuse to show off some F/X).

Can he evade capture with a deranged and determined Neill on his (invisible) tail?

To find out, stream the Film now.

It's honestly better than it has any right being as a Chevy Chase Film.  If you doubt me, I direct you to Nothing But Trouble.

Thankfully, this is a Chevy Chase Film BY JOHN CARPENTER, so everything is elevated.  The Score is great, giving tension and weight to the Scenes.  It isn't his Score though (for once), to be fair.

Chase is reined in nicely here, doing his usual sardonic riffing to maximum effect and minimal annoyance.  It works here because he is up against big odds and is understandably being defensive.  He also does some Acting here, so fair play.

That said, he is all over this one, so fans of his should give this one a chance...but just be warned.

I've put off this one for a while because I know that kind of John Carpenter Film I like and this one was a bit different.  He has said that he didn't like doing the Film- mostly due to Chase- and I'm sorry to hear that.  For what it is worth, he delivered a good Film in the end.

Is it ironic that a Film about an Invisible Man involved the Director and Star not seeing 'eye to eye' during it?

A better Film that it has any right to be, thanks to Carpenter and Composer Shirley Walker.  It is not the definitive Carpenter Film, but it isn't bad either.