Rare Flix: Vampires (with Duane Jones) (1986)

 A Film that might be rare for a reason.  

Many Films are original. 
Many Films are Remakes. 
Many Films are 'inspired' by other Films.  This is closer to the latter and far from the former.  

This is Vampires, a 1986 Film that is pretty damn rare.  There wasn't a DVD until a couple of years ago, to my knowledge.  The copy I found online is clearly a VHS Rip, so enjoy some iffy quality of Screen Caps.  

The Plot is a bit of a rehash of Suspiria, only with vague Vampire-like people.  The Title is actually a bit of a lie, but maybe it is more of a flourish.  They are people that 'steal life' from others, so they are Vampires...kind of.  

Supposedly the Film was shot near a School that Jones- who was mostly retired at this point- taught at.  I can see him coming on board to get some Students (past and/or present) hired on and to get the project off of the ground.  

At this point, he had nothing to lose, so why not?  Is his presence enough to make the Film good.  

I should mention now that the Film has some extra baggage of confusion, as IMDB says that this final Film was edited FROM an incomplete Film called Negatives and then edited INTO a Film called Fright House in 1989.  Jones did not live to see this, so that might be a positive (in a morbid sort of way).  

To see how you mix in an evil Teacher, Tarot Cards and a Demonic Toilet, read on...

After an Intro with Jones narrating about nothing (while sounding inciteful all the same), we get a lady who strips down for some off-screen sex with her boyfriend.

As you can see the Film's negative is, well, pretty negative.

Post-coitus, a weird sound emanates from the bathroom and the implication is that the pair are sucked out of bed and into the toilet- to their death.

Naturally, this is the stupid scene playing the one time my Roommate looks to see what I'm watching.  C'est la vie.

This all takes place at a Long Island Acting School run by a mysterious woman named Abadon.

The name would be the one this Film would get retitled to in Fright House.

Our Heroine is a Film Student who has two character traits: confusion about what is happening and a blind obsession with a boy she met once.

That boy, by the way, is the one killed by *ahem* the toilet monster.  I'm pretty sure that this one fails The Bechdel Test.

Jones finally comes around some more to liven things up between POV kills in the basement and our Heroine getting weird fainting spells in class.

You really miss him and his sweet hat when he's gone.

The woman seems to be having strange reactions in the School such as nearly fainting or serious headaches.

It is kind of explained later, but we'll get to that.

Jones, it seems, has a strong connection to the School and Abadon.  What is he trying to stop and who is he trying to save?

Shock of all shocks, he reveals to our Heroine that he's her Father.  You'll never guess who the Mother is.

In spite of this revelation, she won't heed his advice to stay away from the School.

It all leads to an odd finale where we learn that Abadon is draining kids of their life energy to stay youthful via a machine made by her Husband (which has been messing with our Heroine).  Jones manages to destroy the thing, leading a weird little showdown.

A drained Abadon calls for our Heroine to 'touch her,' while Jones says 'no' and the still-unexplained POV Monster runs through doors until...

In the last Scene, our Heroine gets a ride from a stranger and reveals her name to be Abadon.  So, I guess evil won?

A pretty forgettable Film.  Outside of Jones' parts, the Acting is...not great.  

Some of it is alright, while some of it is *really* not good.  It isn't 'the Aunt from Sleepaway Camp' or 'Rod from Birdemic' bad, but it's up there.  

I'll give it a bit of a pass given the age of the Actors and their (presumably) relatively small amount of experience.  There's more to pick apart than just the Acting.  

For starters, the whole 'killer toilet' thing.  I wonder if that was part of the footage that was supposedly shot for Negatives- that would explain the tonal difference.  

The kills in the Film are almost all POV and not that exciting.  They credit 3 people as 'Mummies' here and I'm a bit confused.  

There's ONE GUY who is clearly wearing bad old-age make-up, but that's it.  

Is a Mummy in this like a Vampire is (in the sense that they are nothing like the normal version)?  I guess a Wolfman is just an overly hairy guy too.  Dammit- I'm a Lycanthrope now!  

The Plot, as noted, is so Suspiria that it just kind of hurts.  Mind you, that Movie is good, inventive and makes a strong use of color.  

Here, you get a weird sort of Vaporwave Quality to the Film due to deteriorating (and cheap) Film Stock...

Next time, another 'Black' Film, but this time from Japan.  It sounds like something far different than it is!  Stay tuned...

Quick Review: Da Sweet Blood of Jesus

 After covering Ganja & Hess, I might as well do the Remake.  Spike Lee used Kickstarter for this, so it was made quick and cheap.

We get an expanded and clarified explanation for the African Tribe that apparently drank blood.

The artifact is also bigger, since that is better...I guess.

The Assistant is still crazy and still kills him.  Since he's not played by the Director this time, the Camera is not pointed at him in the bath before he kills himself.

It is notable because so much of this Film in key moments is shot-for-shot and here he just turns the guy around for a now-awkward-looking shot.

Hess' rebirth is more dramatic this time.

Things mostly play out the same with the newly-vampiric Hess.  

Instead of killing a Pimp and a Hooker in self-defense, however, he lies about his identity, sleeps with her, drains her...and then finds out that she had HIV.

It's...an addition.

Ganja, of course, shows up and sticks around.  This time, however, Hess' Butler is not an old Black Man...but Rami Malek.

They at least give the future Oscar Winner more lines and Screen Time for this part.

Since this is a Remake, things can change.  Can love survive?

To find out, watch the Film.

It...tries too hard.  It might sound weird as a critique for a Film.  'You shouldn't have tried so hard!'  In this case, I stand by it.  The Film has all of the same attempts at gravitas that the original did.  This time, we have many things getting in the way.  For one thing, instead of atmospheric shots of Hess and other locations while the Driver narrates, we have...Break Dancers.  It's generic Spike Lee Opening Credits that are for this Film, but feel like an overly-long Production Company Logo.  Nothing sets the mood for Drama and Horror like repeated shots of the Knicks Logo while someone dances!  After that, the Music is a hodge podge of two things- licensed music and overly-dramatic Scoring.  The first is honorable, in the sense that he went to unsigned Artists to get them exposure.  The problem- the Music is just kind of placed in at random, meaning nothing to the Film and just being distracting.  Say what you want about the Custom Playlist feel of the Guardians of the Galaxy Soundtracks, but the Songs match the Scene.  The other Music is just so try-hard that it hurts.  The rule is Show, Don't Tell, but it should and could be applied to the Soundtrack!  The Acting is a mix of good/genuine and melodramatic.  It's a real mixed bag.  To make the Film unique, there are a bunch of changes (as mentioned above), but many of them add little.  Ooh, Ganja's victim is a woman (and a rehash of American Psycho)- yea?  We also see that Hess' victims come back to life...which nobody seems to react to outside of them.  Did the Police not find their bodies and then go 'Oh- you're alive.  We have 1,002 questions' or anything?  I guess not.  The Film...has its moments, but doesn't quite deliver.  To put a point on it, there's a Scene where a sad Hess explains that he 'is addicted to blood.'  It's not a Metaphor if you say it out loud!  It's not Subtext- it's Text.  Nice artwork though.

Considering the nature of Lee's clear love of the material, it's a shame that this is so uneven.  Lee fans might be more forgiving.

New Streaming: WandaVision- Episode 6

 Another week and another crazy Episode of Marvel's newest Show.  What fresh hell will we get next?  Let's see...

We get all '90s and '00s in this Episode as Wanda's kid is now Frankie Muniz.

Who's the guy on the right (presuming that the Internet didn't already SPOIL that for you)?

It is Halloween in Town, so we finally get the comic-book accurate costume.

Now why is the Internet is obsessed with random background people?

Vision pretends to go out (dressed as Lucha Star La Vision), but finds out what is going on in the outskirts.

You get to be on the Show- why are you sad?

Will the Festival be free of chaos or...yeah, you know it won't.

To find out what really happens, stream the Show.

Another good, inventive Episode.  The new look is fun and they really embrace it.  Aside from that, some big truth bombs drop and some more hints are laid out.  The kids play a bigger part as well, though their fate will undoubtedly not be a happy one in the end.  Mind you, Marvel could really mess with us, so who knows?  Vision refusing to play his part is a nice escalation of things here, which the Show obviously needed.  It reminds me of the pitch for Too Many Cooks.  It was originally just going to be the fake Opening Credits/Titles for 15 minutes.  That would have been funny...for maybe 10 minutes.  The Network insisted that more than just that happen and thus a Cult phenomenon was born.  It is also hard to watch the Show without being dragged into the mire of Fan Theories, but I do my best.  Just watching the Show for what it is works for me.  I'm surely still going to read people talk about who is or isn't Mephisto (if anyone actually is).  I'm trying to just be along for the ride.  one thing (understandably) lost in the transition to Parody/Homage is the clip of Chris Benoit and Bret Hart in the Malcolm in the Middle-style opening.  Otherwise, spot on...

Next time, we get more insanity and a Modern aesthetic.  Will we finally learn the truth though?  See you then...

'70s Class: Ganja & Hess (1973)

 A lost Classic or a creaky mess?  This is Ganja & Hess, a 1973 Vampire Film with some historical significance.  Back in 1968, a Classic was released- Night of the Living Dead.  As you probably all know, George A. Romero cast Duan Jones as the Lead, not caring whether or not he was Black.  The part was rewritten from a 'hick' Truck Driver when Jones showed his erudite manner of speaking.  Why all of this talk about Duan Jones?  He's the Star of the Movie, of course!  This is only the second time (and arguably the last time) he'd be the Lead in a Film.  Given that the other is a Film that inspired Generations of Horror Writers/Directors/Actors, I'd say that is notable.  So why isn't this Film so well known?  For starters, it is not Public Domain like NotLD became accidentally.  It's also...well, arty AF.  Random music, long-ass shots of people doing very little and people deep in thought- you get tons of that here.  Weirdly, the Plot is just thrown in your face at the beginning and...then still happens.  It's not like Dark City's forced Exposition Dump to skip over an explanation.  I know that there's a recut of this Film- in even less demand than a Snyder Cut- so maybe this is from that version.  Mine has the original Title though, so...who the hell knows?!?  Basically, a man is turned into a Vampire and has to live with it.  Will this be more interesting than Romero's own Vampire Film (Martin)?  Is it weird that Romero made an introspective, psychological Vampire Film AND his first Star did the same?  Kind of.  To find out why you may or may not care about this one, read on...

A man- Dr. Hess Green- is living the high life.  He's got a Mansion, a Butler and a Limo.

It sure beats being accidentally killed by Hunters!

After some text explaining the Plot to come, we then get Narration from...the Limo Driver.  Random, but it pays off.

Less paid off is a long, meandering monologue about Music accompanied by shots of people in traditional African garb.

If this means something to you, fine.

He takes in his Assistant (Ganja Maeda), but he's clearly unstable.

That night, the man is stopped from committing suicide and later attacks Green with a dagger from the Tribe he's been studying.

Said Tribe apparently drank blood, so that may be important.

Green isn't killed, but Maeda's next attempt to kill himself does work.

'Thankfully' they included a long shot of Maeda just sitting naked in the bathtub before this.  Maeda is also the Film's Director BTW.

Green finds the body and...drinks the blood!

He finds that he now needs it to live, but otherwise seems to experience no penalties from being a Vampire.

At this point, Vampire Rules being broken means nothing to me.

A new one for this Film- he must drink fresh blood, not one he can steal from a lab.

The Film is nearly 2 hours long, so I'm going to skip past 2 Scenes of Green killing random people for blood.  They mean nothing.

Ganja's Wife comes to Town and he can't exactly say what happened.

Time to keep her in the House, while you keep him in the Freezer!

While he's away, she finds the body and...doesn't freak out.

Nope, instead they get married!

You thought Sid & Nancy made a weird couple!

He makes her a Vampire, which she adjusts too pretty well.  He even helps her kill a guy (after a '70s Sex Scene) and hide the body.

However, the guilt eventually weighs Hess down and he commits suicide by...standing in front of a cross for too long.

Oh and he's inspired to do this by attending the Driver's Church.  See- it did pay off!

In the aftermath, she can't bring herself to die and gets a surprise...

The guy she drained suddenly jumps out of the nearby Lake and runs towards the House...and that's it.

The End....apparently.

A long, drawn out Film that surely means alot...to someone.  I get that the Film is artistic.  I get that the Film is full of metaphors and symbolism.  Vampirism is a stand-in for addiction.  I get it.  The Film is just...so slow...and so ponderous.  Art isn't for everyone- it's subjective.  If you like Ganja & Hess, I'm not here to tell you otherwise.  The Acting is good.  It was shot well.  It looks nice.  There's nothing wrong with it.  It's just, well, the kind of Film I give Bob to watch instead of me every year.  There are many good moments here.  Jones really gives us the anxiety and guilt that his character has.  There's a real primal moment when he goes in to drink the blood of the dead Ganja.  In another Scene, we see him sadly-realizing his fate after killing one of his victims.  He's really good in this.  I take nothing away from him or the people behind the Film.  I wanted to like it- oh well.  If you're into the more arty and complex Horror Films (this is described as an Experimental Horror Film), you might like it.  With the languid pace and random male nudity, it just won't be for everyone.  Just like the print, things may get a bit hairy...

Next up, the Spike Lee Remake.  We'll see if he just recreated it verbatim or did something other than making a fancier Title.  Stay tuned...

'80s Class?: Black Moon Rising (1986)

 Am I content with him solely as the Writer here?  This is Black Moon Rising, a 1986 Action Film with a big name behind...the pen.  

John Carpenter wrote the Script, which is a big plus for me.  Unfortunately, that's all he did.  

He apparently has said that he's never seen the final result either.  To be fair, some people just say that to be curmudgeonly and Mr. Carpenter does occasionally indulge in said behavior.  

It's been 30+ years, he's *probably* watched it by now, right?  The Plot involves a heist, a super car, Linda Hamilton, Tommy Lee Jones and The Guy from the band Fear.  The latter of whom keeps showing up in Films at random too- what are the odds?!?  

Seriously, I can't name one song by the band, but I've seen him THREE TIMES now when I didn't expect to.  We also get Bubba Smith for like 2 Scenes, so enjoy a Police Academy connection too.  

Anyhow, the Plot hinges upon a few random coincidences, but otherwise feels like a solid Carpenter Story.  If you can picture Kurt Russell playing the Lead, it counts.  I can, can't you?  

An interesting bit of the Film involves how the finale (teased on the Poster below) feels right out of a Fast & Furious Film.  Curious yet?  

To find out how this all makes sense, read on...

A man- Tommy Lee Jones- is a Thief hired by the Government to steal some stuff to proof that some bad guys are bad.

You know it is a Carpenter(ish) Film when you get lots of text coming in as typed on a computer screen.  It was kind of his thing.

Somewhere else, some people have made a new supercar that is super-fast and super-impossible to drive.

Seriously, IRL the car made you sit in it prone way back and the reflective black glass wasn't able to be seen through.  Shockingly, no stunt drivers ate it doing the Film!

Linda Hamilton is here as a woman who just *happens* to be at a Restaurant that Jones and the people behind the Super Car (called Black Moon).

I have no words for that hair.  Just...wow.

Hamilton steals all of the cars at the Restaurant, including Black Moon.

The problem- Jones stashed the evidence (a computer tape) in said Car when the goons (lead by the Fear guy) go after him.  Whoops.

Jones does the only natural thing after his original attempt to catch up to Hamilton fails (when she escapes in Black Moon).

He finds her and seduces her using that...rugged...Tommy Lee Jones charm...

He makes a deal with the guys who made Black Moon to break into the big High Rise to get it back, which obviously benefits him directly too.

Unfortunately for Hamilton, her rocky relationship with her Boss- Robert Vaughn- ends when he reveals that he filmed her sleeping with Jones, presuming that she betrayed him.

Try not to think about a Tommy Lee Jones Sex Tape now...

The gang stage an Ocean's 3 (since their buddy William Sanderson was killed earlier) break-in, not aided by Jones having been beaten up the night before.

Synchronize your watches!

The Super Car that this Film is titled after finally plays a part again in the finale as Hamilton and Jones try to escape the building in it.

They end up driving into a car-sized elevator and in front of Robert Vaughn.  How do you escape?

Also is them going up in the Elevator the extent of the 'Black Moon Rising' Title's significance? 

Jones does the only natural thing- he crashes through the window (and Vaughn) to fly OUT OF THE BUILDING and into the one next door!!!!

So two people escape a high rise in a Super Car (because it contains a high tech gadget) by flying out a window and into another building, you say?  Gee, where did Fast & Furious 7 get their idea from?

It works, of course, and everyone lives happily ever after...except for the flattened Robert Vaughn.  The End.

A pretty fun, evenly-paced adventure.  The Plot- you have to steal back a Super Car to save the day- is simple enough.  One guy does for an ulterior motive.  One lady does it to get back at her Boss.  Also the other people help too, I guess.  The real draw here is seeing Jones playing a sardonic Hero about a Decade before he became associated with them.  There's definitely shades of his Men in Black Character here, albeit with a less dry wit.  His comebacks were allegedly ad-libs/off-of-the-cuff too.  That said, they do feel like dialog that you'd get from John Carpenter.  There's nothing quite as good as 'I'm here to kick ass and chew bubble gum...and I'm all out of bubble gum' admittedly.  It's a credit to him how well he comes off here, since Jones was apparently having a bit of a drinking problem at this point (according to Linda Hamilton, apparently).  You can see it with phoned in performances from Jan-Michael Vincent (especially in Xtro II), but not here.  The titular Black Moon looks kind of cool, but is extremely-not-practical (as noted).  If you only need to drive straight and never turn, this...is still a bad car, since you're uncomfortable and blind in it.  The pairing of Hamilton and Jones definitely helps make this work, aided by a strong Robert Vaughn performance.  If it could have avoided some obvious pitfalls (like making Hamilton useless in the finale), it could be a great Cult Classic.  As it is, Black Moon Rising is fun all the same, but with less depth.  Speaking of lacking depth, you have to love the generic as hell Art they give older Films on re-release, don't you?

Next time, I finally go back to cover a '70s Cult Classic with a recent Remake.  Does Blacula have some competition?  Stay tuned...

'70s Class: Black Sunday (1977)

 Well, it shows you just how much worse the Super Bowl could have been, Chiefs fans.  

This is 1977's Black Sunday, the Film Adaptation of the Book of the same name.  The Plot involves an elaborate plan to attack said Super Bowl...albeit Super Bowl XI.  

Of course, due to shooting schedules, they use footage from Superbowl X and the Orange Bowl.  Amusingly, the Players in that game had to dress up as the other Teams to be extras.  

There's also a strange bit involving the Production hiring people from The United Way as Extras, paying for it by making an ad for them.  I guess that works, but don't they take credit cards?

A couple of things to note here, of course, as well.  

The Book is by Thomas Harris, making it one of only 2 Books not related to Hannibal Lecter by the Author.  The other one- Cari Mora- just came out in 2019, so this is also the one Film Adaptation of a Harris Book not to feature the iconic killer.  

Given a look at the Critics' Reviews, it probably will stay that way!  

We've got a bunch of big-time '70s Stars on board for this one too.  Robert Shaw- who also narrated the aforementioned ad-, Bruce Dern and Fritz Weaver are here to lend some gravitas.  

On that same subject, we have John Williams doing the Score!  Clearly, THIS is the Film with John Williams' Score and Robert Shaw that everyone remembers.  Stupid Shark.  

The Movie is tied to lots of current/recent events of the time that may not be *as remembered* today.  It relates to the thankfully-now-dormant Black September group.
Remember them?  No Googling it- I'll know!  

Will this dated aspect make the Film dated or can it rise above that?  To find out, read on...

In November of 1977, bad guys are plotting an attack on the United States.

It hinges upon an Female Israeli Spy and a Vietnam Vet with PTSD (and blimp experience).

A Commando Raid- led by Robert Shaw- takes out most of the players, but not before certain things are put in motion.

On top of that, Shaw sees the Spy in the Shower and doesn't kill her.

This allows her to escape and keep the plan going, meeting up with the Vet (Bruce Dern).

Him building this boat will come into play later, of course.

They test a version of the bomb they are going to use for the plan.

This kills the Captain (who transported their plastic explosives) and nearly kills Shaw.

A failed attempt on Shaw's life leads to his cohort dying (see the Stinger).

Elsewhere, the would-be Terrorists use a new version of the bomb, killing one man and wrecking a nice shed.

That said, they make some nice moon light holes for it.

Things take a turn as Dern is taken off of the Blimp Job (as he stopped working to prepare the explosive).

It is here that he gives a genuinely strong (and demented) monologue.  Good stuff, Mr. Dern.

It all comes to the big attack on the Super Bowl, which is full of people.  

Remember how that looked, 2021 people?

In spite of the pair's best efforts, Shaw puts a stop to the attack by shooting them both.

After that, his Obvious Stunt Double hooks the Blimp to the Helicopter and leads it out to Sea.
Sorry to all of the Miami fish out there.  The End.

A strong, tense Film.  It is interesting to see what Thomas Harris wrote before he created Lecter.  

Honestly, it's pretty damn good.  To be fair, I am only rating the Film, which was adapted.  Joy- I need *more* Book to Film Comparisons to make!  And yes, I do own the Book now.

The Story is strong and is anchored by a good villain-hero comparison.  

On one side, Shaw is a strong-willed, brash and assertive commander.  

On the other side, you have a strong-willed, deadly and manipulative villain. 

One man leads a force to keep people safe from an attack, while the other manipulates a man with serious PTSD into building a bomb!  Bruce Dern is definitely a bad guy here, but they really make you feel for him.  He was a POW and then came back to a broken home.  

There's a very odd bit where they talk about how POWs are often 'stricken' with hirer rates of impotence and 'becoming homosexual.'  Thanks, 1970s!  I'd love to know the Science behind that.  

Dated Psychology aside, he delivers a strong performance that makes you almost root for him at times...before you realize that he wants to kill 80,000 people.  In contrast, the woman manipulating him is given a quick bit of backstory to explain her being part of Black September, but that's it.  

No subtext or motivation for you, lady!  

The build-up to the climax is nicely done and the actual pay-off is pretty successful.  

Given that the Film was made in 1977, the Optical Effects are...less than stellar at times.  John Frankenheimer used a real Goodyear Blimp for as much as he could, so that stuff looks real (since it was).  

All in all, Black Sunday is a Film most famous for its Poster, but a good Film does hide under there.  It also gives us this kind-of goofy face of death...

Next time, I cover an '80s Film about a Supercar.  It also features a climax that is very familiar.  Stay tuned...