(Fun With) Fulci Week: Demonia

All of you expecting my review of City of the Living Dead will just have to wait a little longer.  Don't blame me- blame the bad DVD sent to me.  I hope I can appease you with some horror and nun-sploitation from Mr. Fulci instead.  This film came out in 1990, which is the same year that also gave us Cat in the Brain.  This was truly a banner year in the Fulci house, huh?  Our story involves a group of people uncovering the nunnery of some sisters from the 16th Century who got on the wrong side of the nearby village.  I'm sure this will end peacefully...right?  Let's put on our habits and embrace...

The film begins with the flogging and crucifixion of the nuns for some untold offense in Rome.  Man, nuns haven't had it this bad since that little incident at St. Valentine's!  You may say that this sounds a lot like the bit from the beginning of The Beyond with the artist.  Yes, yes it is.  Anyhow, some archaeologists show up to look at the Greek influence on the area and nothing else.  Of course, you need to tell that to the psychic lady who passed out at a seance earlier while viewing the events of the beginning.  The head of the expedition (Brett Halsey) does his best to keep things in line, but is not exactly successful.  So, the lady starts seeing visions, people start getting killed and our hero tries to keep up with things.  Here are the highlights...

* A local resident and source of information is attacked by a topless ghost with a harpoon gun who kills him.  Why?  How?  Are you really asking this in a Fulci film?

* A woman is attacked by her cats and mauled to death.  If you like funny deaths, just watch the scene for the obvious cat puppets.

* Lucio Fulci shows up as a detective and actually has a major role here!  I know who you're role model is, M. Night!

* We see a flashback to two scenes of brutal violence.  One man is stabbed and bled to death post-coitus & a baby is tossed into a fire!  Wow...these add nothing to the story.  Thanks.

* A man is attacked in his deli freezer by a ghost and has his tongue stabbed down to board.  Which is worse- the stabbing or being hit with a chunk of Porterhouse?

* In a bit of odd editing, a man chases down a nun who is kidnapping his son, only to be tied down to a tree a moment later.  When did that happen?  How did that happen?  Keep an eye out for the really fake-looking chest cover for the guy.

* In the end, the woman is chased by the mob and morphs into one of the nuns.  After some weird flashes, she returns to normal.  The End.  Wait, what?!?

*

Yeah, this movie is really, really weird.  The whole idea is that the woman is channeling the spirits of the dead nuns...I guess.  They never really elaborate on any of this, so we're just supposed to just go with it.  None of it is really bad (i.e. Sodoma's Ghost), but it doesn't really make much sense either (i.e. every Fulci film).  This is better about being a collection of words that tie together the gore scenes than some of the other films.  However, if you look at this like a normal narrative, you'll be a bit disappointed.  This film came on the tail end of Fulci's career and did nothing to disprove the perceptions of him.  If you're a fan, you'll enjoy it as much as his films like The Beyond or City of the Living Dead.  If you're not, you'll wonder what the hell he was on.

Next up, Lucio brings us...HOLY SHIT, it's a holiday!  Faith and begorrah, I'll get out my Leprechaun.  Stay tuned...

VHS For The Win: Whore 2 & Rape

I bet that title line gets your attention, huh?  I assure you that both of these are real film titles.  Here are the first and second IMDB page links for all you 'doubting Thomases.'  Let's begin with the first one...

I guess I shouldn't have expected subtlety, huh?  Well, the name says it all, I suppose.  Now, the other one...

That's...direct.  I wonder what market you're going for, movie?  Also, what kind of rape involves fire?  Mind you, I'm no expert, but this still seems odd.

In case you're wondering, the oddity of following up my 'In Memoriam' post with this one is not lost on me.

Up next, a VHS film that oddly foretold a future horror series to come.  Stay tuned... 

RIP: Captain Oveur & Travis Cornell

I put this one off earlier, mostly because I do the weird and not the maudlin.  Even so, I feel remiss in not mentioning the passing of the star of Watchers (a film series that I'm really trying to find for a reasonable price).  He was also in Crank 2, which is as good of a closing film as anyone can hope for.

In addition, we have to talk about the loss of Peter Graves, a man who really shaped my world-view.  No, I'm actually being serious.  His performance- alongside that of Leslie Nielsen- showed a young kid like me that adults can act like complete and total fools.  Thanks, Peter.

Hopefully, I can avoid these in the future.  Seriously, movie stars- take care of yourselves.

(Fun With ) Fulci Week: The Beyond

I changed the order of these reviews a bit, but I did it for a reason: the start off the week right.  The Beyond, if you don't know, is one of Fulci's most beloved films.  Not like Don't Torture A Duckling or The Psychic, which are acclaimed for their stories or writing quality in general.  No, The Beyond is most beloved for its crazy gore and practically non-existent plot.  While a lot of low-budget films do that these days, none do it quite with the dream-like quality that Fulci pulls off here.  Of course, if I want to be snooty, I could describe it as 'oneiric incoherence' like Wikipedia does.  The film has a storied history and layers of controversy surrounding it.  Fulci originally set-up this film as a haunted house film to begin the 'Doors to Hell' trilogy, but the distributors would not bite.  So, ever the artistic visionary, Fulci rewrote the script to include zombies in the third act.  This is also one of the most famous films to be banned internationally, helping Lucio claim three spots on the infamous Video Nasty List.  So, let's gird our loins for...

           As I said in the preface, the film has almost no plot to speak of.  This is what you get...

A pre-credits scene involves a man being chased by a mob of angry people who think that he is a warlock and killed.  This takes place at the Seven Doors Hotel in Louisiana in 1927.  In the present day...of 1981, a woman inherits the hotel and plans to re-open it.  This helps open one of the Seven Doors to Hell (only three of which are ever found, apparently) and chaos to reign.  The crazy gore scenes are as follows...

* A man tries to find a blueprint of the hotel for our heroine, but is shoved off of a ladder by a spirit and killed by tarantulas.

* A plumber is killed by a spirit for wandering too close to the body buried there.  It's not pretty. 

* The man's wife is killed by a spirit at the funeral home & her daughter comes in to find a jar of acid dripping and melting her face.  Keep a solid lid on those things, guys!

* The girl herself is turned into a zombie and gets a hole put in her head.  I'm not being colorful either- it's really got a hole in it!

* A blind woman lingers around for a few scenes, but gets killed by the zombie of the artist from the beginning.  In a scene right out of Suspiria, her dog takes a chunk out of her.
* A swarm of zombies attack the funeral home (Fulci's appeasement) and a ton of them get blown away or shot full of holes.  Lots of blood and guts here.

Eventually, our two heroes run through a door and end up in the basement of the hotel.  For no clear reason, entering another doorway takes them to a blank void of a world (purgatory, maybe) where they are immediately struck blind and wander into the void.  The End.

Yeah, this movie is really, really weird.  It is almost solely a collection of kill scenes and/or the set-up to them.  The plot is extremely-minimalist and just holds together the events.  The mystery aspect of the film is all a ruse as no big revelation is made and the situation is not resolved.  That said, the gore scenes are very dramatic and everything you would expect from a Fulci film.  They linger on the stuff for a while too, especially in the bit with the dripping acid.  It is gross and sick stuff- so I liked it.  If you go into this movie expecting a real plot, you'll be sorely disappointed.  There is a reason that this film is very popular in terms of YouTube videos showing movie gore- that's all there is.  If that works for you, great.

Up next, Fulci brings another tale of blood, death and zombies.  This time, it involves nuns and human sacrifices. Stay tuned...

Mondo Trivia: Dracula A.D. 1972

* When this film was released theatrically in France, it was not until a year later.  As such, the title was changed to Dracula A.D. 1973.  That seems obvious, doesn't it?

* In Germany, the film was released under a vastly-different name: Dracula Chases the Mini-Girls.  Yeah, I don't get it either.

* A working title for the film Hammer had was Dracula Chelsea '72.  Why?  Because the movie was shot in Chelsea.

* This film actually four actors who had/would go on to play James Bond characters.  You have Lee (duh!), Caroline Munro (The Spy Who Loved Me), Michael Kitchen (Goldeneye) and Christopher Neame (License to Kill).

* The film features some flashbacks to a face-off between a Van Helsing descendant and The Count in 1872.  Unfortunately, this goes against Hammer's own timeline, which set their first face off in the 1880s!

* When released in America, the film was packaged with an opening that featured Barry Atwater (famous that year for his role in The Night Stalker as, you guessed it, a vampire).  His job: to swear the audience members in as official members of the Count Dracula Society. 

As Peter joked on Family Guy, they were 'part of a elite group known as everyone!'

-Thank you, Wikipedia-

Rare Flix: Invaders from Mars (1986)

Today's film is another remake of a 1950s film, but they did not even go for a major one.  On the scale of '50s alien invaders films, Invaders from Mars is always someone's back-up pick and ranked below such films as Invasion of the Body Snatchers, Earth vs The Flying Saucers and Plan 9 From Outer Space.  Okay, maybe not that second one, but you get my point.  In 1986, MGM hired Tobe Hooper to do a remake of this movie.  Why Tobe Hooper, you ask?  That's a silly question!  You wouldn't hire the guy who makes films about chainsaw-wielding killers, naked space vampires and evil television sets to do your remake?!?  All kidding aside, this movie got a limited DVD release a while back as part of MGM's Midnite Movies sets...which are now going out-of-print again.  Why are you guys trying to bury such great films as Dr. Phibes Rises Again, Madhouse and Voodoo Island?  Since I happen to live near a closing video store, I got myself a copy and decided to bring to you...

The film- like the original- revolves around a young boy who sees evidence of an alien invasion, but has a hard time convincing adults to believe him. It starts out simple enough with a kid having trouble getting to sleep due to a tumultuous thunderstorm. His mom (SNL's Larraine Newman) and dad (future That's My Bush star Timothy Bottoms) are quirky people who have raised a very inquisitive son. During the storm, he sees an alien ship landing and rushes to warn his parents. When no evidence can be found, they send him to bed and tell him to not think about it. However, the kid can't escape the weirdess around him. At school, his teacher talks about collecting the frogs for dissection and a small incident happens. Basically, the kid is being a kid and someone overreacts. At home, the father comes home late (with a man from the phone company) and begins to act weird. He tries to warn the mom, but she passes it off as stress, etc. The next morning, the mother acts like him and both have cuts on the back of their necks. At school, the teacher does too. Oh and he walks in to find her eating one of the dead frogs. I probably should have mentioned that first, shouldn't I?

That day, the kid runs to the school nurse and shares his story. She doesn't quite believe him, but does see that the teacher is acting a tad quirky. Of course, the lady has a wound on the back of her neck too. Naturally, the kid decides to hide in the back of the crazy teacher's truck and ends up at a sand dune with her. He follows her into a tunnel and discovers some crazy aliens, including some evil-looking muppets and old Krang up there. He is chased around by the aliens, but escapes. More craziness happens, including the teacher trying to abduct the kid in the wake of what he saw, but he narrowly escapes with the nurse. They try to go to the police (one of whom is played by the grown-up kid actor from the original), but that doesn't end well. They actually go to the military, but that's only because the dad works for them. While they talk with the general (who is always scowling or yelling), the parents show up with some other human slaves to cause some chaos. When some of them come in and attack- revealing their neck implants in the process- the brass finally believes their story. However, they still schedule an un-manned rocket launch that night, which ends in the explosion of the object. Guys, you do realize that you're having a shuttle blow up like 6 months after the Challenger disaster (it happened in January and the film was released in June of the same year). Too soon!

Around the fifty minute mark, the movie hits its stride. The soldiers go to the sand pit and try to invade the ship. Oh, the irony! The nurse is captured and set to be mind-controlled, but is saved by the soldiers' intervention. The guy that was in front of her in line- not so much. A big shoot-out ensues and a bunch of aliens get killed. Of course, we get one dumb-ass scientists who tries to make friends with the evil muppets and get disintegrated. That's what you get for scientific curiosity! The kid manages to escape by punching Krang and hitting the teacher with his bag full of pennies! More craziness takes place as roves of the evil muppets show up and get shot for their efforts. A random 'beholder'-like alien shows up too, but quickly passes. I'd say it's a Big-Lipped Alligator Moment, but this whole movie is full of this stuff! The military weapons prove too weak to blast through, so they grab an alien blaster. One problem though: the thing takes copper to work (don't ask). Fortunately, the kid has a Chekov's Gun in the form of a penny given to him by his dad in the first act. They blast their way out and escape, with the still-controlled parents in pursuit. When the ship explodes, their nodes break and...the kid wakes up. Yeah, they pulled that card. Unfortunately, a minute later, lights show up in the sky and the kid runs into his parent's room...too late. The End.

Yeah, this film is a little odd. On one hand, you have a quirky, family film about aliens and a kid. On the other hand, you have scary-looking aliens, soldiers being shot to death and shuttles blowing up. Hmm, maybe you shouldn't hire Tobe Hooper to do your family film after all! One big fault of the movie is a fairly-slow build-up. The end results prove to be worth it (with good effects and action), but the trip is a bit dull. The movie tries to toss in some brief scenes of suspense (the kid being afraid of adults) to carry you over, but there is still a big gap between the initial alien sighting and anything all that exciting. The film was not a major hit, nor was Lifeforce (also co-written by Dan O'Bannon) or Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2- all of his films for Cannon. According to reports, Tobe blames this- at least, in part- on too much cutting by the studio. To be fair, Tobe does say that a lot, so take it for what you will. Either way, Tobe rode out the '80s and '90s until hitting it big again with Taken. This film does deserve more attention than it gets, although that is does is due in larger part to the work of Stan Winston (creature effects) and John Dykstra (digital effects) than that of Tobe.

Up next, we start off Lucio Fulci Week with a film involving zombies. Yeah, I know- that narrows it down a lot. Stay tuned...

600th Post Special!: Dante's Inferno (2007)

Has it really been 600 posts worth of this crap?  Well, apparently it has.  To celebrate, I decided to review an obscure little film that sneaked onto DVD a couple of years ago.  First off, let me state that this has nothing to do with the new video game.  Instead, it is a post-modern adaptation of the age-old story of a man's journey into Hell and back again.  To make things even more confusing though, it is actually an adaptation of a book that is an adaptation of the story.  Oh yeah, it's also done with puppets too.  Let's dig down to...

The film begins with Dante Alighieri (Dermot Mulroney) -now a drunken loser in Los Angeles- waking up in an alley and not remembering where he is.  Lo and behold, the poet Virgil (James Cromwell) shows up and offers to show him around Hell.  The entryway: the subway.  Why not?  The tour involves a trip through all 9 Circles of Hell.  Let's check them out, shall we?
* The first circle is for people who committed sins of Lust.  Famous people there include JFK and 'Fatty' Arbuckle.  They have sex for eternity, but can never finish.  Eh, I've seen worse.
* The second is for people who committed sins of Gluttony.  Oddly, no famous sinners are shown.  You guys are above celebrity fat jokes, huh?  By the way, unofficial plug for Quiznos here!

* One section is dedicated to people who committed the sin of thinking that they are above God.  Such people include Jim Jones and the Ayatollah.  This area is set-up as a gated community where the people are being burned in a jacuzzi. 

* They stop by a forest set aside for people that committed suicide, including Marilyn Monroe.  Their fate: to be permanently alive as trees.

* As they go to cross a river, they see a series of sinners being punished by the hand of God.  This bit involves real pliers coming from the sky and pull the 'heads' off of puppets attached to a hand.
* They stop by a section made up for Washington lobbyists.  They sing and dance...for no reason.  Why not?

* No celebrity or world figure is safe, from Nicholas III to Dean Martin.  If you know a guy, they imply that he is being punished in Hell.  In fact, they lump Ronald Reagan and Hitler into the same category: men who consulted with fortune tellers.  As Dante himself says, 'They got him for that?!?'
* Random cameo by Fox News.  In fairness, I feel like I'm in Hell whenever I watch them!

 * Near the end, they get to the bottom area that is set aside for some of the worst of the worst.  They are frozen in Hell.  The denizens include some real bad people, including Lizzy Borden and Dick Cheney.  I know what you're thinking, but they address it.  You see, he was so bad that his soul was already put in Hell and a demon inhabits his body now.  Is that a surprise?

* The final level involves a group of terrible people- including Heinrich Himmler and Brutus- who are constantly eaten and crapped out by Satan as fondue.  This gives us a real-life person (the lead puppeteer) as Satan.  It's odd.

* In the end, Dante and Virgil escape via a hole adjacent to Satan's frozen ass and he returns to life, now with a purpose.

Yeah, this movie is extremely damn weird!  The whole thing is done with puppets and features a ton of comedians as voices.  Those people include UCB's Matt Walsh and Matt Besser, Arrested Development's Tony Hale and Aqua Teen Hunger Force's Dana Snyder.  This movie is full of quirky humor, fun references and bizarre visuals.  They constantly break the Fourth Wall in regards to the stands holding the puppets and the like.  This film is all about making you freak out and go 'what the hell?!?'  If you don't believe me, watch the scene where Virgil and Dante ride on the backs of centaur cops!  If you are a serious person, this film will probably not do anything for you.  For all those freaky people out there like me, you'll love it!  This film deserves a lot more attention and that starts here!

Next up, an '80s remake of a '50s cult classic.  Naturally, they chose Tobe Hooper to direct it.  Stay tuned...

Quintology IV: Ringu 2

Let's close up the set with the movie that is the actual and official closing to the film series.  So much for that third book, huh?  As I mentioned yesterday, massive disinterest in Rasen led to this film being made by the people behind Ringu.  Sounds like a win-win situation, right?  I mean, why not get the guys who made the breakaway hit and not the guys behind the flop.  What does this movie add to the mix though?  Do they stick to the books' story or try something new?  Find out in my final review, that of...

The film begins with the investigation into the teacher's death.  We are introduced to the same woman as the girlfriend, but do get the 'mouth agape' shot.  That said, the woman's appearance here is odd, since she was not in Ringu, but was in Rasen.  Is that the closest you guys will come to acknowledging the film?  On the plus side, the actor who plays the teacher gets a third paycheck out of this.  You go, guy!  Back in the story, we get the girlfriend becomes our protagonist and she begins to investigate the case.  Her first taste of terror comes when she gets to the reporter's dad's house and finds his corpse.  Instead of just rehashing the story, a good chunk of it is related to a plot point that did not get much attention before.  We get our heroine looking into the girl who found Ringu's original victim/our former heroine's niece.  After the traumatic experience of seeing her freaky-dead friend, she got herself in a mental hospital.  The day our heroine goes to see her, she is being taken past the main room with a sheet blocking her view of the television.  However, her mere presence causes the screen to show the well from the video and freak everyone out.  She is finally taken away and order is restored, but this is proof enough to the woman that something is up!

As she investigates, she finds out even more freaky facts and keeps looking for the reporter.  Rather abruptly, she spots the woman's son in a mini-mart and is led to the woman.  She explains that she had to show the tape to her father in order to save her son (a carry-over from Rasen, but it actually happened here).  The woman is brought in by the authorities after being sold out by our heroine, however.  At the hospital, some scientists try to study the son, but he runs to his mother.  When they follow him, he activates his 'Carrie-powers' and chokes them.  This all relates to a sub-plot involving a scientist trying to channel spiritual energy through a human being- in this case, the girl from before.  Outside, the mother has a freak attack by the evil power and wanders into the road.  Alas poor lady, I knew you...sort of well.  By the way, thanks for the lingering shot of the blood flowing towards the kid- real classy.  The experiment takes place with the girl, but ends when our heroine is too concerned for the girl's safety to let it continue.  Of course, there are zero repercussions for her smashing up equipment...

Eventually, the woman takes the child to the home of the dead girl and tries to resolve the situation.  When they get there, they are visited by the vision of the evil girl's mother and the girl herself.  On the plus side, this recreates scenes from the video.  On the negative side, it's completely weird and random.  The scientist from earlier arrives as well and sets up an experiment to use the boy as a channeling stone.  He needs a bigger source to conduct the energy into: an industrial-sized swimming pool.  The kid is hooked up to a machine right out of The Exorcist 2 and the woman is there to cause an emotional reaction in him.  Somehow, channeling the spirit of an evil killer turns out badly for the scientist (he is hypnotized into walking into the pool), the nurse (she falls in after the machines do) and the real father of the evil girl (he drowns himself).  Our hero and the boy wake up in the well...or a vision of it and are visited by the teacher.  You've got to earn your needlessly-padded out part, mister!  After an odd monologue, he makes a rope appear for them to climb out with, but the evil girl shows up as well.  Since the kid is dead weight, the lady climbs slower than a stone and the girl catches up to them...only to do nothing and drop back in.  The kid and lady wake up at the pool full of dead bodies and go home.  The End?

I won't lie- this movie is weird.  The whole thing is about continuing the idea of the tape, but they pretty much ignore the actual tape.  It morphs into the tale of a child channeling the spirit of a girl who was dumped in a well.  Oh yeah, fun fact: they say in the intro that the woman survived in the well for 30 years!  Yeah, that makes sense...NO, IT DOESN'T!  Aside from that bit of ridiculousness, the movie is decent and features more weird, craziness than Ringu does.  For all the hype that Ringu has, it's mostly a mystery film designed to set-up to one crazy scene.  It's sort of like being an Argento fan after Suspiria and Opera & seeing his early films.  To like the film, you have to be able to deal with the disparities between this movie and Rasen.  Both films share 90% of the same cast playing the same characters.  Can you imagine if there was another Exorcist sequel that turned Pazuzu into a creature that just gave you a version of Smallpox & you had to just pretend it didn't exist?  This whole thing is confusing and this doesn't help the movie series as a whole.  That said, this is a superior film in most ways to Rasen and extends the mythos in a decent way.

Next up, we tackle 600 posts at Mondo Bizarro!  How do I do it?  With a version of a 700 year-old story...with cardboard cutouts.  Stay tuned...

Quintology IV: Rasen (aka Spiral)

We now get to the most controversial aspect of this week: Rasen.  

For those of you who actually have lives, here is the story of this movie.  Long ago (1998), a Japanese company put out two films simultaneously: Ringu and Rasen.  

Both were based on popular books in a series (the first two) & actually served as one complete film.  There was only one problem: people hated Rasen!  

While Ringu was a massive hit, this movie was the exact opposite.  

In fact, reaction was so bad that a second Ringu 2 film was made.  

This is nearly on par with Joe D'amato titling his 4th Ator film Ator 3: The Hobgoblin after he was pissed off when someone else made Ator 3 (aka The Iron Warrior).  

The difference here: it's official!  

Unlike Joe's hissy fit, this titling is 100% real and accepted.  

What's the big issue with this movie?  Find out in my review of...

The film begins with a woman being talked to about a crime scene: that of the teacher from Ringu.  

Right away, we have a continuity issue as the man's body is lacking the tell-tale 'gaping mouth' effect.  Um, did you guys not consult each other?  

Anyhow, a doctor is given the unenviable task of doing an autopsy on the dead man.  It's not something he wants to do, you see, because the man was his best friend in Med School.  The man has a little bit of a freak out & the opened-corpse starts talking to him.  

Of course, it was all in his imagination...or was it?  Yeah, it was.  

The man finds a strange note hidden in the throat of his dead friend which gives him two clues: 'Present' and 'Anniversary.'  

What do they mean?  

Well...it's complicated.  

Instead of answering that, let me get to the second reason that people hate this movie: explanation.  Remember how the deaths were so bizarre and mysterious in Ringu?  

Well, there's no mystery here.  Watching the tape causes a tumor to grow in one of your arteries and causes you to have a heart attack.  

Does explaining weird things in horror films ever end well?  No.

Things keep going and the movie continues to find new ways to annoy it's audience.  

Reason #3 pops up quickly as the man hears a story about a car accident involving the reporter from Ringu.  

As it turns out, she was driving to her father's house to show him the tape & thus pass on the curse.  Sadly, it was too late and the kid died, causing her to swerve off the road and crash.  

Why does this ruin the movie?  All of this happens off-camera and is explained to us by a policeman.  Um, bull shit, movie!  

Could you just not get her to appear in your film, so you just said 'screw you- we'll do it without you!'  

A bit later, the man meets up the lady reporter's friend and is given the deadly tape.  In a bit of a depression, the man interprets the word 'present' as an excuse to watch it and realizes that he screwed himself.  

He tries to start a relationship with the girlfriend of his dead friend as well, but things are still bubbling under the surface.  The reporter's friend shows signs of being sick for a while and finally dies at his own house.  

What killed him?  He never watched the tape...

Unfortunately, as the movie explains itself more, it only gets more ridiculous.  

Basically, the journal that our heroine from the last movie kept is now a conduit for a now-evolved form of the Ring Virus.  I guess smashing the tape was all for naught, huh?  

Our hero and the widowed woman have a long talk about life and death, which, of course, leads to them having sex.  However, as he learns later, that this screw would be her last.  

Infected with a form of the Ring Virus himself, the man passes on the spirit of the evil young woman to the woman.  What kind of STD is that?!?  

The evil woman kills the good one and takes over her body.  

Oh and it gets worse.  

The girl/demon-thing makes a proposition to our hero: take the remaining DNA of the dead teacher and clone him.  In return, she will allow him to bring back his son (by the way, his son is dead) back using the same technology.  

If he does this, he will get everything he wants, but the world will be doomed to suffer the Ring Virus when the reporter's journal gets published as a book.  

Man, that's a tough choice!  

What will he decide?  Will it be happiness or...oh, he just said 'yes.'  

I guess we're all doomed, but he has his son.  The End.

Yeah, it's easy to see why this movie is not that popular.  

The whole idea is simple: let's explain everything about the film that made it mysterious.  Hmm...I can't see why this would possibly be a bad idea!  

The story is ridiculous, taking weird turns and cheats at every turn.  

In fairness, this is a fairly close adaptation of the second book (Spiral), while Ringu is a pretty close adaptation of the first one (Ring).  I guess I can't fault them for trying to stick to the material.  

From what I've read about the books, the whole theme is about the evolution of the Ring Virus, and this leads to the end of civilization.  

I think it says a lot about the viewing public that they completely rejected this part of the story but chose to embrace the first part.  This led to the bizarre idea of making Ringu 2...2 a year later.  

I wonder if that will involve cloning evil spirits that transmit like ghostly STDs?  

I'm going to guess 'no.'

Up next, Ringu 2 attempts to salvage this mess with some proper closure.  Will it be good?  Will it remind me of Exorcist 2?  Stay tuned...

Lost in Translation: Airplane 2

Nobody is going to tell you that Airplane 2 is a great movie.  It's a good movie, but it always feels like a bastard child.  Maybe that's because it was made without the Zuckers' input and repeats a lot of the same jokes.  Of course, if you lived in Poland, you would be freaked out about it...

Holy crap- what the hell is that?!?  How did you get a jet plane trying to 69 itself out of that movie?

Oh, fun fact: this title translates roughly into "take it easy."  How am I supposed to 'take it easy when I'm looking at that thing?!?

Up next, Turkey translates an underrated Lance Henriksen film into something even weirder than the film itself!  Stay tuned...

Quintology IV: The Ring Virus

We're back again with another version of the 'Ringu' story, this time from the land of South Korea.  

This film was made in 1999 and is mostly a remake of the film Ringu.  

However, there are many notable differences- good and bad- to be seen here.  

For starters, the film claims to be a closer version of the book than the movie was.  That's actually true, but does come with some caveats for the viewer.  

Certain things about the novel are kind of odd and their inclusion here feels just the same.  

It doesn't help that so much of the film is iconic to international viewers, which makes the disparities quite notable.  

At the same time, with so many similar scenes (often carry-overs from the book, mind you), there is also a sense of sameness.  

Confused?  

That's the general idea.  

Let's hit Play and watch...

Like my review of Ringu, I'm mostly just going to note details that stand out.  I'll save the full review for what's coming next...

* All of the names have been changed to Korean ones.  This includes the reporter (Sun-Joo Hong) and the famous girl (Park Eun-Suh).

* The male lead is not the ex-husband of the reporter, nor is he psychic- although he does believe in the stuff.  He's actually an anonymous doctor who she meets when he does the first autopsy.

* The cursed tape actually has a message on the front of it- 'Those who don't stay until the end shall be lost'- and on the end of it (it basically explains the curse).  It also has a message explaining how to stop the curse, but that part is taped over.

* The reporter has a son, not a daughter.  Why they changed that is beyond me?  Then again, all of the films make the lead from the book into a chick, so...

* A good portion of the film is dedicated to decoding the video, including breaking it down into the real and surreal imagery.  While interesting, it also makes little sense.  The gist of it: some of the tape is the girl's point-of-view before death.

* Here's the big one: Sadako/Park is actually an hermaphrodite!  This is from the book, but only shows up in this film.  Furthermore, she was not killed due to the danger she possessed, but by a guy who raped her...only to find her extra parts.

 * Of course, our poor male lead dies from the tape. 

Bummer dude.

The film is good, but has a weird mix of 'been-there' and new material.  

Nothing much is put out there that has not been seen before (in the film made a year prior).  At the same time, the films do share the same source material, so that is understandable.  

Like the film Ringu, it is much more about the idea of the evil tape and the mystery than any scares.  The ending scenes are nearly identical, although they don't explain the idea of the tape copying so bluntly.  

The fact that they brought in the idea of the evil girl being an hermaphrodite may throw off a lot of people, especially those only familiar with the famous film.  

Hell, I bet a lot of casual viewers have no idea that there is even a book, let alone sequels!  

This actually causes a lot of confusion with the films that are going to come next.  

This is an interesting look at aspects of the story that were left out by the Japanese film, but doesn't do a lot to distinguish itself.  

For fans of obscure horror, give this one a look though.

Next up, we cover the original sequel to Ringu.  No, not the one that you all like...the other one.  Stay tuned...

Buy The DVD!: Fire and Ice

The fact that I have not talked about this movie- which is an animated collaboration between Ralph Bakshi and Frank Frazetta- surprises even me.  Plot-wise, the film is a pretty basic tale of boy-meets-girl and boy-kills-wizard, with some flying dinosaurs in for fun.  What is really unique her comes in the extras offered by Blue Underground though....

A long-lost featurette (presumably made for the VHS or Laser-Disc releasing covers the process behind rotoscoping in-depth.  For those not aware, rotoscoping is the technique of shooting pictures of live actors in poses and then animating over them.  It is the animation process used famously by Bakshi (i.e. the animated Lord of the Rings) and the company Filmation (i.e. He-Man, etc).  If you were ever curious, this featurette, which is sadly only available in un-restored VHS form (the DVD itself apologizes), explains everything!

Next up, a Lucio Fulci film that has one really special feature- from America.  Stay tuned...

Poor Bastards of Cinema: Critters 2 (Part 2)

This 80s classic brings us one more tale of a man whose only crime was being a nameless character in a horror film.

In the film's climax, the eponymous creatures morph into one solid ball of death and roll down the street in pursuit of our heroes.  As they reach a certain point, a crowd is rushing to help them.  When they see the giant fur ball, however, they all book it out of there.  One man is not so lucky and ends up being killed by the thing, his whole body being eaten in one roll-over.

Of course, the whole point of this is to show us that the thing would kill you, as if a 30-foot ball made out of voracious predators would do anything else!

Next up, a man is violently-killed in another dimension for the crime of doing his job.  As a bonus, this film is a comedy!  Stay tuned...

Quintology IV: Ringu

This is one of the most famous J-Horror film ever made, so I don't really need to set this up too much, do I?  I mean, it's a movie that inspired about sixteen other side projects (see yesterday's intro) and is famous internationally.  So what can I tell you about this movie that you don't know?  A girl is dead, her tape is possessed and every person that sees it will die in a week.  Well, I think I'm damn smart, so let me give it a shot.  Basically, I want to run over some of the main things that stand out to me as being interesting and/or odd...

* The heroine only discovers the whole 'tape' story because her niece is one of the four victims.  Depending on which Ringu 2 you choose to believe, bad shit happens because of her finding this!

* For an international hit, little is actually done to make the movie work for other countries.  The family has a very Japanese house for the funeral and the place where the student went is a hot springs.

* There is actually very little freaky stuff for most of the movie.  It is all about the idea of trying to solve the mystery within the week-long time-span.

* To make matters confusing, the male lead is the ex-husband of our heroine.  He is a former-Med student that decided to become a math teacher.  By the way, he is also psychic.

* If you are watching this for some freaky kills, you have to wait until the end.  Make due with the few bodies found with gaping mouths though.

* The ending with the ex-husband really holds up well, despite being based on 10-year old effects.

* The twist ending is explained in probably the most blunt manner humanly-possible.  This doesn't kill the movie, but does make me think that the editors question my intelligence.  I mean, look at this...

* But wait, what is in her purse, you ask?

* Oh, now I get it.  Thanks for making me feel like an idiot.  Why don't you just run off and make two disparate sequels to yourself now?  Good- go!

*

This movie is good, but it is not exactly breaking the mold of the J-Horror genre.  To be fair, this is one of those benchmark films that should be viewed on its own and not on what films ripped elements off it off later.  They do a great job of setting up the tape as being a freaky thing and the girl as being some menacing figure.  The aspects of the video itself are actually surprisingly-subtle.  Unlike the American film, you don't really get any crazy stuff until the end.  The film is a bit slow at certain parts, but that is because it chooses to focus on the drama of the characters.  I can't really fault a film for trying to give me characters with depth, but there is a balance somewhere.  Ultimately, does it matter if they used to be married?  There is a plot involving an evil demon girl just around the corner- hop to it!  If you go into the film expecting a film that is full of jump scares and gore, look elsewhere.

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Up next, the Korean remake of the film.  Hey, it is based on a book, you know!  Stay tuned...

Impossibly-Cool Cover Art: Great White

You know, a lot of people don't realize just how much the Italians have contributed to the 'killer shark' genre.  I mean, do you realize just how many times they have ripped off Jaws?  Bruno Mattei even made a 'sequel' to it: Jaws 5: Cruel Jaws.  This is just one of the examples of these films and an example of how to sell a movie to people like me...

Damn- I really want to see that movie!  I mean, that part probably doesn't happen or, if it does, will look nothing like that.

Next up, a B-movie by Bert I. Gordon is turned into a horror film via it's poster.  Stay tuned...