Leave Me Stallone: Demolition Man (1993)

 Having no power for 4 days sucked.
Is this Film better?

Today's Film is Demolition Man, my final Stallone Film.  I know he's made plenty more, but I need a break.

The Film is set in an Alternate Timeline and mostly takes place in the deep, dark future of...2032.  It's all fantasy, after all, since it had Los Angeles on fire in 1996.

Say what now?

This one comes to us from Marco Brambilla, who made such 'classics' as Excess Baggage and...a bunch of VR-Art Pieces?  Alright then.  The Writers were behind such Films as The Crow: City of Angels, Universal Soldier 2 and 3, The Adventures of Ford Fairlane and Hudson Hawk.

Expectations set to low.

Let's f***ing (Penalty!) do this s**t (Penalty!) ...

3 years in the future from this Film's release, Los Angeles is full of crime, fire and destruction.

Only one man can save it.

Cobra!

Oh, I mean, John Spartan (Stallone).

He takes down and takes in Simon Phoenix (Wesley Snipes)...but all is not right.

Phoenix frames him for the accidental murder of the hostages and he's immediately thrown in cryo-prison.

Well, I guess we didn't really need to know the Character before he became a popsicle!

He's unfrozen in 2032 after Phoenix is unfrozen for a parole assessment and escapes thanks to some strange business.

Somehow one of Stallone's former Cops (Bill Cobbs) is still around...not that we met him earlier.

He's confused by so many things in this future, but mostly...

As it turns out, the Architect of the Utopia- a man named Cocteau- let Phoenix free.

Why?

He's evil, but also wants him to unravel society- in a single City, mind you- to let him take more power.

They outright steal the 'Can't harm his boss' thing from Robocop to boot.

He saves the bad guy- not Phoenix, to be clear- and is treated to the Film's biggest sponsor- Taco Bell.  Yo quiero dineros!

He learns that the bright, clean San Angeles (why not Los?) hides a city full of power and forgotten people (ostensibly led by Denis Leary- who uses an excuse to do some 1990's Leary Stand-Up Material)

Poor Stallone wants to hook up with his Partner- Sandra Bullock- but she will only have 'VR Sex' with him.

Many pieces of media are predictive, but pray that this one isn't...or else we're in for a rough 8 years!

Stallone makes peace with Leary, who is now targeted by Cocteau and thus his proxy Phoenix.

Along the way, we see...Jack Black?!?

After saving Leary, Stallone sees that Bullock can fight- since she studied Jackie Chan Films- so, naturally, he stuns her and does the final battle by himself.

He takes out the minions- including Jesse Ventura!- and battles Phoenix as he tries to thaw out all of the bad Prisoners.

In the End, he freezes him solid and kicks his frozen head of.

He's now changed society...somehow...because masculinity.  The End.

A Film that is very much 'of its time.'  For many people, that's a positive.  For others, it is a pretty big con.

For me, a Film that can age well is great.  Films like They Live, as an example, have relevant ideas and themes that extend past their decade of release.

This Film is very '90s.

In many ways, it is another attempt by Stallone to push his agenda not unlike Cobra was.  In both Films, HIS way is the right way and everyone needs to learn it.  This one is done with more humor- some that works, some that doesn't- but the point is still the same.

Somehow one Cop who was famous for blowing up buildings to stop bad guys is the architect of the future?  The future is boned!

In spite of the obvious issues, the Film has some fun moments, some amusing ideas and is far from the worst Stallone Film- even just from my group this Month- out there.

As a bonus, I slowed the 'VR Sex bit' (which is just random face shots with lighting) WAYYY down to get some shots.  One is good and one...is not.

You decide.

Next up, we begin October with a long overdue look at some Horror Remakes.  Shall we go to Texas or the Desert?  Stay tuned...

Streaming Standard: Agatha All Along (Episodes 1 & 2)

 From a Song that inexplicably won an Award to a spin-off of the first real MCU 'TV' Show.

After a long wait, we're here, so let's dive right in...

A quick recap, since it has been a while...

In WandaVision, the Scarlet Witch was tricked into using her powers to control Westview to escape reality.

The woman behind it was Agatha Harkness, an evil Witch who just wanted her powers.

It all backfired and she was trapped in the fake TV World, while the Town was freed.

The Episode goes full Mare of Eastown, with Agatha as Agnes (her fake identity in the Show earlier) trying to solve a murder.

Of course, we know it isn't real, so they don't draw it out too long.

She keeps finding hints that things are wrong and this is pushed by an 'FBI Agent' played by Aubrey Plaza.

She 'tears her way out' and has an awkward catch-up with her Neighbor.

She realizes that she's powerless and now she's being targeted for her, well, Centuries of misdeeds.

Aubrey is back as a Witch who wants her dead, giving her until sundown to prepare.  How sporting.

She has to assemble a Coven...as a Witch famous for betraying a Coven.

Can she succeed?
Well, there's a bunch more Episodes to go...

A good start to a Show that sure had to be a hard pitch.

Remember that Show about Wanda?  Well, what if the bad guy got a Show too?

Thankfully, you're pitching a Show with Kathryn Hahn, so that does make things easier.  Once they got Plaza on board, that surely helped too.

She's great- duh.

The Plot is certainly alot to get through right away.  I can see how it might throw some people off.

It is introducing a bunch of new Characters and setting up a new status quo.

Knowing how the last Dr. Strange Film ended is key too.

That said, the Show is fun, has some really interesting ideas and seems to be building up to some neat situations.

It may not be for everyone, but, if that's the case, wait and see how it plays out when it wraps up.

After all, there's a long Road ahead.

If you liked WandaVision, this is a must-see.  It's still early, but I like what we've gotten so far.

Forgotten TV: The Episode of 'Poltergeist- The Legacy' Connected to the Films

 Oh Show, it has been a while.

If you need a brief recap, I bought a Screener VHS of the Pilot and Season 1 on DVD on the same day.
Two different Stores.  Less than a mile apart.

I covered the Pilot then, but lost track of the Show.

Well, no more!

I'm skipping from Episode 1 to Episode 20 for a good reason.

'Dead Reckoning' features Zelda Rubinstein, the only bridge between this Show and the Films.

In the Cold Open, she appears to our Lead and speaks in rhyme, warning him of danger.

He explains to his Team that she's 'Christine,' a presence that appears 'when she is needed' and has helped his Family (the Theme of this Show is a Family's Legacy) over the Decades.

She later appears to the young girl caught in the middle (she was targeted by a Demon in said Pilot and lives at the Castle).

They need to figure out what the danger is.
They need to figure that out to be able to fight it.

It relates to our Hero's past and a dark secret from it.

They need to find clues from...a flask?  Okay then.

Christine marked the girl for protection.

As the evil looms in the Castle, however, will this be enough?

It all connects to our Hero's Grandfather, who went a little bit evil.

As it turns out, he killed the Grandparents of the Girl (thus the Parents of her Mother- duh).  He hid this secret from them for obvious reasons.

Said Grandfather is...a photoshopped picture of our Lead without hair.

Christine keeps appearing at random points, this time to the whole group.

They know now that the Grandfather is going to possess the girl at the stroke of midnight.

The group is taken out mostly in advance, leading our Hero and the Mother to save the day.

He takes the magic sword they have and...throws it?
Whatever you say, Edge (Google it, non-nerds!).

It gets thrown back at him.
Ouch.

Christine gives him a pep talk at the last minute and he manages to take down Grandpa.

He stabs him and he evaporates like Obi Wan Kenobi and we're done.

A good Episode that makes the most of its Guest Star.

Zelda was obviously just going to give this atmosphere and nothing else.

She definitely does that.

The Plot around her is decent enough as well, even if 'Little Girl in Peril from Evil Spirit' is pretty cliche.  They didn't break the mold.

I guess if you're already up to Episode 20 that can happen.

The execution works well as a whole though.

Maybe I should get around to watching the other 19 Episodes in the future.  Of course, if I forget to again, don't be shocked.

A good Episode all around.  More Shows needed Zelda Rubinstein speaking in rhyme like Jack Kirby's The Demon.

Leave Me Stallone: Judge Dredd

 If he's the Law, can I get some anarchy, please?

This is Judge Dredd, specifically the 1995 Film version.  I'm not a huge fan/follower of Judge Dredd.  I know how much this Film annoyed people though.

The Plot involves Dredd trying to maintain order in Mega City.  However, a hidden evil is released and he's targeted.  Can he save the day alongside a terrible Comedian?

Director Danny Cannon has had an interesting Career, directing Episodes for a number of Shows like Gotham, Shameless and CSI (often the Pilots).  In Film, he'd go on to make I Know What You Did Last Summer and Geostorm.

The Writing was done by William Wisher Jr (who co-wrote Films like T2 and The 13th Warrior) and Steven E. de Souza (who wrote/co-wrote Films like The Running Man, Die Hard and 48 Hours).

With so much talent, how did things go so wrong?

The Film begins with a long text crawl.  Joy.
At least it was narrated by James Earl Jones (RIP).

Basically, the World was mostly wrecked and people live in a series of Megalopolis'.  The compressed nature of this made crime go up, so Judges enact the law- usually at the end of a gun!

Is this too much to throw at people in the first few minutes?  Yes.

Anyhow, our Viewpoint Character is *#%^ me.... Rob Schneider.

We do see a quick glimpse at the Income Equality, but that's just in passing and never mentioned again.

Dredd- Stallone- is a famous Judge who is both a real know-it-all and a strict enforcer of the Law (LAAAAWWWW).

He doesn't care why you did something- he's going to send you to Jail...or just straight up kill you.

Deep in the building, a guy in power visits Hannibal Lecter...I mean, someone different.

He's a former Judge with a deep connection to our Hero.

He escapes, of course.

He steals some Judge gear and a gun and kills a Reporter (the bad guy from Halloween 6 and the stuffy Dad from Dharma & Greg).

He does so right in front of the guy's home security camera (accidentally prescient, Movie) and the guy helpfully yells out 'Dredd!' before he's shot.

A young Judge- Diane Lane?!?- defends him, but the case falls apart because the gun is literally coded to Dredd's DNA.

How did Armand Assante have it?!?

Dredd is sent to Prison and is put in the seat next to *sigh* Rob Schneider.

He sent him to jail what seems like days ago, so how are they both here at the same time?

Regardless, their ship is shot down and they kidnapped by cyborg cannibals led by Scott Wilson?!?

They escape and make it back to the City.

They get in through a vent that shoots flames every 30 seconds- why not?- and helpfully switches the angle of the flames.

You see, they are running towards it...and then it comes to them from behind...somehow.

In the City, Lane and a buddy realize that a picture of Dredd's family is fake and he's *dun dun dun* a Clone.

The Janus Project birthed him and Assante based on DNA from the Lead Judge (Max Von Sydow).  The latter is evil now.

Back in the City, our Heroes flee in just the most dated looking Hoverbike Chase.

Rob won't STFU the whole time, so, as punishment, I'm using this Screen Cap of him.

It all ends in a chaotic Finale.

Stallone vs. Assante!  Lane vs the barely used Joan Chen!  Rob Schneider vs. Comedy!

In the End, the Heroes win...but they are still down by about 60% of the Judges, so.... let's pose instead!

This Film is both a case of way too much Plot and also way too little.

The World requires simply too much building here and needs to be done by someone better.  The Writers have some great Resumes, but this isn't good.

So much dropping of information that people know to people that know it just for the Audience to be informed.

Why not have Dredd lecture some Students?  Given that the Plot involves Cloning, why not have the info uploaded to one?

This is a small positive I will say- this Plot (at its core) could work. 
The catch- it needs to be the 2nd Film.

Make a Film where we soft-establish things, we see Dredd in action with a simple villain with less personal motivations.  Let us see Dredd as he is and THEN bring in the personal villain and the 'everything you know is wrong' backstory.

When we learn it here, we barely know or care about him.

Positives- some genuinely neat Practical Effects (especially the Robot).  Good stuff hidden here.

On the infinitesimal chance that a Studio Head (or their Reader) sees this, make a Plot like this (with a Judge Death) as a Sequel to Dredd- you know, the Film that you already made and was great.

Otherwise, people will only know the Story from a Film with shots like this....

A final Stallone Film to cover.  This time, he WAS the Law and now he's back.  Yo quiero tres conchas de mar!

Tubi Thursday: Jack's Back (1988)

With all of the talk of James Spader coming back to the MCU, let's talk about another return.

Can James Spade make this a Cult Classic?

A Doctor- Spader- is trying to help people at a Free Clinic while a Copycat Killer of Jack the Ripper is on the loose.

Weirdly, the Film is set after the first 4 murders (technically the last one happens in the Intro) and on the day of the last one.

He checks on a woman from his past who he saw that day at the Clinic (it's a small world!).

He finds her dead and pursues her killer, but is hung up by a rope.

So, who just woke up in bed?

We change the Narrative to follow his twin brother- who they subtly hinted at earlier- who saw his brother's death in his dream.

He tries to solve the case, but the Cops think that he's the killer...despite him barely qualifying and having no motive.

He starts hanging around with the fellow Doctor who happens to be the only Female Character they haven't killed violently yet.

Don't worry- we see her in lingerie, so that's close enough.

Can Spader #2 save the day?
Will there be a fake out or three?

To find out, stream the Film now.

A good Film, even if it coasts by on atmosphere over substance.

There's little here to make you think of this as an American Giallo.  It sure tries to be though.  Spader's Character definitely is in the same vein of one that Dario Argento might write.

The Film is mostly about how he works the case with the Police not helping him.

The problem is that there's both no mystery and too much mystery.  We 'know' who the killer is early on.  Oddly, the guy doesn't know it, but should.

Of course, you know that it won't be that simple.  At least it was an excuse to use more Robert Picardo- I'm okay with that.

The Film isn't quite what I expected, but still pretty good.
I guess I'm glad he's back, but I won't think about this one in a month or so.

Spader didn't hear that, right?

A Film that looks and feels really neat.  I just wish that there was more there...there.  Make sense?

Shudder Day: In A Violent Nature (2024)

 A Film that flips the Script.
In this case, it is pretty literally.

This is...

The Film is a riff on Films like Friday the 13th, The Burning and Bloody Murder.  Okay, maybe not that last one.

In any event, we see a killer rise from you grave...but this time we are specifically following him.

The Plot of a Masked Killer Hacks Up 'Teens' in the Forest' Film plays out, but we only see it (mostly) from his perspective.

That means long walks in the Forest, only bits of exposition and usually only meeting the Leads when they are about to be murdered.

One of said Leads took a necklace from the killer's grave, which freed his spirit.

They exposition dump at a Camp Fire (in a way that kind of cheats the setup) about how he was killed by accident and came back for revenge.

10 years later, he's up again and starts taking them out.

This unique view of the Film lends itself to some interesting visuals.

The high point for me is the Lake Scene, which is a slow build to an understated Death Scene.

The next one, is well, whatever the opposite of understated is.  Very Stated?  

Shouted, I guess?

Either way, I won't forget it?

Who will live?  Who will die?
To find out, stream the Film now.

A Film that really gets summed up by one phrase- choices were made.

Early on, the Film is a bit slow.  The choice to solely follow the slow-moving killer is one that will give you mixed results.

Once you get into things, the Plot is interesting enough and you know just enough about the killer to at least understand him.  
Unlike Jason Voorhees killing Camp Counselors a few Decades after the ones that failed him, this guy has a goal and clear motivations.

It's a Film that really works when it is good and really drags when it is bad.  

Simply put, they spend too much time on some Scenes- the prolonged mutilation of one guy OR the 3rd Slow Walk in the Forest- and not enough on others.

As noted, this perspective choice means that we don't get to know the Leads/Victims.  Even if the goal is to subvert expectations, we still need to know the people.

I will also freely admit to skimming through the Ending (mostly because I had to go to work) too.  I get it and it's not bad...but it is a prolonged.

I'm not sure that a Film like this could work twice.  When you fully subvert a Genre once, can you do it again?

Now if you'll excuse me, I need to pitch a new propery to James Gunn- Bee Man!

A Film whose gimmick will make you enjoy some moments...and make you check your phone during others.  It is a neat subversion that I'm still glad that I saw though.