Streaming Standard: Fast X (2023)

 My love-hate relationship with the silliest Franchise since Sharknado ended continues.

With it Streaming now, I'm revving up my engine for...

Did you know that Dom cares about Family?

He does.

Well, he is still on about it, even while they still pretend that Brian (Paul Walker) is still alive and always just away.

Speaking of family, our Villain here is Dante Reyes, the retconned Son of the Villain in Fast V.

He uses his vague influence, power and forces to completely overwhelm Cipher (Charlize Theron)- the villain who somehow manipulated the events of Fast VI-IX (even before she was Cast).

How?
Screw you, that's how!

He sets up an elaborate plan (that would put The Dark Knight's Joker to shame) that involves unleashing a rolling bomb in Rome, framing our Heroes for it.

Why don't their government connections (as literal agents of the government) help them?

Well, the Boss (Kurt Russell) is nowhere to be seen.  He's 'in the wind.'

Is he going to stop the Secret Invasion next?

His 5,038-part plan is all about causing 'suffering' to Dom and those around him.

This plays out with everyone being separated.  So, try to follow all of these Plots at the same time (between Car Chases) ...

1) Lettie trying to escape from a Black Site Prison.

2) Dom trying to find out what Dante is up to.

3) Han, Roman, Tej and Ramsay try to get out of Rome

4) Jakob (Dom's Brother and the last Film's Villain) escapes with Dom's on 'Little B'

5) Mr. Nobody's Daughter Tess (Brie Larson) is intermingling with all of these Plots

Throw in random asides with Dante and you have...wait- is this Fast & Furious: Infinity War?!?

Can Dom overcome the odds?
Can the Film keep handing Ex Machinas to its Villain?
Can anyone stop the combined power of TWO Aquaman Actors working together (see Stinger)?

To find out, stream the Film now.

It is big.  It is ambitious.  It is expensive.

It is really, really dumb.

The Plot is a whole bunch of 'we said show' and 'he can just do that.'  It is so self-serious and so overly dramatic about everything.  It thinks that it can throw in random lines mocking itself (e.g., 'They do things that defy physics') and then just keep doing them.

That's not to say that it is all bad.  If you can turn your brain off, the spectacle can be fun.  

John Cena as Jakob finally gets to show more personality as well, leading to him being the best part of the Film.  He'll be missed in Fast XI- no question.

Momoa as Dante is a big gain here, even if he is all over the place.  He's a walking Ex Machina and so ludicrous that it is hard to take him seriously, even as he is threatening everyone.  He's the most fun part of the Film besides Cena, but he also stands out/sticks out in equal measure.

The biggest problem is just that they have so much going on, so many random Cameos (we really needed Pete Davidson?!?) and so little focus that it is genuinely confusing.

For instance, Letty breaking out happens over the course of half of the Film and yet days seem to pass as well.  They also seem to forget things- like the fact that they BLEW UP the Submarine that Cipher uses at the end.

That's not the biggest Plot Hole in that bit, mind you.

For some big, epic Film, some things are just teased with zero payoff.  Due to- presumably- his Schedule Filming The Meg 2 and Expendables 4, Statham appears way too late in the Film to matter and then is just gone (not killed- simply not shown or mentioned).

This really is a make-or-break moment for the Series.  Will people be invested in this bloated, but also half-finished Story to return for the next Film.  The last 2 Films have failed to break the Billion Dollar mark, so we'll see.

As for me, I'm just wondering how I keep connecting things back to Smallville...

A ridiculous Film for anyone not invested in the Franchise.  Momoa is a highlight, at least, in this super-long, super-dumb Film though.