Buy the DVD!: Willard (2003) and its Glorious Music Video

 I liked the 2003 Willard Remake for the most part.

Sadly, we won't get a Sequel Remake in the form of Ben (at least based on the Theatrical Cut's Ending)

However, the DVD itself gives us a bunch of Special Features (like the usual Trailers, Commentary, etc.).

Highlighted here is the Music Video they made for 'Ben' (which itself is covered by Crispin Glover).

He walks out on a Stage and sings to the Rat, which sits on a pillow.

The Audience is full of fancy people, as well as many silly looking ones too.

We also see the Cast playing different roles here...which is confusing.

Shockingly, this 'Captain Crunch' Cameo alongside R. Lee Ermey is not the weirdest one.

As the song goes on (mind you, it is only about 2:30), rats start to appear in the crowd, women undress down to fancy lingerie and they seem to really enjoy each other's company.

There's no GOOD time for someone to walk in on you watching this, but this is by far the worst time.

As the Song comes to a climax- pun fully intended- a bunch of rats swarm onto the stage with Willard.

This effect is less, well, realistic, no?

Oh and in the midst of all of the chaos, a Hitler Cameo.

I couldn't make this up if I tried.

The Song comes to an end and Willard floats up via obvious wire.

That's an intentionally fake-looking effect mind you- this time.

So what is weirder than Crispin Glover singing a Michael Jackson Song?  The video for it, of course.

It is Crispin Glover- is this a surprise?

Oh and if you're too lazy to/not interested in finding a 20 year old DVD to watch this, it is on YT...in 240p.

Just Buy the DVD!

Tubi Thursday: Creature from Black Lake (1976)

 No, it is not the Lagoon.
Yes, I do still wonder why we haven't had a real Sequel or Remake of that in Decades.

This is actually a Bigfoot Film from the '70s...

We get all 'artsy' in the Intro as we cross cut between these two guys out in the Swamp and a Lecturer at a College Campus.

One ends in a missing person...

...while the other ends with two likely to soon be missing people.

They are College Students who plan to investigate the titular Creature.

Why does their Professor agree?  He's the Director- duh!

They go to Town and want to learn about the creature.

The Townspeople- most notably the Sheriff- don't want to talk about it and want the folks to leave.

Others think that it is funny.

This man- from the beginning- does not find it funny, as his friend is dead.

We'll see him in the Third Act.

Throughout the first two Acts, we see random flashbacks involving the Creature told by people.

Cool.
Can this just be part of the actual Story and not just filler though?

Thanks.

Our Heroes find evidence of the creature and keep looking for more proof.

Of course, someone is looking for them too.

Will they survive?

To find out, stream the Film now.  It only took me 5 years to actually get around to Reviewing this, so don't take that long yourself.

A decent piece of southern fried Horror from the Drive-In Era.  It is silly.  It is dopey.  It has moments of Horror, but also Comedy and oddity.

There's allot of these, aren't there?  Yes.

This is a Bigfoot version of the formula, and it has some good moments in it.  The Bigfoot stuff is honestly not bad.

It is not amazing, but it is pretty good.

Too bad there's so little of it in the Film. 

In lieu of that, we get random Drama, random Comedy and lots of Actors that add little to things.  One poor lady is Credited in the Film...but then listed as Sheriff's Daughter instead.  Mind you, her friend is named 'Michelle' and the Actresses' name is...Michelle.

In summary, there's about 20 minutes or so of really good to decent stuff in the Film and lots of filler.  It is the same as getting your Beef on the cheap and it is actually about 60% bread filler.  

Now wash your hands, Steve!

Fans of this kind of Film will look past the silliness of the filler (and actually enjoy it).  Straight Horror Fans will probably lose interest by the 2nd Act though.

Shudder Day: Creepshow- 'Drug Traffic/A Dead Girl Named Sue'

 Let's wrap up Season 3...in time to start Season 4.  

No rest for the wicked!

A Politician is running on the Platform of people getting affordable drugs, which includes getting them from Canada.

His big PR Event at the Border is derailed- in part- by the Agent (Michael Rooker) there.

A woman and her Daughter sure are acting strangely and get his attention.

While the Mother is away, something happens to the Daughter...

Without SPOILing it, a creature is now on the loose!

Who will survive?!?

In our next tale, we get a black-and-white adventure in a time of Zombies rising from you graves.

A small Town is dealing with a Mob that wants to kill a never-convicted, but always-guilty man.

The Sheriff is, of course, opposed.

Said man is found in a suspicious place with a dead, bitten victim near him.

He's taken in when something is found to agitate the Sheriff.

Will he face mob justice?

What does that entail?

Is the Title a SPOILER?

To find out, stream both Segments now.

Two really good Segments that at least sort of had a theme.  There's definitely less of a 'chosen at random' feel to these two being together.

'Traffic' does a good job of making Characters not into cliches and playing with conventions.  Rooker is great here.  His Character has more nuance than you might expect and feels 'lived in.'

The creature is a nice change of pace and one you don't see enough of.  There are good, logistical reasons, mind you.

'Sue' is a nice attempt at doing a Parallel Story to a Classic Film.  It does it without being cheap or feeling tacked on.  There's plenty of room for more adjacent stories that aren't just lazy (or in 3-D) Remakes.

The Plot is fairly simple, but it does the 'one bit of color in a B&W Film' trick to nice results.  It also tells a good Story in a condensed form which works.  This could work as a longer story, but is great here.

Both Segments are good.  Both of them are unique, without feeling randomly selected.  All in all a good Episode and it gets me a point on Low Budget Horror Movie Bingo.

Alright, now I'm ready for Season 4.  Show us what you have in store for us in October.

Streaming Standard: Fast X (2023)

 My love-hate relationship with the silliest Franchise since Sharknado ended continues.

With it Streaming now, I'm revving up my engine for...

Did you know that Dom cares about Family?

He does.

Well, he is still on about it, even while they still pretend that Brian (Paul Walker) is still alive and always just away.

Speaking of family, our Villain here is Dante Reyes, the retconned Son of the Villain in Fast V.

He uses his vague influence, power and forces to completely overwhelm Cipher (Charlize Theron)- the villain who somehow manipulated the events of Fast VI-IX (even before she was Cast).

How?
Screw you, that's how!

He sets up an elaborate plan (that would put The Dark Knight's Joker to shame) that involves unleashing a rolling bomb in Rome, framing our Heroes for it.

Why don't their government connections (as literal agents of the government) help them?

Well, the Boss (Kurt Russell) is nowhere to be seen.  He's 'in the wind.'

Is he going to stop the Secret Invasion next?

His 5,038-part plan is all about causing 'suffering' to Dom and those around him.

This plays out with everyone being separated.  So, try to follow all of these Plots at the same time (between Car Chases) ...

1) Lettie trying to escape from a Black Site Prison.

2) Dom trying to find out what Dante is up to.

3) Han, Roman, Tej and Ramsay try to get out of Rome

4) Jakob (Dom's Brother and the last Film's Villain) escapes with Dom's on 'Little B'

5) Mr. Nobody's Daughter Tess (Brie Larson) is intermingling with all of these Plots

Throw in random asides with Dante and you have...wait- is this Fast & Furious: Infinity War?!?

Can Dom overcome the odds?
Can the Film keep handing Ex Machinas to its Villain?
Can anyone stop the combined power of TWO Aquaman Actors working together (see Stinger)?

To find out, stream the Film now.

It is big.  It is ambitious.  It is expensive.

It is really, really dumb.

The Plot is a whole bunch of 'we said show' and 'he can just do that.'  It is so self-serious and so overly dramatic about everything.  It thinks that it can throw in random lines mocking itself (e.g., 'They do things that defy physics') and then just keep doing them.

That's not to say that it is all bad.  If you can turn your brain off, the spectacle can be fun.  

John Cena as Jakob finally gets to show more personality as well, leading to him being the best part of the Film.  He'll be missed in Fast XI- no question.

Momoa as Dante is a big gain here, even if he is all over the place.  He's a walking Ex Machina and so ludicrous that it is hard to take him seriously, even as he is threatening everyone.  He's the most fun part of the Film besides Cena, but he also stands out/sticks out in equal measure.

The biggest problem is just that they have so much going on, so many random Cameos (we really needed Pete Davidson?!?) and so little focus that it is genuinely confusing.

For instance, Letty breaking out happens over the course of half of the Film and yet days seem to pass as well.  They also seem to forget things- like the fact that they BLEW UP the Submarine that Cipher uses at the end.

That's not the biggest Plot Hole in that bit, mind you.

For some big, epic Film, some things are just teased with zero payoff.  Due to- presumably- his Schedule Filming The Meg 2 and Expendables 4, Statham appears way too late in the Film to matter and then is just gone (not killed- simply not shown or mentioned).

This really is a make-or-break moment for the Series.  Will people be invested in this bloated, but also half-finished Story to return for the next Film.  The last 2 Films have failed to break the Billion Dollar mark, so we'll see.

As for me, I'm just wondering how I keep connecting things back to Smallville...

A ridiculous Film for anyone not invested in the Franchise.  Momoa is a highlight, at least, in this super-long, super-dumb Film though.

Tubi Thursday: Wolves (2014)

 With all this talk of Jason Momoa and his DC future, why not look at a Film with him in it?

It has more DC connections than this, but I'll get to that later.

A young man- Lucas Till- is briefly our Narrator as we learn that he has some control issues, including attacking an asshole Football Player and getting too excited with his girl...and slashing her.

He awakens from a daze to find his Parents mauled and himself covered in blood, so he flees!

Not so SPOILER Alert- he's a Werewolf.

After meeting a stranger (That Guy Actor John Pyper-Ferguson), he goes to Lupine Valley.  I guess We're Werewolves, You Moron is too long to put on a Map, eh?

In a second Bar, he's watched by...Jason Momoa.

He's the big bad wolf (although that Title was taken by a 2006 Film) who runs the place.

We learn that he's one of the few Pure Blood Werewolves out there, who came over here on the Mayflower.

Werewolves vs Pilgrims?  That's a Film that needs to be made!

He decides that he needs to maintain the line and have a kid with Angelina, another Pure Blood.  The problem- she's in love with our Hero.

Oh, and it turns out that Momoa is his Dad!

There's LOTS to unpack there, no?

Can he fight off Momoa and his crew (who aren't full Werewolves, since Suits are expensive)?

Can he find true love?
Did everyone forget about that Stranger?

To find out, stream the Film now.

This one is pretty darn good, even if the Pacing and Setup is weird.

Basically, we get our Hero narrating a rush through the key parts of his life...and then he stops narrating and none of that really matters in the long run.  Oh well.

The Plot itself is good, introducing Characters at a good clip and setting things in motion nicely.  It does a nice job of actually making the payoff worth the wait too.  The Characters are fairly fleshed out, well, other than 'I'm a Drunk' Sister that is.

The big draws are Momoa and the Werewolf Suits.  Both look nice.  Weirdly, this Film got attention for the former last year when its Star appeared 'out of shape' (read: just fine) one day.  The Director referred to a conversation they had before Shooting where Jason asked if he 'needed abs and shit.'

With his bad ass presence and even more bad ass suit (see above), the answer is no.  Both look good here.  Besides, Lucas Till has the 'abs' covered in the prerequisite Beefcake Shot.  He was an X-Men after all...even if it was Havok.

Speaking of X-Men, the Writer-Director is the main Screenwriter for X-Men and X-2.  He also co-wrote Watchmen (weirdly enough, also with Stephen McHattie in it).  He also might know a thing or two about Action Films with guys in big, rubber suits...

A fun Film with some nice depth to it.  Hayter has not Directed a Film since, but they sure did leave things open for a Sequel...

Remake This?: Willard (2003)

 Well, it still wasn't the most controversial Horror Remake from 2003.  I'll get to that one later.

This is Willard, specifically the Remake made 29 years after the Original.  See my take on that Film here.

This one comes to us from Glen Morgan, a man most known for Producing, Writing and- later- Directing for The X-Files.  This is one of two Films he's made so far- both are Remakes.  
Mind you, the Producers- so, him- claim that this is less of a Remake of the Film and more of a 'reworking of the original concept.'

Look- that's true of John Carpenter's The Thing, but I don't quite see it here.  Other than changing a few things here and there (plus one big thing), it is just a Remake.

Anchored by Crispin Glover aka Letterman's favorite Guest, it sure is going to be weird.  Will it be good though?  To find out, read on ...

After THREE MINUTES OF CREDITS, we get to see Willard buying pest control items at the request of his Mother, who was widowed when his Dad (presented via Painting) committed suicide.

His Boss- R. Lee Ermey- disrespects him at work, in spite of the fact that his late Father co-founded the Company with him.

The fact that Willard only has what would be considered an 'entry level' job speaks to that.

He finds a white rat in one of the traps and befriends it, naming it Socrates (since it is so smart).

He also names a large rat Ben and feeds them all in secret in the basement.

More beratement and abuse comes for his Boss (to be fair, he is Ermey- that's kind of his thing) and he's even docked a week's pay for being late too much!

Do you get the symbolism?  It is pretty subtle...

He uses Ben and the army to break in and slash/bite out the tires of his Boss' car.

He also nearly kills a dog, but this Film would never actually kill another animal...until a few Scenes later.

Willard finds that Ben won't obey him, and he can't stand that.

He has some trust issues...with his rats.

Ben just does whatever he wants, and Socrates tries to keep the peace.

Willard is fired and also finds out that his Parents owed lots of money to, well, everyone.  He's going to lose the House!

He tries to kill himself with the same pocket knife his Dad used (they kept it AND didn't clean off the blood?!?!?) but Socrates stops him.

Oh shit- that rat is two days away from retirement, isn't he?!?

Yep.  He's found at work and killed by Ermey, not knowing the Willard connection (of course).

This pushes Willard over the edge and he sics his rats on him, watching them kill him as he is behind the same caged door from earlier.

Things take a turn when he tries to kill off all of the rats, since they can tie him to the murder.  That or he feels bad...but, nah.

Like in the Original, this, of course backfires.

Unlike in the Original, however, he survives and kills Ben.  No Sequel for you, buddy!

(Just ignore the Alternate- read: better- Ending where he dies)

A good Film, even if it is often style over substance at times.  The Film looks really unique, a blend of Old-World Wes Anderson and Tim Burton, I suppose.

The Plot is nothing too complicated.  It really relies upon you connecting with and caring about Willard.  Glover really disappears into the role, so kudos for that.  He really feels like a fully realized person...in a Plot that it mostly bullet points.

For instance, the Boss never gets too much depth, and we only get hints of the intrigue around him.  How did he steal the company?  How did he drive Dad to suicide?  Is he just genuinely an asshole?

That said, the Film really thrives with the use of practical effects.  They use real rats for 99% of it (it seems) and the Movie benefits from it.  Given when it was made, it could easily have looked silly and cheap for modern viewers with dated CGI.

What's funny is that Ben is 'played' by a rat that is so big and rare (in the U.S.) that many people thought that it was animatronic.  Nope- all real, baby!

Willard is mostly a bipolar Morality Play about the man, but kind of suffers at the end when he doesn't, you know, learn a lesson.  At all.

On the plus side, Glover kills it!

So much emotion!

Next up, let me get to some non-Horror before October.  What's in the pile that needs some attention?  Stay tuned...

Shudder-day: Creepshow- 'Time Out and Things in Oakwood's Past.'

 After an unplanned absence from the Series, let's jump back in to finish up before we get the new Season.

To catch up, I'm doing both Segments for a change.

We begin with the Morality Play of...

A young man is gifted a strange piece of furniture by his Grandfather.

He can use it to step inside and get more time (time passes for him in there, but not out here).

It becomes an issue when he uses it all of the time and needs to rely on it.

Will something inevitably go wrong?

In the second tale, we get an animated look at a Town's secret.  

Should it be unearthed?

A young woman- the Mayor's Daughter- is behind the local story of a Time Capsule from 1821 being unearthed.

However, it also ties into the date when the Town's Residents disappeared all those decades ago.

She keeps looking into it as a the Local Reporter attempts to romance her.

She finds out what the secret of the Box is and, let's just say you don't want to be in Oakwood anytime soon!

To find out, stream the Segments now.

This is a great example of why I tended to do the Segments separately.  If you can find a throughline in these two, be my guest!

That said, I liked both Segments in their own right.  They are just very, very different.

'Time Out' is much less about direct Horror and intentionally more mundane.  Of course, things take a turn as the time manipulation is abused far too much.  You feel for the guy as it seems to be the only solution and you know that something bad is going to happen.

'Oakwood's Past' is an interesting foray into Animation- and not just to cut down on the expensive Shots like earlier Episodes.  I'm not a huge fan of the Animation Style, but I also don't hate it.  For what it is worth, they make full use of the fact that it is animated in the second half.

This is definitely the most disproportionately different Episode as far as Segments go, but still a solid one.  Let's see how the Finale goes next.

If there ever was a case for watching the Segments of Creepshow as individuals, this sure is it.  They are still good, of course.