A Film remade, ironically enough, by the guy who inspired the Original in the first place.
A Producer saw Texas Chainsaw Massacre make a ton of money on the cheap and said, 'Let's do that.' 26 years later, a Studio got the rights to make a new version of The Toolbox Murders and hired Tobe Hooper!
This 2004 Remake was also produced by an odd couple- Tony DiDio and Jaqueline Quella.
One was the Producer of the Original- and seller of the rights- and one was the person picked by the Studio to make this...and she hated the Original.
As such, they bought the naming rights and made something completely different.
Was that a positive? Let's hope so!
Rather than summarize it here, let's just dive right into the grime...
After a logo that looks like it was designed for 2004 Windows Media Player, we see a woman move into an Apartment Building in L.A.
It's...Sherri Moon and she's eventually killed with a hammer.
It's noted that she did this as a favor (thanks to Rob), but isn't, you know, being a Tobe Hooper Film enough. Kind of a passive aggressive dig, no?
We next meet our actual Main Character- was this supposed to be like Scream or am I reaching?- and its Angela Bettis.
Her and the Husband are NOT wannabe Actors (like others), but they are nosy.
To be fair, they can hear EVERYTHING through the walls.
Instead of a cheap Apartment Building, this one is a big one with a Doorman and a Super...but also super cheap. Pick one!
It is full of random people, including a guy who spies on his neighbor via 144p Webcam. There's no nudity in this one, however, so I guess he just likes to watch her walk around in grainy, blue tint.
She meets the oldest Tenant- Rance Howard- and he tells her about how old the place is and that there is vague, weird stuff about it.
This comes into play later, of course.
Angela hears someone screaming bloody murder and calls the Cops, but it is the Super and an Actor doing lines.
Now she's not going to call them again and she's...on the hook for the broken door?
What kind of lease did you sign, lady?!?
The kills are far more spaced out here, which is better and worse.
They're also (generally) bigger and sillier.
The Nail Gun Scene, for instance, ends with her being shot at like a woman in the Carnival with a Knife Thrower...and it gets sillier.
Who is this masked killer?
Is it the Husband?
The Doorman?
The Super?
Howard talks to her again about the Building and she's led to look deep into its past.
There are no 4th Rooms (104, 204, etc.) somehow and there are symbols everywhere.
What does it all mean?!?
Here's the big reveal(s)- the killer (credited as Coffin Baby) was born from a dead woman and needs to kill to survive. The runes/markings give him power...or something.
Look- he's a masked brute who doesn't talk, so everyone does it for him.
He kills everyone but the Couple, has the 'one last hurrah' moment and then disappears for a Sequel that wouldn't come for 9 years due to a ton of rights issues.
The End.
After watching a Film like this, I feel like I need a tetanus shot!
Everything is yellow tinted, moldy and just looks unpleasant. Lots of it is lighting, so I can't blame this on Color Correction (the accidental bane of Cinema since 1999).
Positives- focusing on Bettis is good. The kills in the Finale are brutal enough for this Film's audience and the vague lore about the killer is interesting.
Ultimately though, this has about a dozen Characters, barely a Story, a villain who just grunts and just really failed to hold my attention. On top of that, is this a Remake?
As I discussed with Bob the other day, this Film just bought the name and the idea of a few kills. Was it a big name? Were those kills that famous?
I'm glad Hooper got to keep making stuff- especially after his Credits were excised mostly from the 2003 Remake of his most famous Film- but this is both half-baked and over-done.
The execution of the Plot is so-so and the forced lore for this grunting rando killer is silly.
Speaking of silly, old Coffin Baby hid the Nail Gun kill from the cops this way...
Next up, I guess it is time. Let's go from a Film inspired by Tobe Hooper to a Remake by Tobe Hooper to....a Remake of Tobe Hooper. Stay tuned...
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