'90s Trash?: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III (1993)

 At long last, I finally revisit a Film that I remember disappointing me as a kid in Theaters.

Will I like it better today?

This is Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III, a Film that is sometimes given a new Subtitle.  You see, the 4th Video Game was called 'Turtles in Time' and this Plot involves Time Travel.

So, somehow, people started to convince themselves that this Film had the same Subtitle.  
My DVD's Box Art says 'yes.'  The DVD itself says 'no' and the Title Card also says 'no.'

Confused yet?

The Plot involves the Turtles using a Japanese Artifact to Time Travel to 1603 when said device accidentally sends April back there!  That old cliche.

This one was supposedly made to cater to the Japanese Market, given that the 2nd Film cost twice as much and made about a third of the profit ($78 vs $200 million).
The Film...was never released Theatrically in Japan.

To see if this truly is the stinker of the Trilogy, read on...

Some vague amount of time has passed since the 2nd Film as the Turtles have no spruced up their Sewer Lair.

They don't have the Foot Clan to fight, but do keep the City safe...or so we're told.  We see nothing.

Speaking of seeing, if these look 'off' to you at all, that's because Henson's Company didn't work on this Film, being replaced by the All Effects Company.

In Feudal Japan, the son of a Lord objects to him fighting a war backed by a foreign arms dealer.

Desperate, he takes the family's artifact and activates it...

...which causes him to switch places with April O'Neil, who just brought the Artifact home as a gift to Splinter (whose Puppet is 99% immobile here).

They also switch clothes, so the Adult version of me is wondering if that guy is now wearing ladies' underwear.
Admit it- the thought crossed your mind too!

They find her where they last saw the Son, so they understandably freak out.

The Arms Dealer (famous 'That Guy' Stuart Wilson) tries to scare her, but fails.

He's up to no good.

She's thrown into a Dungeon and sees...Casey Jones with short hair and beard?

Yes, they got Elias Koteas back as Casey (who was cut when they wanted a 'less violent' Film for Part 2) in the Present Scenes (wearing a now obvious wig) and in these Scenes playing his descendant named 'Whit.'

The Turtles use the Artifact to travel back to rescue April and are given an arbitrary 60 hour deadline in which to do so.

The group is separated, but eventually reunite to save a Village from the Lord and Wilson's men.

During all this, Raphael (who was feeling unwanted in NYC) bonds with a kid named 'Yoshi.'

This one is far cuter than the other Yoshi we got in a 1993 Film.

The Turtles join the Resistance- naturally- and we get some fighting with *gasp* their actual weapons.

They are allowed to do this, since the Soldier have them too...I guess.

Whit seems to betray the group, but then feels bad about it.

After a failed attempt to kill Leonardo with a cannon (perhaps inspiring Kung Fu Panda?), Wilson flees and falls to his death in the Ocean...but they didn't add a splash in, so he just vanishes into the water.

Raphael and Michelangelo both want to stay (for slightly different reasons), but eventually concede.

Mikey is a few seconds later and we tease him being stuck there...for about 10 seconds.

The random Drama ends when the Turtles reunite and dance like in the beginning.
The End.

It's...not terrible, but I don't think it is that memorable either.
The fact that people continue to conflate this Film and a different Video Game says plenty, doesn't it?

This Story is apparently *sort of* based on the Comics.  The problem is that this version excises all of the Mirage's Villains, replacing them with a generic Lord and a British bad guy.

Stuart Wilson is referred to once as 'Zorro guy' in this one btw and he would be the Villain in the first Antonio Banderas Zorro Film about 5 years later. 

The Turtles themselves look a bit off here, as the new animatronics are a bit spottier with more lip flap than in the previous Films.  The downward trend towards the Suits used in the Live Tour and The Next Mutation begins here.

The Plot is just not that interesting, no matter how many Characters and Subplots they throw in here.  No villains or moments really stand out.
It is just pretty damn forgettable.

By the way, if you need a Forest to sub in for Japan, just go to Astoria, Washington like they did.

Next up, let me jump all of the way back to the 1960s.  Let's see how Bond...James Bond debuted (as part of a look at every Film eventually).  Stay tuned...

Tubi Thursday: Tomb Invader (2018)

The Live-Action Tomb Raider Film from 2018 is on Tubi.

So is The Asylum's 'inspired' Film.

Let's check that one out first...

In a Cold Open, 2 ladies and a dead meat guy try to figure out which key will open a door.

They chose...poorly.

In the Present, we meet Alabama (or Ally) Channing is a Tomb Ra...er, Invader.

They basically give you the Temu Version of the Intro to the first Indiana Jones Film.

She goes back to her College Job and gets a mysterious package- her dead Mom's Journal!

A rich guy calls her and offers her a chance to get the treasure that her Mother tried to get.

She goes to the Tomb- the Title would be a lie otherwise- with her two friends, a Love Interest guy with Stubble and the rich guy.

Who will live?
Will they find the Treasure?

Our Heroine also doesn't quite dress like Lara Croft, despite what the Cover Art says.

I'm shocked.

To find out how her adventure begins (and also ends, because they decide to reboot Tomb Raider instead), stream it now...

A so-so adventure that doesn't do all that much.
I guess it does that stuff alright though.

Is this just a way to do 'Tomb Raider' without paying for the licensing?  Yes.
Not Lara Croft is good, but I never got much more out of her than 'I want to return treasures to their people' and 'I'm sad sometimes.'

She's definitely going for more...but it is missing.

The Film is set in China.
They clearly shot all of it in California.

Oh right- they used a few CGI shots of an Asian Temple they bought from a Stock Footage Website a couple of times.  I'm now convinced.

This is the kind of DTV Film that is just kind of so-so, inoffensive and you kind of forget about in a week or so.

Now let's change the Actress for the Foreign Cover...for some reason.

A Film that is halfway decent, fairly low budget and inoffensive.  Do I expect more from The Asylum at this point?

Bonus: The Many Cameos of 'Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Secret of the Ooze'

 The Plot and background of this 1991 Film were plenty to cover.

As such, I didn't mention the many random Cameos in it.

Let's fix that now...

After the first Action Scene, we see April returning to her Apartment.

She's met by two people, but the notable one is the lady on the right.

That's Susie Essman, the Female Comedian/Actress most known for hating/swearing at Larry David on 'Curb Your Enthusiasm.'

Later on, Keno is being recruited for the Foot Clan.

Among the group there, you can see a young Michael Jai White (about a decade before Universal Soldier: The Return) as one of the potential members.

Curiously, he's not also a Stunt Performer here.

Lastly, a less famous one, but also the most adorable one.

In a Scene where Tokka and Rahzar attack the Street to prove a point (and set up the finale), we see an older Couple comment on it.

They are played by David and Sasha Pressman, the Parents of this Film's Director- David Pressman.

Aw, what a good Son.

No pressure on me...right?
Right?!?

'90s Fun: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II- The Secret of the Ooze

 Is this the Breakin' 2: Electric Boogaloo of the Series?

This is Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2- The Secret of the Ooze, the 1991 follow-up to the 1990 smash hit.

Like said Boogaloo, this one was rushed into Production and made within a year of the last one.  That's fast, considering all of the aspects of Studio Filmmaking!

Imagine if Matt Reeves was under the same pressure for The Batman 2!

This time, some things have changed.  Mainly, this is now much more of a Kids Film, so the violence is tamped down and the Action is sillier.

That's not necessarily a bad thing, but it is notable.

We also have a new April, new mutants (as Eastman and Laird vetoed a live-action Bebop and Rocksteady) and more 'almost the guy' Characters.

Does this one hold up as well as its more serious counterpart?  To find out, read on...

Our Heroes are kicking butt still, only this time they don't use their weapons.

It's not like they ever stabbed a foot soldier in the last one or anything!

Regardless, they are staying with...new April (who isn't bad TBF) until they can find a new lair.

Meanwhile, a Scientist (David Warner) is working for the company that made the ooze that transformed our Heroes.

They got rid of all of the samples (for liability and good PR), but there's one left...and someone wants it!

He was happy to be in a Film that his kids could watch.

In the Intro, they fight robbers right in front of Keno, a Pizza Delivery Guy.  So much for being ninjas.

He goes to April's place (where his delivery that night was going to) and discovers them.

Like April, he faints at the sight of Splinter and is then given their origin in the exact same manner.

Will they make a new friend in Part 3 and keep the streak alive?

Warner is kidnapped, along with the ooze, and forced to make Mutants for Shredder, who is alive because shut up, that's why!

He transforms a snapping turtle and a wolf (both found in NYC?) into Rahzar and Tokka.

In a case of Deja Vu, Raphael goes off on his own (annoyed that they aren't looking for the Foot Clan) and recruits Keno to try and join the group.

It works...until it doesn't and Raphael is beaten up by the Foot Clan...again.

It leads to a face-off between the gang and the Mutants, who are way too strong.

They run away- with Warner- and devise a new plan.

They make an anti-mutagen that they eventually feed to them, but more work is required.

So, naturally, they hold them down and spray fire extinguishers down their throats!

Incidentally, the fight spills out of an Industrial Park and into...a Nightclub where Vanilla Ice is performing.

He immediately makes up a new rap (pause for laughter) called 'Ninja Rap' which he performs during the fight.

Our Heroes stop fighting to do a choreographed dance, as you do.

The big fight with Shredder this time is...Keno blasting him out of the building via exploding speaker.

Off-screen, he drinks the remaining ooze and becomes Super Shredder!

He starts smashing up the Pier (next to the Club?) to get to them...and crushes himself (possibly to death).

Alright then.  One more Splinter pun and we're out. 

A fun Film, even if it feels like a very different kind of one.

The Plot is silly, with just enough logic there to make it not satire.  Shredder wanting mutants to stop mutant turtles- sure, I get that.

Of course, they're also kind of dumb and voiced by Frank Welker (who famously doesn't voice animals).

I do appreciate that this one builds on the Turtles' origins too.  If this was leading somewhere for the third Film, I'd have no complaints.

The big thing is that everything here is brighter and less 'scary.'  Case in point...
The first Film opened up with Night Scenes of kids/teens committing crimes.

This one opens with shots of random people eating pizza.

Everything is toned down, sillier and just less threatening.  Even the lead Henchman who almost (but does in the Novelization) kills a Foot Clan Member is just squished by the Turtles and beaten.

Amusingly, this is basically the reverse of how Cartoons work.  They grow up with their audiences.

TMNT 2 is a fun Film, but arguably a downgrade.  Plus, it shows how much inflation we've had.
This is how much the Turtles left to pay for TWO PIZZAS!

Next up, the final Film in the TMNT Trilogy.  Will this disappoint Adult me like it did Kid me back in the day?  Stay tuned...

Tubi Thursday: Shin Ultraman (2022)

 Have things ever lined up so well that you can't ignore them?

I got a bag of Chips with Ultraman on it and a can of Ramune with him on it too.

In that case, let's check out...

Japan is under near constant siege from Kaiju (aka Giant Monsters).

What else is new, right?

Well, hope is on the way.

The Film follows the SSSP (or S-Class Species Suppression Protocol)- a group of Government Agents and Experts that try to deal with the S-Class creatures (aka the Kaiju).

An attack by an electricity-feasting beast is stopped by the arrival of a silver giant (aka Ultraman!).

It shows off some impressive skills, like absorbing dangerous blasts and being able to fire them right back!

It destroys the creature and flies off.

It returns when a second one appears!

The SSSP is still not sure who or what it is.

Regardless, it saves the day...and is actually one of their teammates (sort of- it is complicated).

The Monsters are just the tip of the iceberg.

It turns out that many Aliens are behind the Monsters and present big, humanoid threats to Ultraman.

When one menace is too big and dangerous for even Ultraman, all hope seems lost!

Can he rise to the challenge?
Can the SSSP rise to the occasion?

To find out, stream it now!

A Film that is both fun and very, very quirky.

I'm not that familiar with Ultraman, having not seen the 603 Films that they've made in the last 20 years.  I'm only exaggerating a little bit.

Despite being an Ultraman Film, the Film really does focus on the weird folks at the SSSP.  It also uses all sorts of weird, static camera angles.

It is kind of like if you mixed The Office (or The Thick of It) with an Ultraman Film.

So, you get to follow guys sitting at a Computer and then they cut to a Kaiju.  Why not?

For me, the Film hit the same beats a few too many times and was a bit too long.

I still enjoyed the overall Film and want more Shin content.

Shin Mothra in 2027?  Please!

Now I just need to get some space.  He's a bit of a Helicopter Parent...

A very Japanese Film that focuses on the people in the Kaiju Film.  It is just weird enough to work, but your mileage may vary.

'90s Fun: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (1990)

 As a kid, I loved this Movie.
I had the toys.  I had some of the Comics (I was still a Marvel guy).
I dressed up as one for Halloween at least once.

So how does this one feel as an Adult?

This is 1990's Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.  In the wake of many failures (box office wise, at least) at adapting 'kids stuff' into Films (see G.I. Joe, Transformers: The Movie and Masters of the Universe), no Studio would fund this one outright.

As such, they got $13 million together, got it made and sold it for distribution.  It made over $180 million.

Good return on your investment, no?

The Plot is notably based far more on the Comics (by Mirage) than the Cartoon Show that was currently running.  As such, it was darker and more grounded (no Krang and Dimension X).

It was deemed too violent by many.

To find out how Adult me feels, read on...

You can tell you're in New York.
You can tell it is before a certain day on a certain Year.

You've got 8 days to enjoy this joke before you have to then be upset at it.

With random crime on the rise, only one man can stop it!

Jim Henson!

His Creature Company created out Leads, 4 radical turtle teens raised by a mutated rat and taught ninjitsu.

Again- this is the grounded version.

You want to know just how popular the licesnse was in 1990?

Pizza Hut paid the Studio MILLIONS to promote their food, in spite of the fact that THEIR RIVAL is actually shown and complimented in the Film.

Bow to your Laird and Master!

Raphael goes out on the Streets alone and ends up meeting two humans.

One is Casey Jones, who beats him and runs away.

The other is April O'Neil, who he rescues from a guy played by his Brother (his Suit Performer was also a Foot Clan Member).

They meet up and make friends, in spite of this terrifying shot.

I missed the chance to see this hideous monstrosity on a big screen again this year.

Following the Comics, the group retreats out to rural New York (actually North Carolina) after Raphael is beaten up badly by the Foot Clan and Splinter is rat-napped.

They go full Age of Ultron by bonding and preparing for the big, final fight!

Shredder is the man behind it all and, as luck would have it, he's also the key to Splinter's backstory.

The latter spills the beans via flashbacks as Shredder, well, keeps having the kids commit crimes.

Sorry- no master plan involving lasers, a bomb or a Technodrome here.

After the Turtles take out the Foot Clan, Splinter (and our Point of View Character Danny) convince the remaining kids to turn away from crime.

Leading the group, you have Future Scream Ghost Skeet Ulrich (far left) and Future Marvel Villain Sam Rockwell.

No, really.

Our Heroes face off with Shredder and it doesn't go well.

They can't quite best him, even working together.

Thankfully, Splinter is here to instantly flip Shredder off of a building and into a garbage truck.
He got better.

The End.

Honestly...it is still really good.

I watched it alone (again- not in Theaters), so I was ready to cringe in private.

Some jokes aside, it still holds up.

The Film is an interesting mish mash of the Comics and the Cartoon Show.  You get the personalities from the Show, the tone of the Comics and, as a bonus, Jim Henson.

It's a win-win-win.

The Mirage Comics, for contrast, are just angry and kind of angsty Action Comics at this point.
It hadn't yet reached the point where they were published by Archie Comics and one storyline involved them traveling around the World via Cosmic Cow.

(Seriously, that is a thing that really happened)

The Film gives you the Action you want, the Characters you like, a more serious tone and a good Story.

Of course, this is still an excuse to sell toys, so the Films won't be left out...

Next up, is this truly the radical, tonal departure that I remember it being?  Let's crack open the Ooze and find out!  Stay tuned...

Streaming Standard: Wednesday- Season 2 (Part 1)

 A day away from the mysterious and ooky return of the Show that the Internet loves.

Netflix surely by coincidence split the Show's 2nd Season into 2 Parts- one in August and the other in September.

Two billing cycles, you say?  What a coincidence!

To get this on before Part 2 drops, let's talk about...

I'll spare you the overall recap of Season 1.

If you wanted to know and didn't, you can just watch the actual Intro.

Wednesday returns to Nevermore Academy for a new Year.

She's got new faces to grimace at and a new stalker (or two).

She's very comfortable with her powers, so what happens when they start to fail her?

You never see her outwardly worry, but you know that she is.

Her and Thing have to solve a mystery that hits close to home.

She has to deal with a mysterious stalker, the constant appearance of Ravens and the worst thing of all....

Her Parents are hanging around!

Yes, the full Addams Family is here, including her now-much-taller Brother Pugsley, who is now a Student too.

With new friends, old enemies and all sorts of Subplots going on, can Wednesday stay ahead of things, let alone figure out who wants her dead?

To find out, stream it now.

A very fun, freaky and strange Show.

What does it do differently?  Wednesday is thankfully not in a love triangle (although Enid is).  The family is also a bigger part of things here.

New Cast Members like Steve Buscemi, Thandiwe Newton and Billie Piper really stand out here.  Christopher Lloyd is great too.

The new Plots are really enjoyable too.  They build up nicely and come to a crescendo (for the 1st part, of course).

This is still Jenna Ortega's Show, however, and she doesn't disappoint.  Like with Lisbeth Salander, there's a balance of making them cool, calm and collected...but also in danger.

She also has to be seem cool and dispassionate, but also able to react to new threats.

This 4-Episode section really delivers more of what you want...and also inspires more and more confusing AI 'Art.'

Seriously, WTF is this supposed to be?

A fun Show that feels like a natural expansion of the last Season.  It is bigger, flashier and...I can't wait for it to come back (in like 3 hours).