VHS for the Win: The Great Alligator (River) {1979}

 As Summer nears its end, here's a reminder of why people like me don't go to the Beach.

This is the VHS Box Art for an Italian import from 1979 that is *slightly* influenced by Jaws.

Naturally, the Box Art is as well...

A great image.

Of course, it's not a Scene from the Film.
Are you really surprised?

I also kind of like how it looks like a riff on a Post Card you might get from someone on Vacation in Key West.

If you want to see what I thought about the Film, go here.

Anime Films: Golgo 13- Assignment Kowloon

 A tribute to a legend lost in the only way that I could.  Well, that's not entirely true.  As you can imagine, I own quite a few Sonny Chiba Films.  This just happens to be one that I've never watched, so I picked this one.  Golgo 13- Assignment Kowloon is a 1977 Film based on the Manga of the same name.  I clearly don't know current Anime that well, so I'm definitely in the dark as far as '70s Manga/Anime is concerned.  I do know that Golgo 13 apparently ran for a really long time and got at least 2 Live Action Films.  This is the 2nd, since, again, it's the one that I own.  I've since gotten a copy of the first Film- which was shot entirely in Iran- and I should check that out soon.  This isn't one of those stories that matters so much which order you watch it in.  The basic premise- Duke Togo is Golgo 13, an Assassin that carries out missions all over the World.  There's not much to explain, so that makes my job easier.  To see how a Martial Arts Legend took on an (apparent) Classic Manga Character (the 2nd time), read on...

An American hires Golgo to kill a Chinese Crime Syndicate Leader.

Surprisingly, this is, in fact, NOT Werner Herzog.
I double-checked.

He has 2 people watching the deal go down, so Golgo just whips out his rifle (carried in a bag) and shoots them.

Weirdly, the 2nd guy just kind of stands there in shock after his buddy was shot clean in the head.

It's called Fight or Flight for a reason...and you're dead.

He goes to, well, guess from the Title to take care of the guy.

Complicating matter is the Police, who are also out to get the bad guy.

Naturally, it is one young, charismatic and handsome Detective leading the case.

The bad guy, of course, has a cover and lots of goons at his disposal.

When one Cop is captured and later killed, however, all bets are off!

Twists and turns come up as Golgo's target is killed by someone else and now he has to find THAT killer.

This leads to him going back to Japan, which feels like a bit of a cheat given the Title, no?

Can he get the real bad guy without being killed first?

Of course he can.

Seeing how he does it is still pretty interesting though.  The End.

A solid, if basic Film.  The basic Plot- guy goes to kill someone and complications ensue- is just a way to keep people in motion.  If you're looking for big Plot Twists and turns, you'll get more elsewhere.  If you're looking for Sonny Chiba being bad-ass, you're in the right place.  His natural aura and presence really carries the Film.  As Golgo, he's not exactly the most nuanced Character.  For instance, he helps a woman who shoots the guy who raped her Sister.  He helps her, however, by telling the Cops that someone else did it.  He's not the guy who help her take out the bad guy...so complex?  This, of course, pays off in the Third Act, since Movie.  The dynamic of him as, let's be honest, a bad guy who kills other bad guys could and has worked in many other Films.  As it is, it's hard to get super-invested in him as a Character.  The Film has a nice, gritty look with its City Scenes and the big Island finale.  It's not helped for me, unfortunately, by some technical issues.  My copy is from the 2004 Release which is just about passable.  Unfortunately for me, the Subbed Version (which I usually prefer) is somehow worse quality and has hard to read subtitles.  Oh well- Dubbed it is.  The Ending is all sorts of busy, since it involves fighting, a shoot-out, a fake escape and a real escape.  In a Make the Hero Look Impossibly-Good cheat, they just explain how Golgo got 10 steps ahead of everyone, climbed a mountain, lined up a shot and killed the bad guy...off-screen.  I can't speak for how this matches up to the Manga and Anime, but I'm curious enough to check them out.  Hopefully they are worth it...

Next up, I cover the other Vampire Film on the Disc.  Will it be less depressing or just as bad?  Stay tuned...

Tubi Thursday: John Carpenter Presents Body Bags (1993)

 Let's try something new with some *not sponsored* content.  You might as well start for free and then get paid, no?

All jokes aside, I have a massive backlog of stuff on Tubi, so let's look at the first one I picked for this...

In this Movie/Failed Pilot for a Showtime Series, a Corpse (played by John Carpenter) introduces 3 Tales of Terror.

Fittingly, he also Directed 2 of them, so he's the guy for the job!

In the first Tale, a woman is working a new job at a Gas Station.  As (bad) luck would have it, there's a Serial Killer on the loose.

Is it the Nice Guy, the other Nice Guy or the creepy guy?  The answer may surprise you.

It's not this guy, since he's more keen to direct a killer than be one.

Also be on the look out for a familiar face as a corpse.

In the 2nd tale, a man- Stacy Keach- is worried about hair loss.  Naturally, he's willing to work with a weird Doctor- David Warner- to get his help.

Since we got Davids Naughton and Warner, we have a connection- both of them were in Ice Cream Man!

The product works and everything seems great.

Oh right- it's a Horror Story, so there are freaky side-effects.

Based on his hair now, I'm guessing that he turns into Tommy Wiseau.

In the final tale (by Tobe Hooper), a man- Mark Hamill- gets an eye transplant after a car accident.

I wonder how he prepared to get into the mindset of a guy who survived a car accident.
Oh...right.

Like every story about someone getting a 'blank' transplant, he starts to go crazy.  Can he resist the urge to kill?

To find out the answers, stream this one now.  Hey, it's free- no excuses!

A pretty varied and interesting set of Horror Stories.  

The basic Premise- a creepy Coroner shares Horror Tales- is not that unique.  This was made to be a sort-of counterpart to Tales From the Crypt (for Showtime).  It shows.  

That said, Carpenter has fun with the character and his energy is pretty infectious.  

The first tale is a pretty simple one that is really accented- like most Carpenter Films- by the Soundtrack.  It gives you a pretty simple scenario and delivers what you'd expect.  

The 2nd tale is a bit weirder and more wacky.  It touches upon a subject that is near and dear to many people, even 20+ years later.  

Keach delivers here, as does David Warner is his small, but pivotal role.  The hook here is a weird one, but it worked for me.  

The final tale is an odd one by comparison.  As the only one by Hooper, it feels...different.  

It's more visceral and aggressive in ways that the other 2 aren't.  There's a weird kind of fun to those, while the final one is pretty mean and bleak.  

It kind of reminds of the randomly serious interlude that ended Tales from the Hood 2.  In this case, it feels like a Hooper kind of story, just mixed with the Body Horror Theme that would prove to be popular around the time (see Idle Hands, The Hand and Body Parts).  

If these were 3 Episodes of the planned Show, it would be easier to ignore ('Ooh, just skip the mean one, Steve') but it's hard when it is part of a 'Film.'  

I'd have been happier with either 2 more like this one OR a final short by Carpenter.  Regardless, Body Bags is a fun Anthology Film and has been somewhat overlooked.  

You might as well watch it for free then.  If you don't, I know a guy to send your way... 

A fun, but uneven Horror Anthology that could have lead to more.  I'm always up for more John Carpenter though.

New Streaming: What If...Captain Carter Became The First Avenger (Episode 1)

 With a break from Live-Action Shows, Marvel dares to ask What If...?

Will this adaptation of the long-running and classic Comic Book deliver big or be underwhelming?

Let's start with the first Episode (and some general SPOILERS)...

The Premise

Taking place during a key point in Captain America: The First Avenger (the 2nd or 3rd best Cap Film ever), we see what would happen if Peggy Carter stayed on the Lab Floor

The saboteur reacted early and shot Steve, leading to a new subject to be used for the experiment...

Now with a full-time Soldier injected with the Serum instead of a 4H reject (no offense, fictional Steve), we have Captain Carter!

She takes to the formula quite well.

The Execution

Captain Carter runs into similar problems as Captain America- a lack of support from Commanding Officers (this time, it's not Tommy Lee Jones, sadly).

On top of that, she's a woman in 1941, so...you know, that.

Like the other Cap, she still becomes a Hero in full and proves herself on missions against the Red Skull.

She manages to capture the Tesseract, save Bucky and get a new ally in the Hydra Stomper.

This is an impossibly(in the main MCU)-early version of Iron Man made by Tony Stark's Father!

It's Captain- a powerless (but still heroic) Steve Rogers!

The big hook of the Series is doing something crazy and interesting.  Do they do just that?

Is it a big change?

Arguably, the Story is a beat-for-beat version of the events of Captain America: The First Avenger.
After all, they only swapped out the Lead.

That said, we do get the following...

 * No Winter Soldier in the future (with Bucky saved)

 * A massive head-start on Iron Man tech with the Dad making a suit as early as 60+ years ahead of his  son.  What does a 2009 Iron Man look like with that advantage?

 * No Red Skull on Vormir.  Who takes his place then?

* No time-shuffled Steve Rogers and no proper Captain America.  What is the future of, for instance, The Falcon now?

All in all, this is a strong, if somewhat safe pick to begin the Season with.  I've heard the argument that this is just a Rule 43 (gender-swapping) of the lead Avenger.  I can see that argument.  Is there more to it?  For me, it rises a bit above that.  I thought that they did a good job showing how someone different was affected by the formula.  In other Shows/Films, we've seen people corrupted by it (Red Skull), struggling to control it (The Winter Soldier) and those that go full-on murder crazy (US Agent).  On top of that, we got the even less controlled would-be Soldiers in The Winter Soldier.  The only other truly positive example we've gotten is (an older and world-weary) Super Soldier in Isaiah from The Falcon & The Winter Soldier.  Peggy is a true hero (as her time serving in WWII and the original SHIELD has shown), so it is good to see her get her chance.  She shines here!  On top of that, we get more proof that Steve Rogers is a hero without his shield and powers.  He continued to fight in his own way without the Serum here!  It brought more nuance to the character, even without Chris Evans providing the vocals.  That (and no Jones) is a disappointment, but not a deal-breaker.  For me, this is arguably a safe-ish Episode that tests the waters for more intense and daring Episodes to come.  Don't let it hurt you now.

Next time, an animated twisting of 2 Heroes' fates.  On top of that, see how one man can change...a Universe.  See you then...

Rare Flix: The Reflecting Skin (1990)

 Alright, so this isn't what was promised.  1990 gave us The Reflecting Skin, a pseudo-Horror Film funded/produced by Canadian and British Companies.  My source for this Film- a multi-Film Set.  One Disc has 4 Films on it, this one included.  The Theme- Vampires.  That's how you get Subspecies and From Dusk 'Til Dawn together with stuff like this.  Yeah, that's very misleading.  The Film is actually an attempt at doing what I can best describe as a Deconstructed mix of American Gothic and Horror.  Wow, even I think I sound like a douche for describing it like that.  It's accurate though.  From Director Phillip Ridley, it is a clear attempt to be arty and interesting.  It mostly works...but also depresses the hell out of me.  If you need to know anything about Ridley, enjoy this quote from him about his work- 'Although Ridley creates stories through a wide range of media, he dislikes his work being categorised by the medium in which it is told, often referring to them belonging to each other as "different peaks of the same mountain."'  Yeah.  Anyhow, let's see what this is and why it relates to The Lord of the Rings...

In 1950's Idaho, our Hero and his friends (three young kids) are introduced and then immediately forcibly-inflate a toad (by shoving a reed up its ass!)...

…and blow it up in front of this woman's face (by shooting it with a rock).

Yeah, f##k these kids, right?

...fine.  I'll keep going.

Our Hero lives at a Farm House/Gas Station (with only one client) with his unhappy Mother, depressed Father and Brother who is serving over in the Pacific.

Come home, Strider- we need you!

After being forced to apologize to the woman from earlier, our Hero is told that she's 200 years old by her (as a joke?) and that her Husband killed himself a week after they wed.

He jumps right to Vampire with her, since his Dad is reading the most convenient Book ever.

Seriously, for as subtle and understated as this tries to be, this is blatant AF!

One of the kid's friends is found dead and the Police go right to blaming the Father.  Why?

He was apparently caught making out with another guy when he was 18, so he must be the killer.

I mean, it is Homophobic even by '50s standards...but also sadly-accurate.

The depressed Dad thinks that they want to arrest him (which they do), so he commits suicide in the most dramatic way- lighting himself on fire and blowing up the Gas Pumps.

Good thing you didn't, you know, kill your Family with you!!!

His Brother comes home after this, but he's not doing great himself.

He falls for the 'Vampire' Lady and reveals to her a sad secret- he's dying of radiation poisoning (and guilt) from his work overseas.

Not making the connection, the kid thinks that he's being drained of life by the woman.

As such, when he sees her getting a ride from the guys he now knows are driving around killing people (a Plot Point that is oddly-minor here), he doesn't warn her or intercede.

She's killed and it wrecks his brother.

Realizing his mistake, the kid runs off and screams futilely at the sun.

What a *sigh* fun Film.  The End.

A bleak, depressing Film set in a bright, happy-loking place.  Oh, I get it now.  Yeah, the 'hook' of the Film is not that hard to decipher.  Alot of the Film can be vague or under-explained (like the whole 'Greasers as Serial Killers' thing), but this part isn't.  That said, the Film looks really great.  My print is not the greatest (there's apparently a Blu-Ray from recent years) either.  I can see why this might work for people.  There are people that watch Films from a purely-emotion free point-of-view.  There are Films that are 'great' like, for instance, Happiness or Requiem for a Dream.  I don't need to see them, no matter how good they may be.  If you like those kinds of Films and/or really want to examine the visual symbolism going on here, that's great.  The Reflecting Skin is a unique Film.  That said, it is depressing and bleak as all hell.  Even reliving this Plot to Review makes me need to laugh at something- anything!- to change my mood.  Look what it did to poor Viggo Mortensen...

Next up, another Vampire Film from the Disc.  Will it be as memorable and less depressing?  Stay tuned...

'60s Trash: Doctor Blood's Coffin (1961)

 A case of a good Title...but not what is actually promised.  This is Doctor Blood's Coffin, a 1961 Thriller which promises alot.  Who is Doctor Blood?  He's a Frankenstein-style Doctor who wants to cure death.  He's...evil?  Well, he is, but his motives sound good at first.  What's up with his coffin?  Well, I'll get to that later. Sufficed to say, this is not the bloody, ghastly chiller that it sounds like.  The actual Plot involves a small Village in England dealing with missing people?  Who's responsible?  Well, the Film plays coy...for about 20 minutes- tops.  In an interesting move, we know who the bad guy is for most of this and follow him around.  It's not 100% unique, but pretty rare for the time.  Does it work?  The Film comes to us from Sidney J. Furie, a long-time Director with lots of stuff on his Resume.  Granted, some of that is Superman IV, Detention (with Dolph Lundgren) and Rodney Dangerfield's My 5 Wives.  This Film is also notable for being one of the first Zombie Films in Color.  I'll get into that later too though.  To find out how this great Title...I mean, Film is, read on...

In a Cold Open, a Doctor is kicked out of his University for doing an experiment on an unwilling subject.

Weirdly, he leaves without killing his Teacher who stops him.  Odd, no?

In a small Village, random people are going missing.  Who is to blame?

It's Dr. Blood...specifically his Son, that is.

We find out, as noted, quickly and then see him try to do his work in secret.
It helps when people just implicitly trust him and look into nothing he does or says.

In between his playing God, he also tries to hook up with a Nurse.  

She's sad because her Husband is dead, but I'm sure that won't come up later.

She eventually begins to suspect that some of what he's saying doesn't add up.

The fact that other people are going missing and he's acting more erratic doesn't help.

She catches him in the act- well, not working on his master plan fully- and he comes clean to her.  He's one of those 'I think that I'm helping' kind of villains.

She doesn't believe in his work and runs away.

He flees to his Cave- which they checked earlier, but trusted him when he said it was empty- and finishes his work.  She shows up again and it's good, since his masterpiece is the revival of...

Her Husband.

Dun dun dun!

Naturally, he kills the Doctor and she runs off as the Film just kind of stops.

It has so much promise- the Title that is.  No, I won't let this go!

The Title promises something like the Blood Island Series and, boy, does it not deliver.  You basically get a Frankenstein Film with no Monster until the last few minutes (making the First Zombie Film in Color achievement kind of hollow).  The Lead- Kieron Moore- does a good enough job as Doctor Blood.  He just doesn't have anything extra going on with him.  He wants to do his work.  People don't want him to.  He doesn't like that.  I've seen Bruce Willis drowned in puddle's less shallow than his motivations!  The Acting, as a whole, is fine.  No complaints really.  Nobody stands out per se either though, to be fair.  The Pacing is fine, building up to the reveal nicely.  Ultimately though, there's not enough substance to keep things interesting throughout.  Decent Film.  Great Title.  Bad VHS Box Art.

Next time, a weird Vampire Film that doesn't quite end up like you think.  It's the kind of arty stuff that I'd normally dump in Bob's lap...yea?  Stay tuned...

'80s Class: The Lair of the White Worm

 Who would have ever guessed that I'd have the Space Jam Sequel to thank for me seeing this.  This is Ken Russell's adaptation of Bram Stoker's The Lair of the White Worm.  If you don't know, the new Space Jam features a whole crew of look-alikes playing Characters from the Warner Bros Catalog.  That's why the Audience includes multiple Jokers, Pennywise, The Animaniacs and...the Nun from The Devils?!?  The last one is especially strange, since they own the Film but REFUSE to release it.  The only copies around- like mine- are from older releases.  The Film was very controversial in its day and, well, things haven't changed much in the last 4 Decades plus.  The Film is around- on Shudder, apparently- but still not Uncut.  With that in mind, I came across another Ken Russell Film on Prime and said 'Why not?'  It's weird.  Yes, it is Ken Russell, so no shock there.  Based somewhat-loosely on a Bram Stoker Tale, the Film is about a small Town, an evil woman, a man living off of his family's legacy and a monster in hiding.  The Cast is most notable for featuring Hugh Grant in an early role and featuring future Doctor Who himself Peter Capaldi.  A little Trivia for you: this and Paddington 2 are Films that feature this duo.  There's a link you didn't expect to see, I bet!  Will they save the day?  Will this Film offend?  To find out, read on...

A Scottish Visitor- Capaldi- digs us the skull of a large, ancient creature.  He's happy about it.

In the same Town, we meet Grant.  He's the descendant of a family who famously slayed 'The Great Worm.'

As he explains later, it's actually more of a Wyrm aka Dragon.

In some subtle foreshadowing, our Lead Heroine is 'chased' by the Monster at a Party celebrating the Anniversary of its slaying.

Nice.

A weird woman- Amanda Donohoe- returns to Town and is definitely up to no good.

For one thing, snakes hide around her House.  She also takes this 'Boy Scout' home and kills him.

As the Film goes on, Grant becomes more uncomfortable with his life of privilege and tries to act more heroic.

 Of course, he still stays in the Mansion with all of his stuff and Butler, so baby steps.

Our Heroines are looking for their missing Parents and one person does know where they are- Donohoe.

She's a Snake Worshipper and plans to bring the Wyrm back for revenge!

She has one of the duo under her control and uses her to get the other...

Can Capaldi learn enough about the ancient lore of the land to find out what to do to save her?

Or will our Villainess get her wish by bringing back the Wyrm for a sacrificial bite?

The creature sure looks hungry...so why don't you watch it and find out?

No 33 year old SPOILERS this time.  The End.

A weird and wacky Film.  There's no mistaking a Ken Russell Film- that's for sure.  For one thing, there are a few key Scenes involving hallucinations/visions that are very much in his style.  It has Nuns in peril, some anti-Christian imagery (there intentionally to shock, mind you) and some weird effects.  It's less of a key thing here than in The Devils, so it gets by.  It's got other wackiness, including a weird dream sequence involving Hugh Grant, a Cave and then a 747- why not?!?  The best comparison I can give to this one is that it is a British Film in the style of Twin Peaks (especially the more random Season 2).  If you like that Show (even the uneven Season 3), you'll like this one.  Seeing a young Hugh Grant in a trippy Monster Movie is fun.  The make-up work is good.  The Film has good Acting.  It has a weird, eccentric appeal.  If you like the straight-forward stuff, this is not for you.  If you like a Film that is both 'art-house' and silly, this is for you.  Looking into Films like this can be fun, but also confusing.  For instance, both Donohoe and one of the Leads (Catherine Oxenberg) both have roles in Starship Troopers 3!  The latter was also married to Casper Van Dien (appearing with him in Sharktopus vs. Whalewolf).  Doing all of this research for, well, nobody can sometimes make you just want to...

Next time, another random dive and another random Film.  See what you get next time, won't you?  Stay tuned...