Tubi Thursday: The Dark Side of the Moon (1990)

 The Moon is all over the News now.  It is huge!

Specifically, the Dark Side of it.

So why am I just now hearing about it when we went there in 1990...

In the Year 2022, the Crew of a ship goes to repair a Nuclear Sattelite.

You all remember those, right?

Everything on the ship starts to break down and stop working as they get to the Dark Side of the Moon.
Hey, that's the Title!

Their AI is Lesli, who is a hot lady who kind of just sits in a chair doing nothing.
Why do we have GROK and not this?!?

While they float in space and their orbit decays, a ship appears!

It is a Space Shuttle that crashed in the Ocean (after the mission ended) back in the 1990s!

Naturally, they go on board.

That goes poorly.
You don't say!

The Crew who goes onto the Ship gets infected or killed by an unseen force.

It turns out to pure evil!

Something about the Bermuda Triangle's coordinates being (sort of) 666 means that every ship that vanishes in there appears on the Dark Side of the Moon!

It's all sorts of silly, but at least we get The Bartender from The Shining as The Devil.

The End.

It sure wanted to be an Event, but I can't see a return on the Horizon.

Yeah, it's the obvious reference.
You found The Devil in Space- it's Event Horizon!

Comparisons aside, the Film suffers from the same issues that most of these cheapie Space Films did.
The Ship is 5 hallways that look the same.  The lights almost never work.
Everything looks...off.

They do a decent job of showing the growing paranoia of the crew as members die off and the Devil does some freaky stuff.

If I want an evil trickster in Space though, I'll stick with Leprechaun 4: In Space.
If I want to see a bunch of military guys getting paranoid in the middle of nowhere, I'll watch John Carpenter's The Thing.

It's not bad, but everything they have to show you is kind of derivative...

A

Shudder Day: Deathstalker (2025)

 Due to the Holiday and work, this one is late.

That said, I waited Decades for a new Deathstalker, so this is nothing...

This is Deathstalker (Daniel Bernhardt).

He takes an amulet from a dying man and gets dragged into a quest (of mostly self-preservation).

He teams up with a Wizard named Doodad (voiced by Patton Oswalt) who can translate the runes.

Familiar, this shot is.

It wouldn't be a Deathstalker Film without a Pigman.

This one is- sadly- not Stock Footage from the 1st Film, unlike his appearance in the other 3 Films.

Our Hero is beset by many assassins and creatures since the Amulet is this Film's magical MacGuffin.

A slew of crazy creatures and effects- this is definitely from the Director of Psycho Goreman!

Twists and turns.

Freaky monsters.

What else will Deathstalker face?

Is he up to the task of stopping the evil that threatens the Kingdom?

Can he even survive this?

To find out, stream this one now!

A fun and crazy Film in all of the right ways.

If you don't know, I've definitely become a fan of Steven Kostanski in recent years.  Frankie Freako was fun.  Psycho Goreman was a worthy (if not intentional) follow-up to The Guyver.

Oh, and full disclosure, I was part of the Kickstarter on this one.  I have the Digital Matte Paintings to prove it.

This Film works because it gives you everything you hope for in a Film like Deathstalker.  Crazy Monsters, a gruff (and buff) hero, a Wizard or two.

There are clear homages to Films of the Genre and even fringe ones like Conquest or Army of Darkness here.

Was it made cheaply?  Relatively.  Do they redress/reuse Sets?  Obviously.
Do I care?  Hell no!

If you're a fan of the OG Series or just like his other, bloody Films, check this one out!

A fun homage to Sword and Sorcery with modern effects.  It's no Fantasy Epic, but it is a bloody good time!

Bail Bond: The Man with the Golden Gun (1974)

 How was this nearly the end of the Franchise?!?

Today's Film is The Man with the Golden Gun, the 1974 Sequel to Moore's first Bond entry.

This is based on the last of Ian Fleming's Novels and there's even some dispute about whether he finished it or not.  Was this his Silmarillion?  

Regardless, Bond is back and a new threat is after him.  He's got the most OP Weapon in Goldeneye too.  Good thing Oddjob is already dead or he'd be unstoppable!

There's also a Plot involving a scientific MacGuffin too.

The Film was made at a weird impasse as recent Series Writer Tom Manciewicz is only the Co-Writer and Producers were pushing for some changes to Bond.
Throw in them trying to cash in on the latest cinematic trend and you have an interesting Film.

To see how interesting, read on...

In a Cold Open, a man pays some money to try and kill Scaramanga (Christopher Lee), as he's the World's Top Assassin.

He fails, of course, but only after we see the man's obstacle course/Disney Attraction that will show up in Act 3.

A bullet with Bond's name on it is sent to MI6 and he's now aware of the threat.

There's also the matter of how unique the bullet is- one made for just a single, special gun.

Thankfully, it is so special that you can just track down the maker.

Bond follows the trail- as the maker is sending more bullets to Scaramanga- and it leads to this lady.

Moore's Bond actually threatens her for information, which was a change that Producers wanted.
Moore didn't like it and...yeah, this doesn't feel earned.

Nobody knows what Scaramanga actually looks like.  
At the same time, they know that he has a third nipple.

How?  Shut up- that's how!

Bond uses this to try and trick the man who hired him and...yeah, you can see the hole in this plan already, can't you?

Bond is caught, but they won't kill him at the house of the man- a billionaire- for some good reasons.

Instead, they transport Bond to a Karate School and make him watch some fighters before making him also fight.

He makes an escape, but then needs back up.  It soon comes in the Nieces of his fellow Agent (who is Korean, but has a Thai and Chinese Niece?) who kick major butt.

And yes, before you Google it, that is the Landlady from 'Kung Fu Hustle' on the right.

Due to the Director liking the Character, Sheriff Pepper just happens to be on vacation where Bond is on the mission and gets roped into helping Bond.

Sure- why not?

They do an amazing car spin stunt- which they failed to recreate on Top Gear- but Scaramanga escapes by strapping wings and an engine to his car to fly away.

The MacGuffin really comes into play here as the good guys and bad guys fight over it.

Bond gets it from the bad guys and it ends up in not-so-good Agent Goodnight's hands...and she's taken by the bad guys.

Bond goes to Scaramanga's Island- now legit called James Bond Island- and is forced to duel him.

On his home turf and with his henchman Nick Nack, Scaramanga can't lose.

He does, of course, as Bond switches outfits with the Bond Statue- introduced in Act 1- and kills the surprised villain.

In the aftermath, they must escape from his base and recover the MacGuffin before- and say it with me- the place explodes.

Naturally, Nick Nack snuck onto the boat and a final fight ensues!

Bond manages to lock him in a suitcase- he's small, you see- and...well, he just takes him off-screen.
Did he throw him overboard?  Maybe.

Oh well, the End.

A Film that I enjoyed...but I can definitely see the issues.

The Film has some odd issues with its Tone, to say the least.

It is funny at times, with the Sheriff reappearing, the slide whistle used during the car stunt and just how dumb they made Britt Ekland's Goodnight.

In contrast, Bond is somewhat abusive to Maud Adams' Character and her sad arc feels reminiscent of the one we'd see with Severine in Skyfall a few Decades later.
We also get some rough and tumble fighting early on, with Bond even bleeding.

The Film can be fun, but is never quite sure what it wants to be.

So much of it is silly- like having Nick Nack so prevalent- and it eventually goes full cliche. 
Why does Scaramanga need an Island Base and a big-ass laser gun?

I definitely had fun with this one, but I can see why Critics- and Audiences- had some issues with it.  I really like everyone involved here, but...yeah, it's a bit silly and confusing.

Instead of moving forward, we're directly lifting stuff from Diamonds are Forever...

A Dumb Helper in a Bikini for Act 3?  Where'd they come up with this idea?

Next up, a quick Bond break to check out a Film Trilogy.  I finally got my hands on all 3 of the Dragon Tattoo Films, so let's check them out...

Streaming Standard: Anaconda (2025)

 A META Sequel to a dead Franchise?
A killer snake Film?

It's on Netflix (at time of writing) and I had a free evening, so let's do this!

A group of friends reunite later in life.

They all had dreams of making Movies.

Rudd- a flailing Actor- pitches the idea that they do a Remake of their favorite Film- Anaconda- since he got the rights.

So, we get a soft mix of Be Kind Rewind (who was the Lead in that again) and Anaconda.

The group make their Film, but are unknowingly dragged into the middle of a B-Plot over some stolen gold.

Their attempt to make the Film is aided by the fact that they hired a (somewhat crazy) guy who owns an actual Anaconda.

They shoot a bunch of footage with it before tragedy strikes.
Naturally, they put all of this in the Trailer (and more).

Tensions arise after that and, naturally, a giant anaconda is also nearby.

Rudd- on the outs with the group- sees the carnage and has to warn everyone!

The snake attacks everyone and they have to make a run for it.

I won't SPOIL why Jack has a pig on his back (unless you watched the Trailer), but I will say that they must take out the creature before any other lives are lost.

Can they?

To find out, stream it now...

It is honestly better than I was expecting it to be.

To be fair, this was a Film that I saw promoted in the Months leading up to December and never went to see in a Theater.  So, my standard for this was not super high- just to be clear.

With that out of the way, I did kind of really like this one.

Everyone in the Film is likable as an Actor and as a Character.

To his credit, Jack Black does let the quieter moments be just that.  You still get usual schtick, but it is not constant.

Thandiwe Newton was also good here, giving this Film some gravitas, while still leaning into the jokes.

The Effects are good here.  Nothing groundbreaking, but good.

The META nature of the Plot will either sell this one to you as something different or sour you if you just want another killer snake Film.

Either way, it is far better than the Fake AI Trailer Images suggest. 

A pretty fun Film that can hit you in the feels when it wants to.  It is still a META Sequel, so your mileage may vary.

5,400th Post Celebration: The Sixth Sense (1999)

 How do I celebrate another Milestone Number of Posts?

How about the most famous Film in the History of Film Twists?
Sounds good.

The Sixth Sense is a 1999 Film that made M. Night Shyamalan into a big-name Director.
That would surely last forever!

The Film is about a young man who is troubled.  Can a psychologist help him?  Will his secret be too much to bear?

The Movie was nominated for six Oscars.  It didn't win any.
Sorry, Mr. Night.

Does the Film hold up after all of these years?  To find out, read on...

A man (Bruce Willis) is celebrating winning an Award for his psychology work at home with his Wife.

A former Patient breaks in, shoot Willis and then himself.

The Film then cuts to 'Next Fall' (so a year from this point or did this part take place in Spring?) and we follow a kid (Haley Joel Osment) who is considered to be a 'freak.'

I suppose him looking at anyone that way would give that impression.

Willis starts to talk to him and treat the kid, although he doesn't do it in actual Sessions.

You think he'd have an Office, but...oh right, I don't know that part yet.

After a good forty minutes of not much happening save for World Building, we get Osment's big line.

He finally reveals that he can 'see dead people.'

Of course, if you ask the Internet, this is the really famous one.

Willis finally gives the good some good advice.

Help the Ghosts.

It is easier said than done.

Speaking of easy, it was easy to get Willis on-board.  He owed the Studio for a never completed Film.

This is put to the test when a scary girl ghost (Mischa Barton) appears to Osment.

However, she shows him the truth and he reveals it to the Father.

The Mom was poisoning her- suffering from Munchausen by Proxy Syndrome- and she died from it.

He's finally able to convince his Mom that he sees Ghosts as well, with a story about Grandma that he couldn't know about.

Speaking of convincing, we get the big twist- Willis finally realizes that he was a Ghost this whole time, since he died from the gunshot.

He gets closure from helping Osment and disappears.

The End.

A Film that mostly holds up really well.

Here's the big thing right off the bat- the Film is only sometimes a 'Thriller.'  More often than not, it is a dry, terse Drama full of long, deep conversations.

Once we learn about the Ghosts being a thing, some good scares occur and even more subtle ones (like the Charred Actress before the Play).

The Film has gained this amazing reputation for its twist and, honestly, it definitely cheats a lot!
We see just enough of Willis to not make it super obvious (even if we never see him use a door), but it is hard to believe that his Character couldn't figure it out.

Was he such a jerk that nobody ever talked to him when he was alive?

Speaking of his death, did the Wife not call 911?  That gunshot wound looked bad, but survivable.
They were in Philadelphia- help was available!

If you're going to watch this now, you most likely know the twist.  As such, watch it for a rare show of Willis genuinely emoting and giving a shit (especially compared to Glass).

Osment is really, really good here too.

Just don't expect some amazing, tense Thriller all the time and you can enjoy yourself.

A Film with this amazing reputation and that made a Director.  It's still pretty darn good, even if you know the twist and all.

Tubi Thursday: The Jolly Monkey (2025)

 A deluge of Stephen King Adaptations in Film was upon us last year.

As such, we got a Mockbuster or two.

This is...

Welcome to the Jolly Monkey Motel.

In our Cold Open, a Family in 1975 goes there and is killed.

In the Present day, its owners are now dead and the relatives are arriving.

The Granddaughter of the Owners arrives first with her Cliche Loser Brother.

They look around the place, seeing the creepy sites before the others arrive.

Key amongst the things to see are these Monkey Dolls, which now have leather faces sewn onto them.

That's not an immediate red flag, since the Movie has to happen.

Does this Monkey resemble the title Character of that Stephen King Film?

Yes.

That one was about a strange force killing people in elaborate ways Final Destination-style.

This is about a masked killer dressed up in a monkey suit.

I take back everything I ever thought about you, Primate.  I'll give you a chance now.

Can the family escape the wrath of the man-sized monkey?

Will they figure out the mystery of the Motel?

Will this be kind of disappointing?

To find out, stream it now.

Positives first- this is only a rip-off in the sense that it tries to trick you into thinking that it is the real thing.

Unlike many of these Mockbusters, the Plot isn't exactly the same/the best guess as to what happens in the original.
It is, for better or worse, a different tale with its own Plot.

That said, the Plot isn't great.  It's not the worst though.

I won't SPOIL the killer reveal, but I will say that your expectations are going to be better than the actual result.
If everything was just crazy magical/cursed, I'd be happier.

With that not being the case, that kill I teased earlier by the car raises about 42 important questions that will not be answered.

It is far from the worst idea, but its execution leaves lots to be desired.
And now, they can't be sued over the doll, since they used a real one...

A Film that starts out decently enough and builds up alright.  Sadly, the payoff is not nearly as jolly as I'd like it to be.