Tubi Thursday: Cutting Class (1989)

 How have I not ever done this one?!?

Oh right- it is a Horror Comedy.

Let's see how good a Film that sat on a shelf for 2 years before being released truly is...

Our Final Girl's Dad- Martin Mull- goes out hunting and is, well, hunted himself.

He's shot with an arrow...but he'll keep popping throughout the Film.
It is that kind of Film.

The Film focuses on her and her friends- notably Brad Pitt is among them.

He's 80% of the reason this got an HD Remaster.

They're all kind of jerks, but she's nice.
That's the rule, right?

Another Student is back from a long time away in a Mental Hospital.

The fact that he looks like early '90s Jim Bruer doesn't help his case for sanity either.

The School is also full of jerks in authority, like the Principal here.

Roddy McDowall is back in this kind of role and, like Angel IV: Undercover, he's never punished for his crimes.

He was also the Principal in 'Class of 1999.'

People start dying at the School, though the killer does a good job hiding the bodies.

He manages to kill the Art Teacher (see the Stinger), the Slutty Friend and some random guy before his offing of the Vice Principal is discovered.

The 'crazy' guy is blamed- he also just wandered up as the body was found- and goes into hiding.

He tries to convince our Final Girl that he's not the killer- Brad Pitt is.

To see how it all plays out, stream it now.

A Film that is actually kind of...good?  It's not great, but it has moments.

I was worried about this one as a 'Horror Comedy.'  That is harder to pull off than people think.
This one just has weird, silly moments, but never makes humor out of the deaths.

The big draw here since, well, the 1990s is Brad Pitt as the main Jock.  He's pretty good.  He definitely goes a bit broad at times, but that could be part of an issue with the direction.

This Film was Directed by Rospo Pallenberg (who co-wrote for stuff like Exorcist 2 and Zardoz).  It is his only Film as a Director...and, as mentioned, was shelved for 2 years.

The Writer did go on to create Salute Your Shorts, at least.

All in all, it is a Horror Comedy that is played mostly-straight and kind of works.  It won't (and didn't) win any Awards, but it was enjoyable for me.

And now a quick look at the Baywatch Auditions going on across town...

A Film that is mostly famous for its breakout Star.  It works as a fairly straight Slasher, in contrast to the slew of then-recent Parodies.

New Flix: M3GAN 2.0 (2025)

 I hadn't seen the original Film when the Sequel came out.

As such, I didn't go see that one in Theaters.
Apparently, not enough people did.

Regardless, the Film is Streaming now, so let's see if this is truly an upgrade...

In a Cold Open, a Government Test for a new Agent goes wrong as they stop following orders.

The chaos continues as the Agent- actually a robot- goes after those involved in its creation!

This brings us back to M3gan.

To recap, she was created for bonding with kids.  She went a little bit nuts.

She's gone for good...right?

Well, no.

Her digital essence survived and is given a temporary pass in a non-killer body.

That killer robot is now after our Heroines, so they need all of the help they can get!

As things get worse, they agree to help her build a new body.

In a cute bit, M3gan asks to be taller.
This was done since her Actress was now taller, since that's how puberty works.

Can this new version of M3gan stand up to the new Model?

What secrets will be revealed?
Who will survive?
What SNL Actor will appear and make you go 'Oh yeah- that guy' eventually?

To find out the answers, stream it now.

A Film that is quite enjoyable, but I do see the issue.

The original Film was a Horror Film wrapped up in some light Sci-Fi elements and a Drama.
This one is a more hardline Sci-Fi Action Film that eschews much of the Drama for Comedy.

Not every Series can survive the transition.  For every Aliens, there are your CHUD 2: Bud the Chud examples or stuff like Ghoulies IV and Critters IV.
Hell, even Waxwork 2 dealt with this and I love that Film.

On its own merit, the Film really works.  The Characters carried over have evolved and do change with the times.

The new menace is good.  At worst, she comes off like the latest villain in a Fast & Furious Film, complete with a vague understanding of how the Internet and Computers really work.

As you get to the Third Act, enough twists and turns have happened to thankfully make you forget all about that.

M3GAN 2.0 is a bold attempt to do something different- for better or worse.
Plus, it is Streaming now, so it works for those of you who are, say, Housebound.

A Film that didn't quite please enough people at the time.  Will its legacy improve with time though?

Streaming Standard: Marvel Zombies (2025)

 What is more chaotic than life in a Zombie Apocalypse?

Apparently it is making this Show, but I'll leave the grisly details to the 8,004 other Sites to explain if you're interested.

The short version is we get a full-length Marvel Zombies tale after What If?!? Season 1's Episode.

To find out how it all turned out, read on...

To recap, this World had a Zombie Plague unleashed when Wasp came back from the Quantum Realm.

Most of the main Heroes (aka the expensive to pay MCU Actors) are mutated right away and the World has gone to hell.

Five years later, we meet some survivors- Ms. Marvel, Hawkeye and Ironheart- trying to make it through in NYC.

We get hints of they all got together in this new Timeline, but...no time for that in 4 Episodes.

Their journey out of the City goes poorly and they meet more Survivors.

Enjoy the slight riffs on Marvel side characters, how they are different and how long they survive against the horde.

Hot on their heels is the Scarlet Witch, who is after some sort of power to get, well, more powerful.

They build up her appearance, but...is it a surprise?  
No.

It all builds to a big, climactic finale involving the survivors, new faces (or just heads) and the ever-growing Horde.

Who survives?
Who is eaten?

To find out, stream the Show now.

An enjoyable Show...to a point.

Right off the bat, I have to address the folks who 'turned off the Show' right at the beginning due to who the new Leads are.

Grow up.  Really now!

To everyone else, the Show is a mixed bag.

I like my Marvel and I'm happy to see all of the side/supporting/ancillary Characters get their due.  Did this happen because they couldn't get Evans, Hemsworth and company into the Booth?
Sure.

That said, there's some issues due to how this got delayed and how other things worked out.  Poor Blade's Film hasn't appeared, but now he's a strong Supporting Player in this one.
Whoops.

I wanted to love this one...but it is a weird mix of humor, action, pathos and its resolution is just plain weird.

Oh well- at least we got a callback to Eternals...

A Show that I don't hate...but I don't love either.  Given the crazy nature of how this finally got completed, I can at least understand it.

Shudder Day: Night of the Reaper (2025)

 A new Horror Film?  I guess I can make time for those between Films made when LAN Lines were still a thing.

Oh right- this is a Film SET when LAN Lines were still a thing.
Close enough!

In a Cold Open, we see a young Babysitter targeted by a strange person in a skull mask.

They really build up the fear (is this just Pennywise) before going in for them.

After the Credits, a moody young lady returns home from her first Year in College.

She has a Family that doesn't talk much, so she hangs out with her friend instead.

Meanwhile, the Sheriff- who looks like if the guy from Time Chasers played Wolverine- gets mysterious packages that put him back on that case from the Intro.

Is the killer planning to act again?!?

He finds more evidence, including a tape of a murder initially thought to be an accident.

Meanwhile, the danger may be closer to home...

...as our Heroine takes over babysitting his Son (from her friend who suddenly fell ill).

Strange things, noises and spooks start to happen.

Is she destined to be the next victim?

To find out, stream it now.  No SPOILERS.

A tense and atmospheric tale of terror in Suburbia.

I was worried at first about this one as they teased the '80s VHS aesthetic in the Credits.

Thankfully, that was just to show they could there and everything else looks normal and HD.

This one has a great Intro and they clearly know it- that's why they released it as a Teaser.

Is there more though?  Hell yes!

This one is very good at building tension, making you go 'Don't do that!' at the Screen as if they can hear you and just generally keeping you off-guard.

It's not the most original topic or setting, but it does some good tricks with it as the runtime goes on.  Still no actual SPOILERS.

This one lives up to the hype, even if I do hope that every skeleton man I see is either Skeletor or La Parka.

A Film that is, at worst, a well made version of a familiar Story.  At it best, however, subversion takes over happily.

Sleep Tight: Wes Craven's New Nightmare (1994)

 How did I never get around to this Meta Sequel?  Dunno.

This is Wes Craven's New Nightmare, the 1994 Film that attempted to revive the Franchise.  After 6 Films, was there anything left to do?

Well, the answer was to bring the original Director back.  Duh.

The Plot involves the Star of the Original (and third) Film playing a version of herself, alongside her fake Husband and fake Son. 
Freddy turns out to be real...sort of as Wes Craven (playing himself) writes a new Film.

Even if this didn't actually revive the Franchise, is it good?
To find out, read on...

In what is technically a Cold Open (as the Film doesn't feature proper Opening Credits), work has begun on a new Elm Street Film- this time using a remote control glove.

It attacks the three Special Effects guys, but...

It was all a dream!

Heather Langenkamp plays a fictional version of herself who doesn't want to be associated with the Films after a Stalker harasses her.

What she doesn't know is that her Husband- who was also an Effects guy IRL- is working on said Film and now has cuts on his hand like in the dream!

Her weird kid- every Horror Mom has one- says that Freddy is appearing at night and Rex, his dinosaur doll, is keeping guard.

She doesn't believe it...but then who sliced up the Dinosaur?!?

Weird things involving the kid and the phone calls make Langenkamp ask her Husband to come home early.

He does that, but starts to fall asleep along the way back and then the glove attacks him!

The Cops think that his massive stab wound is just from the accident.  Right...

The kid, meanwhile, is getting weirder and I'm getting The Ring flashbacks...but this came out years before Ringu.  It is even a year before The Ring- Kanzenban, the original TV Movie Adaptation.

So is this just based on the Book OR sheer coincidence?

The kid continues to freak out and he's clearly not sleeping.

Let's get Lin Shaye (before James Wan made her a Star again) to help him out.

Heather goes to see Wes and he explains that he's writing what he sees in his dreams.  Apparently he did that with the original...while also apparently basing it on strange cases in the U.S.

He's our Exposition Dump- well, he is the Writer- and he tells us that Freddy is just the latest form of some deep, immortal evil and only the Films being popular/relevant keep him in check.

'Who wrote this nonsense?  Oh...right.'

Like in Part 5, Freddy seems to want the kid (who is at least born this time).  Why?

Unclear.

He kills people to get to him and then keeps him alive via vague bs powers he now has.

The darker, angrier Freddy eventually gets the kid, so Heather goes into his dreams to save him.

It involves some dated special effects, a second case of Robert Englund and a killer tongue & burning the guy up in an oven...in the Dream World.

It's weird, but we're almost done!

Back in the real World, Heather than reads...the Script to her Son?!?

The End.

A Film that works on many levels- hopefully ones that you relate to.

This Film is all about Family, Motherhood and responsibility.

To be fair, Freddy has strong opinions on pregnancy- especially in teens.

In a way, this makes sense- this is the Franchise aging up with their Audience.  In the 10 years since the first Film, it is easy to imagine young people having a kid (or two).

As such, this one- based on Heather's real life- could hit close to home.

The Meta aspect of the Film is very weird and I don't know if it is for everyone.  There is also more teases of Horror than actual killings, so understand the slower pacing.

All of the things that make this Film feel so weird and interesting are the same things that make it a weird sell to many.

I'm a fan, but I see the issues.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to tell John Saxon that his Script for an Elm Street Sequel is never going to be made (and actually just sold on eBay) ...

For the sake of the joke, this was done sometime before 2020.

Next up, I turn my focus to Ghosts and their ilk.  Should I do a famous Comedy or a serious Drama?  Stay tuned...

Tubi Thursday: Fright House (1989)

 I only got half the Movie that I was promised...and I'm okay with that.

This was going to be a special Tubi Thursday in one regard...but now it is a different story.

To find out, read all about the...

A hairy guy with a mullet makes out with his girlfriend...now his fiancée.

They get right up to actually having sex.

We cut to this random guy- who looks like the Drummer in Any '80s Band- wandering around a building and eventually being killed by a demon hand...I think.

It is called a suicide.

Later, a nerdy guy talks about a fireplace in the middle of the woods being a portal to Hell...and die off-screen.

A jarring cut goes from hand appearing to the Funeral!

Our guy- who is a Cop- talks to the guy's Therapist...because he was his Brother!

The Cop guy sends a random Cop Lady undercover at the School- via the worst ADR in history- and talks to his Boss....played by Al Lewis.

Why have I seen two Al Lewis Films (that aren't The Munsters) in the past week?!?

After barely any setup, a bunch of random groups of people go into this Building.

We see Cultists.
We see Monsters outside.

People die.

The Cop is undercover in the group, which means he has bad KISS makeup on.

To the surprise of nobody, the leader of the Cult turns out to be Grandpa Munster.

Clearly being in Gremlins 2 is a major upgrade for playing off-brand Ernest Borgnine in The Devil's Rain.

In our big finale, our Hero keeps yelling off-camera for him to stop...but does nothing.

He throws a crystal from earlier and everything explodes.

The Cop and his Fiancee wake up and go off...but she's possessed...I think (more on that later).

At this point, FH is supposed to then cut to a condensed version of 1986/88's Vampires, with Duane Jones.

The Tubi Version doesn't.  Oh well.

********

This Film sure...exists.  I wish that I could say more fun things about it.

The Film is a bunch of random bits, little bits of setup and then a bunch of 'action' in the latter half.

They introduce about a dozen Characters.  They do little with any of them.

Literally one Scene just kills off 5 of them off-screen in a few seconds.
The hell?!?

I wasn't expecting lots from here...and I was right.

Fright House is lots of nothing, a few cliches, Al Lewis hamming it up and that's about it.
Oh and the HD Remaster ruins the final shot, apparently removing the evil eye effect (seen here in an SD copy on YT).

It's a Thriller, Thriller Cliche.

A Film that promised me two tales and only gave me one.  Given that I didn't like the missing section the first time, I'm good.

Bail Bond: Goldfinger (1964)

 One last Bond before October spirits take over!

This is Goldfinger, the 3rd and arguably the most famous of Sean Connery's Bond Films.

It has it all- a Shirley Bassey Theme, a great Intro, that one lady covered in that stuff, Pussy Galore and more.

Guy Hamilton takes over the Directing Duties for the first of FOUR Bond Films (with more planned, but I'll get to that later).  Does he make things even better?

The Plot involves Auric Goldfinger and his elaborate plan to get even wealthier via an atom bomb in Kentucky.  It will make sense- mostly- later.

Is this the new peak of Bond?
To find out, read on...

In our Cold Open, Bond makes his first transition from wetsuit to fancy suit as he takes out some drugs that were going to be smuggled.

Afterwards, he hits on a lady, fights some guys and kills a guy with a lamp.

After the iconic Opening, we get lovely shots of the Fontainbleau Hotel in Miami (still open btw) and...some less than convincing Rear Projection Shots of our Actors (since Connery and Gert Frobe were never in Miami!).

Bond is hired to observe Goldfinger, but makes him lose a game of cards AND sleeps with his Assistant instead.

The next morning, Bond is knocked out by a stealthy guy (which gets sillier when you realize who did it) and his new lady is smothered to death in gold paint.

Yes, Snopes- we all know that this didn't really happen and couldn't happen.

Enjoy the Austin Powers-style Nudity blocking though.

Back at Base, we get a double whammy of Bond Requirements.

Bond meets with Q in his lab, where we see many gadgets in the background.
We also see Bond's iconic Aston Martin for the first time, which is outfitted with spy gadgets.

Thanks for inspiring Spy Hunter.

Bond meets up with Goldfinger again when the Government learns that he's up to something evil.

It involves smuggling and then melting gold across the World.

Until then, Bond will force a fat, orange guy who is bad at Golf (and cheats) to lose.

Bedminster is nice these days, eh?

If I'm being honest, this whole Subplot involving the Sister of the lady killed via gold paint is pretty pointless- in the Film version.

She tries to kill Goldfinger twice, fails and then is killed unceremoniously by Oddjob before Act 2 ends.

Bond is captured and we get the famous Laser Scene, at least.

Bond negotiates his life by acting like he is too dangerous to kill, since 008 would have all of his intel.

So he's spared and meets Pussy Galore, whose name is given an even more 'on the nose' response in the Book.

She seems to resist his charms and keeps him under control (or so she thinks) while Goldfinger plans his big mission.

His plan involves getting lots of money for tech from some mobsters...and then killing them.

He uses that to gas the soldiers guarding Fort Knox, break in (with the laser) and then irradiate the gold, therefore increasing his own gold's value.

Bond is left to die with the bomb and fights Oddjob, going for what looks like a Jumping Tornado DDT from this still frame.

It's sadly not that cool.

He eventually defeats Oddjob (not easily though) and the bomb is defused with 3 seconds to go...I mean 7 seconds (changed in post-production for a fun 007 gag).

Oh and Galore didn't really kill the Soldiers, turned to good by the power of Bond's....manhood, I guess.

Of course, Bond Villains/Henchman get one last hurrah, so Goldfinger is killed on the Plane transporting Bond home by being sucked out the window.

The End.

A very enjoyable Bond Film that seems to hit all of the right notes.

This one fully consolidates the ideas and visuals into a 'true Bond' Film.  All of the pieces are finally in place.

We get fun action.  We get a globe-trotting Plot.  We get a famous Villain AND a more famous Henchman.

By the way, if you played Oddjob, you suck.  You know why!

Does the Plot make much sense?  Does it feature quite a few holes?  Yes...and?

This really is a classic Bond Film, with all of the fun stuff and all of the dated stuff.
Bond quipping after killing henchman- fun.  Bond forcing himself on women- not so much.

Goldfinger is as good, silly and fun as you remember it being.

Now...I just have to explain to Bond why I have to skip his next Film for a month or so...

He didn't take it well.

Next up, it is October and Horror takes focus.  Let me start with...oh right, there's an Elm Street Film I've missed.  Stay tuned...