King Me: Castle Rock- 'Past Perfect'

Has the Show stopped Trolling me?  I'm hoping for something strong as they enter the home stretch.  Let's see...

We follow...this new Couple who move to Castle Rock to open a Murder-Themed B&B.  That's nice, but who are you and why is this opening the THIRD TO LAST Episode?

In the wake of what happened (not in flashbacks), the Prisoner meets up with our Hero and keeps acting creepy.  He makes a strange claim- he's been waiting 27 years for him.

Isn't 27 years the gap between Pennywise appearances too?  Is he also Pennywise here?!?  Am I trying to find anyway to make it seems like this Show has a point?

The B&B Sub-Plot connects to a few things- such as the random return of Jackie Torrance after, what, 6 Episodes and The Prisoner via some weird paintings- and ties back to the beginning with all of this taking place in the Warden's House.

I like how they re-use the Audio of said Warden to really pad out how much they got 'Locke' to be in this Show.

It all comes to a head as our Hero meets the B&B Owners.  This can't end well, can it?

To find out, watch the Episode before the Series returns next Month.

Hallelujah!  Something actually happened here- alot of things, in fact.  Granted- many of them involve Characters we just met in THIS EPISODE, but I'll count it.  A couple deaths and attempted murder is enough to liven things up.  We also get off-screen, after-the-fact deaths or two- yea.  We eventually get a follow-up with our Hero and his time in the Silent Room.  Granted- it comes after 10 minutes of the B&B Set-up and a 'Previously on' part.  After last week's distraction, people probably did need this more than ever.  On the positive side, they have more creepy Prisoner moments, more Plot progression (for what there is), more explanation of how the Prisoner works and some good scares.  It's almost like they could have done this more often and I wouldn't have just stopped watching halfway through.  It's still alot of 'people staring at things while eerie music plays.'  It's still alot of stalling.  We just actually get enough good moments and some Plot in between.  Plus we get this not-so-subtle reference to a much better King Film involving Jackie Torrance...

Next time, stuff actually happened once, so can it happen again?  I don't have my hopes up.  See you then...

Quick Reviews: Men in Black- International (2019)

Another attempt to return a dormant Will Smith Franchise to life?  Good luck with that.  Let's see how they did...

This Agent is a Hero, credited with stopping some Aliens known as The Hive back in 2016.

He's also kind of a jerk and not exactly good with following protocol.

This Agent is a new 'recruit' who actively tracked down the Agency to join it.

She's new, but eager and all about following protocol.

A new threat emerges at they are tasked with guarding a high-profile Alien while in London.

And yes, it is International because they go around the World.  And yes, this is a bit silly, considering that the premise already deals with Aliens from Outer Space.

When things go badly, the pair realize that they may have to work outside of the system.

Can they protect a dangerous artifact from all of the people that want it?

Can they stop the evil aliens of The Hive and save the Universe?

To find out, watch the Film.  It's now on Digital and DVD, so what's your excuse?

A perfectly-fine Film...but will you remember it?  The original MIB had a unique premise that elevated amongst other Summer Fare.  The second one was...well, it was more of the same, but barely-different.  The third Film introduced Time-Travel and freshened up the formula with new blood- mostly Josh Brolin.  This one introduces brand new Characters...but doesn't do that much to change the actual Plot formula.  They still try (and fail) to protect an important Alien.  They have to protect an artifact that the dying Alien gives them.  Said artifact makes them the target of a new Alien menace that has a unique power/quirk.  If you look at the Film on its own, it's fine.  The problem, of course, is that this is Men in Black 4 (if you don't count the Show), so...can you?  It is shot well, acted well and has good effects.  I do think it tends to rely more on CGI than previous Films, but that's where Films are at.  Pawny is a nice addition and I hope that something more comes from this.  The big draw here is obviously the reunion of Hemsworth and Thompson, who continue to work well together.  They definitely liven up even the most ho-hum of Scenes in the Film.  This isn't the strongest follow-up in the Series (for me, it's Part 3), but it is a solid Film.  Should it be looked upon as a failure?  No.  It's also not a Reboot, so please stop calling it that.  If nothing else, they knew how best to market the Film overseas...

A fun, enjoyable Film that hits all of the right marks.  Unfortunately, it doesn't do anything *that* inspired to make it stand out amongst the other 3 Films.

Truly-Inspired Cover Art: The Thing (1982)

I love The Thing.

The Movie sells itself.

That said, Posters like this really make things easier...

 I mean...look at that!

It sells the idea that the creature can turn anything and looks 100% legit with its possibly-real/possibly-fake 'pages' taken from Anatomy Books.

The fact that is clearly multiple pages stitched together is pure genius.

Here's the original I found online...

I made a few subtle changes- the usual kinds-, but did make sure that the sections are all visibly-different, thus improving the effect.

King Me: Castle Rock- 'The Queen'

After complaining many times about how slow the Show is, they answered my prayers.  Just kidding, it's a mostly-flashback Episode!

After a big cliffhanger last time, we get...a Flashback Episode about the Mom (Sissy Spacek).

This does fill in some holes in the Story, but...who demanded this?

There are some neat visuals (in theory) as she observes her memories from the outside...but then there's *also* the fact that they only use current Spacek for ALL of these, so it just feels weird.

They don't use current versions of the others- just her.  It's more distracting than it is clever.

Some actual Plot happens- which is still in the past, mind you- as the Prisoner (I won't call him The Kid, Internet!) shows up after burning his last place down.

Actual tension- where have you been?!?

We don't get enough of those Flashbacks, even as the tension escalates though.

This is all just to show how she resisted 'Not Sam Elliot' back in the day before, well, no SPOILERS.

To find out how it all ends, watch the Show.  Gotta prep for Season 2, right?  Right?!?

A classy disappointment.  As a side Episode, this is...alright.  The parts we get as Flashbacks are well-shot and well-acted.  There's nothing wrong with them per se.  The problem is the placement.  We get it so late in the Series that it feels more like back-filling than important plot exposition.  It comes off as 'oh crap- we didn't explain this yet' when it shouldn't.  It's not as bad as Black Cobra's classic 'Let me tell you his entire Backstory at the halfway point of the Film' moment, but it's not great.  It goes to a trend that I bitched about in the past when it was done by The Handmaid's Tale, American Gods and others.  It's just a thing people do and I don't like it.  If you can get past the arty flashbacks, the actual bits of story we get are good.  Skarsgard is a nice, subtle menace.  He doesn't do a whole lot, but his presence is nice.  The final moments are interesting, but I don't love it as much as I'm supposed to.  It is a bit overproduced for a moment that is supposed to feel real and authentic.  I really don't like this Episode as much as many people online seem to and that is, sadly, in spite of how good The Prisoner is...

Next time, we return to the Present and maybe get close to wrapping this up.  A man can dream, right?  See you then...

*Holiday* Quick Reviews: The 13th Friday

I mean, duh, right?  This is a no-brainer.  Is it actually good though?

The Film begins with random text that makes me think that this is going to be a Found Footage Film.

Thankfully, it's not.  Instead, some woman burns her Daughter alive with unconvincing CG Fire.  Much better.

A group of people hang out in front of the cursed house.  Why?

One of them goes inside and lays on the bed, getting possessed.  Why?

The group goes in after her screams and is now cursed by the spirit.  They must make 13 sacrifices or lose their souls!

Naturally, this is done abruptly right after the opening Title as we see masked people kill strangers in various locations.

Pacing- what's that?!?

The Film is now focusing on the group staring down their final sacrifice (not the one with Rosdower) and trying to save themselves.  Will this knock-off puzzle box from Hellraiser help?

Unfortunately, the Movie loses all steam after 20 minutes, rendering a neat Short Film into...this.  The End.

What a waste.  The set-up is pretty good.  A demonic spirit in a cursed house with a burned-up ghost.  I've seen good Films that used parts of this to great effect- especially We Are Still Here.  This one just sort of picks and chooses ideas from all over the place though and has barely any identity.  Besides the aforementioned parts, we also have random Cave Creatures from The Descent.  They sure do fit into this Film!  The biggest problem is the focus.  If this had been about them being targeted by the evil spirit- great.  If this had been about them trying to survive the night in the house- great.  Neither idea would have been revolutionary, but not everything has to be.  Make a good Movie and I'll accept it not being 100% original.  Make a dull, listless Film and I will not accept it so much.  I don't get what they were going for- at all.  You take a good start- minus some hiccups- and instead just made it about following this lady and her super-low-key emotions.  I mean, this is our Protagonist, so...yeah.

It could have been good.  It started out alright with some genuinely-neat visuals...but just got boring really fast!

International '90s Trash?: Evil Ed (1995)

A man goes crazy from watching too many Horror Films- should I be worried?  This is 1995's Evil Ed, a Horror Comedy that sure is strange.  Despite its silly nature, the Film is actually a form of...political protest?  Am I reading that right?  Yes, yes it is.  In this Film's home Country (Sweden), Films- especially Action and Horror- were being brutally-chopped up to meet some sort of strange standard.  Basically, the Films had to be okay to be seen in the Pence Household or on a Mormon Campus.  I can see why people had a problem with this.  The Film is about the titular Ed being forced to edit a series of fictional films.  As time goes on, his insanity grows with his isolation and he just plain loses it.  It would have helped to see his girlfriend and kid...but all of her Scenes were cut to make the Film run faster.  Wah-wah!  Fun fact: the Co-Writer of this Film would go on to work in Special Effects and Make-up, leading to such Film Credits as Prince Caspian, Star Wars: Rogue One and The Last Jedi.  No, really.  Is this just an excuse to mock Censors and show lots of gore?  To find out, read on...

In the Cold Open, a Film Editor has clearly gone crazy, cutting up Film in a locked room and blowing himself up with a grenade in the mouth.

In his place, Ed is called up from the European Art Division to finish Editing Loose Limbs 5.

I'd make fun of how silly of a Title that is for a Series, but the Violent Shit Series exists.

He has no choice to edit the Films- which are terrible compilations of gore scenes- and he has to do so at the Boss' Cabin, since 'they are out of Office Space.'

Yeah, that's the face I'd make at that logic too.

At the Cabin, he starts to see things- weird things.  This guy- also played by a Writer- tells him to kill people and purify the World.

Consider he had to watch a woman be raped by a Beaver (not shown- just to be clear), this seems like a fair statement.  Go, Bad Guy from Star Trek: Insurrection!

After more Films and more freak-outs, the Boss comes over and appears to transform into...the Albino version of The Devil from Legend?

It's that or he's from Nightbreed- decide which stolen design you think is best.

He goes more and crazy after killing the Boss, finding time to kill people that broke in to rob the House.

On the plus side, the Film has great Props.  You really need to give them, well, props.

He's eventually shot enough to be taken in by the Cops...to a Hospital...but he freaks out again.

How Ed now has super-strength is anyone's guess.  Is it Voodoo?

The whole Third Act goes in a weird, Peter Jackson-style direction as the Delivery Guy (also at the Hospital due to Ed) has to become an action hero.

The SWAT Guys can't kill Ed, but he can.  He suddenly becomes a Narrator and the Film ends.

A good time, even if it only has so many ideas.  The concept of the guy going crazy is good.  The Movie bit we see are especially ridiculous and silly, even for '90s Slasher fare.  This random guy- dubbed by Bill Moseley!- is cutting up Hookers and chopping off feet for fun.  The Film makes reference a few times to a Scene where 'A woman is raped by a Beaver and then has her head blown off by a Bazooka.'  To be clear, it is not in the Film and they never actually shot it.  No conspiracy theory about lost footage- it just isn't real!  The freak-out scenes are definitely the best part of the Film.  You get unique creatures (see below), strange ones (like 2 above) and familiar, but good ones (the Albino Devil).  When it is at its weakest is when it suddenly switches to an Action Comedy a la Bad Taste at the end.  The SWAT Team can't take down one Editor.  Should I be more worried about how bad-ass my Editor is now?!?  There are good moments, but it feels drawn out.  I think a longer build up to actual murder would have been better personally.  As a Horror Satire, the Film works well.  As a Three Act Film, Evil Ed has issues.  Movies like this or I Bought A Vampire Motorcycle have this same issue, as do many others.  Nobody quite nailed it as well as Dead Alive, did they?  This weird Gremlins thing is my favorite part all the same though- bar none!

Next time, I cover an infamous Film from long ago.  Is it actually that bad if you give it a chance though?  Stay tuned...

DCE-Hulu: Titans- 'Trigon'

After a very uneven first Season, can things turn around for the better?  Here's hoping...

Trigon has risen thanks to Raven and he has plans to, of course, conquer the Planet.  Will he succeed?

The group- including Hawk, Dove and Jason Todd- arrives to help.  Can they?

Trigon finally rises as his (sort of) true form to conquer the World directly.  Can he be stopped?

Seriously, this CGI is sort of decent, but that's it.  We waited all Season for that?

Can the group survive the danger and regroup to form a proper Team?

No SPOILERS, but there's not much Trigon footage in the Teaser, so...figure it out.  It's now on Streaming.

It's about the same, but maybe it can get better.  For some reason, they cut an Episode last Season and ended with an hour-long dream sequence.  This time, they return and pad out only half of the Episode with them.  Yea?  The whole thing with Trigon and how his powers work is kind of lame.  He makes you live out a bad vision and if you do something bad in it, you are controlled by him.  So, basically, he keeps cheating until you do the bad and logical thing.  Even in this context, the Show cheats by having two characters just do drugs- hard ones, mind you- in their dream/vision.  The other people committed (simulated) murder, but that's the same- sure!  The big draw and the big drawback here is Trigon.  He finally shows himself- kind of- and they don't do much with it.  The whole thing is wrapped up- I won't say how- before the Show is over, leaving time for two extended bits to take place.  What a weird use of build-up-and-pay-off!  After all of that silliness, we do get the set-up for Deathstroke (as odd as it is) and the Titans Tower.  Hopefully there's more payoff to referencing the original Team and I'd have to think so, given that they designed a costume for Wonder Girl.  WB wouldn't waste all that time and money on a costume for a few pick-up shots, right?  Right?  I want this Show to be good, but this semi-re-Pilot didn't sway me just yet.  I want them to prove me wrong.  I will give them one point- they nailed how much of a dick Jason Todd was in the Comics...

Next time, we got teases of something better.  Will they actually deliver though?  See you then...

Quick Reviews: Mortal Engines

How do you lose a Studio over $150 million?  

Apparently, it involves lots of ambition, lots of bad choices and banking your success on a very unfamiliar property.  See for yourself...

In a dark future, the World is cracked (not that we see much impact of that) and people live in Cities that drive around like Jeeps.

I saw the Film and I'm *still* not sure how THAT was the first and best idea?  Do I have to read the Book?!?

The 'city' of London comes 'America' and it is unofficially run by Hugo Weaving.  I'm sure he's not secretly-evil.

Just a reminder- he turned down doing more MCU Films because "I think I’ve done my dash with that sort of film. It was good to do it and try it out, but to be honest, it’s not the sort of film I seek out and really am excited by."

So, what is this $150 million plus Movie exactly?

The Plot involves a scarred woman trying to kill him and stop him from making a super-weapon.  His solution: send this Robot after her.

There's so much silly to unpack with this Character, but I'm going to focus more on how he constantly stops the Narrative and makes the Film reach 2 hours!

The girl- and an out-of-his-element Male Lead- must team up with some rebels to stop him and...yeah, this is just Star Wars now.

Plucky Rebels, Super-Weapon, Mobile Base, Aerial Assault and Heroic Sacrifice- all of it.

Can they save the day?  Will this Film end properly or just more Sequel-bait (that is likely not going to happen)?  To find out, watch the Film.  It's now on Streaming and Pay Cable.

An interesting premise that just gets too generic.  

It's weird to think that a Film that begins with cities driving around like giant monster trucks can get predictable and by-the-numbers.  Congrats?  

Once you get past the interesting start, you're stuck deep in a weird mix of YA Tropes and dense exposition.  There are brief glimmers of something interesting- like them viewing Minions as 'Ancient Historical Objects'-, but only that much.  

So many things are just obvious- he's going to join the Rebels, she's going to fall for him- that there's no real drama for alot of it.  

As for the Plot, you have talk of some great disaster, people looking for parts for a super-weapon, explaining why people live in squalor when blimps exist and more.  It just slows the whole thing down so much that the ending feels rushed.  All of a sudden, they're all flying around, projectiles are flying everywhere and all sorts of action is happening.  

Pacing- what's that?!? 

Ironically, so much of the Plot is built around the idea of learning from the past (even having one guy be an Historian).  

Yet, the people behind this didn't seem to see the crash of this Sub-Genre and the very-limited success.  

Golden Compass failed to start.  Divergent barely sputtered to an end.  Stuff like Cirque De Freak, Eragon, Vampire Academy and The 5th Wave were non-starters.  Hell, a Film/Book Series with a similar name- Mortal Instruments- had to go to TV to finish its Story!  All in all, the Film looks neat, but feels very empty by the end.  

While I'm mocking everything, let me point out how this actual Book Cover looks like rejected Wizard of Oz Fan Art...

An interesting First Act, a plodding Second and an all-too-familiar Third.  There's some good here, but you have to really look for it.