Streaming Standard: M3GAN (2022)

 Yes, I was the one Online Film Critic who never saw M3GAN.

Well, that is in the past now...

A young girl tragically loses her Parents in a car accident.

She ends up with her Aunt, who is a Scientist who makes robotics.

When they fail to bond, she is inspired to finish creating Megan.

The highly advanced robot becomes the girl's companion.

They share stories, secrets and everything is looking up!

Of course, this is a Horror Film and this is a possibly-evil Doll.

Things take a turn when the Neighbor's Dog attacks Megan and the girl.

Revenge is nigh!

Megan was also made with no digital barriers for how she would learn and how she could act on them.

Will she get too powerful...and smart?

It's certainly not a SPOILER to say that Megan kills some people.

The question is who she kills.

And yes, there is 'That Dance.'

It is funny to finally see that bit in context.

To find out how exactly you solve a problem like a Megan, stream it now (on Peacock at time of writing).

A Film that is honestly better- and quite different- than promised.

Killer Dolls and their ilk have been a thing for many, many Decades.  You can track evil Dolls back to the 1940s!

Hell, we got a girl Chucky as the 1990s began.

What this Film does well is honestly work as a Drama if you just cut out all of the murder.  Like The Bababook, it is a Film known for Horror, but it does so much more.

The little girl is far more tolerable than the kid in the other Film though.

You really feel for the people involved, save for the obvious 'Dead Meat' Characters.  Every Horror Film has them, after all.

Did this one live up to the hype?  Yes.

As a total package, the Film doesn't break new ground per se, but makes the most of its premise all the same.

Leave it to Japan to tweak the Poster ever so slightly...

It's probably not their change, but just go with it.

A killer Doll/Robot Film that is actually more than what was promised.  Maybe I'll have to check out the Sequel sooner rather than later.

Shudder Day: Urban Legend (1998)

 After a semi-revival of '90s Slasher Films in the last few years (like Scream and I Know What You Did Last Summer), let's look back at a forgotten one that came out too...

In the Opening Scene, a lady (who really shouldn't sing on camera) is killed after leaving a Gas Station.

The Owner- Brad Dourif- tries to warn her, but fails (due to his stutter).

She's killed via axe to the neck (which somehow doesn't make the moving car crash).

At Pendleton College, the death sends shockwaves through the students, in spite of the Dean (John Neville) trying to suppress the news.

All of our Leads just happen to be taking a Class on Urban Legends, taught by Robert Englund.

Will this somehow play into the one murder we saw so far that was based on one?

It does!

A mysterious killer is trying to recreate the various ones that perpetuated society before Snopes went around ruining things.

Hook hand killer by a tree?  Gangs flashing lights for a hit?  Roommate killed while the lights were out?
All here.

Our Final Girl (Alicia Witt from Dune and Twin Peaks) is hiding a secret and also kind of has the hots for Jared Leto here.

Will she survive Morbin' Time?

The kills escalate (especially in Act 3) and the Plot thickens.

Why is the killer targeting (but also not Witt)?
Is her dark secret the reason?

Or did the killer just want them to stop making American Pie Films?

It was the first one.

Witt was riding with her friend and they accidentally caused an accident that killed her buddy's boyfriend.

Said girl went crazy, killed a dozen people and...lived to kill again in a different School?

Wow- dark Ending, my man!

A Film that is honestly pretty good, even if it is just my soft spot for these kinds of Films.

This one has a decent gimmick and a nice Cast of dead meats (and Genre Legends).
They also commit to the mystery of who the killer is pretty well.

Some of the jokes and references will probably fly past viewers who didn't follow '90s Culture though.  That Dawson's Creek joke, for instance.

As a whodunnit, the Film is honestly pretty fair.  You can't always say that about these Films.

The kills have a pretty visceral thrill to them and some nice variety.  Maybe it is just watching 6 Scream Films that made me tired of knife stabbings, I guess.

Was this good enough to spawn a Sequel and a spin-off (see below)?  I guess making 5 times your Budget says yes (even if a Reboot was cancelled in 2020).

While this is mostly just Scream with sprinkles on it, they are fun sprinkles all the same.

A Film that will feel very familiar in the best and worst ways.  That said, you can do far worse as far as Slasher Films go.

Remake This?: The Day The Earth Stood Still (2008)

 After covering a 1950s Classic, let me cover the Remake of a DIFFERENT 1950s Classic!

This is The Day the Earth Stood Still, the 2008 Remake by Fox to be exact.
Did this feel need a Remake?

To be fair, CGI (and computers as we know them) didn't exist when that Film was made.  I can see the appeal to a modern Director.

That's not addressing the idea that you SHOULD Remake it, of course.
If you are going to remake any 1950s Sci-Fi Film, it should be The Giant Claw- it needs one!

If you don't know, the Plot involves an alien ship, a giant robot and a messenger.  
Does this one improve things and/or do its own thing?

To find out, Klaatu barada nikto on...

After a strange Opening Scene involving a man (Keanu Reeves) finding a glowing thing in the snow, we meet out Heroine.

Jennifer Connely plays a Professor/Researcher living in Washington D.C.

Insert Topical Joke about Trump Invasion of DC here.

It is here that we meet the Film's villain- at least according to 9 out of 10 IMDB Reviews.

Jaden Smith plays her Stepson, so presumably she was married to Will (who did turn down the Reeves role here).

Can I make it head canon that he's actually Will Smith from Independence Day?

She's suddenly pulled into a Government mission and placed on a helicopter full of other experts/scientists/people.

What are they there to deal with?

A glowing space ball- naturally!

They think it might be a Meteor, but then it slows down naturally, which is not a thing that they do.

It lands in Central Park and floats there as the military and people (Scientist in Hazmat suits, but nobody else!) surround it.

The Government folks really freak out when GORT appears.

In this version, he's a 28-foot robot that was clearly the inspiration for the 2014 version of the Sentinels in X-Men: Days of Future Past.

He keeps the military guys at bay, but...

Connelly runs across a glowing guy near the orb...but he got shot.

They take it/him to a Doctor, who reveals a human body underneath the glowing flesh sac (I hope you don't eat while you read this).

It turns into Reeves (since I guess the Aliens copied him from earlier) and he manages to escape the facility, showing off vague, Plot-driven powers in the process.

He ends up with Connelly, who agrees to take him places while things go down.

She also tries to convince that humanity should be spared, as the Aliens are going to wipe us out to save the Planet.

The Military take GORT (which is namedropped only once) into a base, but it is still clearly in control.

It breaks out and destroys the facility by turning into millions (if not billions) of nanite bugs!

This likely inspired a DIFFERENT Film in which Megatron can turn into a swarm of nanites.

Connelly continues to try and get Reeves to agree that humanity needs saving.

It doesn't help her case that she drags Jaden along with them!

Eventually, however, Reeves sees that humanity is special, braves the nanite swam cloud and stops it, saving the World and leaving forever (or until a possible Sequel that doesn't exist).

A Film with big heart, big goals and clearly quite big budget.
They spent $80 million on this (not adjusted for inflation) and it shows.

The Film is chock full of CGI, explosions and the like.

The Film does try to really have a deeper message- humanity can better itself.

This comes between exploding drones, firefights and light shows, mind you.

Director Scott Derickson- of Dr. Strange fame- does a good job here honestly.  The Film just has so much going on and it is not always connected.

I'm very glad that Reeves took another role from Will Smith (he turned down The Matrix) as his style of Acting really works for the slow and gradual changes his character goes through.

Everyone here is really trying, even a surprising performance by John Cleese in a serious role!  

I do feel a bit bad picking on a kid Actor (even if it is Jaden Smith), but the Film HINGES upon you caring about him and how his relationship growth with Connelly affects the Plot.

He's...not good, so try to power through the Film around him.
He's also a Narc, so...

Next up, I happened to buy a Ninja Turtles Movie Set right before the Anniversary.  Let's just jump right into the Films, shall we?  Stay tuned...

Tubi Thursday: The Comeback (1978)

In 2025, you can pull up a device and see the Trailer for any Film coming out.

In 1978, you had to rely on a Poster to sell you.

This one still works today...

In a long Opening Scene, this woman goes into a Building, looks around a Penthouse and is then attacked by a strange, old woman with a blade!

Like Dario Argento, the Director of the Film plays the killer in this Scene.

We soon learn that this woman was married to our Lead- Jack Jones- who is her very-recent ex-Husband.

He's returned to the Music World after 6 years (how long they were married) ...

He's given a nice place in the Countryside to work on the Album, with two old people as Caretakers.

More importantly, a young woman- who acts as his Assistant- is far more fetching than anyone!

A relationship buds between them, while his weird friend Harry wants him to go to the Penthouse from the beginning.

Nick hears weird sounds at night and looks around for the source, finding nothing.

After a second night of strange noises and seeing a rotting face (bear in mind he doesn't know that the ex-Wife is dead), he's more concerned than ever.

He tries to keep working on the Album though as his grip on sanity fades.

Can he figure out what is going on?
Can he finish the Album?

Why does it smell like gaslight?

To find out, stream the Film now.

A Film that holds up pretty well, even if many Scenes tend to drag a bit.

This is very much a '70s Film, so get used to lots of walking around, tension building and sudden reactions.

Is this my favorite thing?  No.
Do I hate it?  No.

The actual Plot is honestly kind of sparse, really getting by on these long shots and vague moments.  If you cut it down to the purely Plot stuff, it is not going to be 90 minutes.

Having said that, it is interesting to see Films like this.  This is a proto-Slasher Film, just with a much smaller body count.

Is it the only Film to feature bloody murder, masked killers and the guy who sang The Theme to The Love Boat?  Yes.

Amusingly, Jones' final Film appearance was also in a Film about a Singer...

A Film that will please fans of the older, more atmospheric Thrillers.  Just know that there's not much meat on the bone, as it were.

'50s Class: The War of the Worlds (1953)

 Amazon may have paid for a new one, but can we replace the Original Film?

This is The War of the Worlds, the 1953 Classic from Producer George Pal.  Full disclosure- I'm a big fan of these '50s Sci-Fi Films.

That said, is it truly a great Film?
It tells the Tale of a small Town that becomes the epicenter of a Martian Invasion.  Why didn't Orson Welles warn us?!?

Can mankind figure out how to save our World?  Did this somehow get a TV Show in the '80s?

To find out, read on...

A piece of debris from space- they aren't sure if it is a comet or a meteor, since '50s- crashes in the Woods outside of a major City.

As luck would have it, a bunch of Scientists are nearby to help.!

The main guy is Dr. Clayton Forrester, who is just your everyday, relatable Scientist with multiple Masters Degrees and flies in on his private plane.

His name is also the inspiration for Dr. Forrester on Mystery Science Theater 3000.  Hi, Trace.

La la la.

They observe the rock-looking object for a while and discuss how to study it.

While the Town celebrates the impending tourism rush, three guys are left to watch it.

The top cracks open and a metallic object comes out.  Is it a probe?

Nope- it is a ship.

It begins to attack and we learn- but aren't shown- that others are appearing all over the World!

Our weapons have no effect on them, as they can form a sort of magnetic energy shield.

In a weird bit (especially given the Ending), this Priest tries to talk to the Martians and get vaporized!

Attacks only get worse and our Hero- alongside Sylvia- flees the Scene.

His plane crashes- they're fine- and they hide out in a House.

A lurking ship tries to find them. 

Wow, that's freaky!

The probe then shows up and...I'm less scared.

I mean, I was never good at Simon, so that is a bit scary.

They try more weapons- like an A-Bomb- but nothing works!

Humanity seems doomed until the ships suddenly start to fall.

We see an alien (limb) appear and we learn that germs in our atmosphere killed them.
It sounds better when Morgan Freeman says it though.

The oddly religious End.

A Classic Film with only one real issue for modern audiences.

While the Film is well-written, produced and directed, it lacks a real emotional core.  Dr. Forrester, simply put, doesn't make me feel a deep connection to the events of the Film.

Clearly Steven Spielberg agreed, making his Remake (which I saw as a Theater Employee) about Tom Cruise and his family.

With that out of the way, the Film works on so many other levels.

It looks great (and I'm only watching it on DVD, not 4K).  It sounds great.  It feels big.

The Ships look great, even if the wires are more visible in recent prints (save for the new 4K version, which digitally removed them) like mine at certain points.
The effect of the ray guns/blasts aren't even remotely consistent, but always look great.

If you can accept that this version is a bit emotionally lacking, give this one a look.  It doesn't feature Ice Cube behind a monitor, so it is absolutely recommended.

It was actually the giant men that killed the Martians!

Next up, let's flip things and cover the Remake of a classic 1950s Film.  This one is big and loud, but is it good?  Stay tuned...

Birthday Review: The Condemned 2 (with Randy Orton)

 A special Review for one reader- even if it is a bit late.  Like an RKO, however, this came out of nowhere!

This is The Condemned 2, a 2015 DTV Sequel to a Film that definitely exists.
That one featured 'Stone Cold' Steve Austin in the 2nd proper WWE Films Production (after The Marine).

In the wake of that Film's mild success, we got a bunch of random Films that I've covered over the years.

We soon got Sequels to their Films- like The Marine 2, 12 Rounds 2 (also with Orton), 12 Rounds 3 and See No Evil 2- , original Films- Christmas Bounty, Vendetta and The Chaperone- and Sequels to other Films- Leprechaun- Origins, Jingle All the Way 2 and Surfs Up 2- that they licensed.

Back when they made The Marine 2, Randy Orton was Cast as the Lead (as Cena was busy winning LOL).
Catch- he was an actual Marine...and dishonorably discharged for trying to flee the ship.  No personal judgement, but it stopped him from being cast in place of Ted Dibiase Jr.
(Ted DiBiase Jr was Cast in his place and is now facing serious charges)

In 2015, Randy Orton was given a SECOND WWE Films Sequel to sink his teeth into- this one.

Is it good or did I waste $1?  To find out, read on...

A bad guy- Wes Studi- is doing all sorts of bad stuff, like having bad people bet on how fast 2 homeless folks will die when you poison them.

That's...definitely not kosher.

A Bail Enforcement Agent- Randy Orton- goes to bring him in, but a fight breaks out.

He accidentally kills Studi (who dies within the first 10 minutes, but gets a top credit) and is subsequently given bail for the accidental manslaughter.

He goes back home to work with his Dad, who is a Talking Cat?!?...I mean, Eric Roberts.

Randy becomes a Tow Truck Driver, which gets him an honest living and the attention of some ladies shot like they're in a Michael Bay Film.

However, the 2nd-in-Command for Studi takes over and sets a strange plan in motion.

He threatens to kill all of Orton's buddies from the Bail Bond Agency and sends them after him, betting whether or not each one will die.

His first pal attacks him in a Bar and Orton is forced to kill him...I mean, kind of.

He somehow breaks his neck by pressing it on the end of a pool table...

A second buddy tries to kill him, but first drives him out into the Desert.

His third buddy- a Sniper, as we established in the Intro- is now trying to kill him on a ridge.

We also get a random Scene where the Boss says that his version of Killers on PPV is better than in The Condemned.   Now we're a Sequel!

He keeps trying, but Orton is helped out by his 4th buddy.

They get away from one location, but must survive a second shootout.

Thankfully, his Dad arrives to help!
He's already got way more screen time than the last time I saw him.

As we reach the hour mark, Orton fends off his final buddy- an Explosives Expert- but is then shot by the Sniper.  He's persistent!

The gun has been blowing up trucks, RVs and the front half of a lady (see a future Poor Bastards of Cinema)!

Can he survive?

Oh yeah, of course.  Why would you think otherwise?

He has a big face-off with the bad guy- who put himself into the game to get the payout- for the Finale.

Good wins. 
The End.

A Film with a decent setup, but...it gets really repetitive really fast.  
Sorry, Randy.

The Plot has potential- setting up his team and then pitting them against them- but doesn't do as much as you'd like with it.

He has a bunch of generic fights with some guys, hides from a Sniper and, eventually, has a decent showdown with the explosives guy.

I was honestly expecting more interesting Fight Scenes with Orton involved and at least one wrestling move thrown in.
In the last Film of his I covered, he back suplexed a guy...as an EMT.
No such luck here.

As far as Action Films go, it is kind of bland.  It tries to add some flourishes- like drone shots-, some explosions and lots of CGI muzzle flashes.

Acting wise, it is honestly pretty good.  I just wish that they had more to work with here, honestly.

Quality wise, it is better than the first Condemned.  Fun wise, it is way more generic.  Oh well.

Lastly, how come Orton's picture here- shown in the Intro- has a headshot of him after the second Fight Scene...

Next time, let me jump way back to the 1950s.  With the Internet 'enjoying' the newest War of the Worlds, how is the Original?  Stay tuned...