'90s Trash?: Dee Snider's Strangeland (1998)

 Did you ever watch your favorite band perform and think 'I wonder what kind of Horror Film the Singer would make?'

Apparently, someone did.

In 1998, we got Strangeland, the brainchild of Dee Snider, the Lead Singer of Twisted Sister.  The Band had actually broken up before the Film was made...but got back together when they had a Soundtrack to sell.

Capitalism!

What is his big idea?  Piercings!  Tattoos!  Deviants?
A man calling himself 'Captain Howdy' (a big fan of The Exorcist, I guess) kidnaps and tortures people by giving them body modifications against their will.

That's it.  That's the whole Pitch.

Can Dee Snider lead a Film after multiple appearances in Movies and TV always playing himself?  Can a future Scooby-Doo Star seal the deal?

To find out, read on...

A young woman- Linda Cardellini in her transition from Freaks and Geeks to Scooby-Doo- and her friend- who was in this and a Film in 2007- go on Message Boards.

They talk to a guy calling himself Capt. Howdy and get invited to a party.

They are immediately kidnapped- mostly off-screen- and now the search is on.

Thankfully, her Dad is a Detective.
Unfortunately, he doesn't know how technology works.
At all.

Luckily, they can bring an expert and she's smart.

She's Amy Smart, to be exact, and she knows teen lingo to help them find Howdy.

You'd better hurry, as the friend is found dead (as she died of a heart attack during a piercing...I guess).

Meanwhile, the Villain has a basement full of people forcibly being pierced all over...and the Daughter just kind of kept in a cage.

He did sew her mouth shut (an effect they never do on camera, btw) so that they could put it on the DVD cover.

That is a key reason why this one jumped the line, as it were to be reviewed.  I'm tired of staring at that box on my desk every day.

As they search a Bar full of 'Modern Primitives' (a term the people call themselves), they pass by a guy played by...their Boss.

This was put in there...and then the Plot completely ignored it.

Cool?

The Cops set up a trap for Howdy, but get to the wrong house.

Can anyone save Velma?!?

Well, yes.  

Howdy taunts the Cop via voice messages and a dog can be heard that is right outside of the Car the Cop is in.

So, basically, he was across the street.

After a fight, our Hero catches Howdy...at around the 40-minute mark.

We are then treated to a montage showing that Howdy was found insane and given treatment for 3 years instead of jail.

Yes, in spite of the fact that this almost NEVER happens.

He's allowed to return back to his home- you know, the CRIME SCENE- but the community doesn't approve.

Also, I guess he's Marilyn Manson now?

As such, Robert Englund leads a mob to drag him out of town and hang him.

Our Hero sees this...and does nothing.

The tree limb snaps after they leave and he survives.

Now he wants revenge, so he has to stop to remove the body paint covering his tattooed right side AND reinstall all of his piercings.

He captures Englund and the woman leading the mob...and just kidnaps Linda Cardellini again- just for fun!

Our Hero eventually is able to track down the newest victims- who are maimed, but not killed- and his Daughter.

He is then set up to meet Howdy in a Church.

They fight and he hooks Snider by the back and sends him swinging back and forth...before setting him on fire.

The End.

A Film that perhaps tries a bit too hard to be edgy and 'scary' to us 'normies.'

The Plot, at least on paper, is pretty simple.  Crazy guy kidnaps people for pre-Saw experiments.  He's captured.
The part where he apparently reformed (off-camera) and is then forced back to his old ways is a new wrinkle.

Granted- it doesn't lead to anything different.

If the Plot had just had him kidnap more people- making Englund a Preacher condemning him, for example- would anything be different?  No.

There's no moral about 'let him be' that I could pick up.

Given that he just immediately reverts to his old self and does the same thing, was he just one day of missing his pills away from this?
Why not just move, you know, SOMEWHERE ELSE?!?

The turn could have led to something interesting, but just feels like Part 2 of a TV Movie.  Especially considering that he just kidnaps the same girl both times.

Snider is also Ant-Man, I guess, as he somehow hides behind the body of a dead lady smaller than him for this Scene to 'puppet' her around for a bit.

Next up, let's stick to the '90s and cover another Superhero Film non-starter.  Is it a Mystery why these Men didn't get a Sequel?  Stay tuned...

Tubi Thursday: Tales from the Hood 3 (2020)

 A Horror Anthology?
Yes, please!

One anchored by the late Tony Todd.
Double yes!

This is...

In the Framing Device, Tony Todd is transporting a young woman away from 'the bad men' and to 'her Mother.'

She tells him Stories along the way...

In 'Ruby Gates,' a guy hires an arsonist to force out a family so that he can sell the building for a profit.

Things go horribly awry and they die, leading to him being haunted by visions and sounds.

In 'The Bunker,' a lone white man shouts to himself and people over a Radio about how he's surviving in a wasteland against the government.

Of course, it's not that simple and remember that this is Tales From the Hood...

In 'Operatic' a young woman wants to be a Singer and is lead to an older woman who used to be an Opera Singer.

Her boyfriend has some bad intentions for the old lady, but is it that simple?

In 'Dope Kicks,' a guy makes his 'living' by attacking and robbing strangers.

He's cursed by an angry Voodoo Woman and things go crazy when he steals some shoes.

As for the Framing Device, things reach a climax in the basement.

I'm sure that the little girl telling stories of murder and mutilation is not up to anything.

The End.

A random mix of stories that don't actually connect together.

Do Horror Anthologies usually have a full Theme? I feel like the last one did.

In that case, let's look at the Stories...

The first one is a pretty basic tale, but the Effects really sell it.  No shocks, but good scares.
The second one is right out of Black Mirror.  It's not exactly subtle.
The third story is a bit drawn out, but features some creative dark magic nonsense.

The final tale is a decent one about revenge, punishment and kinda like that middle part of Constantine.

Tony Todd is thankfully a delight in his Supporting Role.  He doesn't do much, but...he's also Tony Todd.

All in all, the Film isn't structured smoothly, but is quite enjoyable.  Now to put up my yard sign...

Another mix of random stories that vary from Sci-Fi to classic Horror.  It would be nice if there was a stronger throughline, but it is still fun.

'90s Class: The Ghost and the Darkness (1996)

 Apex Predators are the one thing that can connect DC and Marvel fans!

This is The Ghost and the Darkness, a Film based on a real-life incident.  Lions are terrifying- spoken as someone who lives in a City without one in a hundred miles from me.

Also spoken as someone who has seen Roar.

The Film features Batman (Val Kilmer), Ant-Man (Michael Douglas) and Black Panther (John Kani aka T'Chaka).  That's some Comic Book Star Power!

It comes to us from Director Stephen Hopkins, who has a very diverse Filmography.  He's made A Nightmare on Elm Street 5, Predator 2, a thriller called Under Suspicion, Lost in Space and a Biopic on Jesse Owens!

Can he bring a tale of dangerous lions (that hate trains, I guess) to life for a generation?  To find out, read on...

An Engineer (Kilmer) is hired by a posh man (Tom Wilkinson) to build some bridges for train tracks in Africa.

The real guy wasn't an Engineer, but, you know, Movies.

Oh, and this is the SECOND Tom Wilkinson appearance for me in two days, as he was the Dad in The Green Hornet, which I watched the day before this.

Spooky.

He's a bit of an expert on Africa, at least as far as what you can read in Books.

Is he ready for what is really out there though?

A lion attacks someone one night at Camp, so he hunts it the next day.

He's celebrated as a hero...for about a week.

That's when his top man- who claims to have killed a lion with his bare hands- is killed at night by a lion!

He sets up another trap for the lion, but it fails.

He rushes to stop an attack in the camp DURING THE DAY and is jumped by...a second lion.

Yep, these ones hunt in packs- which they definitely don't do normally!

Mostly undaunted (as his Preacher Buddy was killed in the attack), he sets a new trap.

It lures a lion in, trapping it on the other side of some steel bars from some tiger hunters from India that he brought in (he once hunted them too).

This doesn't work as they are too scared to shoot straight and one is even partially deafened by its roar (which is apparently possible!!!!).

Plan C?

Breaking from the real story, they bring a Hunter (Michael Douglas- who cast himself, since he was a Producer).

Him and his lion hunters fail to kill them when Kilmer's gun misfires.

The helpers leave, since they think that the lions are actually evil spirits (hence the Title).

Plan Whatever involves a baboon as bait (lions hate them, apparently) and hunting platforms.

Douglas kills one, while the other is nowhere to be seen.
In real life, that character was never there, so he never did this.

Kilmer dreams of a happy reunion with his wife and newborn son, while the remaining lion runs from another side and jumps them.

This is supposed to seem real, but...come on.

This is way too goofy!

The remaining lion apparently stealth killed and ate Douglas during the night, leading to a final battle.

Can Batman and Black Panther stop a lion?

Yes, but not easily.

In the aftermath, everyone is happy and his family does arrive sans lion attack.
The End.

A fun and exciting Film that plays just enough with history to make it believable.

This one does give you plenty of real things in it.  I do wish that the Narration (by T'Chaka) wasn't so on the nose about how 'this all really happened' though.

It's a bit much.

It does tweak things here and there, adding, well, a Quint Character to the Story.  He meets essentially the same fate too.

Is this just Land Jaws?

No.

The Film's Special Effects- Animatronics, real lions and camera trickery- are amazing.  Stan Winston's work is always great, so no shock there.

Apparently they picked out a 375lb lion and Winston's company made animatronics.  When they arrived, the Filmmakers had switched to a 450lb lion!

Big props to all of the Actors, but especially Kilmer.  He went right from the set of The Island of Dr. Moreau (an experience so bad that a Film was made about it!) to this one...and he was also in the middle of a divorce.

None of this shows in his performance, so kudos.

This one still flies kind of under the radar, even if it finally got a Blu-Ray in 2022.  Just know that the real lions looked...a bit different (as they are still on display).

Next up, a Horror Film by a Rock Star.  Will this one make me sew my mouth shut?  Stay tuned...

Holiday TV: Friday the 13th- The Series Creates 'Death Note'

 It is our only Friday the 13th left this year, so let's make the most of it.

It is time for that Series again!

In this Episode, we learn about an evil pen and the Monks that will use it...TO KILL!

A Monk's Abbott rejects a push to sell the Monastery.

Later, a man writes about said Abbott dreaming of flying and then falling to his death.

This was 1987 TV CGI- judge it fairly.

Our Heroes- this is only Episode 2- figure out that the pen used by a Monk in the same Monastery that predicts the deaths of many- including this Abbott- people.

Our young Leads have to go undercover in the Monk to find it.

They are watched carefully, but keep looking.

The Monk- who is in seclusion- says that the Abbott will die...but there is no Abbott.

Well, a new guy is appointed...and killed via...um, bed smothering.
It worked in 13 Ghosts.

It turns out that the would-be Abbott (played by famous That Guy Colin Fox- who just died in April) is using the pen's owner to get what he wants.

He wants to sell the Monastery, because money.

When the Owner of the Pen says that he wants to stop, the Abbott uses it to kill him.

He tries to kill our Heroes next, but there's a catch.

His message doesn't work because he doesn't use their real names.  Hear that, L?

He eventually abandons subtlety and just goes to kill them with a gun.  That's way quicker.

He is tricked into writing his Death Note...I mean...magic pen letter on the Paperwork he signed to sell the Monastery.

He's killed by a CGI guillotine blade.

The End.

A really good Episode that helps setup the Show in a fun way.

The Plot is simple- guy kills people to get rich.
The usual motivation is to live forever, so this is a changeup.

Seriously, how is this not the inspiration for Death Note.

This was 1987.
The Series first appeared in Manga in 2003.

You can argue that the PEN is magic here, but the BOOK is magic in Death Note.
Thank you, Captain Semantics.
Thanks for taking my old job, by the way, Captain.

For better or worse, these sure are 1980s Special Effects.  Just...wow.

The Plot is fun and it helpfully sets things up nicely.

Weird factoid- the Director would go on to make Christmas Films like The Case for Christmas.  It also features the same guy who played one of the (good) Monks...

A pretty good Episode that sets up the Show's premise pretty well.  The fact that it sort of inspired an Anime about 15 years later.

Tubi Thursday: Moonfall (2022)

 You want to lose over $100 million?  Well, invest in a 'can't miss, surefire hit' Sci-Fi Film from a big time Director.

That's how we got today's Film...

In 2011, a mission to fix a Satellite (which requires 3 Astronauts and not the ISS?) ends tragically when a strange swarm of metal...something attacks.

One Astronaut is launched away, while the witness (Patrick Wilson) flies his Commander (Halle Berry) to safety.

In the Present (of 2022), he's disgraced because nobody believes him.

As it turns out, there's a massive cover-up.
Thanks for explaining that in your one and only Scene, Donald Sutherland (RIP).

Meanwhile, this guys is convinced that the Moon is a Megastructure (basically a giant ship) and not an astral body.

Since the Film couldn't exist without this nonsense, he's right.

Well, he's right about SOME things...

The Moon leaves its orbit- thanks to whatever the hell that metal swarm thing is- and all hell breaks loose on Earth.

It is Roland Emmerich, so cue CGI destruction of the West Coast.

Naturally, it ends up that only Wilson, Berry and the crazy (but correct in this one instance) guy can save the Earth.

Time to fly up in an old ship and hope for the best!

Back on Earth, their families (and Chinese friend designed to get you into the Market) are in trouble on Earth.

Can they save the day for them?

To find out, stream this bizarre fever dream of a Film.

A Film that manages to somehow be both familiar and batshit insane at the same time.

This is a Roland Emmerich Films.
If you played Roland Emmerich Bingo, you'd hit on quite a few squares for sure.

Divorced Lead, bad luck for new Husband, Kids in Peril, Cities Flooded and more.

Once you accept that, you can get dragged along for the insane ride that is this Film's Plot.

Without giving it all away, the Moon isn't, well, a Moon and Aliens exist/existed.

A whole crazy explanation is given late in the Film.  It is so silly that I can't be mad at it.

I'm less thrilled then when the Film keeps cutting back to the Sons, other kids and Chinese lady in a B-Plot that involves robbers...while the Earth is being assailed by fragments of the Moon itself!

This is supposed to be ground the Film (pun fully intended), but I just didn't care for it.

Give me full on crazy without the boring melodrama.  Give me, well, what this AI Generated Fake Trailer Image promises....

No Transformers here- honest!

A Film that is sometimes just so crazy that it works...and sometimes really routine.  Like visiting Willy Wonka....to get your brakes fixed.

Super Zero?: The Green Hornet (2011)

 As a new Superhero Studio face-off is coming n July, let's look back at a forgotten Superhero Film.

In the '90s, there was a big push to do Characters from the Radio/Film Serials as Film.  Somehow, the Green Hornet didn't make the cut, ending up in Character Licensing Limbo.

In 2011, he finally got his shot!

This Film comes to us from a trio you wouldn't expect- Seth Rogen, Even Goldberg and Michael Gondry.

The latter is a Director most known for Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, while the former two are known for Bro Comedy Movies.

Will this combination of escargot and bacon be appetizing or upset your stomach?  To find out, read on...

In Los Angeles, a criminal named Churnovsky (Christoph Waltz) is trying to be taken seriously, but finds that he's not respected enough.

Is he out of touch?

Well, less out of touch than Nicholas Cage playing him as a White Jamaican would have been.
That was his pitch!

Our would-be Hero is Britt Reid (Rogen) and his new pal Kato, who was his now-late Dad's Mechanic and assistant.

Both need a new outlet, as they have lots of wasted potential.

They go out to vandalize the Dad's Statue and inadvertently stop to save a couple from some Muggers.

Kato proves to be a badass fighter on top of a mechanic, as shown by this neat effect...that we only get like one other time.

The Police don't cover the mugging angle and just the crime.

That gives Britt the idea to push The Green Bee...I mean, Hornet as criminals as a way to get close to other criminals.

He can use his newfound paper to do so.

Their combination of brashness (Reid), ability, mechanics and instincts (Kato) get them on the right path.

They soon make enemies with Churnovsky though and are a bit out of their league.

Thankfully, they just hired a Secretary (Cameron Diaz) who is also an Expert on Criminology.

She can help them (inadvertently) do the wrong thing to, well, do the right thing.

This is also the 2nd Superhero Film with Cameron Diaz involving a dope with a green face (the other being The Mask).

Coincidence?  Yes- definitely.

With the help of their car- Black Beauty- will they be able to overcome their issues to stop the bad guys and save the day?

I mean...obviously, yes.

Will they get a Sequel?  

I mean...obviously, no.

A Film full of many interesting ideas...that don't really mesh together in the long run.

This had to have been a weird pitch.  'Take a Character mostly known from a Radio Show (and Guest-Starring on Batman) and let the guys from Superbad write it!'

This isn't a knock on them.  It just doesn't seem like a good idea unless you're going to do something REALLY different.  It never quite commits.

The Film fluctuates between being a big Action Film, a Seth Rogen Comedy, a Drama and a bit experimental with Gondry's flourishes.

The flourishes aren't bad, but they appear and disappear suddenly.  Kind of like Waltz's interest in rebranding, which pops up once and then reappears for the finale.

Inarguably, the true saving graces here are the stunt work and the big action Scenes.  They look great. 
They should- the Film cost about $100 million when this was less the norm.
Never mind the extra $10 million to convert to 3-D (which isn't on my copy).

The final product is one that I'm not sure truly pleases anyone 100%.

It has good Comedy, but also not.  It has good Drama, but also not.  It is a buddy Film...eventually.

Lots could and should be done with a Green Hornet Film.  Maybe one day.

Next up, a Film featuring a future Marvel Actor and a then current DC Actor.  What natural menace will they face off with?  Stay tuned...