New Streaming: WandaVision- Episode 3

 After two strong, trippy Episodes, let's see what we get in the next one...

The Setting has now changed to that of a '70s Show a la The Brady Bunch.

There's another thing to deal with...

Wanda is pregnant.

There are obviously many questions, especially as the timeline is sped up to Quicksilver levels.

Can they get through the incident and come out stronger?

Will we find out more about this strange little Town in which they live in?

To find out, stream the Show.

Fresh and frantic fun.  I had alot of fun with this one.  They really play into the '70s look and feel.  It must have been to do this Show, given the alternating looks and feels.  Each Episode, they get to wear different outfits, wigs, etc.  This Episode especially has some lovely sideburns and plaid material.  What you also get more of in this Episode is the intrigue as to what is happening.  The Neighbors sure know that something is up, but they aren't talking...yet.  We also get another fun fake Commercial that might be a deep cut Agents of Shield reference!  The real standout here is Elizabeth Olsen, doing a really good job with the physical comedy that fits with the '70s Era Setting.  There's lots of little things that reference TV Tropes, like her character hiding her pregnancy with objects like flowers or fruit bowls.  That's what they actually did (and still do sometimes).  Seriously, Olsen is a delight here.  She is funny,  She is serious.  She is sad.  She is...sinister?!?  I feel like I know where this is going, but I'm hoping to see some genuine surprises along the way.  I know we're getting a slew of MCU Side Characters coming up.  As for me, I'll keep rolling along with this Show and hopefully being as caught off guard as her...

Next time, we learn more about the world our Characters are in and get to a new Sitcom Homage.  Here's hoping that we get Small Wonder with Vision!

'70s Class: Scalpel (1977)

 A Tennessee Williams Play...just with slightly more murder.  This is Scalpel, a 1977 Thriller that isn't quite what you think it will be.  With a name like that, you picture a crazy Serial Killer Doctor, no?  That's actually The Last Slumber Party- psych!  Remember, this is from 1977, not 1987.  Instead, we get all sorts of nuance, intrigue and people going slowly insane.  The Plot involves an injured woman, a crazy Doctor and $5 million.  You can't see it, but I did the Austin Powers thing just now with my hand.  Robert Lansing is our Lead here and he's...ooh, he's bad.  There's a nice, subtle evil to his presence here that I love.  Curiously, the Director- Robert Grissmer- only made one other Film: Blood Rage.  That Film also involves a pair of doubles (see later) and murder.  There's probably a story- likely a bad one- as to why he made 2 Films ten years apart.  Instead of looking that up, let's read on instead...

A Plastic Surgeon- Lansing- buries his Father-in-Law and has to deal with the Estate.

The problem- he's getting nothing.  Who is?

His Daughter (aka the guy's Grand-Daughter).

The problem- she ran away after seeing him definitely murder her boyfriend.

Lansing and his friend just happen to run across a woman who's face was beaten to a pulp.

This gives him a really, really bad idea.

He fakes the woman's discharge and takes her to his House.  He transforms her face into that of his Daughter's and trains her over a period of time to act/talk like her.

He plays tapes of her talking that she left for him...as you do.

After some amount of time (not stated), the surgeries have worked and she's ready to pretend to be the Daughter for long enough to inherit the money.

Why does this guy on the right seem suspicious?

Lansing's friend shows up after the fake Daughter and him start bonding, showing his suspicion over the former not knowing how to play the Piano.

He has a Plot Convenience Heart Attack, which Lansing ignores for a bit.

This is actually the SECOND time we've seen something like that from him, but that's a Poor Bastards of Cinema induction on its own.

At his Funeral, a big wrinkle comes up in the plan- the real Daughter shows up!

So now we have some real conflict as Fake Daughter (aka Jane Doe) is jealous of the real (earned) connection that the Father has with his Daughter.

On the other hand, the real Daughter is upset since her Dad, is well, trying to bang her identical twin!

Did this inspire the American Dad Episode where Haley dates the Body Double of her CIA Father?
Probably not.

With $5 million in sight (and a split incoming), Lansing must decide who he loves more- his Daughter or the woman he mostly-forced to pretend to be her?

Even those this Film is over 40 years old, no (more) SPOILERs (for a change).

A slow, but steady tale of intrigue and betrayal.  As I said at the beginning, I expected something different from a Film with this Title.  This is one of many Films that I'd been given long ago to watch and knew nothing about.  Going in blind sometimes works well for Films!  The Plot is nice and nuanced, even if you have to accept certain things like him making the woman straight-up disappear.  To be fair, most of the questions are answered though, so you only have to consider the fact that the Nurse could ruin his plan and move on.  Lansing does a great job with this character, making him seem heartless and emotional at alternating times.  You don't know enough about the Grandfather to know whether or not he was good, making it harder to hate Lansing.  For all we know, the guy was an asshole.  He did hate Lansing for a better reason than he thought- the guy did kill his Daughter!  The Family aspect is a key thing here and it works really well.  The real Daughter and Lansing have a real bond, which makes his betrayals all the worse.  The twists and turns come quite well in the latter half of the Film.  The Film has a mixed reputation as far as that goes, but I'm in the 'it was good' camp.  It doesn't seem like this Film is all that well-known and that's kind of a shame.  For me, the positives outweigh the negatives here.  For instance, Lansing is evil...but he's got a nice garden.

Next time, I go back to my DVD Pile to cover the first of 2 Films in a Series.  I somehow reviewed the Sequel back in 2009, but I skipped this one.  Stay tuned...

Poor Bastards of Cinema: Abomination- The Evilmaker 2 (Part 2)

 A final look at this Movie that even kind of hurts to look at.
Seriously, it is so blurry and cheap-looking that my eyes bleed a little bit.

-----

In Abomination, an evil Ghost/Demon kills people at a House because reasons.
That's basically it.

So before the Main Plot picks up, we see some people move into the Murder House.

They are assholes.

The guy goes to his car and freaky stuff happens to the woman on her bed.

Is she just a pillow pushing her down out of her?

She dies from...whatever this is.

Best guess- she turns into Grits.

Oh and as an after thought, the evil lady Ghost/Demon/whatever straight up kills the guy in the Car.

Choking- lame.

Turn him into food products, you lazy creature of vague origin and even vaguer motivations!

The lesson- don't move into a Murder House.

Why do I have to tell you that?!?!?

Next time, some more classy deaths.  See you then... 

Rare Flix: Hercules & Xena- The Battle for Mount Olympus (The Animated Movie)

 A forgotten tie-in to a Show that was also a shameless cash-in to rip off Disney.  This is (incoming wordy title) Hercules & Xena (The Animated Movie): The Battle For Olympus, a 1998 DTV release.  It was obviously a spin-off of both Sam Raimi-produced Shows.  In addition, it existed to have a similar Plot to and be like the Disney Hercules Film.  I'm sure that you can find someone that says otherwise, but...come on.  Let's break it down, shall we?  Both are Animated.  Both feature Hercules.  Both feature a Plot involving the Titans coming back to take over Olympus.  The middle parts that make up the rest of the Plot- like with Karate Warrior- are different, so it isn't like those Good Times or Dingo Pictures Cartoons.  The big draw here is that the Stars of the Live-Action Shows are here to voice their Characters.  Some are good and some are 'meh.'  It is notable for a couple of reasons regarding the Show too, but I'll get to that.  In the meantime, let's see why you don't remember this...

Hercules and Ioales go around helping people.  Hercules also goes a good 5 minutes without speaking, choosing instead to grunt instead.

I should mention that the Art Direction has a, well, Ren & Stimpy vibe to it.
No, I don't know why they went this way.

Xena is a badass lady who helps the poor and beats up bad guys.

This follows her appearances on Hercules (VHS Release promoted on this tape) and her new Show.

The Titans are released and now threaten to take over Mount Olympus, where they once ruled.

Hercules- who has daddy issues- refuses a call to help, even when it comes from Aphrodite.

In his defense, it did just appear that Zeus kidnapped his Mother.

To get help from someone else, Artemis decides to do the only logical thing- turn Gabrielle into a giant Eagle.

Wait...what?!?

Hera is the bad guy here- making her first humanoid appearance in the franchise here- and she's using the Kronos Stone to command the Titans.

Can Hercules and Xena put aside their issues and stop the Titans?

Yes.  I just ran out of Screen Caps, so deal with it.  The End.

A silly and strange Film.  The idea is to make a cheap tie-in for two successful Shows.  Got it.  To make that work, they made a weird Cartoon that looked like Ren & Stimpy.  Was Hercules a Comedy?  Not really.  Was Xena?  Not really.  So why make it look like this?  The whole thing just feels like a weird aside that doesn't seem to be made by the same people.  To put it in comparison, the man most associated with Ren & Stimpy did updated versions of Mighty Mouse, as well as Beany & Cecil  His quirky humor on that made sense- it was a new version.  If you can get past how odd this one looks, the Film also sounds odd.  As noted, Sorbo grunts ALOT in this.  I'm guessing there must be hours of this somewhere.  On a better sound note, Lucy Lawless sings and it's actually pretty good.  The Plot is nothing special and it sure takes awhile for our Heroes to actually meet up.  With a few exceptions, there are no real surprises to be found.  The Film is pretty rare, mostly due to nobody bothering to release it on DVD in any major way.  It clearly needed someone to be a big breakout Star to get that- see Young Hercules.  In any event, there are definitely worse Cartoons...but there are also better Hercules Cartoons...

Next up, a freaky '70s Thriller about Medicine and Money.  If you can't trust your Dad or your Doctor, who can you trust?  Stay tuned...

Rip-Off Flix?: Karate Warrior (1987)

 Where's Netflix to adapt this into a Hit Show too?!?  This is Karate Warrior, a 1987 Film from Italy that was *inspired* by The Karate Kid.  To be fair to the Film, it is not even close to a shameless rip-off.  It does reuse key ideas and Themes, but isn't as blatant as many others from this time.  This is more original than the 200 different Mad Max-clones, but less original than, you know, an original Film.  Curiously and completely accidentally, the Film is almost more like The Karate Kid: Part II!  Here's another little factoid for you: there are more Karate Warrior Films than Karate Kid Films!  Somehow, its Producer- the man behind Killer Crocodile- spat out SIX of these Films onto the Video Market between 1987 and 1995.  I probably won't cover them all any time soon, especially since it abandons this Plot and its Characters after the 2nd one.  Oh what a Plot and Characters we have too.  In the Film, a young man goes to The Philippines to visit his Reporter Dad and runs afoul of a Gangster/Karate Expert.  What Town doesn't have one of those?!?  One last note before we begin, the original Italian Title is far less good than the English one.  It translates to 'The Boy with the Golden Kimono,' so...yeah, I'm sticking with the US Title...

Our Anakin Skywalker-looking Lead is Anthony, who is in The Philippines, since Films can be shot cheaply there...I mean, to see his Dad.  He immediately makes an enemy with the local Mob Boss.

Seriously, watch the Documentary Machete Maidens Unleashed to hear all about this time.

While reacquainting with his Dad, he also meets a local Girl who he falls for.

Who wouldn't fall for a guy wearing a...Jacksonville Bulls Shirt?
Google the Team and then wonder how their Jersey ended up in The Philippines and in an Italian Film.

He romances her and I only mention this as an excuse to show it appears they were reusing locations between this and Killer Crocodile 1 and 2.

It's not Racist to say that Rivers look alike, is it?

Anthony learns that the guy who annoyed him is a Mobster who runs down Businesses for money AND is a 5-Time Karate Champion.

He's the Booker T of Filipino Karate Champions/Mobsters.  Can you dig it, sucka?!?

Anthony confronts the guy and bravely...kicks him in the dick while he's blinded by a camera flash.

He drives away on his bike and escapes the bad guy.

Interestingly (to me, at least), we see the Lead riding the bike clearly, but the bad guy is always wearing his helmet (it's his Stunt Double).

The gang shows up to beat up our Hero the next day (I think- time is relative in this Film) and leave him to die.

Sadly, they don't do it in skeleton outfits.

He's found by an Ancient Monk/Karate Expert played by Ken Watanabe.

I got my hopes up...until I found out that this is a DIFFERENT Ken Watanabe.  
I know- I'm sad too.

He trains our Hero in the art of Kung Fu over another vague period of time.

Since Anthony is 'pure of heart' he can do the Dragon Strike- essentially a Ki Strike.

He uses it to knock out a random Bull- why not?

He recovers, finds his Parents (the Mom shows up to basically do nothing) and challenges the Villain at the Karate Tournament.

He wins Round 1, forgets how to fight for Round 2 and then fights blind to win Round 3 with his Ex Machina Punch.

It suddenly gets all sad when he goes home and vows to return (in the Sequel).  The End.

An oddly dramatic Film for how silly it gets by the end.  So, seeing the final product, is this a really blatant ripoff?  No.  As I said before, it definitely wouldn't exist without Kid being a big hit.  The basic beats- young guy learns Karate from Master, romances girl and wins Karate Tournament- are there.  In place of the rest of it, however, you get a Mobster, The Philippines and a magic punch to replace the Crane Kick.  The 2nd Kid Film features Daniel-san going to Japan, so this Film is almost more like that.  The Sequel came out the same Year this was being made (see the Banner for the 1986 Karate Tournament for proof), so it could be a case of Movie Plot Gumbo.  Take a bit from here, take a bit from there and BOOM- it's a new thing.  On its own merits, the Film is fine.  Our Hero is a bit apathetic, but also sometimes overly-aggressive at times.  Yes, the Mobster is bad, but he's combative with the guy before he even knows that.  He's also kind of a dick at times, justified or not.  There's also the issue of him knowing NOTHING about Karate and being an expert enough to beat a guy who's won the Tournament FIVE YEARS IN A ROW and wins by challenging all of the Finalists AT ONCE.  There's no excuse/setup for how he can win other than his Protagonist Powers/Plot Armor.  It's still a fun enough Film all the same.  Let's close out with a look at our Director's dopey, anglicized name (despite the Credits being in Italian)…  

Next time, I cover a Film that barely had a DVD Release, so my copy is on lovely VHS.  See a Universal cash-in that is also kind of a rip-off.  Stay tuned...

New Streaming: WandaVision- Episodes #1 and 2

 After a long (and unplanned) time away from the MCU, it is good to be back.  Of course, there are many mysteries to uncover and things for me NOT to SPOIL...

After the events of Avengers: Infinity War, Vision is dead...so how is he living an idyllic life in a 1950's Sitcom with The Scarlet Witch?

The pair must endure some amusingly-cliché bits of the Genre like 'The Boss Comes Over for Dinner.'

If you're going to copy The Dick Van Dyke Show, you might as well consult with the man himself to do so.

As they move on to a slightly-different homage in Episode 2, will they continue to miss the subtle signs that something is amiss?

Will more time around the Neighbors spark any intrigue or suspicion?

To be fair, everyone kind of looks like they are up to something when shot in black and white.

What is the secret of this strange place?  Who's really in charge?

Also who remembers Pleasantville?  I'm having flashbacks.

To find out, stream the first 2 Episodes to see how it all begins...

A fun, stylistic start to the Show.  Due to Pandemic issues, it really has been too long since new MCU material.  I obviously don't blame them for the delay.  With that in mind, it is really great to see this.  Putting aside my withdrawal issues, this is a fun, fresh-feeling Show.  They go just the right amount towards doing a friendly homage to Shows of this time without feeling mean.  They are Classics for a reason, after all.  I obviously don't know the full extent of where this is going, but I like the window dressing so far.  They have fun with the look and feel of it all.  They show you how things have changed and how they haven't.  I like how the stuff that is clearly setting up the main Plot is just kind of simmering at this point.  Something is obviously not right...but let's wait to see.  In the meantime, it is the first Show I've seen with fake Commercials in it since Danger 5, which obviously dealt with more overt Parody.  I really do want to see where this all goes and how much fun they can have with the stylistic choices here.  In Comics, the Vision-Scarlet Witch romance has had more downs than ups, so let's see how this one in the MCU compares as time goes on...

Here's hoping that this intro to Phase 4 continues to be fun and creative!

Quick Review: The Night of 1,000 Cats

 A Mexican curiosity that is certainly not full of nuance and subtlety.  Let's see what this trashy Film with a great Title is like...

A rich man (Hugo Stiglitz- the guy, not the Inglorious Basterds Character) lives the good life.

He has money.  He has ladies.  He has a cat.

He's also a little bit crazy.

What kind of secrets is he hiding?!?

He speaks to his current lady about how he sees her as beautiful and wishes that he could keep her around forever.

If he could, he explains, he'd keep her head in a glass jar like his decanter.  

Romantic?!?

The Title comes in as we learn that he keeps a large cage full of cats.  There's no way he has a thousand, but The Night of 1,000 Cats sounds better than The Night of Around 247 Cats.

Oh and he kills people, feeding their flesh to his cats.
I wish that this was the first time I saw this Plot Point.

Here's the part where I break some bad news to you- this Film is really lacking in variety and content.

It just barely goes past the 1 hour mark and it has lots of filler involving this helicopter.
This device has nearly the same amount of Screen Time as the Cats!

As the Film goes on, he turns on everyone around him, even his Mute Butler.

That last bit is almost comedic as the Film cuts from him losing a Chess Game to the Butler...and right to him being served to the Cats.

His women get more intense and detailed deaths, since, you know, casual misogyny.

The Final Girl- long before that become a Trope- sees Stiglitz's secret work of Art- his Collection of Heads!

She fights back, but is also a little bit dumb while doing so.

Who holds a Halberd...and then throws it?!?

The Cats escape their cage and eat Stiglitz, but the FG escapes narrowly.

Now she can go back to her Husband...who she was cheating on...and her Daughter...who she left behind to cheat on her Husband.  Hurray?

By the number stuff...when it bothers to have a Plot.  The Film is very aimless and full of more filler than most packages you get in the Mail.  We get lots of lounging.  We get lots of the Helicopter.  We get many random shots of the Cats.  We get EVEN MORE of the Helicopter.  We sometimes see the random ancillary Characters like the kid and the Husband.  That's a real thankless role!  When we finally get some content, it is alot of Stiglitz just being weird.  There are some artistic moments like the shot I featured of him with the glass and one where they cross-cut between him hunting and a woman being chased by the Butler.  Do you get the symbolism?  Do you?!?  I wish there was more here between those moments.  Instead, you get a Film about as long as Psycho Shark (aka Jaws in Japan) and with about 30% more content than that Film.  The concept here- a crazy, rich guy kills people for his art- has real potential.  You just need more than a good idea to make a Film and you don't get it here.  I'm also glossing over some light animal abuse (nothing fatal)- grabbing cats and throwing them a few times.  It isn't like the one I exposed Bob to in that Herzog Film.  The Night of 1,000 Cats is a Film that screams for a Remake- not to be confused with this alternate Title that makes it sound like a Remake of a different Film...

A bit of exploitation that doesn't really have any meat to it.  Yes, I meant to make that pun.