Import/Export : The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo (2009)

 3 Books.  4 Films.  1 dead Author.

This is The Girl with The Dragon Tattoo, specifically the Original Film from Sweden.  It got remade quite famously in 2011 by David Fincher.

That Remake, however, didn't get a Sequel to finish the Story. 
Hell, America officially only got Fincher's version of the 1st Book and then a lone Film based on a Book not written by Stieg Larsson.

He had a good excuse.

If you don't know, the Plot involves a defamed Reporter named Michael (in English) being hired to solve a decades-old Mystery for a rich family.  He teams up with Lisbeth Salander and they discover just how crazy things are.

This Original version was made for $13 million, as opposed to the alleged $100 million for Fincher's version.  Is it (does Math) one 7th as good?

To find out, read on...

Michael Blomkvist (played by Michael Nyqvist) is a Reporter who just lost a big case of defamation to a rich guy.

His punishment is a big fine and 6 months in jail.

Lisbeth Salander (played by Noomi Rapace) is a Hacker with a dark past and is not exactly loved by the law.

She does research for some rich folks and looks up Michael.

He's hired by a rich, old guy who wants him to solve the disappearance (and likely murder) of his Niece...in 1966.

Cue the evidence wall.

Meanwhile, Lisbeth's new Ward takes over and he's abusive.

He strikes her, ties her to the bed and, well, you can figure it out.

After she recovers, she gets her revenge.

She gives him what he gave her (again- you can figure it out) and then forcibly tattoos a message on his chest about what he did as a permanent reminder.

(The Remake has a follow-up Scene with him being chastised for considering having his tattoo removed.  This doesn't)

Lisbeth works the case on her own and makes a big discovery in the case.

She makes it so that he can find and recruit her, which he does.

Their relationship is...complicated.

The whole case ends up being about an abusive cycle of a killer raising his own killers.

One of the Uncles knows that they are close and tries to kill Michael.

Lisbeth saves the day and then makes sure that the man dies in a car fire, triggering memories of how she burned her abusive father to death in his car (making her a 'ward of the state').

They also find out that the girl was NOT one of her victims.

More digging reveals that the girl- Harriet- has been hiding out in Australia all of this time and sending him the flowers to 'let him know that she's alive.'

She has a tearful reunion and confesses that the Uncle abused her so badly that she had to get away.

She was helped off of the island by her Sister and hid out.

Michael finally goes to jail- minimum security- but is then given enough evidence to take down the bad guy who wronged him by Lisbeth.

He is vindicated and the man dies (how he does varies by which version you watch) and he figures out that Lisbeth stole lots of money from him.

The End.

A Film that hits as hard as the American one, although I can't speak for the Book.

Maybe I'll finish the 25 other Books I've bought with intention to read and get back to this Series.  For now, it's just the Film(s).

What this version does really well is balance the 2 Leads and the focus on them.  The American one tends to focus a bit more on Michael, whereas this one gives them more of an equal focus.

Lisbeth objectively has the more interesting and complicated backstory. 
Plus, the Book is named after her!

Noomi Rapace is so good here too. I can't wait to see her in the next 2 Films.

There are many odd little tweaks between the 2 versions.  For instance, the yearlong story is explained as 6 months on the case and 6 months in jail here.  In the American version, it is just a year to work the case.

The Swedish Film is actually more subdued with the graphic stuff.  Then again, it isn't by the guy who made Seven, so...that tracks.

If you only know the Remake, watch the Original.  I watched it subbed, which is what they actually filmed and it does force you to pay attention.

It might not be better- that's 100% subjective- but it absolutely stands on its own merits.

The odd thing- the quirky Production Company Logo for a Film involving such dark themes and murder...

It does have a visible dragon tattoo as well.

Next up, the 2nd Book becomes a Film too- just only in Sweden.  Will this follow-up shock and delight as much as the 1st one?  Stay tuned...

Tubi Thursday: Road Wars- Max Fury (2024)

 I can't be bothered to even give this my Max Fury, to be honest.

It's a Film by The Asylum.
You probably guessed that.

Is it any good though?

This is possibly a Sequel to 'Road Wars,' but don't worry about it.

A small group of survivors in a vaguely post-apocalyptic world kick out a bad guy (Vernon Wells) for what he did.

Of course, that just means making him go like 10 feet away...and he just shoots one of them.

5 years later, the children of that guy are living with a Stepmom and, well, the most useless survivor.

They bicker, since young people in a Film, and don't agree on what to do.

The bad guy is apparently still just kind of hanging around this small stretch of (I assume) California desert they live in.

He now has face paint like Mr. Fuji managing Demolition and a small crew of men still looking for the rest of those who 'wronged' him.

The Stepmom and guy (Egon?) are pretty useless, with the latter getting wounded and just kind of laying around for 90% of the Film.

The lady does kill a bad guy or two but then (softly) falls over after firing her gun.

I think she's supposed to be sick, but it just looks sad.

Now it is up to the young ladies to get medicine and save the day!

Can they survive the (tiny stretch of California) wasteland?
Will Wells get his revenge?

To find out, stream it now!

It's not the worst Film, but it is far less than advertised!

Are there Road Wars in Road Wars: Max Fury?  Yeah...no.
People drive cars slowly on desert roads until you get one car pushing another in the climax.

Wasteland action?  Well...a little.
Generic guys in generic Wasteland Attire mostly go down in one shot and have no characteristics.

The Wasteland is just the California Desert, save for (literally) a 10 second CGI shot of a knocked over car.

So is there nothing good here?

Honestly, the Acting is alright, it's nice to have Female Leads (the redeeming thing about their Jumanji rip-off) and they do clearly have a little bit of a story here.
Wells tries his best to be menacing at, well, nearly 80 years old.

This isn't a terrible Film, but it is also NOTHING like what it promises to be.

This guy would not be pleased...

A Film that could have been some ridiculous nonsense.  Unfortunately, they didn't try too hard and got, well, this.

Rip-Off Cover Art: Beast of War (2025)

 This Australian Shark Film was fun.

I mentioned the connections between this Film and Jaws.

Well, someone selling the Film on DVD/etc. didn't think it was quite enough.

So that's how we got this...

Apologies for the low quality.

That's just the Shark from the Jaws Poster.

Come on, now!

FYI this is not a bootleg or anything (as far as I can tell).

This is the same picture (in slightly better quality) from a DVD release...

Has Copyright law changed without me finding out?

I don't think so...

Shudder Day: Beast of War (2025)

 As a fan of Sharks in Movies and an avid avoider of them in real life, these kinds of Movies speak to me.

Plus Netflix has a Shark Movie out, so why not finally get around to covering...

It is 1942 in Austalia.

A young man is training to be a Soldier in WW2, but is haunted by some past trauma.

Even so, he manages to bond with the group during the training.

This is going to be the best part of their...

...and their boat was sunk, many were killed and the survivors are stranded in the ocean on a makeshift raft.

Man, War really is hell, eh?

Oh and there's a shark hanging around too.

Yes, this is 'inspired' by real events.
That's a nice, catch-all term that somehow implies that Movies like The Texas Chainsaw Massacre happened for real.

Can the stranded soldiers work together to take out the beast?

Will the rigors of simply trying to survive be the end of them?

Did I seriously make it through this whole summary without mentioning Vegemite?

To find out the answer to 2 of those questions, stream it now.

A Film that aims to be one thing and it does it pretty darn well!

This one is not epic in scope.
This one is not about big battles.

Instead, the Film (80% of it really) is about how these guys survive (or not) together in this insanely trying time!

The whole thing was shot in a giant water tank and lit so that you never see the edges.  Good, simple stuff.

The Shark appears minimally in the grand scheme of things, but that also means that you never get used to it.  As opposed to one of the 705 Syfy Channel Shark Films where it pops up every few minutes in all of its (usually bad) CGI glory.

It is funny how things go in circles though.  This Film is clearly inspired in many (good) ways by Jaws and also claims to be 'inspired by' the events retold by Quint in Jaws.

Beast of War is an engaging and pretty tight 80ish minute Film.  Watch it for its own merits and don't expect, say, what this Fake AI Trailer Image implies...

That's just Mega Shark, guys!

A Film that makes great use of a simple premise and limited locations.  A worthy homage to Jaws and other Films like that.

Forgotten TV: 'The Outer Limits' Did 'The Host' in 1995?!?

 Let's take a look at another Episode of The Outer Limits curated by someone back in 2005.

As always, the Theme is 'Death & Beyond.'

What happens when your body can be recycled...by Aliens?!?

The year is 1995.

We have made First Contact with an Alien Race.

They appear on TV with an odd request- they want our dead bodies!

As it turns out, these are aliens made out of some sort of energy that can't live very long (about 2 years) without a host body.

With their planet gone, they made a deal with Earth to let them be reborn in our dead bodies.

'Bubba' here doesn't like his job, but hopes to use their technology to eventually deal with death.

He visits with his friends- James and Karen, a married Couple- and they discuss his job.

Nothing bad so far.

Later, he gets a call from James and learns that Karen was killed in a car accident (that he survived).

He begs his friend to get her as a Host body, but he initially resists.

He's guilted into it and now Karen (Rae Dawn Chong) lives...but also not really.

Even though he asked his friend to get her revived, James now can't accept this!

Talk about a bad friend!

'Bubba' suspects that the Aliens are up to something.

This is amplified after James tells him about 'strange stuff' he saw and then later commits suicide.

He tries and fails to keep his friend from the Donor List as he investigates a site.
Who does he see?

Why it is James, of course.

He's now one of the Aliens and shows him the truth: all of the secrecy was about them building a small-scale version of their home planet as a kind of Museum/reminder.

They will soon integrate fully with humanity in the coming generations...and it will all be peaceful.

Aw.
The End.

How nice- we don't get a dark, twist ending here.

To be fair, this Episode is literally the 4th one aired (no idea on actual production order, of course), so maybe they got more reliant upon that.

This is a good Episode that deals with lots of moral quandaries.

Why do we care if our dead or now someone else?
Why do we want them back, but then get upset when they are back?
Is there more to us than just our flesh and blood?

As mentioned in the Title, this one is VERY similar to the Plot of 'The Host' by Stephanie Meyer.
That Book was released in 2008 (The Film in 2013) and features a race of Aliens doing the same thing, but as a plan for conquering us.

Good thing this one had the good Ending, or it would be exactly the same!

If you are thinking about checking this Show out again (or for the first time), this one is super early in the run and quite good.

As for me, I'm just reminded of how much I DO NOT miss Zoom Calls.

Turn down your ring light, Steve!!!

Next up, a different tale about bringing the dead back.  Will this one end as happily?  See you then...

Tubi Thursday: The Dark Side of the Moon (1990)

 The Moon is all over the News now.  It is huge!

Specifically, the Dark Side of it.

So why am I just now hearing about it when we went there in 1990...

In the Year 2022, the Crew of a ship goes to repair a Nuclear Sattelite.

You all remember those, right?

Everything on the ship starts to break down and stop working as they get to the Dark Side of the Moon.
Hey, that's the Title!

Their AI is Lesli, who is a hot lady who kind of just sits in a chair doing nothing.
Why do we have GROK and not this?!?

While they float in space and their orbit decays, a ship appears!

It is a Space Shuttle that crashed in the Ocean (after the mission ended) back in the 1990s!

Naturally, they go on board.

That goes poorly.
You don't say!

The Crew who goes onto the Ship gets infected or killed by an unseen force.

It turns out to pure evil!

Something about the Bermuda Triangle's coordinates being (sort of) 666 means that every ship that vanishes in there appears on the Dark Side of the Moon!

It's all sorts of silly, but at least we get The Bartender from The Shining as The Devil.

The End.

It sure wanted to be an Event, but I can't see a return on the Horizon.

Yeah, it's the obvious reference.
You found The Devil in Space- it's Event Horizon!

Comparisons aside, the Film suffers from the same issues that most of these cheapie Space Films did.
The Ship is 5 hallways that look the same.  The lights almost never work.
Everything looks...off.

They do a decent job of showing the growing paranoia of the crew as members die off and the Devil does some freaky stuff.

If I want an evil trickster in Space though, I'll stick with Leprechaun 4: In Space.
If I want to see a bunch of military guys getting paranoid in the middle of nowhere, I'll watch John Carpenter's The Thing.

It's not bad, but everything they have to show you is kind of derivative...

A

Shudder Day: Deathstalker (2025)

 Due to the Holiday and work, this one is late.

That said, I waited Decades for a new Deathstalker, so this is nothing...

This is Deathstalker (Daniel Bernhardt).

He takes an amulet from a dying man and gets dragged into a quest (of mostly self-preservation).

He teams up with a Wizard named Doodad (voiced by Patton Oswalt) who can translate the runes.

Familiar, this shot is.

It wouldn't be a Deathstalker Film without a Pigman.

This one is- sadly- not Stock Footage from the 1st Film, unlike his appearance in the other 3 Films.

Our Hero is beset by many assassins and creatures since the Amulet is this Film's magical MacGuffin.

A slew of crazy creatures and effects- this is definitely from the Director of Psycho Goreman!

Twists and turns.

Freaky monsters.

What else will Deathstalker face?

Is he up to the task of stopping the evil that threatens the Kingdom?

Can he even survive this?

To find out, stream this one now!

A fun and crazy Film in all of the right ways.

If you don't know, I've definitely become a fan of Steven Kostanski in recent years.  Frankie Freako was fun.  Psycho Goreman was a worthy (if not intentional) follow-up to The Guyver.

Oh, and full disclosure, I was part of the Kickstarter on this one.  I have the Digital Matte Paintings to prove it.

This Film works because it gives you everything you hope for in a Film like Deathstalker.  Crazy Monsters, a gruff (and buff) hero, a Wizard or two.

There are clear homages to Films of the Genre and even fringe ones like Conquest or Army of Darkness here.

Was it made cheaply?  Relatively.  Do they redress/reuse Sets?  Obviously.
Do I care?  Hell no!

If you're a fan of the OG Series or just like his other, bloody Films, check this one out!

A fun homage to Sword and Sorcery with modern effects.  It's no Fantasy Epic, but it is a bloody good time!