New Flix: Smile (2022)

 Make 'em Smile, Make 'em laugh!

This is 2022's surprise (to Paramount) hit Smile.

A Psychiatrist at an Emergency Intake Hospital meets up with a new Patient.

She tells her that she is being 'hunted' by an 'entity.'

She freaks out before she starts to have an eerie smile....

...and she cuts her face and neck open.

The poor lady watches it, calling for help but unable to stop her.

She is understandably freaked out.

She's given time off shortly after this, which is 100% logical.

What's less logical is how she starts to see things...like the dead Patient at Birthday Party.

Since she lives in a Movie, the Cop who checks out the earlier death just so happens to be her ex-Boyfriend.

He offers to help her solve what is going on.

Weird- how did I mix up this Film and The Ring?
Oh well.

Things get worse as she learns that none of the victims of whatever this is lived more than a week.

Huh.  There it goes again.

Can she find out the way to save herself and stop whatever this strange entity is?

Can she keep the people around her safe?

Does the fact that I watched this Film knowing that a Sequel is out in 2 days affect things?

To find out the answer to those first two questions, stream it now or, Heaven forbid, buy a physical copy.

A good Film, but it does take a while to really make things very interesting.

The Plot here is good.  That said, it is a slow burn...in the middle.  Yeah, that's a little odd.

This one starts out strong, but then kind of drags a bit while it make things all about our Heroine's mental break.

That's not a bad Story at all.  It just isn't quite as interesting as Evil Entity spreads via Death among the populace.

The Actress does a great job.  The Supporting Cast is also pretty good.  Some- like Kal Penn- are better than others, of course.

My critiques of the pacing are somewhat lessened when you view the Film as a whole, because that Finale is really, really good.

I joked about it, but there are some real Ringu/The Ring vibes here, from the Female Protagonist haunted by a strange force to the literal 7-day timer. 
I don't think it is a case of outright stealing- that Story has just been made SO MANY times since 1995 that I think it is hard to avoid even accidentally.

Smile is a strong Film as a whole.  Just know that the middle is a bit slow and go along for the ride.  Kudos to the Marketing Department as well.

A Film that borrows a few familiar ideas, but ultimately succeeds.  Time will tell if this one becomes iconic though.

New(er) Flix: Zombieland- Double Tap (2019)

 Pure luck brought this into my life.  I might as well celebrate having power again by covering it!

This is Zombieland: Double Tap, the 2019 Sequel to the 2009 Horror Comedy.
For as much as I feel that Zombie Films are overdone (mostly because they can be made super cheap), that one felt fresh.

Did it break new ground?  Not really, but it played with Genre conventions just enough and was charming, so I was good.

Can a long delayed Sequel be worth it?

On the plus side, everyone is back.  It is funny to see how the Marketing promoted it being by the Writer of Deadpool (2016) and Director of Venom (2018).  Wasn't the original press enough?

Regardless, let's see how much fun and splatter can be had with...

It's been 10 years since the last Film and our Heroes are aiming big.

They decide to move into The White House!

All seems well.

They got a home.
They got a family.
They got random stuff left behind.

So why is there a simmering tension?

The ladies leave (for personal reasons) and this depresses the other Heroes.

Okay, mostly Jesse Eisenberg, since...you know, that's his default emotion.

He meets a vibrant, Tiffany Straton-like lady and they hook up right away.

Well, it's all fine unless Emma Stone comes back....

She does.

Her Sister wanted some independence and left her.

So now she's back with the guys to rescue her, since she's hitching with a hippie.

The gang finds new allies...and frenemies.

The survivors are reunited in a brand new location that is not as safe as promised.

Can our unarmed Heroes win the day?

To find out, watch it now...

A very fun Film that definitely delivers more of what you want and gives you something new too.
In other words, a good Sequel.

The Plot is more nuanced than most Zombie Films with the Characters each having their own Arcs throughout.  Just because your monsters eat brains doesn't mean that your Characters can't use theirs!

While I personally have some issues with Woody Harrelson's beliefs, he's very fun here.  Hell, I can even stand Eisenberg, which is a big thing for me.

The new Characters are a nice addition- no question.

I also liked the new, mutated Zombies.  Nothing groundbreaking, but good stuff too.

The only real gripe I have is the minor Cameo by Grace Randolph.  Was she more well-liked in 2019?

Seriously though, this is a fun Sequel that was worth the wait.  It's also another Cult Film that brought in Rosario Dawson in for the Sequel to court its surly Lead.
That's 2 for 2 now!

Next time, normal scheduling should resume.  I've got a Remake of a '70s Film that I've not seen and it is by a late-great Horror Director.  Stay tuned...

Craven Less: The Hills Have Eyes 2 (2007)

 Alright, who asked for this?

Oh right- the Movie Studio when a $15 million Film made $70 million.

This time, we get some National Guard Members being sent out on a rescue mission to the infamous Hills.  Mind you, these guys just FAILED their last TRAINING Mission, but why not send them?

We get a different clan of Mutants here and no other relation to the Plot.

Wes Craven (who co-wrote this with his Son) apparently envisioned the Film featuring the return of Brenda, who is actively assigned due to her previous encounter there.  That went out the window when the Actress was too busy making LOST to be in this.

As such, there's, well, no Plot relation other than 'Government investigates area.'  Weirdly, they name the group- Sector 15- so this retroactively feels like world-building for a Shared Universe (a la SHIELD or Monarch).

There is no other Sequel.
This Film is also not to be confused with The Hills Have Eyes PART 2 from 1985, which I already reviewed in 2010.

Let's see why this one made about half as much and made sure that there was no such thing as The Hills Have Eyes 3 (unless you count The Asylum version) for the second time so far in History...

Our Cold Open features a pregnant woman (who isn't named, but at least isn't Brenda) tied down to a bed and delivering a baby...that is stillborn.

The Mutant kills her.

After that...Scene, we see some Scientists checking out some of the last Film's Sets.

As noted, the Government sent them.
They die like the Scientists in the last Film's Intro, setting a pattern.

Our Heroes are a bunch of National Guard Members.

They go all Blue Kestrel Down against some 'insurgents,' but...

...it was just a training mission...with live ammo and grenades.

Their Drill Seargent (is that still the right term?) berates them, introducing them and their one defining character traits.

The high point- insulting one guy for being against the Iraq War, since 'all Presidents lie- it's their job.'

In spite of just failing, they are called in to check on Sector 15.

They find no evidence of the bodies- the Hill Cannibals having OCD, it seems- and the bulk go looking.

The Leader specifically tells them not to 'bring too much ammo, since it is heavy.'
Sigh.

The Cannibals attack strategically, since I guess a singed copy of The Art of War was left behind.

They get them on edge and the 'doughy Soldier' accidentally kills the Leader.
He falls to his death moments later when he climbs down an obviously cut rope.

The remaining group is reunited as the ones left at base failed miserably.

The Jeep- destroyed.
Their guns- gone.
The survivor they find- dead.

Now one of the only two women in this Movie is about to get grabbed by a gravelly cannibal.

We, the audience, know why they want her.
Thankfully, our Leads find out when one of the guys from the Intro dumps exposition and then offs himself.

You'll never guess what happens- the guy accused of not being brave and 'macho' becomes the 'brave, macho' Lead.

Where did they come up with this?!?

We also get the one friendly Mutant.
Again- where did they get THIS idea from?

The Cast is slowly picked off as they go to rescue the captured Soldier.  You can guess what happens to her without me saying it, right?

It all comes down to our Lead and the two ladies as they do battle with Papa Hades, who's just a grunting pituitary gland of a man.

They kill him and exit...but are watched by another Mutant.
No Sequel.
The End.

A pretty nothing Film in all of the ways that ultimately matter.

Positives- the make-up looks great...or gross.  The Mutants are all different and look freaky.
There is clearly some creativity put into this side of things, like with the half-rocky one.

Mind you, one of them is just Sloth from The Goonies though.

In the other aspects, Writing, Production, Acting and Directing, it's not as good.

The Actors aren't bad, but nobody is amazing.  The Desert Sets look good, but we've already seen them before.  The Story is really basic and so much is Copy-Paste.

The Direction isn't terrible, but the shots aren't all that great.
The erratic Editing at times and soundtrack don't help matters.

All in all, it is very familiar and the changes aren't enough to make this one stand out.  They even reused the 'Mutant watches them' ending.

You have to imagine that if they had made a third one, the Heroes would have defeated this Mutant and then been observed by a Mutant who had somehow hijacked the ISS!

Next up, I'll go to a different Horror Remake.  I can't go right from this to Texas Chainsaw- can you blame me?  Stay tuned...

Shudder Day: V/H/S Beyond (2024)

 Another V/H/S Film?  If you had told me 5 years ago that I'd seek this out when they came out right away, I would have laughed.

Today, I'm checking out...

The Framing Device is less coherent than in previous ones.  Simply put, it is just about Aliens being a thing.

In 'Stork,' a group of Cops in an Elite Unit track down some missing kids at an old House.

The truth behind it is genuinely freaky.

In 'Dream Girl,' some poor paparazzi try to get footage of a Bollywood Actress.

It turns out that the Actress/Singer has a rather freaky secret!

In 'Live and Let Dive,' a group of friends go skydiving to celebrate a friend's 30th Birthday.

Their trip is interrupted by a UFO sighting...and then some!

Don't just land- start running!

In 'Fur Babies,' some Animal Rights Cliches...I mean, Activists check out a woman who taxidermies her animals.

Let's just say that a person who has their own Sloth is not someone to trust.

In 'Stowaway,' a woman seeks out the lights in the sky.

Let's just say that she finds something (or else this would be a boring Short).
What she finds is not great.

As for the wrap-up, it exists.  The End.

A really good collection of Horror Shorts- as usual.

The tricky thing here is that they tried to establish a more specific Theme.  In the past, it just needed to be stuff that was Found Footage.

V/H/S 85 gave people a retro timeline, but that's it.

Beyond tries to lock things in.
Too bad that 2 of these 5 Segments didn't get the Memo.

Personal ranking time- Stork, Live and Let Dive, Dream Girl, Fur Babies and Stowaway.

If the ranking was based on Theme, of course, I'd bump #3 and 4 down to the end.

For me, Stork is a real standout.
Dive is another great one, playing with the Theme well AND really embracing the fear you can milk from the Found Footage format.

Come on, folks- give them a hand!

I absolutely recommend this one for the Top 2 Shorts.  Your mileage with the others may vary.

Craven Less: The Hills Have Eyes (2006)

 Is High Tension the accidentally worst thing to happen to Horror in the '00s?  It re-popularized the 'How does this work?!?' twist and also gave us this Film.

This is 2006's Remake of Wes Craven's The Hills Have Eyes.  In this case, if you didn't know, it was Directed by Alexandre Aja.  Just so you don't think that I'm 'a hater,' I will remind you that I still like and own the Piranha Remake (just not the Sequel).

One of the changes made here was to move the location from California to New Mexico, in order to try to connect it to real life nuclear testing done there.
Sidenote: were it not for the Hurricane, my Parents would have been on vacation in New Mexico when I watched this...so thank you, Storm?

The Plot is mostly the same- mutants attack innocent people.
Can this be elevated with 3 Decades to think of something interesting to add?

To find out, read on...

Even though this is a Theatrical Film, we still get the Syfy Opening Kill Cliche in full effect.

Random guys checking water in the area are killed by Mutants.

You won't see them again for a good 45 minutes....so enjoy this fun size appearance.

After Credits which hammer in the Nuclear Testing = Mutation Theme in with the subtlety of Thor working for Habitat for Humanity, we meet the grizzled guy who runs the only Gas Station for miles.

He wanders around when he hears a noise, which mostly just introduces us to the Location.

He says 'he can't do it anymore.'

(In spite of all this Character Build-Up, they didn't do a Prequel about him).

Things change when a family drives up.

It is an older Couple (with Ted Levine as the Dad), their two Daughters, their younger Son and the Husband of the one Daughter.

After building medium tension, the Wife accidentally sees proof of a previous victim (a purse that half the Cast will stumble across by the end).

As such, he immediately breaks his vow and guides them to side road to be killed.

They set a spike trap- which they then hide, because reasons- and the car is totaled.

This leads to more wandering around and more views of the Moroccan...I mean, New Mexico Desert.

Time for padding.

The Dad goes back to the Station, which ends poorly for him and the Owner.

The Husband goes the other way and finds the bombed out Town where Act 3 takes place in.

The Son follows the one dog, which he finds dead.  He slips and falls several feet to the stone floor, but he's fine.

This also gives us the 'nice' Mutant, which is the only real addition to the Mutant Family here that matters.

Dad is caught by Billy Drago (who is wasted in this) and burned on a tree.

This is to draw the others way...and I just realized that the key Action Scene takes place at night.
Way to miss the point of the original!

This leads to objectively the worst part of the Film as everything bad happens to the Female Cast.

The Daughter is, let's just say, not consensually greeted, the Wife is shot in the head and Mom is shot in the chest.

SPOILER ALERT- this Film does not pass the Bechdel Test.

In the aftermath, the survivors need to rescue the baby, which was stolen.

The Husband (Aaron Stanford) has to become a Hero now, despite all of the talk he got for 'not liking guns' and 'being a Democrat.'

Somehow, this guy manages to escape a death trap, elude Mutants AND then kill 2 of them.

Back at the RV, Drago shows up and they trick him into a trap.  They blow up the RV with him there, although he doesn't quite stay dead....somehow.

Stanford manages to fend off one last Mutant and return with the baby...although they are out in the middle of the desert with no help and no way to drive out, so....happy ending?

A Film that really leans into what it wants to be.  If that is your kind of Film, you'll like it.

As for me, it had its moments, but couldn't hold me.

The Pacing is weird, with the Mutants popping up as a tease and then not doing much for half of the Film.  The variety of them was nice and the effects look great.

On a technical level, the Film works quite well.

The Tone is what got me, I guess.  The one Scene- where they kill of 2/3 of the Female Cast and sideline the other- was a tipping point for me.

The Film, as I said, leans into what it wants to be.  In this case, it is cruel.

That can work, if things are evened out or 'paid back.'  
In this case, the surviving lady needs help to take out one guy, while her Sister's Husband does everything.  Some agency.

That said, i wasn't expecting a Feminist Masterpiece.  Don't think that I'm judging it solely on that- it is just how I feel.

I already bought the Sequel- also Unrated- so I'll still give that a shot.  Hopefully we'll see Greg Nicotero again in all his...glory.

Next up, the Sequel- duh.  Will it be less accidentally funny than the last time they did this?  Stay tuned...

Tubi Thursday: The Boneyard (1991)

 Thanks to Helene, you get more content!

This is 1991's The Boneyard, a Film I legit hadn't heard of before.
Yes, I never heard of it.

Let's see how it is...

The Plot is pretty bonkers and kind of takes a while to go anywhere.

I'll speed run this...

A retired Psychic is brought in by two Cops (one old and one young) to investigate when a Japanese Man has 3 children's bodies in his Yard.

They go to see them in the Morgue...run by her?

She gets a lock of hair from each and sees strange visions.

She finally realizes that the children- yes, the dead ones- are the danger.

She goes to help...a bit too late for some.

The Children are some sort of beings cursed to un-life.  

To be more accurate, one was and it affected the other two.

She seeks shelter with the survivors- including a woman who was mistaken for a corpse and woke up on the slab- and needs a way out.

Said creatures are nice and freaky.

This is what happens when a Special FX/Make-Up guy Directs a Film.

See Harbinger Down or Meet the Hollowheads.

During an attack, the Morgue Owner- Diller- comes down and is bitten/cursed by one of them.

After lots of 'can we get out of here?' and 'is she alright,' she goes full Judge Doom.

Or, if you prefer more of a Deep Cut, she transforms like Sandra in Inhumanoids.

She's not the last threat, however, as the Film picks way up in the last 20 minutes.

The dog is also transformed and now I kind of love this Film.

To find out how it goes, stream the Film now.

A Film that is all kind of crazy...when it can be bothered to get going.

Simply put, the Film is a slow starter.  This certainly isn't helped by the Free with Ads Model of Tubi- to be fair- which makes you wait even longer.

It has a weird premise as well and it is never really explained.

That said, I still hold fond (if awkward) memories of that Film I watched a Decade ago about the fetus who mutated into a Monster via toxic waste, so I am 100% the demo for this.

Granted- I was 8 when this came out, so I'm really the demo NOW and not then.

It is all kinds of bonkers when things get going, so I can't fault it for that.

Sadly, the Director- who IMDB claims was also a Sous Chef on Iron Chef (!!!!)- died in 2010, so we can't get him involved in any update/new version of this.

Make this happen, even- sadly- without Phyllis.

A totally out there Film that is both a Horror Comedy...and not.  For better or worse, it is unique!