Tuesday, October 25, 2016

TV on the Internet: DUI (Ash vs EVIL DEAD)

I might as well get to this early this week.  Gotta get them hits!
Ash is reeling from a big loss.  I'm not going to be that dick, of course, so no SPOILERS.
The Evil Dead has turned Ash's car against him!  How much lower can they stoop?!?
Will Pedro's vision of the Future turn out to be true?  He sure hopes not!
Can Ted Raimi make it another Episode without being violently-killed?
Can the two actual ass-kickers of the group get right to the source?  To find out, watch the Show.
Bad-ass stuff!  Ash vs Evil Dead continues to give us what we want.  Freaky monsters, dismembered bodies and a demon car.  What is not to love?  On top of that, we get a fun scene with Bruce and Ted being 'buds' and a freaky bit with Pedro.  It is all win here.  There are some good moments of funny here too, although the focus is more on Action and Gore.  Ash has to take a lesson from his Dad to heart, which is both endearing and kind of hilarious.  The Story takes a neat turn near the end (which I won't SPOIL) which will definitely take this in an interesting direction.  'DUI' is a good Episode that will definitely be important in the long run.  As a bonus, Bruce gets to act a little...
Next time, a big thing has happened in the Story.  Is it for the positive or the negative?  Stay tuned...

Monday, October 24, 2016

Quick Reviews: She Kills

Aw crap- another one of these!  Just when I thought I was done with Period-Style Horror Parodies...
After a bit right out of Virgin Spring, this Gang decides to make a move on our Heroine- a naive and busty blond.  They hold her Nerdy Cliche Boyfriend at bay.
In what is supposed to be funny (I guess), the Gang gets all worked up seeing this happen and...crushes this guy's head.

They eventually leave, taking my patience for this thing with them.  I'll try to finish this though...
She somehow ends up with two Karate guys that end up knocking a Cat in a pie tin around...
...and she eventually goes to get revenge on the gang, showing off the fact that the Effects are no better than 8 years earlier in Damned.  Damn.
So yeah, I didn't get much out of this, so...um...enjoy this...
On the plus side, they got their fake Credits wrong.  Basically, this is if someone wrote a Script, sent it to Troma and they rejected it.  Something too dumb and ridiculous for them- just make it yourself.  The end result: a silly and dumb Movie trying to be an Homage to/Parody of stuff like Virgin Spring and Last House on the Left.  Natural source of Comedy, right?  They mostly just do weird, gross-out effects- yea?  It is bad.  It is really bad.  You can do crazy, random stuff like this and it can work- look at The Suckling.  You can also do crazy, random stuff like this and it won't work- just look at Dumpster Baby.  I don't like being the guy that hates Movies- I want to like them.  I just can't like this one.  It sucks.  It did at least give me the most random Film Credit Ever (so far)...
Disappointing and not helping my mood after Damned.  I don't know why I was supposed to laugh at any of this.

Sunday, October 23, 2016

Quick Reviews: The Frozen Dead (1966)

Before you find out how you-know-who killed 6 months ago, find out about a more frosty variety of Dead...
In the late 60s, we learn that a secret group of Nazis has been working on an experiment- freezing their men Winter Soldier-style
They froze them 20 years ago for a later conflict, but are now having problems restoring them mentally after all this time.
As bad luck would have it, one of the Scientist's Nieces shows up to visit.

As good luck would have it, they need a recently-living brain to study with, so they use her friend for just that!
The result: she's now a 'brain that wouldn't die' being wired up to control dead limbs.  Ouch.
Another Scientist- a good, hunky one- shows up and ends up working reluctantly with the Nazis.  He is somehow not a bad guy, since he...doesn't follow through with it.
In the End, our Heroine learns the truth, but is saved by her friend making the zombie arms choke the Nazis.  How often do you read THAT sentence?

In a dark final shot, the forcibly-alive head begs to be buried.  Ouch.  The End.
Banal stuff, especially considering the topic.  The whole thing is an odd example of choosing what to focus on in a Story.  The Story involves secret Nazis trying to revive freeze-dried Soldiers...but it focuses on them covering up the murder of the Niece's friend.  They spend ALOT of time showing just how they do it and how they have to keep it up.  The Film is still good- the focus is just all wrong.  You have Frozen Nazis that are practically Zombies, but let's focus on this!  I guess it is better than some Films like this where they just gloss over something like that.  Is too much focus on something as bad as not enough focus on it?  With that out of the way, I will say that the Film actually has some good Acting, good Writing and some genuinely-freaky effects.  The frozen bodies look neat and real enough for the Film.  The parts with the head are especially effective.  They are genuinely-disturbing at times!  The final Shot of the Film with the head begging to be buried is quite sad.  In summary, good ideas, great concept...but kind of an odd focus on one aspect over another.  While this is probably too dark to play on Svengoolie, it does remind me of the Inner Sanctum Mysteries guy a bit with its disembodied head...
An odd mix of Mystery and Horror, with one overtaking the other.  The focus on the cover-up is kind of an odd one, but the Film still works.

Saturday, October 22, 2016

Quick Reviews: Isle of the Damned (2008)

Sometimes you're just better off not seeing the Films that linger in your Netflix Queue.  For example...
Basically, this Film is a Parody of stuff like Cannibal Holocaust.  By that, I mean they blatantly copied the real Story.
The Film has a fake warning attached, although the terrible low-budget gore is horrifying for a number of reasons.
What actually DOES need a Warning is a fact that this COMEDY jumps right to attempted child molestation in the first 5 minutes!
Getting past that, the Plot involves a P.I. going to Argentina to look for Drake's Treasure.  He's dubbed intentionally-bad by a black Actor, because...funny?
There are some genuinely-kind-of-funny parts where they copy Holocaust in the early parts...
...but the rest is just the same, annoying joke for 80 minutes.  I stopped at 40.  Here's a rendering of what it felt to watch this.
Damn- this sucked.  It really, really sucked.  While I should be something of good Horror Comedies, I'm thinking of Nosferatu vs Father Pipecock and Sister Funk.  Ouch.  I get it- you like Italian Cannibal Films.  You think that overdubbing is hilarious.  You think that $5 blood effects are great.  You want to be Sam Raimi.

You're not.  This just sucked.  It sucked long and it sucked hard.  This can be done right.  I direct you to this (and to a lesser extent the Sequel)...
Eegad, this one is bad!  It is just intentionally-goofy and intolerable nonsense.  Skip!

Friday, October 21, 2016

Almost Heroes: Joey and Taryn (A Nightmare on Elm Street 3- Dream Warriors)

Another week of people *nearly* proving to be the Heroes of their Story.

In A Nightmare on Elm Street 3, kids targeted by Freddy learn that they can shared-dream and...
Use powers that they wish for in the Dream World.  It took Heather TWO FILMS to think of this.
While none truly live up their potential, I'm going to focus on two of them.  First up, Joey aka The Wizard Master.
Next is Taryn, who's Dream Master form is...her with knives.  Dreaming big!
Joey uses his magic powers to blow up a wheelchair, but Freddy kills him all the same.
As for Taryn, she cuts Freddy...who promptly turns his hand into IV Needles and kills her.
Oh well- they tried to be Heroes.  They have better luck in the tie-in Comics made later.

I guess more people had to die to make the quota- it's just a same that it comes at the cost of these two.

Thursday, October 20, 2016

TV on the Internet- Last Call (Ash vs. Evil Dead)

Another week and another attempt to put that damn evil to rest!  What happens this time?
Ash's Car has been stolen and he misses it so.

Oh and the Necronomicon is in there too.  I should have led with that.
A couple of Teens stole it and decide to party a bit with it.  Unfortunately, a make-out session is broken up by a light reading from the Book of the Dead and Evil returns!

Their whole bit is so crazy that I just can't even dare SPOIL it for you.
Ted Raimi is here!  Should I just start the Countdown to his violent and bloody demise now?
While chaos happens outside, Ash and Company start a Party to lure out the culprits.  One of them is having a bad time.
Two unwelcome guests show up, forcing Ash to spring into action...maybe.  To find out what happens, you'll just have to watch the Show.
More bloody, good fun for all.  I was going to say for 'the whole family,' but that's certainly not true.  With all of the murder, blood and underage drinking, this is not 7th Heaven!  Some people are certainly in Heaven, however, as we finally get Bruce Campbell, Ted Raimi and Lucy Lawless together for the first time in 17 years!  The Story of this Episode is a nice mix of Comedy, Drama and Horror.  You get some really good Comedy in the interactions between Campbell and Raimi, some Drama in the interactions between Campbell and Lee Majors and some Horror in the form of crazy Deadite action.  The world's deadliest swirly is revealed!  There is just so much good in this Episode!  All in all, a fun, but also serious at times Episode to keep the pace going.  Now who needs a spare head?
After a big moment, where will the Story go?  More importantly, who will die in a bloody, violent manner?

Wednesday, October 19, 2016

New Flix: Phantasm- Ravager (2016)

After 40 years and four other Films, can this Series wrap up properly?  It had better, since some of the Cast is indisposed...
Reggie is wandering in the Desert in his Ice Cream Man outfit.  Context?  Nah!
He gets his car back and battles some Orbs, which is where the Film first shows its Low-Budget nature.

Don't rely on CG if you can't do it that well, guys!
Reggie keeps getting pulled between different Realities or Visions...or something.

Rather than focus on that, here's an Orb killing someone.
Reggie continues to be confused as now he sees large Orbs and finds another pair of metal 'transport you places' rods.  Might as well walk through them!
Which reality is real?  Is Reggie really just crazy?  Is the crazy, red world the real one?
More importantly, will Reggie learn the truth of the Matrix?

To find out (the answers to almost no answers), watch the Film.
Considering the wait and build-up, this is...kind of disappointing.  Apparently after a long period of waiting, Coscarelli and company came up with the idea of making a Web Series.  They eventually turned it into this Movie (also the shortest).  So, in other words, this is the reverse of what gave us Ash vs Evil Dead.  Given the end result, it might have worked better as a Series of Web Shorts.  There isn't much narrative coherence here.  Yes, some of that is intentional.  Yes, the Film Series has often gone for a dream-like tone/feel.  The Film still didn't work so well for me.  Admittedly, I was never the biggest fan of this Series, so bear that in mind.  There are neat things here, but the Editing and Writing don't make it work in the end.  The Film tries to be big and dramatic in scope, but just can't afford to do it.  I really like Coscarelli (though he didn't Direct), but this one just disappointed.  Can we just get Bubba Ho-Tep 2 instead?  If you're a fan of the Franchise, this is your last chance to see anything from it (most likely).  Your happiness with the final results may vary.  On the plus side, we finally get a look at the least talked about War- the War on Pachinko!
A damn shame that this Series couldn't get the resources necessary to achieve what they were going for.  This is just a mostly-confusing Series of Scenes.