Shudder-day: Unwelcome (2022)

 A trip to Ireland sounds great!  No catch, right?
Right?!?

In London, a Couple are attacked after getting the great news that she is pregnant.

That sure does ruin their vibe!

They end up inheriting the Husband's Aunt's House in Ireland and decide to get away from the City.
Can you blame them?

Hell, it looks gorgeous.

The Aunt's friend says that they have to feed the Red Caps ('cute' little goblins from Irish folklore) that live in a little house/hut nearby.

Sure, sure- whatever you say.

Home renovations are taking place and tensions get high.  When someone ends up dead (and their head is delivered), it gets worse.

It usually does.

To find out what happens when those Red Caps finally show up, stream the Film now.

A bit of a slow burn, but it is ultimately worth the wait.  Until you get to the juicy stuff, you get a good Plot and nice characterization.

The Husband, for one, plays a very different kind of Hero, someone who is really dealing with alot of trauma.  It is a very impressive performance to play someone who doesn't exactly rise to the occasion like an 'heroic man' would.

Colm Meaney as 'Daddy' (he insists on being called that) is quite good as well.  He brings surprising menace to the role, especially if you only ever think of him as his Character on Star Trek.  Everyone does a pretty good job here to be fair, from the bullies in the Intro to the Drunken Townsperson from later.

The draw here is, of course, the creatures.  They really show up strong for the finale, so, again, stick with it.  They look great and I appreciate that they aren't, to use a gaming term, OP.  They aren't some overwhelming little creatures a la Chucky, but they can be quite deadly.

Unwelcome is a different kind of Creature Feature, but in a welcoming way.  I don't mind this kind of thing once in a while, especially with the Irish/British/UK feel of it all.

Now here's a representation of what all Parents with young children look like before they wake them up in the morning...

A fun little tale that escalates quite a bit in the Third Act.  If you want the usual Creature Feature, however, look elsewhere.  Slainte.

Immediate Response: Rifftrax Live!- Rad (1986)

 The only Live Show of the year?  

Oh well, at least it is...

The Good

* The 2 Shorts- Gumby 'Adventures'- are fun, weird and ridiculous.

* 'Cru' is there to watch the Show- great!

* Rad is silly and enjoyable as hell.  Lots of BMX jumps, spins and hops.  Lots of hops!

* Lots of great Riffs, with obvious shot at Lori Loughlin and more '80s references than you can shake a Cabbage Patch Doll at.

* Ass-sliding.  No context.

The Bad

* Needs more seneschals!

* We never get to see how you can 'light the night when they hear your heart of thunder.'  We need answers!

* We don't get to see another Live Show this year.  What will I have to do?  Watch Rifftrax at home?!?
Oh, right.

Seriously though, this is a fun time and a great Show.  We got a Bill flub to boot- gotta keep that streak alive!

I'd tell you to go see the Replay...but there is one.  So, I guess, just buy it when it releases on Digital.

Shudder-day: Scare Package (2019)

 A Horror Anthology made by Horror Fans is always a plus.

Can one of these be too META?  Let's find out in...

In a Cold Open, a guy works an unfortunate job- being the guy who sets up the action in Horror Films (moving a warning sign, cutting the power, etc).

He tries to do more, but...you'll see.

The story proper involves 'Rad Chad' hiring a new employee- Hawn- for his Video Store.

This is a basic setup for a series of Vignettes.

Amongst the tales, you get a lot of misdirection, plenty of fake blood and some good laughs.

As a Teaser, we get the Incredible Melting Man making his big return in the Woods...

We get some 'Alpha Males' that have a fairly obvious secret.

Of course, that's not the whole story, now, is it?

There's also a fun story involving a late Sequel to a Horror Film.

Can they finally kill the damn, well, killer this time?!?

After some more Segments, things take an odd turn into somewhat familiar META Horror territory.

Can it stand on its own though?

To find out how it all plays out, Stream it now on Shudder.

A fun Film for the most part.  There's a ton of creativity and love put into it, despite some flaws here and there.

The Framing Device works for me.  Am I- like many- so nostalgic for Video Stores?  Yes, yes, I am.  The humor in this one is a mixed bag.  Some of it is just gross and crass.  Some of it is quite good.

Honestly, gross and crass is a good way to describe this Film- for better or worse.

The Film is chunk full of splatter humor, with people being maimed and killed in over-the-top ways.  If you're not a fan of that, stay away from this one.  That or we need to add the Warning from Chamber of Horrors for you.

The segments themselves are likewise a mixed bag.  The Catch-22 of Horror Anthologies is still the same- you'll like some, feel alright about some and probably dislike (at least) one.  Some of them are interesting setups- like the one below- with minimal payoff.

The turns in the latter half- which I'm trying not to SPOIL too much- are right on the edge of being too META.  I still liked it, mostly because it eventually paid off the whole Film's premise in the end.  On its own merits, however, I would have been happier without it.

Scare Package is a fun, crass Horror Comedy for those that like the Genre at its bloodiest and silliest.  Now put on a happy face.

A love letter to Horror.  Admittedly, one that was written at 2am while you were still a bit drunk...but a love letter all the same.

International '70s Class: The Black Windmill (1974)

 A good Film, you say?  Am I allowed to do these?!?

This is The Black Windmill, a 1974 Film that I got for a $1.  I did, however, get the Kino Lorber release, so yea for me!

The Plot involves a spy- Michael Caine- whose Son is kidnapped and he has to work to save them.  His bosses aren't exactly helpful, especially when it seems like he's in on the crime!

The Film comes to us from Don Siegel, who made most of Clint Eastwood's early, star-making Films.  He's credited by Clint himself for making him a Star.  It was also produced by Richard Zanuck, which is a plus.

The Cast is full of notable Stars and Character Actors, including Donald Pleasence, Joseph O'Connor and John Vernon.

Am I hyping this up too much?  To find out, read on...

The Film begins with a montage of 2 kids wandering around the countryside while them saying a Nursery Rhyme can be heard.  That explains the Title Card.

They wander onto an Air Force Base and are brought in by RAF Security...but they are actually bad guys, who kidnap them.

The lead guy- Vernon- also blows up his excess cohorts to boot.

Caine is a Spy who is working to infiltrate a gang involved in some sort of gun operation.

However, unbeknownst to him, he's been 'made' and this is documented for later use.

During a meeting, he gets a call of the kidnappers- daring to call there, no?- and acts calm, not letting on what he was told.

That's really the heart of the Film- him looking/acting calm in situations where most would not.

They are let in on what is happening after he talks to this ex-Wife (and mother of their child).  The kidnappers want to talk to his Boss- Pleasence- and are otherwise vague about what they want.

The other kid is discovered, but he's too drugged/traumatized to say anything helpful.

He's still better off than the other girl in Taken.

The bad guys play both sides against the other now as they tell Caine different instructions for delivering what they want- a bunch of diamonds.

Meanwhile, they frame him as being in a relationship with the woman from Screen Cap #2, even using a picture taken then.

With no help from his bosses, Caine does some elaborate work- including doing an impression of Pleasence over the phone- to get the diamonds.  He doesn't realize that he's being framed yet either.

Seriously, watching him impersonate Pleasence is worth the viewing alone.

He realizes that they figured out about the diamonds and has to go on a French Connection-style run (RIP William Friedkin).

It's a great Scene, even if you can see why Caine didn't become an Action Hero.

Picture Tom Cruise running, but with this face.

He uses Chekhov's Briefcase (no SPOILERS on that) to get leverage when he meets the kidnappers, but that only gets him so far.

As you can see, it doesn't end well for him.

He's framed for the murder of the woman- she really is just a Plot Devices, isn't she?- and is taken in by the Police.

The bad guys break him out, but only to have him be killed before anyone can ask questions.

That fails and he gets across the Chanel via Hovercraft Ferry.  That was a thing!  Sadly, they stopped doing it in 2000.

Can he rescue his son?
Can he figure out who the bad guy is?
Can you finally relax now that you've seen him get angry?

Well, for once, I won't SPOIL the ending here.  See it for yourself.

It is good.  Considering the caliber of people involved, is that a surprise?
Well, to be fair, a great Cast, Director and Studio once gave us Paint Your Wagon, so it can happen.

'70s burn!

To be fair, this one might be a bit slow for people used to newer Films only.  It is not action packed.  It is not constantly tense and keeping you 'on the edge of your seat.'  It is still engaging the whole time though.

The Film is definitely a Character Study on Caine's Spy, as he acts calm and in control at all times.  That's how he was trained to act- he can't help it.  You see him struggle to hold it, see people react to him and try to get him to break.

When he finally does, it is all worth it.  The climax is a great one, although it doesn't end well for one of the bad guys.  I did Screen Cap it, but it hurts every time I look at it.  I'll spare you.

Finding gems like this- like when I found Street Smart- is fun.  Seeing this logo again is just a nice bonus...

Next up, let's stick with the '70s, but move to Sci-Fi.  Let's check out the Film that indirectly inspired one of my favorite Shows.  Stay tuned...

Tubi Thursday: Ape vs. Mecha Ape (2023)

 The Asylum is still going at it, no matter what we say to try and stop them.

Their Godzilla vs. Kong rip-off got a Sequel?  Well, the first one is not on Tubi, so hopefully I don't get lost with...

The Film wastes no time in revealing the titular Mecha Ape in its Cold Open.

Why it was covered in fur to be shot off for the reveal (in the actual Story) is anyone's guess.

It smashes some folks with zero context.

In Ape vs. Monster, a Chimp was mutated by Space Radiation and Alien DNA to grow huge.

Thankfully, that happened in time to fight Not Godzilla (who was a Space Alien...so Not Space Godzilla) in that one.

A few years later and now he's a Gorilla.

Sure- that happens.

Some vague foreign people want revenge on America for their dead son (so we're ripping off Godzilla: King of the Monsters now?).

Their plan involves stealing an old Nuke that is about to be decommissioned.

They take control of Mecha Ape via Computers (do you really care how it happens) and steal the nuke!

Will Tom Arnold shooting all of his Scenes in this one Office (presumably in the same day) help at all?!?

It all comes down to this- the giant Chimp-rilla vs. the Mecha Ape.

Chicago is in danger!
Will Berwyn be spared?!?

To find out, stream the Film now.

It is very forgettable.  I legit just watched it, but I'm struggling to tell you the Characters' names.  I remember Tom Arnold never leaving his Office Set (shades of Alan Hale Jr in The Giant Spider Invasion).  I remember the lady who talks like Natasha from Rocky & Bullwinkle.

I also remember the CGI.  It's a real mixed bag, let me tell you.  Specifically, it is a bag with one actual nut in it and a bunch of rusty screws.

The CGI for the Mecha Ape is actually good.  It's not great, but it is good.  The CGI for the Gori-mpanzee was not.  It was terrible.  I mean...you have eyes, right?  Look back at that thing.

The Plot is both busy and shallow.  There are so many moving parts, but they also don't do that much.  It is a weird critique, I know.  Can I just stick with King Kong Escapes instead?

The Film can be fun in bursts, but the actual battle between the titular Creatures is- unlike Godzilla vs. Kong- way too short and unmemorable.  Stay out of Downers Grove too, you big metal jerk!

Seriously, if Svengoolie's Studio was damaged in the melee, you'll be getting a nice one of these, fictional robot ape!

A barely passable Film that doesn't quite make as fun of a Bad Movie experience as you'd hope.  The Editing and Pacing just make it a drag, even with the titular battle.

DVR Theater: 'Voyage to the Bottom of the Sea' vs. a Werewolf

 In case you missed my 2 Articles on it, I love this cheesy Show- specifically when it became silly and hard sci-fi.

Let me give more specific attention to the Episode known simply as...

In the Cold Open, two Scientists work on an Island.

Something is watching them...and attacks!

Our Heroes get to the Island- since communication has been down- and find one of them did.

They take the survivor back via the flying sub... which ends poorly when he becomes a Werewolf and kills an unnamed Crew Member (see Stinger)!

They go back to the Island to find out what happened and, of course, bring the infected guy along.

This sets up him transforming again to stalk Captain Crane...while the Wolf stalks him.

Too bad this has ZERO PAYOFF.

Back on the Ship, it seems that radiation is the key to his transformation.  He breaks into the Reactor Room (which is never locked!) and knocks out the guard.

Said Guard is a Supporting Character with a name, so he's not killed when the Werewolf rises again!

They catch him...for all of one Scene and he breaks out again.

He attacks the Doctor and Admiral Nelson, who gets (his Stunt Double's) shirt ripped open in the back, wounded and...choked?

He's clearly not touching his neck...but whatever.

The ticking clock scenarios double as the Island is set to explode (via explosive set before they realized a Werewolf was there) and they need to get a sample of said Werewolf's blood to help cure Nelson.

They rush back to the Island with like 90 minutes left and battle the creature.

Things take a turn when, after they get the sample, the Werewolf and the Wolf fight...for some reason.

Both are on the Island when it blows and the day is saved!

A fun, but also very weird Episode.  As a reminder, this used to be about the Crew doing underwater missions such as Search & Rescue, Recovery and the like.  That does still happen, but they started to get weird in these later Seasons.

We aren't yet to the point where nobody is surprised when an Alien shows up, but we'll get there!

On its own, the Plot feels tangentially connected to the Premise and, well, the Characters.  They are in the Sub for a bit, but they just hang around to the Island.  Imagine if they were deep underwater on a mission when this all started to occur!

The Werewolf costume is just on the right side of being cheesy and is still quite nice.  Like many of these, it is a full prosthetic and thus has no variability.   I still liked it though.

Is a Werewolf on a Submarine the silliest thing they would do?  No, not even just in this Season.  Is it still weird as hell?  Yes, Sir!

RIP Random Flying Sub Pilot- you will be missed...whoever you are.

Next up, let's give The Wild Wild West some more attention.  Which crazy Episode is next?  See you then...

(Sadly It Was) Found Footage: The Hunt (2006)

 Never since The Pyramid has a Film been both a Found Footage Film, but also not.  

This is The Hunt, a 2006 Film I bought a $1 copy of last year.
Time to finally watch it!

The Plot involves a trio who go missing in the Woods while Filming a Pilot for a Hunting Video Series.  We've all heard that Plot a thousand times, right?!?

Seriously though, other than why they are out there, it is more of the same...except also not.  You see, the Film also mixes in 'footage' of people searching for the people and asking witnesses.  

It also includes at least one shot per Scene that was just shot like an actual Film.

This should make me happy.  See why this attempt to be like The Last Broadcast meets Pulp Fiction just doesn't work for me.

Of note, the Film is by Fritz Kiersch (who is proudly listed as the 'Director of Children of the Corn') and features Cliff De Young (Brad from Shock Treatment) and Robert Rusler (the 'not boyfriend' from A Nightmare on Elm Street 2: Freddy's Revenge). 
One of them won an Award for this Film...from the Chicago Horror Film Festival.  

Still counts!

To see what is in these Woods (besides tedium), read on...

The Film proper begins with a guy filming himself acting crazy.  Sure- why not?

After that, we get the Plot Setup that involves a Hunter being a Stepdad to a kid.  They are going to film a Hunting Video alongside a Cinematographer (Rusler aka the crazy guy).

It is here that we establish that the Mom doesn't trust him and that the bike helmet can film stuff.

Oh, and also they are now missing days after they went out.

I think this is supposed to raise the tension (Oh my- how did this happen, I should ask), but it is just a pointless SPOILER.

We learn that these people are funding the shoot are the actual Dad of the kid and his new Wife.

Cool?
I guess....

Before they go into the Woods- at a rented Hunting Area-, they run afoul of this bald guy.  
He's menacing and tries to get them not to go out...but they do anyhow.

After an attempt to kill a deer goes wrong, they keep going and find a fence.

Instead of doing anything logical, they cross the fence, figuring that the deer somehow went under the fence.

Your deaths are on you, folks!

They run across a weird circle of pillars.

Weird.

Is this explained?
Not really.

Weird.

At about the halfway point, we see that one survivor was found...but we don't see them.  Wait until the end for THIS SPOILER.

We see De Young and his Wife talking to witnesses from the video, since some unseen Police shut down the search (off-screen).

They film their questions...but who Filmed this?  Oops.

The high point of this is when they talk to the guy we saw at a General Store before the trio went into the Woods.

They see him later and then show him the video of...himself to prove it.
He still denies it.

Thanks for that.

They eventually get pursued by people in the Woods and the Cinematographer finally snaps.  Earn that Chicago Horror Award!

The bald guy from earlier is revealed and this turns out to be a Hunting Ground...for Aliens.  They kill the Leads, but spare the kid.

Oh look- he was the one they found...in footage that they shot DIFFERENTLY for this reveal.  Cheat some more.

I should also mention that this Film is set in 1999...for no apparent reason.

The evidence is given to a Government Official...who shreds it.

A bleak text crawl wraps the 'Story' up.  Alright then.

The End.

A Film that, unfortunately, fails in most respects.  I wanted this to work.

For starters, telling the Story out of order did nothing for it positively.  I don't think of it as 'deeper' or find it 'more engaging.'  Knowing that they get lost (while kind of obvious for a Found Footage Film) does take the tension away from the later bits.

The parts in the Wood are fine.  Why not have more of those?

Why not just have the Film told in linear order?

Again- do you gain anything here?

Also do consider the Plot here- the Government hides the evidence of the missing people in the Woods, destroys the evidence handed to them and apparently kills the Dad and his lady for their work.
Now we just saw this.

Thanks alot- now the Deep State is going to kill me.  You too.  My bad.

Save us, Stock Footage of a Deer!

Next time, I dig more into that DVD Pile.  I must have something good in there, right?  Right?!?