Compendium: EVERY 'Children of the Corn' Film!

 I spent a brief time long ago going through most of these Films.  I eventually found out that I had to do more to complete the Set.

They. Just. Kept. Making. Them!

With this last Review, I'm 99.999998% sure that I've done them all.
If they do more, I guess I'll just have to harvest an Update for this.

Let's start at the VERY beginning...

1) Disciples of the Crow- This is the from King's Dollar Baby Series.  He'd charge you a dollar and you could adapt a Story.

This one was collected in The Night Shift Collection- Volume 2.

2) Children of the Corn (1984)- This Title is sadly shared at least 2x in the Series.  This is the OG version- aka the one Kind didn't like.

3) Children of the Corn II- The Final Sacrifice- Yep, we've hit the word 'Final' in just Part 2.  Yikes.

This one is often found bundled in DVDs with the Original and retcons random parts of the story.

4) Children of the Corn III- Urban Harvest- A rare instance of where the word 'Urban' in a Horror Film Title doesn't just mean Black.

In this tale, 2 Brothers from Gatlin are adopted and move to Chicago.  A random Oscar Winner Cameo occurs too.

5. Children of the Corn- The Gathering- A new Dimension (Films) takes over here.  This is one of those 'Yes, Famous Person X was in this before they got big' Films.

Is there more to it though?

6. Children of the Corn V- Fields of Terror- The fun and silly one.

It is famous for featuring Genre Legends like David Carradine and newcomers like Eva Mendez...but that's about it.

7. Children of the Corn 666- Isaac's Return- When in doubt, bring a Legacy Character back.  This was a thing even back in 1999.

Does bringing him back make a good Movie?

8. Children of the Corn- Revelations- A Film that I was clearly just about over with from the getgo.

Regardless, I did watch and explain it all.

9. Children of the Corn (2009)- The Remake made to please Stephen King.  Well, another one made for that reason.

He's allowed to have his opinions, but did we need this?

10. Children of the Corn- Genesis- The Dimension EXTREME(!!!) line gave us many Sequels to keep the rights.

This is another one- now with even less corn!

11. Children of the Corn- Runaway- I legit forgot that this existed until I saw it listed on Tubi.

As such, the Director of Feast got a shot in 2018 and it sure...is a thing.

12. Children of the Corn (2020)- Barely a Decade after the last Remake, we have another?!?

This one is a completely new thing- for better or worse.

Me after doing the first 7 in about a week.

According to Wikipedia, that does it.

Watch someone do another Remake next week now!

Shudder Day: Children of the Corn (2020)

 Why let a Global Pandemic stop you from making yet another Remake?

This is the 2nd Remake of Children of the Corn, which was shot in 2020.
It was technically released in 2023, which makes that even more pointless.

A strange kid walks out of a Cornfield and talks to his Sister.

After that, he kills the Adults in the House.

A bit later, a hostage situation involving the armed kid ends with the adults pumping in a gas used to knock out cattle.

All of the kids die.

The girl outside (Eden) is a bit radicalized goes a bit crazy.

The corn in the Town is dying.
The Adults plan to take a Government subsidy to make up for the loss.

The kids in Town- especially Eden- are upset about not being heard and/or being ignored.

Eden leads a revolt- a bloody one!

Off-screen, she managed to capture all of the Adults and kills a few as well.

Our good Lead- Boleyn- tries to make peace, but the kids keep up the killing.

Can Eden be stopped before all of the Adults are killed?
Is she full-on crazy?

Or is she too far gone?

Once you spill blood, it's hard to stop...or so I hear, if any Police might be reading this.

To find out what happens, stream it now.

The Film has moments.  There is some good Drama here.

I wanted to like it.

My complaint about later Corn Films is that they don't feel like they belong.  Whether they didn't have corn or didn't have killer kids, something was off.

This has both.

I just wish that this was better.

Our new villain Eden is good.  I don't necessarily know how deadly she would be, but I liked her in the role.

Boleyn here isn't bad, but I just didn't buy into how she stood there so long and let things happen.

The biggest thing is that they just gloss over key details- like how they captured all of the Adults- and then kind of disappointed with the reveal involving He Who Walks (Not Behind the Rows in this one).

This feels closer to the Book in a good way, but still isn't as good as it could be.
This German Title, however, is fun.

A Film that is both true to the premise...and also not.  I want to give points for effort, but the results are only so-so.

Tubi Thursday: Children of the Corn- Runaway (2018)

 What happens when you don't want to lose a license?
You make a Film that nobody asked for- that's what.

Dimension Films did this a couple of times in 2018 and this sure is one of them.

Want to see more evil Children?
Someone use Corn Magic (that's a phrase coming out of the moth balls!)?

Well, you're in luck...

...kind of.

You get a little bit of that.

You mostly just follow this lady named Ruth who apparently was 30 when she left the Cult, burned down the field and had a kid.

13 years later, she still looks 30 and is now raising said kid.

They go from town to town to get as far away from Gatlin as possible.

I guess a plane trip was just out of the question, eh?

The Film gives you snippets and teases of what it could do with new, updated effects.

Let's see people get killed and the blood/viscera float in CG freeze frame!

Ooh, let's play a death backwards.

Now let's only do that like 3 times over 80 minutes.

Instead, let's continue to follow Ruth as the people around her are killed and she tries to avoid the Cult...by not leaving Town.

It's a thrill ride...if the ride breaks down right at the start and makes you wait an hour.

The End.

I really don't like to be negative.  I really don't.

That said, this was not an enjoyable Film.

It wasn't even a well-made Film that happened to be bleak and/or depressing.

I can live with those.

Instead, this one- by Feast Trilogy Director John Gulager- is slow, plodding and intentionally vague.  The hints of a better Movie make everything just so frustrating!

You know what to do...but don't do it.

At least Tommy Wiseau never accidentally made a great shot in The Room, you know?

I don't want to point fingers here, but if you make a quick Film to keep a license and don't have a good idea...maybe just don't make it.

A Film that is not incompetent- it's just dull, listless and frustrating.  I want something either great or silly and this was neither.

Rip-Off Cover Art: Fields of the Dead (2014)

 A Film is hopefully better than its Poster.

That's the sizzle, after all.
The Film is the steak.

Hopefully that's true with this Film...

Do I even need to explain what they are ripping off?

Pale skin.
Long, dark hair that covers the face.

Did Sadako make it to America...and get lost in a Corn Maze?!?

This is her in the most recent American Film from 2013.

Of course, there's always another Poster, right?

In this case, there's a different Film Series to be homaged/ripped off.

Here's the other Poster I found on Google...

I feel the sudden urge to call someone an 'Outlander.'

I just remembered that they've made TWO more CotC Films since my Compendium.
Back to work there, I guess.

Case in point, this 2018 Sequel/Remake/whatever...

A-maize-ing, right?

I'll see myself out.

Poor Bastards of Cinema: Children of the Corn II (Part 2)

Poor Bastards are back!

In this update, two jerk reporters run afoul of our film's hero.  Leave it to Children of the Corn II to punish their hubris...with death!

For no good reason, the lead guy decides that they should take a shortcut through a Cornfield.  Ignoring the obvious- which they don't know- is that really a good idea?

Naturally, the black guy- and the only one, mind you- dies first.  Cliche confirmed!  The evil Corn Stalks attack him and...cut his throat.  Um...Magic Corn Powers?

The lead guy gets killed Amityville III-style by a flying Corn Stalk.  You could have moved, but clearly yelling was the best reaction.

Aside from this being just a random kill that is barely-relevant later (someone finds the body), this is also the only kill involving killer Corn or magic.  It's both pointless and it contradicts the rest of the film!

Next up, some Vampires ruin a man's family life.  Although, to be fair, Van Helsing doesn't do much to help him either.  Stay tuned...

Poor Bastards of Cinema: Children of the Corn II

Animals are usually safe in horror films.  Teenagers- those bitches need to die!  Cats and dogs, meanwhile, can usually escape any danger, usually running alongside a horde of children.  Speaking of children...

Children of the Corn II features the remainder of the Cult from Gatlin taking over the nearby town.  To get to one of the *evil* adults, they use her cat for bait...

She goes under the house to get to the cat...since she couldn't get the cat to just come.  The kids surround it and call the cat out.  Um, Magic Corn Powers?

They call the cat over and kill it...off-camera.  So what was the point of murdering the cat?  Was it going to talk?

Seriously, was there a Dead Sea Scrolls-type deal for the Children of the Corn that said that cats were also evil?  What.  The.  Hell?!?

Next up, another pair of people from Children of the Corn II.  The lesson- don't be a jerk to anyone...ever!  Stay tuned...

Starch Overload: Children of the Corn- Genesis

Can I just wrap this up already?  

The final- so far- film in the series is Children of the Corn: Genesis.  It came out last year as part of the Dimension EXTREME collection.  

There are some good films in the bunch, but they're mostly bad, Direct-to-DVD/Streaming films.  

Case in point: Hellraiser: Revelations.  Doug Bradley has played 'Pinhead' in the previous 8 films, but they gave him so little notice of Production that he wouldn't agree to appear in it.  

Oh yeah, they're also using such a stock subtitle that it was used by The Butterfly Effect 3 and, to an extent, Children of the Corn 7.  

In fact, is this part of a bigger plan to make horror film sequels and just slap on Chapters from the Bible to the title?  

Can we look forward to Child's Play: Psalms and The Howling: Nehemiah?  

I should also mention that it's by the Director of Pulse 2 and 3, such anti-classics.  

Thanks, Joel Soisson- I'm sure that your Prophecy sequels are not utter crap too.  I've made it this far, so I can't quit now.  

The only interesting part of the film for me: Billy Drago.  No matter how many crappy sequels he does, I still like the guy.  

Is his presence enough?  To find out, read on...

The film begins in 1973- adding to the confusion of whether you take the story's timeline or the film series'- and tries to vaguely-connect itself to the series.  

This is the first sign of trouble...

A Soldier comes home to find that some evil kids have killed his family and girlfriend/fiancée.  

Oddly, one of them dressed up in creepy face-paint.  When did that ever happen?  

Furthermore, when does this happen?  Retcon much?

In the present day (I think), a couple's car breaks down and they come across a farmhouse.  

Did I mention that this film takes place in California, because that's pretty important to note.  

What.  The. Hell.  Movie?!?

Our heroes have to stay the night, but will be free to leave in the morning.  

The Farmer- Drago- has one rule: respect their privacy.  

So, what does this lady do when she hears the slightest noise?  Dumbass.

You know what- I'm done with you?  If your plot only exists because this lady is an idiot, I can watch no more.  On the plus side, no SPOILERS.  The End.

*

You thought I was kidding?  Nope.  This movie is, well, bad.  

Let's get to the obvious stuff first.  Why is this a Children of the Corn sequel?  

As far as I can tell, that guy in the beginning is Drago's younger self.  Apparently, he keeps some kid in the Barn that has 'Magic Corn Powers,' a phrase that I thought I was done with writing.  

Hopefully after this review, I can retire it.  

Other than that, the movie takes place in California, has only one child and has no Cornfield.  No, the dream sequence doesn't count!  

So, what about the other part of the title- Genesis?  Well, they show a Bible one time and it's open to Genesis.  Yeah, that's it.  Children of the Corn 7: Revelation had not a single revelation in it and this film is not the Genesis of anything.

  

Hell, its intro takes place ten years after the start of the massacre- in the story and 2009 Remake- so even that's not applicable.  

That's the other thing, of course, doesn't it being in 1973 make it contrast the original film aka the good one?  Is this more placating to King and his best bud Producer?  

Was this made as a sequel to the Remake?  You do realize how confusing that would be, right?  

The bottom line: it's a dull mess that gets goofy at the End...assuming you make it that far.  

What do you think about it, Billy Drago?

Next up, a film I heard about in a video and just had to see.  Little did I know that it would be an awful, awful mess?  Stay tuned...

Starch Overload: Children of the Corn (2009)

Ladies and gentlemen, here is a film made entirely due to spite.  

Back in 1984, a well-liked and successful film was made based on Stephen King's short-story.  

Nobody could have predicted the deluge of bullshit sequels to come, but you can't blame the original film for that.  

One man didn't like the film: Stephen King.  

He was mad at a number of changes made, including adding a happy ending to the tale.  

I get it.  I'm not nearly the accomplished Writer that King is- by a longshot-, but I get it.  

That said, he's been a bit spiteful about this in the last decade or so.  

Remember the 1997 mini-series version of The Shining?  You know, the one where That Other Guy From Wings was the lead and almost nothing was different?  Yeah, that one.  

Well, this is in that same vein, although a Producer of the original is here too.  With no star power and no clear reason to exist, how good could this movie be?  

To find out, read on...

It's a pretty close adaptation, given that it's meant to be closer to the book than the original film.  Here are some high/low points and differences...

* The time-gap is much longer between killing and our heroes' arrival.  How is the town ignored for 12 years?  How are these the first people to visit?

Oh yeah, I was pretty sure that the kid preacher in the opening was the one in the main story, but I guess not. That's unnecessarily-confusing, guys!

* One big change: our heroes are annoying assholes.  

Yes, this is clearly something that the original film was lacking!  I want to hate the characters, not empathize with them!

* Here's a weird change for you: no scenes of the kids killing adults, but many scenes of our hero killing children.  

That's...odd.

* Another change is that our hero wanders around a Cornfield and has Vietnam flashbacks.  

Something like this is in the original story apparently, but it's still weird.

* Here's a bad change: He-Who-Walks-Behind-The-Rows kills our hero (from the story), but they never show it.  

Yeah, that's better than the book's "giant red-eyed monster!!!"

* Obviously, the biggest change is that both of our heroes meet a grisly death.  

However, for all of this adherence to the story...

...there's a Post-Credits scene in which Malachai's girlfriend/wife imagines burning the Cornfield.  

In the Story, Malachai talks about it, but never does it.  

Odd addition, guys!  The End.

This was a good reason to Remake the film? 

 If you like the original film, there's nothing wrong with you. 

 If you like the original story, there's nothing wrong with you.  

However, if you Remake the only good film in the series just because it wasn't dark enough and had likable protagonists, you can go screw yourself!  

Seriously, there's no point to this film, other than the changes I mentioned.  

The acting is not better, the Production is not better and the overall feel is not better.  

The same Pacing issue I had with the original- one of the few- is still here.  

They nearly cut out all of the supernatural elements, but still kept the 'sentient corn stalks' and the implied monster appearing.  You could have cut all of that out, making for a more unique film- just a thought.  

Was this all to make Stephen King like you, Producer Donald P. Borchers?  If so, it made all of us hate you.  

Seriously, if you do watch this DVD, try to get through his explanation of why the film was made (in the Extras) without wanting to just punch him in the Spleen.  

Take us away, silly corn Jesus (that deflates the terror)...

Next up, the absolutely-final Corn film (so far).  Will this 2011 film make up for the 2001 film?  Stay tuned...

Starch Overload: Children of the Corn 7- Revelations

Ugh.  That's all I can say.  

After six films in this series, I wanted a film that's at least decent.  Instead, here is Children of the Corn- Revelation.

Should I just jump right to it?
Okay. 

This film sucks.  There's no ifs, ands or buts about it.  
There's usually something silly or funny to say about the films- i.e. Magic Corn Powers- but there's not much to say here.  

While this film wasted 90 minutes of my time, I won't waste any more of yours.  

For more, read on...

After a bizarre opening, our heroine shows up at an Apartment complex by a Cornfield.  

These kids show up and never really say anything.  This happens about 80 times.

The kids randomly show up and kill people in the building, only some of which they really set up.  

This happens about 10 times in the movie.

This guy is apparently the Cult Leader.  

Continuity here is a bit confusing as the film has an old lady die and 'her soul' becomes her kid form.  

Meanwhile, this guy from 60 years ago is...older, somehow.  

He shows up about 3 times, mostly in the Climax.

Michael Ironside shows up- taking time away from being in Jett Jackson: The Movie- three times.  

He only speaks in the third time...and just leaves.  Good for you, Michael.

Our heroine battles the kids- kind of- and manages to burn the Cornfield and Apartment down.  

Is it over?  Good.  The End.

How uninspired.  Were they even trying here?  

The movie has the barest of plots and just drags on and on.  It all has to do with a bunch of kids in the '30s dying in a Tent fire as a way of mass suicide.  

One of them- the heroine's grandmother- survives and the Cult comes back after *sigh* someone randomly builds an Apartment Building where they died.  

Okay, you've made Children of the Corn: Pet Sematary!!!  The whole thing is just a cheap, cliche mess.  

Random kills, pointlessly long shots and a dull heroine make up this film.  This series seemed to go out with the saddest of whimpers, were it not for the Syfy Channel.  

Nice cameo by The House of the Dead Arcade Cabinet...

Next up, the Syfy Channel remake aka The Apologist Version.  Does this one match up to the original?  Stay tuned...