Tubi Thursday: In the Year 2889 (1969)

 On June 16, 1979, Svengoolie (then Son of) ran his first Episode.
He featured the 'classic' Film known simply as In the Year 2889.

On June 25, 2026, I watched said Film.

Nuclear War!

Survivors!

An old guy and his Daughter are hidden out in a Valley (sounds familiar) and survived.

Sadly, her Fiancee is dead, but they suddenly get lots of company in the form of 2 Brothers, a sneaky Couple and a drunk dude.

The Dad bonds with the non-irradiated Brother (who looks like Elvis' Stunt Double) and thinks that he can trust him.

He also wants him to bang his Daughter, but that comes later.

The drunk guy- who perved on the Daughter- and the creep- who first pulled a gun to blast open the door- are no help.

The former keeps going out to the yard for his jug of booze (why not put it in your room?) and the other guy lusts after the Daughter.

He's also no help.  At all.

The irradiated brother keeps wandering out at night and has weird urges (raw meat, but no water).

They learn that the radiation is making him evolve and, like everything in this Film, it takes forever!

The group is all worried that it will rain and bring down the radiation from the clouds.

That...doesn't sound like a thing.

Who cares- ladies in a pool!

It all comes down to them saying that a bunch of mutants- more mutated versions of the brother- are just outside of the fog surrounding the Valley.

We see one.

He carries the girl- in 1950's Cliche #27- and gets shot.
They all figure out that the water- being clean- can kill them.

The young couple walk towards the camera hand-in-hand.
The...Beginning?

A Film whose Plot has potential, but it never lives up to it.

For starters, the Title is a lie.  Here's the short version...

AIP optioned the Jules Verne Story of the same name...in 1961.  Years later, they hired Larry Buchanan to Remake a 1955 Film and just used this Title, since they already owned the rights.

No, really.

The concept- again- is not a bad one.  The Acting is just alright.  The Budget is super low.  The Pacing is really bad.  The payoff is not great.

The Film is dated in so many ways.  That is what happens when you do a line-for-line Remake of a 1955 Film in 1969.
It is like how I Eat Your Skin was dated in 1971, since it was made in 1964.

I really like to either find a hidden gem or give a new shine to an old Film like this.
No such luck- it's just kind of dull and generic.

Why can't we just get THIS instead?

A Film that is historic as Svengoolie's first Film and for being played so often.  That said, it kind of sucks.

Rare Flix: Beyond the Doors (aka Down on Us) {1984}

I just can't get enough of Larry Buchanan.

Well, that's a lie.  I just didn't want to forget to watch and review this for another 5 years after this happened last time.  When I did his pair of 'Documentaries' back in 2015, I found this on YT.  The good news- it's still there.  The bad news- it's still there!

This is the confusing half-real, half-fake, all-bad Film known as Beyond the Doors...

In the Cold Open, a man is shot by his friends while hunting.  Insert Dick Cheney Joke here.

This guy is in all of the Larry Buchanan Films.  Joy.

His kids learn that he worked for the CIA.  The Mom tells that he had hidden in the house.  The code is the son's birthday.

Yeah, nobody could crack that!

What secrets do his notes (which literally go up to the day before his death) hold?

We learn that he was in charge of monitoring people from the 'Counter Culture' after Nixon became President.  His main targets included Jimi Hendrix and Janis Joplin (for starters).

The Film straight up invents moments like this where they meet and hang out.

It also can't block its shots and you can see the top of the cheap-ass sets.

Another target is Jim Morrison.  His not-so-similar look-alike does his best to spout things that sound like Poetry, but has none of the gravitas or depth that The Lizard King had.

It is also worth noting that this Film picks a clear part of History to be set in- specifically Morrison's low point where he put on weight, grew out his beard and got morose.

...or he just kind of has stubble...a little bit.

*The top is from the Film.  The bottom is from real life*

The Film- which runs for nearly 2 hours- meanders through 'slice of life' moments involving all three performers, interspersed with non-licensed sound-similar-but-not-really songs.

All of them are filmed in the same, cheap Studio Set.  That even includes 'recreations' of famous moments like Hendrix doing The Star Spangled Banner at Woodstock.  

The likeness is uncanny.

* It helps to not know the history of the people whom you are watching a Film about *

The *hook* of the Film comes at around the 80 minute mark when we learn that the deaths of these Famous People were brought about by the CIA.

Yes, they had to drug the known-drug-users and go beyond the call by...

1) Breaking into their Rooms

2) Tapping the Hotel Phones

3) Making fake calls

4) Pretending to be Ambulance Drivers

Oh and apparently injecting something- presumably heroin- into Janis Joplin's oranges to create an overdose.

Mind you, Joplin had a $1300 a day Heroin habit, but this is what really did it!

In a twist, Morrison escapes a possible CIA hit (although he seems to be unaware of it).

Back in the present of 1984, the Son finally gets done reading the papers and goes to the Spanish Hospice where Morrison fled to.

Will he see Morrison and tie this all together?

Nope- Morrison died (off-camera) in 1974.  The End.

A long trip that doesn't really pay off that much.  So I think you need to know what the state of this Film is before I summarize.  The Film has no Blu-Ray release.  The Film has no DVD release.  A VHS rip exists on YouTube and has for many, many years.  That should tell you alot right there.  The actual Film clocks in at just under 2 hours and has no right to.  It spends so much time on nonsense and Musical Numbers that it drags.  Actually, saying it drags is almost putting it too nicely.  It grinds to a crawl for most of the runtime.  They make sure that you see a woman lecture Hendrix on him not speaking out politically.  They make sure you see him meeting with the two ladies who would make plaster casts of Rock Stars' *ahem* members.  They make sure that you see Jim Morrison making out with a lady in the Women's Restroom while Janis Joplin waits outside.  If you cut these non-sequitur bits and many of the Musical Numbers, you'd reach a far better runtime.  The hook of this is seeing the last twenty minutes really.  It wasn't worth it all that much.  After Bob and I watched this, we spent far too long discussing how little sense the supposed CIA Plots made.  If he wants to, he can share some of them- I just don't have the space for ranting.  The Actors playing the famous people are, at best, alright.  Fake Hendrix works, while Fake Morrison does not even remotely work.  Fake Joplin is okay, but we don't get to see what we need to make the tale feel properly-tragic.  Really late in the Film, they try with Hendrix and Joplin, which feels weird.  No sale.  This was Larry Buchanan's second-to-last Film- good.  If you want to track it down, there's some morbid curiosity to it, but good luck making it past the first 30 minutes...  

Next up, it is either Anime or Horror- just not both.  I'm not sure where I'll go at this point, so enjoy the mystery.  Stay tuned...

Quick Review: The Loch Ness Horror (1982)

After a long break, I'm back to battle Buchanan- Larry, that is.  After covering two bad faux Documentaries back in 2014, I check out his more *normal* fare like...

In the infamous body of water, some men are sent to look for Nessie.

They actually find a sunken WWII Plane...and Nessie, who eats one of them.

What is the face of Nessie?

Will it fill you with terror?
Will it fill you with delight?

See for yourself...

Nah- just kidding.

That's from a 1990's Film.

It is actually this...

Yes, it is just an inflatable head on a stick.  Please...hold your laughs.

The Film's main Plot involves people looking for Nessie, looking for the plane, trying to take control of her egg & then people being killed by it.

Look back at the awesome Poster I featured a short time ago.  It was based on THIS Scene...

Can the Military stop it?  Can the bad guys steal the egg?  Will you be able to pretend that California looks anything like Scotland?

To find out, watch the Film (on YouTube) like I did.
I'd support a DVD...but it is out of print since 2012.

A silly and kind of stupid Film.  Where do you begin?  The Film is set in Scotland, but shot in California.  Close enough!  The Acting ranges from deadpan to freaking hilarious.  The Scottish accents almost make Fat Bastard sound subdued.  The premise has some merits, but then just gets super-silly.  To set up Nessie killing some people in a boat, the duo have to sneak away, take a boat to an Island, break onto a guy's property, get found, fight him off (killing him in the process) and THEN cross back in their Boat.  Sheesh!  Nessie is a thoughtful killer here, as she kills the teens as payback for the man's death (we get a shot of Nessie watching it go down) and kills the guys who stole her egg, but not the redheaded lass stuck in the middle.  Speaking of Nessie, let's address the elephant...er, dinosaur in the room.  Larry Buchanan didn't have a fully-functional or developed Nessie model/suit/creation.  He had a head on a stick.  That's it.  As such, Nessie leans down with her seemingly-only two foot long neck to kill people.  How big is the creature exactly?!?  To add to the drama (I guess), some of the shots are done in slow-motion.  It kind of works for earlier, better stuff like Gargoyles to give it a dream-like quality, but it just feels like padding here.  Even with that, the Film is just shy of 90 minutes (with Credits).  Don't track down and watch a Larry Buchanan Film looking for something good.  After all, he made Zontar: The Thing From Venus and The Naked Witch (not to be confused with this).  His Nessie creation did love on, strangely enough, as the prop was later re-used for a bit in Amazon Women on the Moon...

A pretty dumb, but enjoyable Film.  If you don't take it seriously, you can laugh at the terrible effects, poor location-swapping and hilarious accents.

Rare Flix: The Other Side of Bonnie & Clyde

This is less an indictment of a popular film and more like Larry Buchanan going 'Why do you like this film better than mine?!?'  Today's film is The Other Side of Bonnie & Clyde and it comes to us from 1968.  What's the occasion?  Well, a highly-successful film about the pair was released in 1967 and I guess our Director saw dollar signs.  His idea: make a Documentary about how wrong the film was.  Um...what?  That's certainly a novel approach.  Let's get past this irony: the man who made The Trial of Lee Harvey Oswald complaining about a film trying to manipulate the public.  Yeah, that's a big hurdle.  All I can figure his official rationale was is that he thought that the film glorified the outlaws and made people like violence.  So you're either a jealous guy or 'an old man talking about how people did things in your day.'  Take your pick, I guess.  The film is a tricky one to review since it is an hour-long Documentary (of sorts).  I'll find a way, so sit back, relax, judge a better film and read on...

The film rattles on about how Bonnie & Clyde made people like the duo (who were Folk Heroes in their day) and how bad this was.  Let's drag out a person who had a bad experience with them!

Remember- violence is bad and you shouldn't revel in it.  Let them show you this by playing...

...um, kind of losing your point there.  Well, it was bad how they reenacted the moments and...

...hm...I think this isn't working.  How about the blood and gore shown in the 1967 film?  That was bad, right?

Well, shit.  To make this work, they try one last thing: they drag out a former Associate of the duo and question him while he's got a Lie Detector attached to him.  That will...show us, I guess.  The End.

Damn- this is just dumb.  I am still not quite sure how to classify this one.  I can't ask Buchanan on account of him dying ten years ago, so that's out.  Is it a film that tried to tell you how bad the 1967 Bonnie & Clyde film was for our society?  Was it a film about a less-successful filmmaker attacking a film for doing well?  Regardless, it is not a well-made film.  It has a random mix of Interviews, Reenactments, Real Footage and whatever else they had lying around.  The message is not exactly subtle, but there also isn't a great attempt at portraying it.  You can disagree with the ultimate conclusion of films like Blackfish, but there is no question that they make their case well.  In this case, they tell you the message right away and just kind of dawdle about for the next 59 minutes.  Ultimately though, it is an odd footnote in Film History as it tries to tell you how to feel about a much better and much more seen film.  As for how I make my mind up about the Warren Beatty Film, well...I have an incentive of my own...

"Watch the better movie or we'll shoot you."

Next up, I officially hit yet another milestone.  I celebrate with a Rare Flix that has a sort of direct tie to the last Anniversary Post.  Stay tuned...

Rare Flix: The Trial of Lee Harvey Oswald

Ah, the price of being 'topical.'  Well, it is that and the price of being a boring piece of exploitation.  Today's film is The Trial of Lee Harvey Oswald.  Before I begin, I shake my head in shame at anyone who reads this and checks Wikipedia to see how the real Trial went.  Shame shame shame.  Anyhow, this is based on the idea that the world's most famous assassin (thanks alot, Oliver Stone!) actually went to Trial.  Let's get this out of the way: there's nothing necessarily wrong with looking at alternate history.  In fact, this idea has been done a few more times in the ensuing years- both in the 1970s and 1980s.  However, as they say, timing is everything.  In this case, the film was released in March 1964.  Yes, less than six months after the actual death of a U.S. President and 'the end of Camelot,' we got a film about his killer's supposed trial.  Too soon?  Yes, me, too soon.  Leave it to the man who would bring us Zontar: The Thing From Venus and The Naked Witch to not be subtle or caring.  The opening Credits actually mention the film 'being pulled,' but I kind of question that fact.  I also wonder how they got in the Credits so fast!  If these weren't added for the Home Video Release, it feels like a big lie.  The thing about the film is that, well, it is a Court Room Drama.  It is not a good one- it is just a so-so one.  Is there more to it?  To find out, read on...

The film begins with long, slow-moving text.  Suck it, George Lucas!

Here comes the infamous bit of text.

Immediately following this, we see the Producers back-pedaling to avoid you complaining.  Joy.

The film is shown in a very simple manner.  There are pretty much three static Camera Angles and 'we' often see things from the perspective of the Jury.  You decide- literally!

That's a lie, of course.  We play no part in this dramatization of a fictitious event.  At all.

Want to know why people found this film to be tacky and tasteless?  I'll give you a hint.

Pretty much the majority of the film is these Witnesses giving information about the day Kennedy was shot.

I should note that The Warren Commission would not release its Report until November of the same year.

More dry Trial footage?  Yea!

The film ends with the Prosecutor turning to 'us' and asking for us to make up our minds based on the evidence.

Oh wait- it ACTUALLY ends with the Movie's Consulting Producer asking us to decide- again.  The End.

It is the worst of both worlds.  The Trial of Lee Harvey Oswald was going to offend people for coming out four months after the nation's biggest tragedy that Decade.  If you went to see it as a legitimate Courtroom Drama, it proved (and still does prove) to be kind of boring.  It is not Acted or Shot that well, but also not bad enough to be that funny.  If you went to see it as some kind of crass bit of silly Exploitation, it disappointed as well.  If you are looking at it today, it just feels like a silly cash grab with none of the 'teeth' that it may have had in its day.  It is just kind of sad.  Like a kid yelling to get attention for doing some stupid dance or telling a joke, Larry Buchanan's film is one you can go 'That's nice, dear' & just smile politely.  When it is done, you can just move on.  The most interesting part for me was how one Witness kind of looked like the lead from Blood Feast...

Next up, the other Film on the Something Weird Disc.  If you want even less substance than this film, check out what the Director made just four years later!