Blue Steele: The Silent Scream

Sometimes, obscure films can actually turn out to be good.  Given my track record, I expected very little here.  Today's film is The Silent Scream, a Slasher film made right before they all turned into Halloween clones.  I suppose that you could argue that they became Friday the 13th clones if you really want to split hairs.  This is one of those 'Let's make it a mystery' Slashers from the early days.  These are make or break films depending on whether or not the mystery is good.  On top of that, you need to make us care about the Characters and whether or not they live or die.  This film kind of lives or dies by that situation.  I applaud it for being different...but maybe don't love the whole thing.  Check out the story and decide for yourself, but do also make sure to read on...

In an oddly-arty moment, the film begins In Media Res by having the two Detectives- Cameron Mitchell and Mario- show up at the scene.  They don't reveal too much though.

Our heroine is a desperate new College Student who arrived too late to get Dorm Housing.  Time to stop at the creepy old house by the beach.  Is it also the last house on the left side of dead end street?

As it turns out, her and the three other victims...I mean, tenants are the prey for a mysterious killer.

To the film's credit, they kill off the most annoying character first.  I'd prefer that he wasn't here, but we can't all get what we wish.

After all, I'm not married to identical twins that look like Scarlet Johansen...yet.

The mysterious killer takes out another student.  Since the only one who's not the Final Girl or screwing her is this 'fat' chick, she's toast!  You clearly should have gotten a man- that way you'd live.

This was supposed to be part of Barbara Steele Week, right?  Well, she finally shows up about fifty minutes in and she's the killer.  Dun dun duh.

Here's what happened: she got knocked up, tried to kill herself and went insane.  When the state gave up on her, she ends up rooming with her sister and son, who doesn't know of the relationship.  Holy Jack Nicholson, Batman!

To make a long story short, she's nuts.

So is the son, who puts on his dad's fake Army uniform and tries to kill our heroine when she finds out the truth.  Oddly, he accidentally shoots 'fake Mom' and just kind of walks out of the film.

Seriously, he doesn't get killed!  That's one point for originality, I guess.

Steele actually has a great bit where she slowly stalks our heroine.  You can probably see where it goes, but this is the best part of the movie.  I won't SPOIL it here.  The End.

Honestly, I was expecting a lot worse.  As I said before, the film really lives or dies based on the characters and the mystery.  Let's discuss both, shall we?  The characters are pretty stock, but most of them get their moments to stand out a bit.  Our Final Girl becomes pretty assertive near the end, which is a nice thing to see.  Ultimately though, you may not care for them.  I sort of did.  The mystery is kind of a mixed bag as you never really believe it's any of the students are the killer.  Well, maybe the geeky guy who watches old Westerns and rape scenes in his spare time.  Seriously, they show a snippet of him watching a rape scene (just the build-up) and it just comes the hell out of nowhere.  It's much more about the mysterious entity in the house, which might be a barely-there Yvonne De Carlo.  Mind you, if you saw this as a Barbara Steele film and she didn't show up for forty-five minutes, you'd probably figure it out.  There's a neat twist or two to her character, but she never really talks.  It's a trade-off, I guess.  If you think that all Slasher films are the same, you deserve a chance to see stuff like this.  While it's not perfect, it is different.  Seriously though, that scene of him watching a rape scene...the hell?!?

Up next, a film that Netflix refuses to let me see, so I bought it for $1.50.  Is this truly the interesting version of Armageddon?  Stay tuned...

Blue Steele: Terror Creatures from the Grave

The real scary thing is that someone released a film in this condition!  Today's film is Terror Creatures from the Grave, a film with a hyphen on the Title Card, but not anywhere else on the DVD.  There are a number of problems here, but the horrible presentation on this DVD is a big one.  I have one actual film from this same collection- Voyage to the Planet of Prehistoric Women- and it's a decent transfer.  This is one of those 'We ripped the old VHS' transfers- boy, does it show!  The film itself is an interesting one, but you have to really dig through this mess of bad video and audio to get to it.  Even then, the movie makes some major missteps.  To find out what muddled joy you can dig out of this DVD, read on...

In a precursor to the now-standard Opening Kill Trope, a man is killed by mysterious means in an Alley.  This decent effect- as much as you can see- is the high point of the film.  Enjoy the remaining 80 minutes, folks!

 The plot involves a Lawyer visiting a Gothic estate in regards to the father's will.  The problem: the father supposedly died a year earlier!  Dun dun blurry!

If you think that this movie is exciting (bad print or otherwise), check out this scene where our hero listens to an audio recording by the allegedly-dead guy.  Give that machine a close-up!

When people in the nearby Village start dying, our hero goes to investigate.  What will he find?

Whatever it is, it's too late for this guy.  He's screwed.

Finally, they check on the coffin that's supposed to hold the father and, big shock, it's empty.  Dun dun snooze!

As it turns out, the guy is actually alive and has his own Igor-analog.  This would be interesting if I wasn't half-asleep from this film's slow pacing and the terribly-damaged soundtrack.

For his big plan, he brings the people he killed earlier back as zombies that carry 'a plague.'  It all has to do with the house originally being a Hospital.  The problem with all of this...

They never show the creatures.  This is the best you get.

 To top it all off, it starts raining and that apparently stops the creatures.  Yeah, it's that sudden and jarring.  The End.

I review this for you mostly as a warning.  I really considered not reviewing this film, to be honest.  Even though I took a dozen Screen Caps for a review, I was still pondering just skipping it as of two days ago.  Ultimately, I realized that some people might stumble across this Alpha Video release and rent it for either a laugh or to uncover a hidden gem.  This film is neither.  To be fair, a big problem with this movie is the transfer.  I know that I've harped on that a lot, but it's impossible to ignore.  Imagine if your favorite movie- whether it's King Kong, Casablanca, etc.- was only available on a cheap VHS rip from a company that releases only Public Domain films.  Would you still like them as much?  Aside from that big issue, the movie itself has a nice, Gothic charm.  That's really all of the nice stuff that I can say.  The rest of the film is slow, slow, slow.  When it finally gets to its pay-off...it's a bit of a cop-out.  On the plus side, I saved myself from getting this in Project Terrible from Maynard sometime in 2013.  Take us away, film tease...

Up next, a much better film with Steele and an obscure Slasher to boot.  Can this Slasher be all about character and make me care?  Stay tuned...

Aquatic Killers: Piranha (1978)

Well, I finally got it.  After a long time of waiting, I got my hands on a copy of Piranha, courtesy of Shout! Video's release and Blockbuster's Chapter 11 filing.  Their loss is my gain.  The original 1978 film is all about ripping off Jaws, but it is so much more than that thanks to Joe Dante.  As one of Corman's 'students,' he stepped out of the shadows with this film and followed it up with stuff like The Howling (before the shitty sequels) and Gremlins.  You get a good idea why he has been so successful (well, until Looney Tunes: Back in Action) with this film.  I'll be light in key plot details here, as I would like to encourage the DVD sales.  Hey, don't look at me that way- I can be SPOILER free sometimes!  Put away your 3-D glasses as we prepare to watch the original...

We get a Jaws-style opening as some people are killed by the titular fish.  To the film's credit, this actually is an event that drives the plot!  I'm looking at you, every After Dark Horrorfest film ever!  A woman is sent in to find the pair, but only after taking the time to play the Jaws video game for some sort of home video game system.  Seriously, someone tell me what that thing is (see the last picture)!  She gets a tour of the area by the town drunk just by batting her eyes at him and just being persistent.  They inadvertently release the fish into the lake, which may prove dangerous for the guy's daughter at her camp.  The worst part- the camp is run by Paul Bland!  Okay, it's just Paul Bartel, but that could almost be worse!  The pair are attacked by Kevin McCarthy (R.I.P.), but they fend him off and take him with them.  He tells them what they did, leading the pair to get in a raft.  By the way, that stop-motion piranha with legs- entirely-pointless.

The narrative splits between a couple of the movie's sub-plots.  The camp has its share of moments, including a bit where we almost see some nudity from one of the Counselors before Bartel shows up.  Damn you, Bland!  We also see bits from the nearby resort, which is run by Walter Paisley- I mean, Dick Miller.  It's a common mistake, you know.  We later learn that his resort is funded in part by the General behind the military experiment that created the fish.  Why?  Why not, I guess?  The heroes, meanwhile, go down the river and get attacked by the fish.  They rescue a kid and keep moving, only to run into the General and...Barbara Steele.  That's random, but okay.

Our heroes are captured by the military in order to keep them from talking.  They escape with relative ease, however, in a scene that's a bit anti-climactic.  They knock out one guard and are driving away- wow.  The fish run afoul at the Camp, a scene that surprised me quite a bit.  In the remake, the victims had to all be teenagers or young adults.  The hero's daughter manages to escape as the two leads try to get to the resort in time.  Unfortunately, the fish manage to take out a good chunk of the people there.  They even attack people doing a water show, a scene that would later be used in Jaws 3-D.  Our hero comes up with a really bizarre and dangerous plan to take out the fish.  Not surprisingly, this works, although he's a bit worse for wear.  Of course, the fish survived to star in Piranha II: The Spawning, as well as the 1995 remake and the one from last year.  Pesky fish.  The End.

Those fish be crazy!  The plot of this movie is nice and simple.  Unlike Razortooth, the sub-plots feel more natural as they congeal with the rest of the story well.  They aren't just there to take up time.  The acting is not the film's biggest selling point, although a lot of it is good.  Many of the actors- including McCarthy, Keenan Wynn and Miller- take this very seriously, as opposed to playing this for laughs.  It's the right approach, quite frankly.  When you try to make me laugh so overtly in a horror film, you take me out of the whole thing.  That said, the film has some humor in it.  It is a Joe Dante film, after all.  I love the bit where our heroine tries to distract the guard at the camp by saying 'Look- it's Superman' and then flashes him too.  Which one were you trying?!?  Seriously though, this is a fun film and I'm glad to see it get a nice, fancy DVD release.  Let's see if we can get that with some other Joe Dante films in the future.  Take us away, Jaws video game console...

Next up, I celebrate a religious holiday that has become all about rabbits and candy.  Don't worry- I found another killer rabbit film to review.  Stay tuned...