Indy Flix: The Cinema Snob Movie

Now you too can learn the Secret Origin of The Cinema Snob.  For a big chunk of you, your response may be 'Who?'  Fair enough.  Internet Celebrity Status is a random and fickle one.  You can be super-famous to one person, while unknown to others.  To be fair, that can be somewhat true with actual Celebrity Status, based on time and location.  True story: I mentioned Vincent Price to a lady at my old job and she said 'Who?'  I really wanted to slap her, but I'm far too nice for that.  I punched a baby instead.  Anyhow, he's famous to a certain niche of people, myself included.  Apart from being an Internet Film Critic (the best job ever), he is also an Independent Filmmaker.  Since I got two of them- the previously-reviewed Paranoia and this one-, I will do my second review.  The Cinema Snob Movie is about...well, you figure it out.  It is a somewhat Meta Film that spews out more Film References in two hours than I do in about three weeks.  Granted- I got most of the people/movies mentioned, but I still feel like less of a nerd now.  Thanks, movie!  I won't SPOIL most of the crazy and weird moments, since, well, they are less effective then.  To find out just how a man finds a job in which he reviews Caligula II, read on...

Craig is an amateur Screenwriter who wants to turn his latest work- a Grindhouse Film called Black Angus- into reality.  A Snob, however, refuses to help him fund it.

Him and his friend find a new backer- Internet Celebrity The Spoony One-, but it turns out that they still need permits.

The plan- have Craig impersonate a Cinema Snob and get in the good graces of the man.  He comes up with the perfect cover identity...

Hmm...let's try it again.

That's better.  So he infilitrates the group and has to suffer through them over-critiquing Being John Malkovich.

Even to me, these people are insufferable.

Things get bad when members of the group are getting killed by an unseen killer.  Dig the low-budget gore!

The Cops, naturally, start to investigate these related murders.  Craig and the love-interest (also the Wife of the man they need Permits from) decide to investigate the crimes like in Giallo Films.

Oh and for the record, Dario Argento over Lucio Fulci for all-time!  You bet on the wrong horse, characters in the Film.

Craig sets about trying to solve the case with all of his...non-detective skills as the body count.  My detective skills notice a promo poster for often-mocked Spielberg Film 1941 in the background.

Can he solve the crime?  Can he get his Film made?  Will this set-up a Video Review Series (with no storyline)?  To find out, watch the movie.  The End.

It is good and definitely shows some promise.  The Story is simple enough, but that's fine for an 'origin story' like this.  I will note again how much of the dialog is just people mentioning a movie or someone in a movie.  Like I said, I got alot of them, but it started to turn into 'This was also a thing.'  I did like the Snob's fake name being 'Vincent Dawn' though.  Any Bruno Mattei fans out there?  I will say this: the Acting is not super good and the thing looks somewhat cheap at times.  To be fair, it is.  I haven't watched the VLogs on his Site about how the Film was made, but I know that it wasn't a big-budget affair.  There are things that make more sense when you know some of the stories.  For example, Spoony doesn't live in Illinois, so he just shot while he was there.  That helps explain why his latter Scenes are in a room all by himself and just talking on the phone.  It doesn't bother me all that much.  If this Film is a sign of what Brad and company are going to do in the future, it is certainly a good one.  While the low-budget feel and name-dropping dialog isn't for everyone, I had a good time.  I will now enjoy some [Label Covered] Alcohol...

Up next, I revisit a Thai Remake that has Fight.  If you can fight with one leg, you're a bad-ass!  Stay tuned...

Indy Flix: Paranoia (2011)

Who would have expected a deep, serious film from a man who's seen more than one E.T. Porn Parody?  Seriously, he has and those are a thing.  Today's film is Paranoia (2011), a movie Written by and Starring Brad 'The Cinema Snob' Jones.  While he makes ad money by reviewing stuff like Pussy Talk or Deep Throat 2 (also not Porn Films- just for the record), he is also an Independent Filmmaker.  As part of our random Secret Santa program, my friend (and fellow reviewer of shit movies) Bob bought me his two most recent films.  The second is a film based around his Reviewer persona, so I figured that his more serious film would be a better place to start. Paranoia is about a man named Mark who has the worst night of his life...and then things get weird.  I will say now that the film has a real David Cronenberg-style vibe to it, so it will appeal to some of you more than it did me.  That is not to say that I didn't like the film- I'm just giving it a conditional note.  My biggest issue was with the wrap-up, which I will mostly avoid talking about.  I want the guy to be successful, so I'm not going to SPOIL too much of this.  Besides, the thing is only six bucks!  Coming from a man who has bought The Amazing Bulk twice (one for my friend and one for my own collection), I can tell you that I appreciate a good value!  To get a hint as to whether or not you should check this film out, read on...

Mark Bishop is having the culmination of a long, long period of bad luck.  His writing- failure.  His personal life- barely there.

As for his marriage, well...

 You be the Judge.

It is also notable that there is apparently a Serial Killer in this small Illinois town.  It is with that in mind that he is a bit freaked out when a stranger shows up at his door with a gun.

Things only escalate from there.  You know that your night is bad when you have to dump a body.

Things continue on a strange path for Mark Bishop.  He keeps seeing familiar people and he can't seem to lose that damn screwdriver!

I guess it is the film equivalent of the rotten fish from Space Quest VI.  That's a joke for all three of you that get the reference.  Enjoy.

Oh shit- he has a gun.  This is definitely going to get worse as the night goes on.

On the plus side, he is taking it all well.

I won't SPOIL where the Plot ends up going or anything.  I will say that Mark sees enough shit go down that he makes this face at least twice.

Like I said, the Ending is pretty weird.  In the film's defense, the seemingly-random nature of it is addressed.  Even so, it does make my head hurt a bit.  Thanks for the sympathy pain, Mark.  The End.

It wasn't quite what I was expecting.  Having never seen one of Brad Jones' films (to be fair, he didn't Direct it), I wasn't sure what to expect.  This is certainly deep, dark and cerebral.  I will grant you that there are some financial limitations to the film- like bullet wounds that only appear later-, but that is just something that is par for the course with an Indy Film.  The key is that films like this don't try to be bigger than what they can reasonably achieve.  I justifiably-give Attack From Beneath flack for trying to make a comparable film to Pacific Rim for a super small percentile of the budget.  Paranoia works in a lot of ways because it is a personal, character-focused and small in scale.  This is the tale of Mark Bishop- plain and simple.  What they choose to focus on is something that they can easily achieve.  Why is that so hard for people to figure out?!?  Anyhow, the film is pretty dark and dreary, which will probably turn some people off.  Ultimately, Paranoia is an interesting journey for one character that you will either connect with or just kind of get lost on by the end.  I still don't regret watching the film, even if I'm not 100% sure that I like the Ending.  Since nothing all that funny happens, I'll leave you with this totally-real gun with a plastic nub on the bottom (that all guns have)...

Next up, I finally tackle a film that has been sitting by my TV for like three months.  With sixteen books, but only one film...there must be something here.  Stay tuned...