Riffed Films: The Demons of Ludlow (1983)

 In lieu of accidentally repeating content, let's cover a Film that I didn't even know about before Rifftrax.

Bill Rebane is a name that only the most dedicated of cinephiles will know right away.  That or those who watched too much MST3K.

Who am I kidding- they are the same people!

Made famous for The Giant Spider Invasion, he also did (most of) Monster Go-go, The Alpha Incident, The Capture of Bigfoot (which Lloyd Kauffman lists as one of the WORST Films he ever distributed), Blood Harvest, Twister's Revenge (a Film I've owned as part of a 50-Movie Set and never watched...yet) and... a Hallmark Christmas film?!?

This is The Demons of Ludlow, a low-budget Film he did in 1983.  As someone who loves John Carpenter Films, I sure was 'excited' to see someone ripping one off.

To see how silly (and droll) this gets, read on...

A Town called Ludlow is gifted a Piano...or is it a Harpsicord...or a Harmonium by its past residents, who now reside in Britain.

It was said to be owned by the Founders before being taken away a century ago.

What's the harm?

Well, it apparently summons Ghosts (or Demons?) from the Past to kill people.

Not the people that play it mind you (since it needs them), but someone else nearby.

The rules are...lazy.

For instance, the woman above plays it and the 'Demons' kill her Daughter instead.

Insert Low-Budget Horror Film Nudity here.

The two folks who run the Town Newspaper (a Town with 47 people in it, mind you) think that something is up.

What is causing the Demons to kill?

Well, the Harmonium was owned by the Founders, who were betrayed by others in the Town and killed.

Now they want revenge.

So...it is just The Fog, but with confusing Costumes, Bad Writing and Terrible Pacing.

Will the survivors (who are also descendants of the betrayers) live to stop the Demons?

Well, this looks and feels like a '70s Horror Film...so, no.

The End.

Ooh boy.  This one is bad.

It is mostly the boring kind of bad, unfortunately.

Even with Rifftrax, I watched this in 2 sittings.  Long, long shots of meandering and looking around are presented in High-Def (thanks to a 2020 HD copy in use now).

Yes, this Film got a Blu-Ray release!

Rifftrax, in my opinion, is probably the best way to watch this.  They make great jokes- like a Kirk Hammet reference of all things- and fill out the slow, padded Scenes of people walking around.

It is one thing to watch someone 'pointlessly meander,' but another to watch it while people joke about how 'I'm a fan of pointless meandering, but even THIS is too much for me.'

I'm sure that Mr. Rebane is a nice man.  I just wish that he made a nice Movie- especially in my birth year.

Take us away, familiar floating hand from many, MANY Movie Posters...

A bad Film with a silly- if unoriginal- Premise.  This is another one of those 'Why not Remake This- It Can't Be Worse' Films.

Project Terrible: The Alpha Incident

If a Tree falls in a boring movie, do I have to listen to it?  

Today's film is The Alpha Incident, a back-up film given to me by Maynard Morrisey (of his titular Horror Diary).  I guess I ended up being nicer to him this Round than he was to me, even if it was entirely by accident.  

Don't worry- I have the appropriate reprisal headed his way for Round 13.  Just a hint: it may involve gay Vampires.  

So, what is The Alpha Incident?  It's one of those great examples of how you just kill an interesting concept.  The story involves some sort of alien pathogen getting loose and infecting the residents of a (very) small town.  

Sound interesting?  It sure does!  

The movie is not, unfortunately.  

It's also worth mentioning that it was Directed by Bill Rebane, the man behind some real stinkers.  

Aside from The Giant Spider Invasion, he made The Capture of Bigfoot- a movie so bad that it was featured twice on Project Terrible!  

Damn son!  

He also made the film Blood Harvest aka That Film Where Tiny Tim May Be Killing People with An Axe.  

Do you really want me to review this movie?  

Oh, alright.  

To see how little actually happens in this movie, read on...

The film contains all of the excitement of two people talking on a train!  

Enjoy this action shot!

In all seriousness, this is about some sort of alien microbe being transported via train.  

When it leaks, the man must stop and see what to do.  

Thrill as he dials!

Thrill as Orville Redenbacher here answers the call!  

He says to stay put and let nobody escape!

The only hope for our hero and the people stuck with him rest on this Scientist with a beard that is made of suspiciously curly hair.  

I will leave it to you to infer what it's made of.

One of the men makes a run for it (a second time) and gets hit with a shot from a good 200 yards.  Inconceivable!

 In spite of that, he still runs off.  Doubly inconceivable!

Just to make sure that you can handle the thrill-an-hour tale, they have something freaky happen off-screen.  

They could show you, but you just couldn't handle it.

There are good movies that are about people waiting out a disaster/event.  

This is not one of them though.

Eventually, something actually happens on-screen.  One of the guys falls over dead (at around 85 minutes) and starts to mutate, proving that he was infected.  The Thing this is not.

Say- I just bought this movie on Blu-Ray.  I could be watching that instead!

Since it was unique to rip-off Night of the Living Dead back in 1978, our hero gets shot to death by the Government (who also poisoned the others), since they have no cure.

Oh good- I hated having hope in humanity.  Thanks.  The End.

Wow, this one sure was something.  

Actually- scratch that.  

There's almost nothing of note here to really talk about.  

As I said in the Intro, I liked the premise.  It's just the execution that is shit.  Nothing of note happens most of the time, which just makes the premise seem all the worse.  

A boring idea that becomes a boring film is not a surprise.  A good idea that becomes a boring film is just sad.  

I like to think that obscure films like this are going to be hidden gems that I can recommend by saying stuff like 'You haven't seen this- but you should!'  

In this case, you don't need to see it.  It's not interesting.  Skip it.  I would have if I had a choice.  

Now if you'll excuse me, I have to make fun of people that are different than me and like a show that is inexplicably popular...

Next up, a controversial Mondo film that was featured on VHS For the Win.  Will the DVD also Win or will they just be a bunch of Brutes?  Stay tuned...