Super Zero?: The Green Hornet (2011)

 As a new Superhero Studio face-off is coming n July, let's look back at a forgotten Superhero Film.

In the '90s, there was a big push to do Characters from the Radio/Film Serials as Film.  Somehow, the Green Hornet didn't make the cut, ending up in Character Licensing Limbo.

In 2011, he finally got his shot!

This Film comes to us from a trio you wouldn't expect- Seth Rogen, Even Goldberg and Michael Gondry.

The latter is a Director most known for Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, while the former two are known for Bro Comedy Movies.

Will this combination of escargot and bacon be appetizing or upset your stomach?  To find out, read on...

In Los Angeles, a criminal named Churnovsky (Christoph Waltz) is trying to be taken seriously, but finds that he's not respected enough.

Is he out of touch?

Well, less out of touch than Nicholas Cage playing him as a White Jamaican would have been.
That was his pitch!

Our would-be Hero is Britt Reid (Rogen) and his new pal Kato, who was his now-late Dad's Mechanic and assistant.

Both need a new outlet, as they have lots of wasted potential.

They go out to vandalize the Dad's Statue and inadvertently stop to save a couple from some Muggers.

Kato proves to be a badass fighter on top of a mechanic, as shown by this neat effect...that we only get like one other time.

The Police don't cover the mugging angle and just the crime.

That gives Britt the idea to push The Green Bee...I mean, Hornet as criminals as a way to get close to other criminals.

He can use his newfound paper to do so.

Their combination of brashness (Reid), ability, mechanics and instincts (Kato) get them on the right path.

They soon make enemies with Churnovsky though and are a bit out of their league.

Thankfully, they just hired a Secretary (Cameron Diaz) who is also an Expert on Criminology.

She can help them (inadvertently) do the wrong thing to, well, do the right thing.

This is also the 2nd Superhero Film with Cameron Diaz involving a dope with a green face (the other being The Mask).

Coincidence?  Yes- definitely.

With the help of their car- Black Beauty- will they be able to overcome their issues to stop the bad guys and save the day?

I mean...obviously, yes.

Will they get a Sequel?  

I mean...obviously, no.

A Film full of many interesting ideas...that don't really mesh together in the long run.

This had to have been a weird pitch.  'Take a Character mostly known from a Radio Show (and Guest-Starring on Batman) and let the guys from Superbad write it!'

This isn't a knock on them.  It just doesn't seem like a good idea unless you're going to do something REALLY different.  It never quite commits.

The Film fluctuates between being a big Action Film, a Seth Rogen Comedy, a Drama and a bit experimental with Gondry's flourishes.

The flourishes aren't bad, but they appear and disappear suddenly.  Kind of like Waltz's interest in rebranding, which pops up once and then reappears for the finale.

Inarguably, the true saving graces here are the stunt work and the big action Scenes.  They look great. 
They should- the Film cost about $100 million when this was less the norm.
Never mind the extra $10 million to convert to 3-D (which isn't on my copy).

The final product is one that I'm not sure truly pleases anyone 100%.

It has good Comedy, but also not.  It has good Drama, but also not.  It is a buddy Film...eventually.

Lots could and should be done with a Green Hornet Film.  Maybe one day.

Next up, a Film featuring a future Marvel Actor and a then current DC Actor.  What natural menace will they face off with?  Stay tuned...

Fairly Tale: Red Riding Hood (2011)

 Never has a Tagline said so much as this...
'From the Director of Twilight.'

Look- dunking on Twilight is easy.  It's also fun.
That said, the Film led to many similar Films being greenlit and this sure is one of them.

A year before Snow White and the Huntsman AND Mirror Mirror, this one told an 'updated' version of a Fairy Tale.

Only it doesn't.  Little elements exist, but it is not REALLY that tale.

To find out how a Film about a little girl in peril in the Woods became a Twilight-style love-triangle Horror Romance, read on...

The Film tells the tale of a Village in the middle of the Woods.

They sacrifice their livestock to feed a dangerous Wolf from the nearby Woods.

Our Heroine- Amanda Seyfried- is caught in a love triangle between, say it with me, the Safe but Boring Hunk and the Dangerous, Bad Boy Hunk.

Things get worse when a human victim of the Wolf is made.

It is Seyfried's Sister!

This will both make more and less sense by the End.

They go out to kill the Wolf and one of the men dies.  Do you care which one it is?

They celebrate...until Gary Oldman comes in to kill the buzz.

He's a Werewolf Hunter (not the Film) and tells them that the Werewolf is Within (also not the Film)!

The creature attacks again shortly, wreaking havoc in the middle of Town.

It is oddly similar to the Scene with the Romani in The Wolfman from a year earlier.  Hmm...I wonder...

In the middle of things, the Wolf (which is giant-sized a la Twilight) talks to Seyfried via...telepathy.

Weird.

Throughout the Film, they try to justify casting Julie Christie and giving her nothing really to do.

She appears in a few Dream Sequences (thanks for that pointlessness) and apparently is led by a random line to investigate the Wolf.

Oh and she lives out of Town, not that it factors much into the Plot.

Seyfried is pressed to confess to 'witchcraft' and is used as bait for the Wolf.

Oh and a mentally handicapped guy is killed for no reason.  Joy.

Will she be the next victime?

No, she's saved thanks to a complicated plan involving her Dad (aka Mustache Dad from Twilight) and both would-be boyfriends.

One vanishes during the events, making him a suspect.

EIGHTY MINUTES IN, she finally puts on the Hood and goes into the Woods to Grandma's House.

It's a trap!

Just like the Story (for once), the Wolf killed her.

Unlike the Story, the Wolf is actually her Dad.  He killed his Daughter...when he found out that she was not his.

The Bad Boy Hunk rushes to save the day, but gets bit before the Dad is killed.  Now he'll turn (like this Film).

Depending which Version you watch (as this was released TWO TIMES on DVD/Blu-Ray), Seyfried either waits for him to return...or waits for him to return with his baby.

The End.

Honestly, how is this even an Adaptation of the Story?

I'm all for playing with the Story or deconstructing it.  You can do weird stuff with a Wolf/Werewolf Film.
Here are literally three different examples.

You could do a weird or dark Film based on Red Riding Hood without changing 90% of it.  The 10% that is accurate involves her eventually wearing the Hood and saying the famous lines...in a Dream Sequence.

That's it.

Make a weird YA Romance involving Wolves or whatever.  Just don't make it based on a famous Tale and change all of it.

When Gary Oldman can't save you, things are bad.

It is not nearly the worst one of these, but it is VERY forgettable.  It's only been 2 days and blanking on Plot Points already.

Take us away, Shot that proves how much you aren't Twilight...

Next up, let's hop back to the tale of the Huntsman...but not Snow White.  This one is either a Prequel, a Sequel or both.  Nobody knew then and I'll find out now.  Stay tuned...

Is it Bad?: Green Lantern (2011)

 A Film that has been lambasted by Critics, Audiences and its Star.

The latter has not mixed words about this Film, although he has softened a bit on it in the last few years.

Let's check out the Film that is...

Pro: The Film begins by establishing the Characters, even if it is in melodramatic fashion.  Weirdly, this is the 2nd edition of 'Is it Bad?' to feature John Tenney in the Opening Scene.

He was a partner in BHC3 and the ill-fated Mr. Jordan here.

To note, I did watch the Extended Cut.  To be fair, this has been on the market for a Decade now, so...

Con: The Extended Cut restores the good Intro...but leaves in the repeat of said Scene via Flashbacks (which is how they only appeared in the Theatrical Cut).  It is a bit redundant.

Pro: When Hal gets the ring, the sense of wonder is really there.

When he ends up on Oa and meets the Corps, it feels like some good tease of world-building.

Con: Parallax looks neat, but is ultimately a big, angry cloud-squid-ink thing.  He/it was supposed to be more of a 3rd Act Reveal in earlier drafts, which is a better idea.

It does at least have more personality than the Galactus cloud from Fantastic Four 2.

Pro: Taika Waititi is in this?!?  Yes, he's playing 'Tom Kalmaku,' who's technically supposed to be Inuit.

Casting this way is probably better, as you avoid the unfortunate nickname the Character had for the first Decade or so of his existence.

Con: He's not in this enough though.

Pro: Hal's big hero debut is a good one.  He shows up and saves the day with his ring.

I kind of wish the crowd was more concerned/interested in the green stranger, but he does show up during a hectic situation.

IRL Pro: This is the Film where Ryan Reynolds and Blake Lively met.  Even if it isn't Ryan's favorite Film of his, it should be his kids.

They literally wouldn't exist without it!

Pro and Con: The Suit.

I still kind of like it in 2024, but I can absolutely see why people don't.  The extra effects can be a bit much at times.

As a whole though, I'm happy that it is not just a plain green unitard with some glowing on it.

Let's see how people can make it look now.

Pro: Hector Hammond is ultimately not the final boss, but he's a good villain.

The body horror they get out of his transformation and how Skarsgard plays it is quite good.  Plus, the fact that they went to him here and not right to Sinestro is a plus.

I'm torn on his origin being tied to Parallax, but...it's not bad.

Con: He's ultimately just a lackey.  A good one, but still.

What is Good?

The Plot honestly has more depth than it gets credit for.  Hal has a whole Arc, as does everyone here.

The Special Effects hold up pretty well.  The CGI isn't always obvious to the eye and some shots on their own just look gorgeous.

It manages to tell a whole Story and set up future Films (that won't happen) at the same time.

While he's clearly a better fit for a Barry Allen/Wally West, Reynolds is pretty damn good here.

Him and Blake Lively have good chemistry, which real life sure has born out.

A nice use of A-List talent for voices, like Geoffrey Rush and Michael Clark Duncan.

What is Bad?

Parallax is a neat villain in concept, but not so much in execution.

Some of the Sequel Bait setup is a bit silly.  They make the Ring...and then don't use it, just so that Sinestro can grab it for Green Lantern 2.

There are certainly moments where the sheer amount of CGI is just too much.

So...

Is it Bad?

NO.

The Film has many faults- I'll grant you that.  For me, the good generally outweighs the bad and- if things had gone differently- I'm curious to see how this would have worked as the kickstart of the DCEU.

The Film can be an easy one to attack.
For me, the far worse Ryan Reynolds Film here is RIPD.

My Crazy Youth: The Time that Blue Beetle Debuted...on 'Smalliville?'

 At long last, I make use of my purchase.

Smallville's final Season was all about the last bit of worldbuilding/character setup for Superman.

So, naturally, let's squeeze the introduction of TWO MORE DC Characters into it, right near the end to boot (Episode 18 out of 22, to be exact).

While out on the Street with Lois (who is trying to get Clark to act more hidden), a young man is about to be hit by a truck!

He's saved by...Booster Gold?

Since Metropolis (yes, they're not even in Smallville on Smallville at this point) is the world's smallest City, Lois runs into the young man AGAIN and tries to help him act more confident.

This is clearly just the Warner Bros Backlot, by the way.

He leaves but has a passenger in his bag.

An artifact escaped the wrecked truck when Booster stopped it and is now on him.

To what end though?

Of course, the Episode is named 'Booster' and not 'Blue Beetle,' so she's not the main focus.

What is the main focus?
Well, it is the following subplots. 
Deep breath now...

1) Lois wants Clark to blend in before he reveals himself as Superman

2) Cat Grant wants the promotion that she and Lois are up for.

3) Booster Gold trying to coop Superman's eventual reveal and Superhero Career

4) I guess Blue Beetle, if we have time.

Is that enough Plot for 40ish minutes?

The device was found by Ted Kord (who at least appears in this Jaime Reyes Origin Story) and they manage to name drop the original Blue Beetle.

Oh, that's nice.  

What did he...oh...yikes.

Thanks for that.

Anyhow, Jaime meets Booster, who blows him off.  He doesn't know what is going to happen, since his appearance in the timeline changes things.

Reyes meets him again, only now the suit is controlling him...to kill!

Clark shows up as the Blur to save Cat Grant (see Subplot #2) and Booster uses Clark's inspirational speech to make Jaime confident enough to take control of the suit.

In the aftermath, Kord shows up- he's actually not evil, despite the last Scene implying that he was- and Jaime says that he wants to master the suit.  

Booster offers to help out training him.
They never show up again in the Series.

The End.

A good Episode, even if it was in dying need of a Story Editor.  There's just too much going on here for anything to get enough time.

The Lois-Clark Plot squeezes its way in and at least wraps up nicely.  They manage to tie it into the Cat Grant Plot, to be fair.

That said, her Plot didn't add much, other than an excuse to have her in a bikini top.  Mind you, this Show already did that with Lois in Season 5.

Bonus- this is Cat's last appearance on the Show!

I'm here for the Blue Beetle stuff and it sure gets shortchanged.  The bit with him and Lois happens right before the initial change, so that's really just one Scene.  Should we care about him as more than just a put upon teen?  Oh well.

I did like Booster here, even if it is the more cynical take on him that happened around this time.  Why can't he be fun loving and not terrible/only in it for the money?

The BB suit does look good, albeit very bulky.  That thing had to weigh over 50 lbs, unless it was all carbon fiber or something.  Kudos for doing it on a TV Budget though.

It is a bold, if badly paced and randomly timed attempt at introducing more DC Heroes.  Does it help that a famous DC Writer wrote the Script AND that Superman himself Directed it?

***And, of course***

As a little bonus, I should mention that the last one of these was from Season 1 with Amy Adams.
What could connect these 2 Episodes besides Tom Welling and the Show itself?

It is this Film...

I couldn't have planned a more random coincidence!

Ranking ALL of the Captain America Films!

 America has a rich history.  We've been making Films about Captain America since the 1970s, with various breaks in between.

What is the best one?

Well, a life-long fanboy with free time and a Blog is here to answer that question!

Honorable Mention: There's a Serial, but it was licensed for free (with the President of the Company at the time figuring that the Publicity was enough) to make.

It has nothing to do with the Comics, save for the name.

Now then, on with the List!

6. Captain America II- Death Too Soon: A Sequel that should have improved things.  This is the 2nd (of two) Reb Brown Films as Cap.  Now that the Origin is done, they can go all out, right?

Nope- let's spend what feels like 5 hours having him hang around a small Town to uncover the hidden bad guy (Christopher Lee).

What's with 2nd Films that pair these two?  It's this and Howling II!

5. Captain America (The Reb Brown One): Arguably worse, but also arguably better than the Sequel.

With this being an Origin (and a Backdoor Pilot), I can excuse many of the issues that also plague the Sequel.

That said, you get a more serious threat (with a letdown final fight) and the promise of him in costume doing cool stuff.  As you saw above, it doesn't deliver.

4.Captain America (1990): While it sucks in many ways, it *feels* like a promising start, at least in theory.

The Canon Films Version has many things going for it.  A good (all things considered) suit.  A good Plot (again- in theory).  The Red Skull.

It just muddies all of that up (Skull is an Italian War Victim?!?), strips away the cool stuff (Red Skull gets his face fixed for Act 2-3) and doesn't live up to what it could be.

3. Captain America- Civil War: The top 3 is a real tough call and this one might move from 2-3 depending on the day.

Without an Origin Story to tell, they deliver a big-scale MCU Showdown, moral gray areas and a pitch perfect Cap.

It's biggest draw- the Avengers vs. Avengers Plot- is arguably its greatest flaw, however, as so much happens in a condensed run-time.  It's alot, for better or for worse.

2. Captain America- The First Avenger: An Origin Story done right!

As a life long fan, I had to wait a LONG time for this.  It was worth it.

Chris Evans is a perfect Cap, Red Skull is evil and it all works.

1. Captain America- The Winter Soldier: They take everything and get 'real' with it.

Taking nothing away from the #2 Film, this one feels especially-grounded and shows that the MCU can evolve with its Films.

This is a clear attempt to be an action-packed version of a '70s Political Intrigue Film.  They even got the Star of many of those- Robert Redford- to be in it!

Is there a better Cap Film than this?

Is your List different than mine?

I can't imagine that the bottom 3 take the top 3 spots though.

Happy 4th of July.

Take us away, foreign Captain America II Poster!

USA.

4,200th Post Celebration!: The Top 19 Worst Films of Mondo Bizarro- 2009 to 2019!

This is the big one!

I went through my listings of the Worst Films of Previous Years to cherry pick the best of the worst.  So many bad Films to choose from!

I can't guarantee that every Year will be represented in the final List, but they definitely got some contenders.

Dishonorable Mentions:  Uli Lommel's Black Dahlia, We Are the Strange, Offspring,  Beware! Children At Play, The New York Centerfold Massacre, Pocahauntus AND Dating A Zombie

19. The Fat Spy: A Film so bad that I kept it at home just to keep it out of circulation.  I realize how little that helps, but I did it all the same.

It's an unfunny Comedy with bad Acting and it looks cheap.  Bad Comedies are usually the worst things in the World.  It's hard to imagine that Jane Mansfield did this, but somehow thought Hillbillys in a Haunted House was too bad.

18. The Skeleton Key 2- 667- Neighbor of the Beast: Will I ever go back to try and finish this?  It has to be a Worst of the Worst one, maybe.

I tried watching the Film, but it gave you no setup for its weird nonsense.  I remember a Genie.  Lots of POV Exposition.  It gets so pointlessly META while explaining nothing that I haven't touched it for 10 years!

For comparison, I have rewatched the #3 pick (to compare the Cuts) and the #2 pick (with Rifftrax).

17. Revenge of the Living Dead Girls: A knock off of something that wasn't actually that great- joy.

This is a faux Sequel to a French Horror Film.  That one involved a woman dying, but coming back when exposed to chemicals and killing people.  It inspired a Rob Zombie song.

This one has 3 ladies dying from drinking poisoned milk and killing people.  On the plus side, it does hold historical importance as MY first Project Terrible Review.

16. The Human Race: A terrible Film and a bad pun- almost worth it!

This bizarre Film has an interesting (in theory) premise- run a race or die!  It gets really dumb and morose with it, of course, ruining the whole thing.  That's even before giant Angels (or something) show up...maybe.

15. Roar: If the ranking was based on how bad it was to shoot the Film, this would be #1.

A wrong-headed, right-hearted man wanted to show you that we could live and interact with jungle cats.  As such, he made a Movie where his FAMILY was surrounded by these Apex Predators at all times.  Many people were wounded, his Stepdaughter needed plastic surgery and Jan De Bont (yes, the guy from Twister) was scalped.

It's not even a very good Film regardless of this.

14. The Twilight Series: Low hanging fruit.

On one hand, I could have made this just a Dishonorable Mention.  On the other hand, I watched all of the Films (out at the time) for Project Terrible and the other guy never did his Films.  As such, I suffered alone for no reason.

13. Star Wreck: In the Pirkinning: A Film so bad I also made Bob watch it.  I'm a good friend.

This is actually the 6th Film in a Series (which explains why the Plot is confusing), but the only one on DVD.  It is a Parody of Star Trek and Babylon 5.

The Effects are mostly bad, but the Plot and Characters are just irredeemable, so why bother watching?

12. Old Mother Riley Meets the Vampire: The combo of Bad Comedy and sad performance by Actor who could do better.

In 1952, Bela Lugosi went to London to play Dracula again.  The Play bombed and he was now 'stuck' in England.  To pay for his trip home, he agreed to be the bad guy in this Film, wherein he'd riff on Dracula and his role in The Phantom Creeps.

He's fine in this.  The Lead in Drag- clearly inspiring Tyler Perry- is awful and nothing else is good either.

11. Homoti: Project Terrible continues to live up to its name!

This is one of the many E.T. knockoffs, but also one of the worst.  It is the 2nd Turkish E.T Film to boot!  Its suit is terrible, its Plot is boring and it just kind of sucks.

Bonus- the YouTube upload only has Subtitles for the first 10 minutes.

10. Hobgoblins 2: The Sequel to a Film I'm paying to see in a Theater for the first time ever.

Whenever I get to see Rifftrax do Hobgoblins, it will be better than this.  The Writer/Director is back due to 'every other Gremlins rip-off getting Sequels,' so we all get to suffer.

It's mostly a confusing rehash with slight updates- online dating in place of phone sex lines- and even less humor.  On the plus side, I got to tell the Director on Facebook that I would willingly pay to get his Hobgoblins 3 Script and keep it from being made.  Good times.

9. Astro-Zombies M3 and M4: I at least had company to suffer through these.

Decades after the original Astro Zombies, the late Ted V. Mikels came back for Mark of the Astro-Zombies.  He got enough money/interest/moxie to make 2 more.

As Bob can attest, they are both confusing, sometimes boring messes of Films that call back to even more obscure stuff like The Doll Squad.

8. Live Freaky, Die Freaky: This was abusing Sharon Tate's legacy before it was cool!

This Dark Comedy is a claymation nightmare about the Sharon Tate/La Bianca Murders.  You're supposed to laugh at this?  They make Tate look awful here and I don't know why.  It's tasteless and just not funny.

7. Psycho Shark: I suffer for you (and my own stupidity).

I thought that this would be trashy fun.  The premise is that a bunch of Busty Models from Japan come up against a giant shark.  Dumb, stupid fun.

The Movie is just them chatting, watching footage and laying around until the last 5 minutes.  It is the longest 65 minutes of your life!

6. Mummy Maniac: A terrible tease and a terrible Film.

Another Project Terrible Film and this one manages to make you think it is going to be something else.  A killer mummy?!?  Nope- a boring, chubby guy who kills women in his storage locker over and over again...and wraps the bodies up in toilet paper.

My Review is the same shots over and over again...but they are from different parts in the Film!

5. Carl J. Sukenick's Alien Beasts: It is hardly a Movie, so it just barely escapes the upper spots.

If you wanted to see what would happen if someone with friends and alot of Meth tried to make a Spy Film, this is it.  It has long pauses, long still frames, constant cuts to an old man named Abe 'watching the monitors' and more nonsense.

The drunk ramblings of a homeless man who just huffed a bag of paint to boot would be better than this!

4. The Time Machine (I Bought At A Yard Sale): Worst of the Worst was founded for this!

I had heard about this awful mess and didn't want to suffer alone.  Thanks, Bob.

Found for free on YouTube (to serve as their Resume), this Film has amazingly-bad everything.  A guy time travels...once and then finds a space ship.  The Film actually has him FORGET that he has a Time Machine!

You probably couldn't make something this bad if you tried (and people have!).

3. Good-Bye, Uncle Tom/Addio Zio Tom: I feel like I keep picking on this one...and with good reason.

Important recap- the 2 Directors of Mondo Cane (and more) were called Racists who made Fake Documentaries.  To silence their Critics, they made...a Fake Documentary about them seeing the Antebellum South.  Wait, what?!?

I got crap from a guy for covering the wrong cut, but whichever one you see, it is bad.  It is long, awful and bad.

2. Roller Gator: Why must I hurt myself so?!?

I heard about this Film in a Review of another Film. I thought- a Film about a talking/rapping purple Alligator puppet- hilarious!

The actual Film is shot on a handi-cam  (with visible shutter) and features CONSTANT GUITAR MUSIC over the whole Film.  It could be a fun train wreck of a Film if you didn't want to deafen yourself to escape the pain.

1. Actium Maximus- War of the Alien Dinosaurs: There's no topping this, right?

This one-and-done Film was seemingly-released by Troma as a joke to punish its Director.  He had clear visions for a big, futuristic world of wonder and horror.  He also only had like $20 and not enough friends to help.

It is long, bizarre and meandering.  As a final bonus, it ends on Sequel Bait!  Noooooooo!!!!

Here's to better Films from 2020 on. 

Not likely though, is it?