Blockbuster Trash: Boogeyman 3

I'm on the final film in this damn 'series,' so let me do my best to get through this.  

After the snooze-fest that was the first film and the shit-storm that was the second film, what could this film end up like?  Will it be good?  

The second we start off with the title Boogeyman 3, we know that can't happen.  This is made out to be a direct sequel to the second film...sort of.  

They address that film, but don't exactly know what to do with the idea. 

 Instead of really following up on the story, however, we get some sort of side-plot that barely relates.  It's slightly more connected than Halloween 3 is to Halloween- you know, the one where you see Halloween playing on a TV in the background of one shot.  

Oh and they try to make more use out of Tobin Bell's sudden notoriety, despite his character being thoroughly killed in Boogeyman 2.  

The biggest thing about the film is that finally lives up to what the title promises.  

Is it a change for the better or just more crap?  Find out in my review of...

The film begins with a young woman coming home after the death of her father.  Her dad is Tobin Bell's character from the last movie, a fact proven by a bad Photoshop job of a picture featuring the two of them.  

Seriously, those generic birthday cards with pictures of politicians on them are more convincing.  

She finds a diary left by her father, which is read aloud to us by...someone who's not even trying to sound like Bell.  

Apparently, the man believed that the Boogeyman was real...even though he treated two patients for their 'irrational fear' of the creature and was killed by a human.  

Oh, and just to piss me off further, they show a newspaper referring to the brother as being 'the Boogeyman killer' despite the ending where he gets away without being caught!  

Trying to get past all of these gaping plot holes, we get a scene where the young woman tries to relax with a bath, but hears a noise.  She goes to bed, only to get pulled under it by a phantom.  

We are introduced to a second heroine, a young psychology student who co-hosts a college radio call-in show with her professor.  Yeah...alright.  She has a bunch of friends, including an anorexic girl, a black guy and a British man.  

The girl from earlier shows up...not dead but sees a freaky ghost.  Okay then.

Not surprisingly, people are not very quick to believe the tale of a Boogeyman haunting a young woman.  Why would he again?  

Mind you, this thing also kills parents, but leaves the kids alone for about twenty years, so his motivations are kind of random.  

The girl doesn't take too kindly to being treated like a crazy person and calls in to the show one night.  While on the air, she acts a little crazy and talks about the Boogeyman (who looks more like that chick from The Ring) trying to kill her.  

Our heroine rushes over to the dorm to save her, only to show up in time to open the door and see her being choked by the phantom.  When other people show up, she appears to have hung herself...but our heroine still believes what she saw.  This sets up a long, boring story-arc where they tip-toe around some sort of vague mental trauma she once had.  

It has something to do with her mother committing suicide by hanging and her blaming herself.  It adds nothing to story, save for some padding and some 'emo moments.'  

By the way, I like the Psychology Professor who not only has a student host a talk-show with him, but one that had a mental break only a year before.  FINALLY, some more stuff happens as The Boogeyman picks off some students.  

First on the list, the pot-smoking black guy.  Hurray?

After too long of an intro, the murders come pretty quick and suddenly.  

After the death of that random, uninteresting character, we get a second one when The Boogeyman kills the British guy by pulling him into a crate.  

In addition to that, the fraternity pledge guy gets killed by a giant fan in the impossibly large ventilation ducts while trying to install webcams in the women's bathroom.  Oh, thank God, you didn't forget about the 'webcams in the women's restroom' sub-plot!  

Our heroine continues to act a little crazy and random, culminating in a bit where she takes over a radio show to warn the residents of her dorm hall of the Boogeyman threat.  This comes from a dream/vision she has of everyone lying dead in the hallway.  

Naturally, the best way to avoid that is to have everyone run flee into the hallways- you idiot!  She gets locked up, but the cop leaves to investigate a call, leaving her with the Professor.  

He gets killed when he acknowledges the idea of The Boogeyman.  You see, the idea is that The Boogeyman gains power when people believe in him, which is why he commits a few murders.  

Yeah, that all ties together.  

The heroine's best friend is killed in the laundry room and the boyfriend is killed in the room, which leads our heroine to confess to the murders in order to not give The Boogeyman more powers.  

This plan falls apart when he simply kills her and the legend lives on.  Boo!

This movie sucks, but for different reasons than the last two movies.  

Unlike those films, we get actual supernatural action...but it's just stupid.  The Boogeyman can appear anywhere- even in a bong- and kill people who believe that he's real.  His ability to kill and interact with the world is never that consistent, much like in Prom Night 3.  

Why the elaborate visions before some kills and just grabbing people with others?  Were they not good enough to warrant the extra effort?  The acting, as a whole, is not that good.  Our lead actress tries, but only has a handful of Final Girl cliches to work with.  

The character is about as deep as that little pool of sweat that ends up right above your ass when it's hot outside.  

To the film's credit, they don't cheat too much, which is nice when compared to Boogeyman 2.  

However, the whole thing is just ridiculous and blatantly steals the entire premise behind Freddy's powers in Freddy vs. Jason.  You have about 100 years of horror films to steal from and you pick that one?!?  

Some of the special effects are pretty good, but this movie was made in 2009, so you should expect that much.  

Ultimately, this movie fails as it finally delivers the promise of the series.  It's amazing how you can finally deliver on what you're supposed and sign your own death warrant at the same time, isn't it?

Up next, I celebrate Father's Day with a weird film that is important to me.  What's new though?  Stay tuned...

Blockbuster Trash: Boogeyman 2

After the snore-fest that was Boogeyman, my hopes were not high.  Add in the fact that his is a Direct-to-DVD sequel made two years later and I'm really pessimistic.  Plus, what exactly are you going to follow-up on from the first film?  The guy confronts his fears, sends the creature away and moves on with his life.  Did I miss something?  As it turns out, I didn't, but we'll get into that later.  Like the last film, this one is the brainchild of Ghost House, a company that has not met a Japanese horror film that it was afraid to remake.  On the possible up-side, this movie is not made for theaters, so it could distract me with some gore.  Will it continue the trend of sucking or will it punch me in the sack with its quality?  Find out in my bloody review of...

The film begins at a kid's birthday party.  All is going well, the birthday girl is happy and nothing could go wrong with the world.  All of a sudden, the dad goes to fix a light and a masked man stabs him to death.  Um, The Boogeyman uses a knife now?  What the hell is that shit?!?  Anyhow, the mother is also killed, but both brother and sister survive.  We do a time-jump and we learn that the girl is still having some nightmares related to the event.  Did you guys just add a sibling and think you could make the same movie again?  Thankfully not, but it feels like that for a while.  The girl ends up in an asylum where she will be treated for her fear of The Boogeyman.  Dude, that wrestler is freaky- I don't blame you, honey!  The rest of her group is made up of people with different disorders and phobias.  One girl (played by Arrested Development's 'Egg) is a cutter, while another one is anorexic.  Rounding out the group is a few other crazy people, but none of them are quite as annoying as the ones from Ginger Snaps 2.  In addition, their counselor is Rene O'Connor aka Gabrielle.  Considering the last movie of yours I reviewed, the odds are not in your movie's favor, honey.  Oh yeah, the psychiatrist is Tobin Bell.  Given that this movie is only three years old, this just comes off as sad.

After establishing it's plot, the movie doesn't take quite so long to get to the interesting stuff.  The facility goes into lock-down one night, but that doesn't stop our heroes from wandering around.  The anorexic girl decides to stare at herself in the mirror, which naturally requires her to be topless.  Now that our prerequisite nudity quota has been filled, let's get to some killing.  One of the guys is attacked by a masked man and has cleaning fluid poured down his throat.  This is supposed to be ironic, since he was a junkie who would put anything in his body.  If you want subtlety, this is not your movie.  The anorexic girl meets up with one of the other guys and has pointless sex with him.  This is overlaid with a scene involving 'Egg' being tied to a bed and having bugs crawl in her skin.  She is given a scalpel, which she uses to start cutting up her wrists and let the bugs out.  Don't bend your wrists a little further and cut your way out or anything, idiot!  After all of that, we get the 'people wandering around and discovering the bodies' scene.  I would also be remiss if I didn't mention O'Connor's character getting zapped with a live wire while she's standing in a puddle with no shoes on.  The fact that she approached a fuse box in that way is pretty much tempting fate.

The movie doesn't stop with the bullshit, so why should I?  Another one of the patients is kidnapped, strapped to a gurney and has a bunch of tubes put in her.  As it turns out, this is the anorexic girl and the tubes go to a liposuction machine...which they have here, for some reason.  The Boogeyman turns it on and the device works in reverse, filling her with fat and making her stomach explode...off-camera.  With only a few people left, our heroine goes to warn the guy we last saw having sex and subsequently-rejecting the anorexic girl.  Unfortunately, he's stabbed off-camera in a scene deemed to boring, I guess.  By the way, his fear was one of commitment- no, really.  The mysterious killer finally confronts our heroine in a hallway that has flickering lights- thank you, cliches!  Her confrontation is put-off by the sudden appearance of Tobin Bell's character, who tells her that The Boogeyman is not real.  Yeah, he gets stabbed to death and has syringes put in his eyes.  It does the 'I'm chasing you while walking' thing until she finds O'Connor's character...alive and with her brain fried.  She was afraid of going insane- ha ha.  Finally, she manages to find out who the killer is.  It's....her brother.  Yeah, the guy they barely-mentioned at all is the villain.  He apparently snapped after Bell locked him in a closet to make him confront his own fears of The Boogeyman.  They have a little scuffle and chase again, but our heroine eventually gets cornered in his lair and kills the man.  When the police arrive, we see O'Connor under the mask, which means that the brother escaped and puts all of this on her.  The End.

This movie sucked, but for all the reasons that it shouldn't have.  The movie ignored the silly 'killer Boogeyman' idea from the first one entirely.  Unfortunately, their only substitute was a Saw knock-off...in a film featuring freaking Jigsaw!  There are a lot of better ways to do a story like this, which is the worst part of all.  The premise could work, provided you spend the time to set-up things right and don't just cheat.  Hell, they could have done what both my brother and I 'saw coming': Bell is the killer, but gets offed by the real Boogeyman.  That was too clever for them, so they just put in this stupid ending.  Speaking of which, see how much of this continuity is maintained in Boogeyman 3, coming next Saturday.  The acting is alright, but the muted atmosphere of the film- not to mention that bullshit color correction technique- kills most of it.  Bell barely tries here and O'Connor only acts when she is supposed to be crazy.  Our heroine is nothing special and really does nothing to help the film.  The whole 'killing the people with their fears' thing is alright, but the movie does nothing to make it plausible.  How does the guy sneak in all of the stuff, let alone procure it or know how to work it?  Explain, movie- explain!  If you like bad movies like this, you'll have much more fun than with Boogeyman, although that's not saying much.  This shit only gets worse, people!

Next up, I take a look at one of my favorite Italian films.  It has dangerous masks, biker gangs and an extremely 'Meta' plot.  Stay tuned...

Blockbuster Trash: Boogeyman (2005)

Sam Raimi is a name associated with some great films- Drag Me To Hell, Spider-man 1-3 and the Evil Dead quadrilogy, to name a few.  However, his name and money have been put behind some disappointing fare in the last several years.  As I'm sure most of you know, he's the man behind Ghost House Productions, which funds some low-budget horror films to both theaters and the Direct-to-DVD market.  Some of it has been good, but a lot of it is just 'eh, it was alright' stuff.  You think someone of his caliber would be a bit more discerning, but I guess not.  That brings me to today's film: Boogeyman.  My first thought was that this was a remake of the Uli Lommel films- it's not.  Instead, someone just thought to use a similar title and make something completely different.  No evil spirits in mirrors here, people!  Instead, we get the older kid from 7th Heaven moping about in a blue-filtered environment.  As you can imagine, I have a love/hate relationship with color-correction technology and how it's used in films.  Aside from that, the film promises to deliver on a simple premise: the Boogeyman is out to get you.  Will it live up to this?  Find out in my review of...

The film begins with a kid scared about going to bed.  Why?  Because he thinks the Boogeyman is hiding in his closet.  The dad tries to calm him down, but, when that fails, he attempts to defuse the worry by checking out the room.  As it turns out, it is empty...or is it?!?  An unseen force flails the man around like a rag doll and pulls him into the closet.  We cut to many years later and our hero is now an adult actor trying to escape the spectre of a WB drama.  He mopes about and just generally acts uninteresting.  In spite of that, he has friends and even a girlfriend around.  He goes on a trip with her to have Thanksgiving with them, which turns out better than you might think.  Underneath the surface though, the guy has some odd quirks that come from his traumatic childhood experience.  Basically, he is afraid of closets and has them all removed from his house.  That's kind of silly, unless you really believe that the thing can only exist in what we consider to be closets.  Anyhow, all of this is filler and not exactly that enthralling.  That changes when his mother dies and he has to return to the family home.  Oh, the terror!  Incidentally, in a complete non sequitur, a bird crashes into the man's windshield.  Um, okay.

When he gets there, we get more moping, sad faces and the like.  On the plus side, this is still far more interesting than the whole of Cthulu!  While he's there, he briefly passes by a young woman (Bones' Emily Deschanel), but they don't interact in any way.  This will come into play later though, folks.  After the funeral, he goes to the psychiatric ward where he spent a lot of time after seeing his dad killed by a spirit.  Yeah, I could see how that might effect you.  Although, to be fair, it's still less traumatic than seeing The Spirit!  He talks to his former shrink/counselor, who has some advice for him.  He tells him that to get over his fears, he needs to confront them.  That means returning to the scene of the crime: his old house!  He's not exactly thrilled with this idea, but can't think of anything else to do.  When he gets there, he runs across the woman from before.  As it turns out, she is a childhood friend of his and they get to talking.  Mind you, they meet when he shows up and her horse tosses her off.  I guess that's supposed to be foreshadowing for the spirit, but they don't really show anything, so it's anyone's guess.  In spite of this happy reunion, he still feels the presence near him...

As time goes on, things don't get any better.  He spends some time talking to a 'wise beyond his years' kid at one point, who has gone through similar problems facing fears.  While in the house, he reminisces about things that used to scare him as a kid when he sees them lying about.  Eventually, stuff starts to happen as the evil spirit makes his presence known.  Over an hour into the movie and stuff of interest occurs- Saints be praised!  The thing's main method of terror is grabbing people and pulling them off-camera.  That's silly, but helps the producers save money on actually showing the effects!  The creature is also entirely CG, which is kind of disappointing.  Mind you, I get that he has to be CG when it pops out of a bathtub and flies down the hall.  However, does it have to be CG when it's just walking up the stairs?!?  After ripping off Darkness Falls for a while, it comes into the room where our two heroes are and makes everything fly around.  This effect consists of making the room into a wind tunnel and playing everything in reverse.  Good to know that we're using effects that can be replicated on a camcorder!  The whole thing ends up being about our hero's fears and, when he confronts them, the creature is destroyed...until the sequel.

So yeah, this movie sucks.  I get a lot of what they were going for, but the film has a ridiculously-lopsided budget.  We get a little bit of stuff right at the beginning and the rest is in the last twenty minutes of the film!  Who writes a movie like that?!?  It's like 'we have to hook them, bore them to tears and them overcompensate at the end.'  Is there some sort of shitty film-making school that teaches that method?  I get that you need time to set things up, but this is ridiculous.  In fact, this reminds me a lot of Tidal Wave's method of spending over an hour setting up to the titular event of the film.  That's not the kind of comparison you want to have made about you, guys!  To be fair to the film, the acting is not that bed, the sets look nice and there clearly was some effort put into this.  Now that that's out of the way, I have to reinforce how dull 80% of this movie is and how silly the other 20% of it is.  Even so, this movie made about $70 million in theaters, so now I have to Direct-to-DVD sequels to review.  For the record, I blame all of you.

Next up, I cover the first part of a trilogy that doesn't know how to escalate properly.  It's about a boy, his basket and murder.  Stay tuned...