Sleep Tight: Wes Craven's New Nightmare (1994)

 How did I never get around to this Meta Sequel?  Dunno.

This is Wes Craven's New Nightmare, the 1994 Film that attempted to revive the Franchise.  After 6 Films, was there anything left to do?

Well, the answer was to bring the original Director back.  Duh.

The Plot involves the Star of the Original (and third) Film playing a version of herself, alongside her fake Husband and fake Son. 
Freddy turns out to be real...sort of as Wes Craven (playing himself) writes a new Film.

Even if this didn't actually revive the Franchise, is it good?
To find out, read on...

In what is technically a Cold Open (as the Film doesn't feature proper Opening Credits), work has begun on a new Elm Street Film- this time using a remote control glove.

It attacks the three Special Effects guys, but...

It was all a dream!

Heather Langenkamp plays a fictional version of herself who doesn't want to be associated with the Films after a Stalker harasses her.

What she doesn't know is that her Husband- who was also an Effects guy IRL- is working on said Film and now has cuts on his hand like in the dream!

Her weird kid- every Horror Mom has one- says that Freddy is appearing at night and Rex, his dinosaur doll, is keeping guard.

She doesn't believe it...but then who sliced up the Dinosaur?!?

Weird things involving the kid and the phone calls make Langenkamp ask her Husband to come home early.

He does that, but starts to fall asleep along the way back and then the glove attacks him!

The Cops think that his massive stab wound is just from the accident.  Right...

The kid, meanwhile, is getting weirder and I'm getting The Ring flashbacks...but this came out years before Ringu.  It is even a year before The Ring- Kanzenban, the original TV Movie Adaptation.

So is this just based on the Book OR sheer coincidence?

The kid continues to freak out and he's clearly not sleeping.

Let's get Lin Shaye (before James Wan made her a Star again) to help him out.

Heather goes to see Wes and he explains that he's writing what he sees in his dreams.  Apparently he did that with the original...while also apparently basing it on strange cases in the U.S.

He's our Exposition Dump- well, he is the Writer- and he tells us that Freddy is just the latest form of some deep, immortal evil and only the Films being popular/relevant keep him in check.

'Who wrote this nonsense?  Oh...right.'

Like in Part 5, Freddy seems to want the kid (who is at least born this time).  Why?

Unclear.

He kills people to get to him and then keeps him alive via vague bs powers he now has.

The darker, angrier Freddy eventually gets the kid, so Heather goes into his dreams to save him.

It involves some dated special effects, a second case of Robert Englund and a killer tongue & burning the guy up in an oven...in the Dream World.

It's weird, but we're almost done!

Back in the real World, Heather than reads...the Script to her Son?!?

The End.

A Film that works on many levels- hopefully ones that you relate to.

This Film is all about Family, Motherhood and responsibility.

To be fair, Freddy has strong opinions on pregnancy- especially in teens.

In a way, this makes sense- this is the Franchise aging up with their Audience.  In the 10 years since the first Film, it is easy to imagine young people having a kid (or two).

As such, this one- based on Heather's real life- could hit close to home.

The Meta aspect of the Film is very weird and I don't know if it is for everyone.  There is also more teases of Horror than actual killings, so understand the slower pacing.

All of the things that make this Film feel so weird and interesting are the same things that make it a weird sell to many.

I'm a fan, but I see the issues.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to tell John Saxon that his Script for an Elm Street Sequel is never going to be made (and actually just sold on eBay) ...

For the sake of the joke, this was done sometime before 2020.

Next up, I turn my focus to Ghosts and their ilk.  Should I do a famous Comedy or a serious Drama?  Stay tuned...

Tubi Thursday: Wes Craven's Invitation to Hell (1984)

 Do you want to be my +1?  Probably not...except for maybe a few weirdos out there.

Over a decade after his death, I still keep finding Wes Craven Films that I didn't know about!

In this case, it is a TV Movie from the same year that his career really broke out with Nightmare.
It is...

In the Cold Open (pun accidental- this time), a man accidentally runs over Susan Lucci.

She pops up, poses and makes him melt into an '80s Movie Skeleton.

...okay.

Context?  That comes WAYYYY later.

The Plot involves a Scientist (Robert Urich) moving to a new California town (just down the road from the one with a Witch) with his family.

He's working on a Space Suit with a bunch of functions that surely won't come into play in Act 3.

He also works for Kevin McCarthy, who only has like 2 Scenes.  Aw!

He's basically told that he should join the local Country Club and it will help his career.

In fact, everyone insists on it!

His friend- aka That Guy from Murphy Brown- and his family did it.

It involves walking into a weird Sauna which has a Guard.

Nothing weird there.

People around him change- think of a gender flipped Stepford Wives- and he's pressed more to join, even by Lucci directly.

His family joins without him and act very strange after that.

Can he uncover the secret of the Sauna?
Is the Title kind of a SPOILER?
Is this a less gross version of Body Melt?

To find out, see the weird-ass finale of this Film.

A pretty enjoyable Film, provided that you can be a bit patient.

Like the previous Craven Film, remember that this is a TV Movie with a TV Movie pacing and a TV Movie Budget.

The former is shown when you have to watch build up after build up.  The Plot kind of meanders a bit as we get from Act 1 to Act 2.

The latter is key as the Film does a big flex for the Finale.  I won't SPOIL it, but it involves a Space Suit, the laser light shows from Superman 2 and a little bit of Poltergeist.

If you can make it to the end, you're well rewarded.

These kinds of Films by Craven are interesting.  They aren't as much straight Horror and more like Deadly Blessing or Deadly Friend.  

Alas, we never got a third part of the unofficial Deady Trilogy.

Just be patient with this one- like most TV Movies, if we're being honest- and you'll like what you see.

All in all, a pretty odd Film that really makes you wait for the good stuff.  That said, the Finale is totally worth it!

Craven Less: The Hills Have Eyes 2 (2007)

 Alright, who asked for this?

Oh right- the Movie Studio when a $15 million Film made $70 million.

This time, we get some National Guard Members being sent out on a rescue mission to the infamous Hills.  Mind you, these guys just FAILED their last TRAINING Mission, but why not send them?

We get a different clan of Mutants here and no other relation to the Plot.

Wes Craven (who co-wrote this with his Son) apparently envisioned the Film featuring the return of Brenda, who is actively assigned due to her previous encounter there.  That went out the window when the Actress was too busy making LOST to be in this.

As such, there's, well, no Plot relation other than 'Government investigates area.'  Weirdly, they name the group- Sector 15- so this retroactively feels like world-building for a Shared Universe (a la SHIELD or Monarch).

There is no other Sequel.
This Film is also not to be confused with The Hills Have Eyes PART 2 from 1985, which I already reviewed in 2010.

Let's see why this one made about half as much and made sure that there was no such thing as The Hills Have Eyes 3 (unless you count The Asylum version) for the second time so far in History...

Our Cold Open features a pregnant woman (who isn't named, but at least isn't Brenda) tied down to a bed and delivering a baby...that is stillborn.

The Mutant kills her.

After that...Scene, we see some Scientists checking out some of the last Film's Sets.

As noted, the Government sent them.
They die like the Scientists in the last Film's Intro, setting a pattern.

Our Heroes are a bunch of National Guard Members.

They go all Blue Kestrel Down against some 'insurgents,' but...

...it was just a training mission...with live ammo and grenades.

Their Drill Seargent (is that still the right term?) berates them, introducing them and their one defining character traits.

The high point- insulting one guy for being against the Iraq War, since 'all Presidents lie- it's their job.'

In spite of just failing, they are called in to check on Sector 15.

They find no evidence of the bodies- the Hill Cannibals having OCD, it seems- and the bulk go looking.

The Leader specifically tells them not to 'bring too much ammo, since it is heavy.'
Sigh.

The Cannibals attack strategically, since I guess a singed copy of The Art of War was left behind.

They get them on edge and the 'doughy Soldier' accidentally kills the Leader.
He falls to his death moments later when he climbs down an obviously cut rope.

The remaining group is reunited as the ones left at base failed miserably.

The Jeep- destroyed.
Their guns- gone.
The survivor they find- dead.

Now one of the only two women in this Movie is about to get grabbed by a gravelly cannibal.

We, the audience, know why they want her.
Thankfully, our Leads find out when one of the guys from the Intro dumps exposition and then offs himself.

You'll never guess what happens- the guy accused of not being brave and 'macho' becomes the 'brave, macho' Lead.

Where did they come up with this?!?

We also get the one friendly Mutant.
Again- where did they get THIS idea from?

The Cast is slowly picked off as they go to rescue the captured Soldier.  You can guess what happens to her without me saying it, right?

It all comes down to our Lead and the two ladies as they do battle with Papa Hades, who's just a grunting pituitary gland of a man.

They kill him and exit...but are watched by another Mutant.
No Sequel.
The End.

A pretty nothing Film in all of the ways that ultimately matter.

Positives- the make-up looks great...or gross.  The Mutants are all different and look freaky.
There is clearly some creativity put into this side of things, like with the half-rocky one.

Mind you, one of them is just Sloth from The Goonies though.

In the other aspects, Writing, Production, Acting and Directing, it's not as good.

The Actors aren't bad, but nobody is amazing.  The Desert Sets look good, but we've already seen them before.  The Story is really basic and so much is Copy-Paste.

The Direction isn't terrible, but the shots aren't all that great.
The erratic Editing at times and soundtrack don't help matters.

All in all, it is very familiar and the changes aren't enough to make this one stand out.  They even reused the 'Mutant watches them' ending.

You have to imagine that if they had made a third one, the Heroes would have defeated this Mutant and then been observed by a Mutant who had somehow hijacked the ISS!

Next up, I'll go to a different Horror Remake.  I can't go right from this to Texas Chainsaw- can you blame me?  Stay tuned...

Craven Less: The Hills Have Eyes (2006)

 Is High Tension the accidentally worst thing to happen to Horror in the '00s?  It re-popularized the 'How does this work?!?' twist and also gave us this Film.

This is 2006's Remake of Wes Craven's The Hills Have Eyes.  In this case, if you didn't know, it was Directed by Alexandre Aja.  Just so you don't think that I'm 'a hater,' I will remind you that I still like and own the Piranha Remake (just not the Sequel).

One of the changes made here was to move the location from California to New Mexico, in order to try to connect it to real life nuclear testing done there.
Sidenote: were it not for the Hurricane, my Parents would have been on vacation in New Mexico when I watched this...so thank you, Storm?

The Plot is mostly the same- mutants attack innocent people.
Can this be elevated with 3 Decades to think of something interesting to add?

To find out, read on...

Even though this is a Theatrical Film, we still get the Syfy Opening Kill Cliche in full effect.

Random guys checking water in the area are killed by Mutants.

You won't see them again for a good 45 minutes....so enjoy this fun size appearance.

After Credits which hammer in the Nuclear Testing = Mutation Theme in with the subtlety of Thor working for Habitat for Humanity, we meet the grizzled guy who runs the only Gas Station for miles.

He wanders around when he hears a noise, which mostly just introduces us to the Location.

He says 'he can't do it anymore.'

(In spite of all this Character Build-Up, they didn't do a Prequel about him).

Things change when a family drives up.

It is an older Couple (with Ted Levine as the Dad), their two Daughters, their younger Son and the Husband of the one Daughter.

After building medium tension, the Wife accidentally sees proof of a previous victim (a purse that half the Cast will stumble across by the end).

As such, he immediately breaks his vow and guides them to side road to be killed.

They set a spike trap- which they then hide, because reasons- and the car is totaled.

This leads to more wandering around and more views of the Moroccan...I mean, New Mexico Desert.

Time for padding.

The Dad goes back to the Station, which ends poorly for him and the Owner.

The Husband goes the other way and finds the bombed out Town where Act 3 takes place in.

The Son follows the one dog, which he finds dead.  He slips and falls several feet to the stone floor, but he's fine.

This also gives us the 'nice' Mutant, which is the only real addition to the Mutant Family here that matters.

Dad is caught by Billy Drago (who is wasted in this) and burned on a tree.

This is to draw the others way...and I just realized that the key Action Scene takes place at night.
Way to miss the point of the original!

This leads to objectively the worst part of the Film as everything bad happens to the Female Cast.

The Daughter is, let's just say, not consensually greeted, the Wife is shot in the head and Mom is shot in the chest.

SPOILER ALERT- this Film does not pass the Bechdel Test.

In the aftermath, the survivors need to rescue the baby, which was stolen.

The Husband (Aaron Stanford) has to become a Hero now, despite all of the talk he got for 'not liking guns' and 'being a Democrat.'

Somehow, this guy manages to escape a death trap, elude Mutants AND then kill 2 of them.

Back at the RV, Drago shows up and they trick him into a trap.  They blow up the RV with him there, although he doesn't quite stay dead....somehow.

Stanford manages to fend off one last Mutant and return with the baby...although they are out in the middle of the desert with no help and no way to drive out, so....happy ending?

A Film that really leans into what it wants to be.  If that is your kind of Film, you'll like it.

As for me, it had its moments, but couldn't hold me.

The Pacing is weird, with the Mutants popping up as a tease and then not doing much for half of the Film.  The variety of them was nice and the effects look great.

On a technical level, the Film works quite well.

The Tone is what got me, I guess.  The one Scene- where they kill of 2/3 of the Female Cast and sideline the other- was a tipping point for me.

The Film, as I said, leans into what it wants to be.  In this case, it is cruel.

That can work, if things are evened out or 'paid back.'  
In this case, the surviving lady needs help to take out one guy, while her Sister's Husband does everything.  Some agency.

That said, i wasn't expecting a Feminist Masterpiece.  Don't think that I'm judging it solely on that- it is just how I feel.

I already bought the Sequel- also Unrated- so I'll still give that a shot.  Hopefully we'll see Greg Nicotero again in all his...glory.

Next up, the Sequel- duh.  Will it be less accidentally funny than the last time they did this?  Stay tuned...

Tubi Thursday: Wes Craven's Summer of Fear (1978)

 Summer Lovin' had me a blast.
Summer Lovin' had me so...never mind, there's a Witch in Town.

The heat is on!

Linda Blair is a young lady who's living a great life.

She has rich Parents, lives in the California Valley and has a horse.
She didn't in the Book this is based on, but Blair loved Horses, so...

In the Cold Open, a car crashed and we find out that her Aunt died.

The Parents fly to the funeral and return with her Cousin, who will stay for the summer.

What could go wrong?

Fun Fact: Blair's Nurse Friend is Fran Drescher.

Who watched this in 1978 and guessed she'd be in charge of the Screen Actors Guild?

Blair has big plans- a Dance with her Boyfriend and a Horse Riding Show the next day.

She suddenly comes down with hives and the Cousin goes with her boyfriend.

Her Brother is upset that they spend the whole time together and...I'm sorry, but I need to see a Family Tree.

Her Brother wants to date her Cousin?  What is he, a Roosevelt?

More things start to go wrong, including her Horse going rogue and having to be put down.
She even takes Blair's dress...and looks good in it.  The bitch!

She sees evidence that the girl might be a Witch, including a drawing with her covered in hives (via markers) and other occult paraphernalia.

She tries to learn more about Witches from a Professor friend...who almost immediately has a stroke and nearly dies.

As you can probably guess, she's 100% right.

Can she turn the family against Blair?
Will this '70s film have a happy ending?

To find out, stream this hidden piece of Craven's filmography now.

A decent Film- just set appropriate expectations for it.

This is a TV Movie.  It has a TV Movie Budget.
It has a TV Movie Scale.

The most our Witch does is off-camera magic and wear contact lenses.
I've seen lots of Films about Witches and the Occult- I think that this is the first one to have a Car Chase as the Climax.

Now I have to think that the unseen villain from Duel was some kind of Warlock!

The Film is fine.  It doesn't deviate too much from what you'd expect.  It is pretty low stakes and not exactly big budget.

Blair and company do fine.  Just don't expect anything amazing and you'll enjoy it.

Now, if everything truly is getting a Remake at some point, I know who needs to the play the evil Cousin... 

A fairly by-the-numbers TV Movie that doesn't have much Craven flair.  That said, it is breezy, enjoyable and just fine.

Wes is More: Cursed (2005)

 No Film has truly lived up to its name quite like this one.  2005's Cursed should have been a major thing.  It was Wes Craven doing his first (and sadly only) Werewolf Film.

So why is it only known for delays, reshoots and Studio Interference?

Well, the Film began production in 2003, but Reshoots and Rewrites happened.  Some of them excised whole Characters!  One bit with Shannon Elizabeth is dubbed over because she was calling out to a *different character* when they shot it!

On top of that, the Ending was changed due to the Producers- the Weinsteins.  I don't have to explain why one of them (if not both) are bad at this point, right?

That aside, the Film has Werewolves, current Stars, future Stars and a weird place in pop culture.  To find out how it all went wrong (or right?), read on...

Two young ladies- Mya and Shannon Elizabeth (who gets Above the Title Billing!)- meet a Fortune Teller- Portia De Rossi?!?- who warns them of death.

The pair are then separated, because Plot...and Reshoots.

It is this Scene that involves the aforementioned ADR, as she was originally calling for someone else after Mya left her.

She was cast in the Reshoots.

Meanwhile, our Heroine- Christina Ricci- is happy, in love with Joshua Jackson (also recast in the Reshoots, but more on that later) and has a Brother- Jesse Eisenberg (who is playing 17 here, despite being born the same year as me)- who she has to take care of.

I have to exposition dump as smoothly as the Film did.

She picks Jesse up from...the middle of town, I guess and they drive home.

Something runs across their hood and they crash into Elizabeth's car, making hers roll down a hill.

After a prolonged rescue Scene, she is...eaten by a Werewolf.

Again- Above the Title Billing, folks.

In the rescue Scene, the duo are wounded by the Werewolf and begin to feel side effects.

Ricci has silly stuff like super smelling and the ability to catch a fly, while Eisenberg gets to rip off An American Werewolf in London by waking up naked, albeit outside the House.

Ricci works the anachronistic job as a Pre-Interviewer for The Late Show with Craig Kilborn...which ended the year before this came out.  Thanks, Reshoots.

Her B-Plot brings in another Arrested Development Cast Member in Judy Greer, who's the Publicist for Scott Baio.

Yes, this Film features Scott Baio.  Why?!?

Eisenberg's Plot involves him gaining confidence and vague super-powers that helps him deal with his Bully- Milo Ventimiglia.  It is basically just Tobey Macguire in Spider-Man.

In a weird twist, his Bully who keeps calling him 'gay' shows up and reveals to Eisenberg that he's actually Gay.

He closes the door and reacts to this Plot Twist the same way that I did.

A series of killings- will I get more Poor Bastards of Cinema?- at the hands of a Werewolf occur while all of this is going on.

Who's behind it?

Well, prepare for all of the Plot Twists in Act 3...

For starters, Jackson is actually a Werewolf and infected Greer, who has been nothing but a minor nuisance so far.

She was actually the Werewolf this whole time- good luck making sense of the timing of the killings- and a big fight ensues.

We get brief glimpses of the original Rick Baker make-up before she is killed.

...but we're not done yet.

Thanks to the Weinsteins, the Ending was rewritten to have Jackson as the real villain at the end, wanting to kill Eisenberg.

This led to original Lead Skeet Ulrich dropping out, as he'd already done this in Scream...which is why they demanded this change.

He's killed and NOW everyone can live happily ever after.  The End.

A Film that I actually liked- to a point, anyhow.  Does the Film feel disjointed?  Yes.
Is it terrible?  No.

The final turns of the Film are truly the weakest parts.  They don't really explain too much of what needs to happen for the Third Act to make sense.  We get to know that Greer dated Jackson- granted.  Does she feel like an important character otherwise before the end- no.

The parts where they build up our Heroes going through the transformation is nice, to a point.  As stated, Eisenberg's is literally just the one from Spider-Man, just with no moral or lesson.  Ricci's is fine, but she never really transforms.

Is it weird that both of them are 'cursed,' but neither of them ever fully transforms.  For that matter, neither does Jackson- at least that we see.  Maybe that's him who runs across the road, but it is definitely supposed to be Greer who kills Shannon Elizabeth.

If you look into the Film, we apparently 'know' that a whole bunch of Wes Craven's footage is in a vault or something somewhere, but there are no plans to release it.  Could it be as good as The Cabal Cut or is it another Snyder Cut?

We may never know.  Thanks again, Harvey Weinstein.

If you haven't seen Cursed, see it for yourself and decide.  I couldn't decide which Cameo to highlight...so let's do both.

Here's Craig Kilborn.

******

...and yes, that is pre-'Parks & Recreation' Nick Offerman.

Next up, Bob's Birthday Review for me.  His sacrifice is my gain as we watches a Film that I would have eventually tricked myself into watching later.  See you then...