Holiday Flix: Daddy (2003)

As we celebrate Dads this day, let's look at one that we shouldn't.  Insert Trump Joke Here.

Sadly, this is much worse...

A random woman is stalked at her Home and attacked by a guy who looks like knock-off Tor Johnson from Plan 9.

He doesn't kill her- he just has his freaky way with her.  Classy.

In a confusing bit, it cuts from that to our Heroine (who is also blond and interchangeable) waking up from a dream.  Did that happen?

Yes.

Confusing, no?

Our Heroine is the Sheriff and she's investigating the case, which grows as another victim (in nearly identical fashion) is had.

Oh and this Film rarely turns all of the lights on (though not as bad as in Psycho Santa).

Were you trying to be atmospheric or just skimping on the light bill to fund the Film?

Our Heroine connects the dots and realizes that all of the victims so far are her friends.  This Town has like 6 people in it and you took how long to figure this out?

It all goes back to a time some point in the past- shot in black and white to be arty- where she overpowered and killer her abusive Dad.

She got her friends to help dispose of the body in an unmarked grave.

After the flashback, she stays with her friend, but awakens to some strange sounds.

She's knocked out and he has his way with the other friend, killing this one too though.

Nobody believes her story- and why would you?- and she ends up a suspect...somehow.  It gets us to the end, so let's go with it.

She escapes a Police Watch- thanks to her Partner- and goes to where the body was buried.

He rises from you grave and attacks her.  She tries to kill him, but fails and...okay, you know what happens.  Gross.  The End.

Dark- literally and figuratively- and not that interesting all around.  I'll give the Film some breaks here.  It is not a big budget Film.  It was clearly made with passion by someone in a small Town with short funds to work with.  I get it.  That said, the Film is dimly-lit, oddly-paced, features so-so Acting and a Plot that goes too far.  The idea of the corpse coming back to life for revenge is not a new one.  Going a step beyond (not One Step Beyond, mind you) to having him, well, you know, the victims is a new, lower level though.  People often thinks of Horror Films as all being Misogynist.  That's obviously not true as a whole, but Films like this don't help the defense.  All of the women here serve one role.  Our Heroine seems like she'll be more, but she quickly devolves into over-acting and meets a gross, dark fate in the end.  To quote MST3K, 'Thank you for joining us for No Moral Theater!'  Yeesh.  If you can get past the grosser aspects of the Film, you can see them *trying* to make something good.  They don't get there, but a C for Effort, I guess.  The Director- Michael P. DiPaolo- has a handful of credits after this, so maybe I can give him another change- I'm just in no rush.  You can debate whether the Film is just trying to be salacious or challenging- feel free.  I'm more interested in this discussion- is this Day for Night or not?  Discuss.

A fairly-cheap, fairly-forgettable Film, save for one aspect.  It's a shame that its 'selling point' won't work for most people.

New Indie Flix: Felt (2014)

There is no way to quite prepare for this one.  Today's Film is Felt, a 2014 Indie Film just now making it properly on Netflix.  My brother hyped this one up to me, so I was pretty curious.  What the hell is this one?  It is the tale of a young woman who experienced a deep trauma and has yet to recover from it.  She retreats to her strange Art and behavior.  Can finding true love restore her sanity?  I won't SPOIL this one too much for anyone, so don't worry.  The key thing is to at least give you an idea of what to expect.  To find out more, read on...

This woman is haunted by a past trauma.  She is the saddest person I've ever seen in a Frog Costume.

It is especially sad when you consider the last one that I saw.

In spite of her friend's persistence, she continues to act isolated and more than a little crazy.

Seriously, this Jermaine Clement-looking dude is looking at you like this- you're nuts!

She hooks up with a new friend and then finds this guy to mess with.  Our heroine?

She later meets him again in Bates Motel-style and the 2 find that they have alot in common.  Still crazy though.

Will she refuse to let love and hope bring her back to reality?

The whole Film builds up to a big Scene in the Woods.  I won't SPOIL any more than that though.  The End.

A weird, mixed bag.  This one lives and dies by whether or not you can relate to its Lead.  The Actress does a good job with the Role, to be honest, but she is almost too crazy to like.  Your definition and mine may not match up, so just bear that in mind.  The real Star of the Film is the bizarre and inspired Art Design.  The Costumes made by our Heroine are surreal, DIY nightmares.  They look like someone in her situation could make, so kudos.  There is also some freaky Art and Sculptures shown here.  Beyond that, this is a jarring and bewildering Tale that is part Indie Drama, part Indie Romance and part Horror Film.  If you really love Indie Films and like an edge, this may be right up your alley.  If you like Horror Films and bizarre Character Pieces, it may also appeal to you.  As for me, I had trouble connecting to the people and staying with it.  The ultimate pay-off makes it kind of worth it, so I'm not condemning this thing as a whole.  If nothing else, it gives me this image to never explain the context of...

Next up, my love of Twin Peaks and my tribute to a Director cross paths.  Will this less-renowned Film be a fitting Tribute to a Horror Legend?  Stay tuned...

Indie Flix: Blood Moon (2014)

I suppose I should watch and review this one eventually.  Today's Film is Blood Moon, a Screener Link sent to me awhile back.  For a couple reasons, I've been slower about updating the site.  Let's try to fix this with something that isn't actually out until next Month!  This 2014 Western/Horror Film tells the tale of a Skinwalker, something previously-covered in a Film called Skinwalkers that nobody actually saw..,but five people insist is underrated.  Dunno- haven't seen it.  It was also done in Werewolf, a Film most famous for being mocked by MST3K.  On the flip-side, we've had one notable Werewolf-Western: Ginger Snaps: The Beginning.  This Film is not keeping good company, but let's still give it a chance.  A pair of parallel Plots brings a small group of people to one Town and into fang-range of a Skinwalker.  Who will live and who will die?  I won't SPOIL it, but let me at least give you a taste before the VOD Release in September...

Out in the Old West, a mysterious killer is on the loose.

Just to get this out of the way: the Screener Version has a nice, big Watermark.  I get it..even if it is distracting.  You won't have that issue.

A local Sheriff recruits his Indian pal to help him track down some Bank Robbers, but she warns him of dangers out where they are going.

Will her visions prove to be prophetic?

The Bank Robbers hold up for awhile, proving to be their own threat.  Eventually, the other threat reveals itself...

Trapped in town with a Skinwalker, our heroes face a pretty desperate situation.  Are they doomed?

You know the drill by now- no SPOILERS.  See the Movie when it comes out later.  The End.

I've seen better- or at least more entertaining.  Right off the bat, the Film is shot well, staged well and looks nice.  None of the Acting is bad.  The majority of it is good to decent, so that is no issue.  The big issue: the Pacing.  There's not much Werewolf action here and they really make you wait for it.  There is a balance between 'Show the Monster at the beginning' in Syfy Channel Film and the way this one works.  It is no Howling V, granted.  The balance was just off for me.  It is a Western Film first and foremost.  If that is more your thing, this will be much less of an issue for you.  All in all, this has good moments, good Acting and a good enough Story.  The balance of how the two Story Elements work will be what makes or breaks it for you.  As for me, I have seen so much worse so this middle-of-the-road experience is nothing...

Next up, I go as far from doing a new Film as possible.  I'm jumping back 100 years to review something rare for reasons that only make sense to me.  Stay tuned...

Indie Flix: Zombieworld (2014)

This is what happens when you ask The Internet to make your Film.  Today's Film is Zombieworld, a compilation of Short Films compiled by the folks over at Dread Central.  They said 'Make a Zombie Short Film and we may use it.'  Alot of them clearly did, so we have this random, hodgepodge of a Movie.  The whole thing is loosely-held together by a bunch of Vignettes of a Newscaster.  Hey look- it's Bill Oberst Jr.  Let me be honest: I saw him in the Trailer and went 'I guess I have to see this one.'  That's just how my mind works.  Was it a good call?  To find out, read on...

Bill here plays a Newscaster in the Zombie Apocalypse who gets bitten, but insists on keeping 'you' informed on what is happening.  He's here to sometimes throw the Segments, even if it doesn't make any sense.

The *actual* open is a Cold one, with a First Person POV of a guy running from Zombies.  I won't SPOIL it all, but...well, Zombie Santa.

The first actual Segment thrown to is the best and most ridiculous one: Fist of Jesus!

Basically, Lazarus isn't revived properly, becomes a Zombie and makes a small Army for Jesus and Judas to fight.  Sacrilegious as hell (no pun intended), but also kind of awe-inspiring.

Probably the 2nd Best Segment is broken into 4 Parts throughout the Film and it tells you how to survive the Apocalypse.  Don't leave home without your bike seat.

A less-inspired one involves a man playing almost-House of the Dead until he gets sucked into the Screen.  Not terrible, but nothing too special.

A surprisingly-good bit involves a Mailman, this eerie girl and some Zombies.  That kid Actress is quite good, but the Story feels a bit out of place in this Set.

Naturally, there is a Found Footage bit.  It isn't bad- using CC TV Cameras- but the Style is more of a hinderance than a help.

Rounding out the set, the people behind Fist of Jesus bring us a crazy tale of a man with anger issues picking the same beach to relax on that some Aqua Zombies decide to attack.  It gets really crazy!

I didn't cover all of the Segments, but where is the fun in that?  The End.

Not bad, not great overall.  The problem with any Anthology Film is that it has to be a sum of its parts.  If you have 2 good Parts and 4 bad Parts, the latter tends to win.  Likewise, if you have 2 good Parts and 1 bad part, it gets a pass.  In this case, the Film had about 8 or 9 parts to it.  That tends to be a problem.  The bits with Jesus and the Aqua Zombies by the same duo are bizarre, crazy and gory fun.  They both go on too long, but some of you may love the excess.  Bill Oberst Jr's parts are fine.  They are nice and simple, with the man himself playing the slow transformation quite well (aided by good make-up too).  The bit with the creepy girl- Certified- is well-done and silly, but, again, feels out of place with the Zombie Apocalypse Theme to me.  How to Survive a Zombie Apocalypse is a nice bit and works well spaced out through the Film.  Other parts- like The Bride or the 2 different POV ones- are good in spurts, but nothing special.  There's an interesting mix here which will either work or not for you.  One Film has Jesus killing Zombie Romans with a Swordfish one minute and a bit with a mopey Bride the next.  If this is just a Demo Reel for these people, good.  If you want a strong Film overall though, not so good.  Kind of like this poorly-disguised loss of an arm in one Segment...

Next up, I review another Screener that promises to shock.  I've seen it all- right?  Stay tuned...

International Screener Flix: Der Samurai

Es gefällt mir.?  Okay, that's enough German for me.  There's more than enough of that in the actual Film I'm reviewing as a Screener.  Today's Film is Der Samurai, a nice little tale about a small village and a crazy person with a sword.  Good times.  In this town/village, life seems to be good.  So what happens when a crazy person starts going all psycho?  Nothing good.  For all my non-German Region-based Readers, you won't recognize any of the names in the Credits.  While that hurts the Film Marquee-wise, it does give you a blank slate to take this all in.  Good trade-off, I suppose.  As it is a Screener, I'll be very careful about SPOILERS.  To find out more about this German import that won't give you a safe and reliable ride, read on...

In a rural community, a young Cop- our Lead- is dealing with their local Wolf problem by feeding it outside of Town.

Side-note: I'm 2-for-2 on Screeners now with a Wolf playing a key role in the Story!

As the Station closes for the night, he notices a mysterious package.  He takes it home and later gets a call from a strange person asking for the box.

In the face of all the 'why would you do that?!?' you can muster, he meets up with the person that night to give them their package.

The person turns out to be a crazy transexual (or they just like to wear a dress) and the package contains a Samurai Sword!  Crap.

Without his gun (since the town is so small that they only keep one in the Station), he has to figure out a way to stop this dangerous psycho before people in town die.  Can he?

Sorry- no SPOILERS.  The End (for me).

Thanks for the oddness, Germany.  Due to a number of reasons, it took me awhile to start watching this one and get into it.  I'm glad that I gave it a chance, since it certainly does a number of things right.  The Atmosphere and Setting are nice and authentic.  The Acting is good, if never quite great.  The Story has some original notes to it and doesn't really feel derivative.  What I will say is that I didn't necessarily buy into the sub-text the Movie was representing and some of their random, arty choices didn't do too much for me.  It is another release by Artsploitation Films (at least here it is), so I'm not too surprised.  All in all, it is a good Film.  It make some interesting choices for better and interesting choices for worse, but ultimately does at least prove to be interesting.  Not to give anyone the wrong idea, but don't the leads in this Film and the last German Film I did (Tattoo) like kind of similar (plus both are Cops)?  It's not just me, right?

Next up, I'll start out the next Round of Project Terrible.  Do I go for the horrible Foreign Film first or ease into it?  Stay tuned...

Indy Flix: Primer (2004)

Can I get MY time back?  Today's Film is the super-Low-Budget Film Primer from 2004.  Some weird Austrian I know recommended it to me.  Is he crazy?  Well, obviously, yes.  Was he right in this case though? Um...no.  SPOILER ALERT: I did not like this one.  I can *sort of* see why some people like it.  I don't...but good for them.  The Film is about some guys who create Time-Travel by accident and...that's about all I can easily summarize.  It is notable for being made for an alleged $7,000!  If that's true, Netflix probably spent more ordering the Discs to be Produced for Rental than they did on the actual Movie.  This is one of those 'so dense that you need to see it many times' to get it all.  Some of you have.  If that is your prerogative, go ahead.  As for me, I'm just going to Review it and move on with my life...

A group of 4 guys work for Tech Companies by day and are doing a start-up at night.  It is slow going though.

Two of them work on a side project that starts to yield results.

Now just consider that this three Summary wrap-up above accounts for over twenty-minutes of slow, tedious tech talk about their work.  Get it yet?

They seek outside verification for their work, albeit somebody who doesn't know the whole Story.

Things get more interesting when one of the men takes the other near a Storage Facility where they see...him.  Another him, that is.  From the Future?

Now with proof that it works, they talk...and talk about what they will do.  It just involves Stock Trades.  So...exciting?

Intrigue- I guess- arises when there appears to be more going on.  For example, another machine...

...and some odd moments where the Narrator suddenly talks about deception behind the scenes.

What is going on between the two now?  You got me- this one gets hard to make sense of after about 55 minutes or so.

All I can tell you is that they part over...something and one of them appears overseas working on another machine...or something.  The End.

Yeah, sorry, people that like this movie.  All five of you won't like my Review.  I can't say that I'm wrong here, because I'm not.  This Film feels like they wanted to just talk about what they would do, since the Budget wasn't large enough to buy a good, Used Car.  I can understand this to a point.  I get it- you have no money.  It doesn't mean that you have to spend so much damn time just talking about shit and not doing it.  Even when the Plot picks up, it still...really doesn't.  This one is slow, tedious and dull.  I can think of many other great ways that the $7,000 could have been spend.  They could have gotten a 2005 Ford Focus.  Good car, that Focus.  So next time you have almost no money and want to make a pretentious Film about Time Travel, just give me a call and buy my Car!  It has a new CD Deck, so that's something.  Seriously- your money is better spent that way, even if you pull double/triple duty like these folks...

Next up, we jump back again to another Sons of Kong Film.  This time, it is murder, a monkey and Flash Gordon.  Stay tuned...