Weird Patterns: The Horror Film Rule of Threes

Do you see things, but think that you are crazy?

Well, you are- seek help.

I, however, am not.  Here is one (of possibly many) examples of stuff that I notice...

Here are a select list of Horror Sequels...

Ginger Snaps Back: The Beginning
Paranormal Activity 3
Insidious: Chapter 3 (just announced)
Cube Zero
Ichi -1
From Dusk Till Dawn 3: The Hangman's Daughter
Puppet Master 3
Cold Prey 3
Ringu 0
Cabin Fever: Patient Zero
Red Dragon

What do they have in common?   Well, there are two things...

They are the third Film (with some stretching).
They are all Prequels.

Weird, right?  Is there a reason?

Just for fun, here are two extra ones...

Twin Peaks: Fire Walk With Me (a film that followed 2 Seasons of the Show)
The Thing (2011) {follows the 1951 and 1982 films}

I repeat: weird, right?

Norwequels: Cold Prey 2

A Horror Sequel that is clearly-inspired by a more-famous Horror Sequel- alright.  Today's film is Cold Prey 2, the follow-up to...well, you figure it out.  To get you up to date, a bunch of people went to a Cabin and got killed by some guy with a birth mark.  One of them survived to kill the killer (who must kill again!) and just kind of wander away.  It was a well-made-enough film, but it offered nothing new.  It was very similar to The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (only with less heat and much more snow).  It left many unanswered questions- like how the kid survived to become the killer- and this film hopes to answer them.  Don't worry- it will raise many new questions.  In this direct follow-up, our heroine gets taken to a nearby Hospital, but her killer revives there to kill again (see- I told you!).  Does this Story sound familiar?  Change the lead's name from Jannicke to Laurie Strode and see if that helps.  Yeah, it's Halloween 2 (the good one, not the Zombie one)!  There are some differences, since this isn't a Gus Van Zant Remake or anything.  Will this film be the Horror Sequel to end all Horror Sequels?  No, that's still Waxwork II.  To see if can turn out to be the second best, read on...

A Norwegian Hospital is set to be closed shortly (taking a plot point from Assault on Precinct 13), which allows for a lower Casting Budget.

They also make sure to leave a box of equipment like pickaxes out, which I'm sure will have no pay-off.

A random guy is sent to investigate an abandoned car (our heroes') and runs across our Endelig Jente.  She survived for how long in that simple coat in a Norwegian Winter?!?

She wakes up in the Hospital and the Police are asking questions.  I was worried that this was going to turn into The Descent: Part II (which came a year later), but it sticks to a different Horror Sequel (as mentioned above).

The Police investigate her claims and recover all of the bodies (including that of the Killer) and find...alot more bodies.  Wow, payoff to the possibly-offensive B-Roll of 'People Missing While Hiking' Footage!

In a bit of what I dub Screenwriting Bullshit, the Killer revives (from his chest wound and long fall)...since he has to.  We get a nice (but silly) bit of slow-motion with our heroine trying to stop his revival.

Much like Jason X, they quickly regret reviving him.  He kills Young Cop seconds after obvious 'You gonna die' Romance Set-Up and he follows it up by killing Love Interest Nurse...after knocking her out and moving her.

Seriously, he hits her once to knock her out, drags her to the Showers and hits her one more time to kill her.  Why?  What was the point?!?

The Killer takes out the fodder- I mean, Supporting Cast- and proceeds to chase our heroine around.  This is, of course, after a pointless Dream Sequence to pad out the runtime.

Our heroines fight off the Killer, who flees after a fatal gunshot wound (which he shrugs off).  Of course.

Our heroine goes back to the Cabin and waits for the Killer to arrive.  She looks bad-ass (even if this is really-forced).

This all leads to a nice, Feminist battle between our heroines and the Killer.  He does toss them around alot, which is also a bit misogynistic.  Score?

On the plus side, we get a final Ending (which I won't SPOIL).  The End.

Eh, it's alright.  I feel the same about this one as I did the original, for the most part.  On one hand, it feels less 'been there, done that' as a whole.  The whole 'ripping off Halloween 2' aspect is not really a deal-breaker, as that was a good movie.  Again- I'm referring to the Carpenter-produced Version as opposed to the Not Even A Token Executive Producer Credit for John Carpenter Version.  The film does do some of its own things, so you could *possibly* consider this to be an Homage.  I mean, I don't, but that's me- a total dick.  The film presents many problems that I really, really need an answer to.  How did this guy survive?  How did he randomly revive like 2 days later?  How does he sneak around?  Does a neck really break like that?  Why is he super-strong?  All of these questions...will just remain, since I don't think that the terribly-reviewed Prequel will actually answer that.  For explaining less about how their Killer is unstoppable than Friday the 13th, this one squeaks by with my conditional blessing.  The film will appeal to fans of this kind of movie, but will do nothing to show you that Horror Films can be more than formulaic.  I'd be meaner...but I think Jannicke is mad enough at me...

Next up, I cover a film that I have been waiting five years to see.  As a bonus, I get to check Brazil off of my Film Bucket List!  Stay tuned...

Foreign Rehash: Cold Prey

If you have nothing new to say, just make the same movie again...apparently.  Today's film is Cold Prey, a Norwegian film that is mostly 'been there, seen that.'  Is it bad?  No.  Is it something that I definitely needed to see?  Maybe not.  The story is something you've pretty much seen many, many times before.  The difference- the location.  Yeah, that's about it.  I suppose that I could waste some more lines talking about the Director or Stars, but...I don't know any of them off-hand.  To be fair, I doubt that they know who I am either.  The place: a snowy mountain.  The people: a bunch of young adults.  The killer: well, that's something to find out later.  To see if anything new of note happens, read on...

The film begins with a weirdly-birthmark-sporting kid running in the snow.  He kind of looks like the Marvel Comics Character named Domino.

This ends abruptly, but anyone with a brain can figure out why we are seeing this.  If they had tried something different, it might have actually surprised me.

After that, we get real-looking News footage talking about how people go missing in the Mountains.  Gee- that's where are heroes are going!

As a side-note, if this is real footage of the News (which it may be), isn't this a little bit tacky?  Presumably some of these real people died, right?

So we have five people going off to go skiing.  We have two couples and Comic Relief Guy.

We see this in Movies all of the time, but does anyone travel like this?  It makes you feel bad for the fifth guy.

It's not long until Fifth Wheel hurts his leg and they need to get help.  Horror Film Cliche in 5...4...3..2...1

Now that the obvious is out of the way, they go to a nearby Cabin.  It's just as long of a walk to get to their vehicles and leave, but...then we wouldn't have a movie.

They wander around a bit and get comfy.  Yeah, I'm sure that your friend's barely-set leg will last while you 'chill out.'

Eventually- once the film is done setting up characters and showing us the house- the Killer finally gets a victim.  He takes out one of the girls, threatening to make Fifth Wheel slightly-less out of place.

Incidentally, putting a mask on your killer when his identity is obvious = kind of pointless.

Somehow nobody notices the girl missing- thinking that she's just in her room- or the massive pool of blood left in the hallway.  They *finally* decide to send one guy out for help, but...well, it doesn't end well.

Naturally, the Killer doesn't actually kill the guy.  We only have five people to kill- we have to pace this out.

To make a relatively-normal-length-story short, all but our heroine are killed.  The Killer takes the bodies out to dump them, since...well, nobody is around at all.  Why are they hiding them again?

Regardless, it gives us the film's most interesting visual- her P.O.V. of being dragged- and tensest moment- her waiting game to strike.

Shockingly, our Final Girl takes out the Killer and learns that he's...the birthmark-sporting kid from the beginning.  Oh no- it wasn't obvious at all!

She survives to wander down to a nearby Village, apparently setting up a Sequel to check out later.  The End.

It's not a bad movie.  If you like Slasher Films, this is a solid one.  My big problem is just that I have seen this movie before- many times.  Think about it for a second, won't you?  Group of people goes to a remote location and discovers a killer/killers there.  Does that sound familiar?  The most obvious example is The Texas Chainsaw Massacre.  Beyond that, we have other American films like Wrong Turn or The Hills Have Eyes.  It's not just American, of course.  If you're more into French films, there's Frontiers and High Lane.  Hell, I just watched a film about something like this in the last Round of Project Terrible- Creature.  Actually, come to think of it, the only other film from Norway I've done- Dead Snow- kind of gets into this same territory.  I will say again that this is not a bad movie.  I guess Norway needed their own generic Slasher Film to call their own.  Good for you.  It's just a shame that they couldn't take a basic film idea- e.c. a Vampire tale- and do something different with it- e.c. Let The Right One In- for a change.  I know that there is a Sequel out there available (and a Prequel that Netflix doesn't carry).  I will give it the benefit of the doubt and see if it is good or not.  After all, it can't be worse than most of those Wrong Turn Sequels can it...right?  I'll leave you with a glimpse of what you in the North is probably experiencing right now...

Next up, let's look at the companion film to Mondo Bizarro.  It has more Strippers, less plot and is just as fake.  Stay tuned...