'00s Fun?: Scary Movie (2000)

 With a sixth Movie out now (as of time of writing), why not go back to the first one?

This one is also called Scary Movie, which makes sense- it's the first one.

Given how much of Scream 6 they seem to be parodying in the new one (and 5 was the one without no number in the Title), why not just have the 2026 version be Scary Movie 6?

I know that I'm thinking about this way more than anyone should.

In any event, this Parody Film is the combination of 2 different Parody Scripts both licensed by Miramax- Last Summer I Screamed Because Halloween Fell On Friday The 13th (by the Wayans Brothers) and Scream If You Know What I Did Last Halloween (by Friedberg and Seltzer).

The Wayans Brothers claim that NOTHING was used from the latter- they had 2 more Writers also work on the final product- but Friedberg and Seltzer are still credited (and marketed their terrible, Parody Films on this merit).

This was the big break for Anna Farris, who was supposedly about to leave Hollywood before Cast.
Jon Abrahams (who plays the Skeet Ulrich role) would actually end up in a handful of *actual* Horror Films following this, including the House of Wax and Friday the 13th Remakes.

The big question- does this hold up at all?  Are the topical jokes still good?  Were they then?

To find out, read on...

The Film features a Cold Open with Carmen Electra (like Scream). 
The Actress would go on to be in two of the '____ Movie' Series Films. 
Joy.

The actual Opening proper features Farris as Cindy in basically a shot-for-shot redo of Sydney's, just with jokes about an electric fence to protect her virginity and apparently her Dad being a drug mule (who vanishes until Act 3).

The School is aflutter as Cheri Oteri (as Courtney Cox) is exploiting the death (and causing one of her own, with zero consequences) for Ratings.

We meet our group of Leads, including a peak fame Shannon Elizabeth and Regina Hall...who was just in the Film that won Best Picture this year?!?

Life is sometimes crazier than fiction.

They all share a secret of killing this Fisherman guy.

It is I Know What You Did Last Summer, but with the joke being that he wasn't actually dead when they tossed him into the Ocean.

This also stops mattering before Act 2.

The killer is still on the loose, taunting Cindy in her House.

Unfortunately, he's terrible at hiding.
That's the joke.

In what is arguably the most dated joke (and this Film has about 500 that could apply), the killer calls Marlon Wayans' Shorty (whose sole joke is He Loves to Smoke Pot) and it turns into the Wassup Commercial.

There are way too many of these out there.

Shannon sees her boyfriend- Guy who randomly appears in everything Lochlyn Munro- killed during her Talent Contest.

In spite of that, she's not scared of the same killer the next day and just sasses them until her head is cut off.  Huh?!?

Cute background joke, at least.

Oteri's Reporter pops up a few times throughout the Film, but stops appearing after she tries to interview the killer while he's working.

She runs into the Woods and they parody The Blair Witch Project for 10 seconds...and that's it.

I guess see you in the new one?

The Cast is whittled down through various parodies- as well as a random fat girl at a Party.

We get the reveal with Not Skeet and Shawn Wayans, but they are then killed by the (I guess) other killer.

This leads to the most famous part of the Film- the Matrix parody.

The killer escapes- knocked out a window and vanishing like Michael Meyers- and Cindy still can't figure things out.

We then get a *timely* parody of The Usual Suspects and learn that Doofy (the 'mentally challenged' parody of David Arquette's Character) was just pretending.

He ditches his disguise and drives away.
Cindy is then hit by a bus, but she'd return for Scary Movie 2-4 and now 6.
The End.

I definitely don't love this as much as teenaged me did.
To be fair, that guy wasn't exactly in love with it either.  I didn't actually own the Films until 2026 (in a 3-pack for $3).

So many of the jokes are just the same idea done over and over again. 
You get stuff like 'Ray is obviously Gay' about 30x and 'Shorty loves Pot' about 42x.

The other random sight gags fight for time and are, honestly, usually better than the standby jokes.

An odd bit was apparently cut between the Theatrical and Video release. 
A joke about Gwyneth Paltrow (while Hall is seeing Shakespeare in Love) was deemed 'too mean' by everyone's favorite Producer Harvey Weinstein and changed in ADR.

2026 me has to remember that this was made for a 2000-era audience that had just seen 3 Scream Films and 2 IKWYDLS Films. 
Also, that jokes about people being high, a jock being gay and Doofy being, well, what he was considered the funniest things in the World.

To be nice, this one's Plot is a bit less scattershot than the 525,600 Parody Films to follow (like Epic Movie cutting from a Charlie and the Chocolate Factory Scene to a Superman Returns Parody).
They joke about not having a Plot, but sort of try here.

If you're into the raunchier humor and don't mind stuff that's just gross for grossness' sake, this still is worth a look.
As long as all of the Cameos don't feature now dead people.  Right, Prince Parody and...

RIP James Van Der Beek

Next up, let me jump back to the 1990s and over to Japan.  Is this iconic Anime Film as I good as I remember it being over 20 years ago?  Stay tuned...

'00s Fun?: May (2022)

 After 20 years, is it still as shocking?  This is May, a 2002 Film that was an Indy sensation.  Hey look -it's also May.  What are the odds?

The Film- which came out in January...for some reason- is about a girl named May who has lead a very troubled life.  She can't connect to others well and has some emotional issues.  When she finds love, will things work out?

This ain't a Hallmark Film, so you know that it won't!  Let's see if we get Lucky here and get a Film that has aged well with...

May is a young woman who was raised by some Parents who definitely messed her up.

She was given an eye patch and permanent shame over her lazy right eye (which glasses seem to fix as an Adult).

In lieu of friends, she gets her Mom's creepy doll...which is locked in a glass case that she's not allowed to open.

Nope- I don't see any Symbolism here. No sir!

She falls for a man- Jeremy Sisto- whom she finds attractive.  Specifically, he finds his hands attractive.

He's a bit aloof, but he does love Dario Argento Films.  Why he's in a rush to see Trauma- one of his good, but not great Films- though, is anyone's guess.

While things start to happen with him, she also seems to become more than just friends with her Co-Worker (Anna Farris!).

Things are going great...until they all fall apart.

Will she take this well?  
Is this a serious question?
Does the affect that it technically ends on Halloween Night matter?

To find out what happens, watch the Film.  It's almost of drinking age, so why not?

A slow burn Film in a time that didn't exactly have alot of them.  My Generation was the first to be all about 'instant gratification' after all.  You can't steal that (bad character) trait, Millennials!

The story of May is a good one, but definitely not a fun one.  It's sad to see this nice (but strange) person just have things fall apart.  You want her to succeed, even as she starts to self-sabotage.  You root for her...until you don't.

It's interesting to see how her at her worst is someone you want to succeed, but then once she gains her confidence, you don't want her to.  Let's just say that she doesn't become a nice person.

May is definitely for everyone with its Indy sensibilities and bleak Plot.  It's an acquired taste, like most Films of its ilk.  That said, it is good to see someone feeling confident in this day and age...

Next up, I try to lighten the mood with an Action Film (or two).  Will this forgotten TV adaptation deliver?  Stay tuned...

'00s Fun?: Below (2002)

 It sure is Pitch Black at the bottom of the Ocean.  This is Below, a 2002 Film.  The Director is David Twohy, a man who's name is back in the News.  Will he get to make yet another Riddick Film?  Vin Diesel says 'yes,' but I won't hold my breath.  Speaking of holding your breath, this Film takes place underwater.  Segue!  Made between Pitch and Riddick, this one is kind of forgotten.  Due to its timing, it does give us some Actors that would show up in the latter Film.  I guess if the Director likes you, he rehires you.  The Plot involves a group of people in a Submarine where things go awry.  Is it bad luck and instrument malfunction...or is it something more?  It is also worth noting that the Film was originally planned as a vehicle for Darren Aronfsky.  His 'fingerprints' are still over this and he's a Producer.  Notable Cast includes Bruce Greenwood and other Character Actors like Jason Flemyng.  There's also one notable Cast Member that I won't SPOIL just yet.  To see how this wraps up the Underwater Horror set for me, read on...

A Submarine shoots down a German Ship.

Separately, a Plane spots some people to rescue and they're...British?!?

The word of the survivors status goes through the Ship.  It's a dying man and a woman.

They have about six different versions of it and this is sure the classiest way to say 'there is a lady on-board.'

Right after they head towards a place to drop them off, a German Ship starts stalking them.

Don't mind us, Movie- you can be Das Boot for the next 10 minutes.

The plan to hide doesn't go well as they are attacked by hooks dropped from the other Ship.

According to Wikipedia, that wasn't done by the Germans since WWI.  Whoops.

We interrupt this Film's Story to have the Crew randomly-scared by Manta Rays for no reason other than to remind you of Pitch Black.

That is all.

All of the strange things- like the Ship seemingly taking them off-course for no reason- seems to relate to the recent death of their commanding Officer.

Ironically, the revelation of this begins to lead to the deaths of more innocents.  Whoops.

As things get worse, tension rise.

There seem to be 3 Groups.

1) Those that support the Captain.
2) Those that acknowledge that something odd is going on.
3) The random background people

A freak accident kills off the third group (including future Riddick Star Nick Chinlund) and makes the 1st group go a bit crazier.

You see, that group is the one responsible (in some part) for the earlier death.

Is there really a Ghost trying to get them?

They make it back from below and try to signal a ship.  Is it one that you want to call though?

Oh and Greenwood is now full-on crazy and tries to kill her.

In the end, he kills himself to avoid 'punishment' and the day is saved.

Our Heroes survive and, oh yeah, so does Zach Galifianakis.
Yep, he's in this!  The End.

A slow, but steady Thriller.  The Film has a good idea and a nice, slow burn approach.  It slowly builds up to a fairly-dramatic finale.  In the official version, the ghost stuff is far more implied than anything.  There's an alternate version of the Ending on the DVD that has the ghost actually speak to someone.  Well, that's one way to remove all intrigue- good thing they cut it.  That said, the Movie isn't quite as interesting as it thinks.  The big reveal is not super-surprising and it is drawn out over a few Scenes involving that same flashback.  I was kind of expecting a turn other than the obvious, but nope.  The presentation is quite nice, however.  Other than a few things that nitpicky IMDB Users will point out, the Sub Set/Location looks real and feels genuine.  The sparing using of CGI is good too.  Ultimately, it is one of those Films where you can figure out where it is going pretty early.  If you're on board, then it works.  If you aren't, then just move on.  Below is a solid Thriller that just lacks something extra to make it compare to Twohy's previous work.  Now it is the return of an old Game- Is it Racist?

Next time, a Stephen King adaptation with some great timing.  Also some small event and a Guest Review between here and now too...I guess.  Stay tuned...

'00s Fun: Splinter (2008)

 I guess it is an easy to be a hidden gem if you are just a splinter.  Yes, the obvious joke first.  This is Splinter, a 2008 Horror Film that I've heard about before.  On a Film called The 50 Best Horror Movies You've Never Seen, this one was featured.  It's about time I got to it!  The Plot involves a strange creature, a hostage situation and a life-and-death struggle for survival.  So it is not a Comedy?!?  The Film features a number of people that might be recognizable, although none has gotten *that* role that makes them mega-stars.  Even so, working steady and being featured in lots of stuff is more than many get.  In a curious comparison, one Actor was in the Unsold Pilot of a Show version of L.A. Confidential, while a Writer worked on the TV Show Version of Training Day, another famous Cop Film.  The Director impressed me here, which is kind of disappointing when I realize after the fact that he did The Grudge 3- yikes.  Since the Film is recent enough, I won't SPOIL everything.  Plus, it is free to stream online, so you should check it out.  Until then, lock the door and hide the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles as we talk about...

A couple- Jill Wagner and Paulo Costanzo- are out for their Anniversary.  

Their plan to go Camping is ruined, but they drive to town...only to get stopped by 2 strangers.

Said Strangers are escaped criminals who need them to make their escape.

Hey look- it's the Chief from Agent Carter!

They fix their flat after running over a strange, spine-covered creature, but then the radiator starts to overheat.

Time to get some supplies from a Gas Station.

Incidentally, should you get the freaky wound from one of the splinters looked at?

I feel like 'yes' is the answer.

Earlier in the day, the same creature that they ran over attacked the Gas Station Attendant.

The splinters have the weird effect of reanimating him, so that's not good!

More victims are made and one of them has a loose limb end up inside the Station.

It's...not pretty.

It can work around on its own and attacks!

 At least it's not a head spider.

Can the infected people be stopped or is the freaky nature of the monster too great?

Can they escape with their lives?

To find out, watch the Film.  It's free, so why not?

A fun, freaky Film.  The idea here is a good one.  A monster attacks you, kills you and then reanimates you.  Is it unique?  Is it unheard of?  No.  Does that take anything away from this Film?  No.  The Film really leans into the Body Horror of it all, as the reanimated bodies quiver and twitch as they move.  They move about in sudden, frantic motions like someone who can't quite see them or knows how puppeteering works is behind them.  It is a good effect for being unrealistic-looking- how rare is that?  If you Google the Film, you will find that they used credible Stunt Performers from an Acrobat Background, which would explain the awkward fluidity of it all.  That gets to the double-edged sword here.  On one hand, they only used Practical Effects- which I love.  On the other hand, said use of Practical Effects meant that some parts are hard to follow due to the Shaky Cam phenomenon brought on by the Bourne Films.  So you can't always follow everything- mostly at the end- but what you can see looks great.  They try to ground the Film, which is nice.  It is just a freaky, undiscovered beast, as opposed to involving Magic or some sort of Sci-Fi experiments.  There's no Prequel or Sequel here to undo my praise- thank Xenu!  I would like to see this idea be revisited and done with more of a Budget.  Imagine what they could do more with more scope and more of a presentation.  Even so, Splinter is a bit of a hidden gem, especially as far as Indie Horror Films go.  Plus it has this kick-ass Japanese Poster that I was tempted to save for later!

Next up, I cover a long-forgotten Classic right in time for the Remake.  What a weird coincidence, eh?  Stay tuned...