'90s Class: Trespass (1992)

 Another late Film, but very much worth the wait!

This is Trespass, specifically the 1992 Film.  Sorry, it is not the 2011 Film by Joel Schumacher (his last Feature Film).

Instead, it is the one by Walter Hill and featuring a slew of notable names for its time.

Bill Paxton!  William Sadler!  Ice Cube!  Ice T!

Yes, the Stars aligned and we got both ice-named Rappers in one Film together!  The Prophecy came true!

On top of that, this is another Film based on a Script written by a young Bob Gale and Robert Zemeckis.  The previous Tales from the Crypt Film (made 3 years after this) also happened to star Sadler.  
At least his Cameo in Bordello as a Mummy does connect things!

The Plot involves Paxton and Sadler as Firemen seeking a treasure haul to change their lives.  They just happen to be at the worst building at the worst time and now a stand-off occurs!

Who will live?  Who will die?  Why was this one retitled from Looters?

To find out, read on...

Paxton and Sadler are Firefighters trying to rescue people from a burning building.

An old man gives them some papers and then flees into the room, burning alive!

In the aftermath, they figure out that he gave them a story about stolen gold artifacts from a Church...and a Map.

They take a weekend trip from Arkansas to Illinois to find it.

They have to search a large, vacant building and work hard.

Up on a nearby roof, a deal is interrupted by a crew led by Ice T and Ice Cube.

They are there because the former's brother- Lucky- was making the deal.

They toss the guy through a glass part of the roof...

...and unfortunately, Bill Paxton just happened to walk into view and look up as they looked down.

They confront him, guns drawn and Sadler steps by grabbing Lucky has a hostage!

Now they are under a siege.

With Lucky tied to the door, the gang couldn't enter.
With the gang blocking all exits, they can't get away.

They have to work with the homeless man living in the House, which gets easier when they finally find the loot!

As time passes and options disappear, tension is also raising in the group.

Ice Cube thinks that the Boss is too soft and his comrade- nicknamed Superfly- agrees.

They plan to burn the whole building down!

Guns are fired.

Lucky is killed in the crossfire.

Paxton uses his fireman skills to go down the once-blocked chimney on a rope line.
He swings back into the building Die Hard-style when Ice-T starts shooting.

Ultimately, Sadler- as the most aggressive and greedy one- dies in a shootout with Ice-T.

The rest of the gang either leaves or gets killed.

Paxton reaches the bottom when he sees the building explode- thanks to Cube's C-4- moments later!

The homeless guy manages to get out with the loot and hide it from Paxton.

He convinces him to leave- 'they don't care about me- and the man smiles when he leaves with all of the loot.

The End.

An exciting and tense Action Film from a man who surely had the formula down by now.

If you've seen the 48 Hours Films, you know what Hill can do with a mismatched duo in a tense shootout.

This one was apparently inspired by The Treasure of the Sierra Madre, which tracks.
It was also going to be released as Looters, but then the Rodney King Verdict and the LA Riots happened, so...new Title.

The Actors do a great job showing the escalating tensions between friends, gang members and mentor-mentee.  Both Ices do a good job, though T's role requires more nuance and has more of an Arc.

Ice Cube is basically a dick the whole time.  He's effective but never changes much.

Paxton and Sadler both shine too.  They were always good.

The use of a big, but isolated building is great for the tension and they used every angle possible.

Trespass is an Action Film with some nuance and a bit more than you might expect.
Ice-T also reminds me of a Christmas Film too...

***Who pulls off the look better?***

Next up, it is time to revisit an '80s Film with Harrison Ford.  Can he keep a woman safe in a tight-knit community unlike our own?  Stay tuned...

Tubi Thursday: Judgement Day (1998)

In 1998, Meteors/Asteroids were all the rage.

We had Deep Impact.
We had Armageddon.
We also had...

In this Film, the Government discovers that an Asteroid is coming towards the Earth.

Do they tell anyone?
Nah.

Let's just get 'Johnny Cage' (Linden Ashby) to use his device (which only he can work?).

The problem- a radical Preacher (Van Peebles) kidnaps him to stop him from using it.

Him and his Cult (which includes 'Tiny' Lister) think that Humanity is needed to be purged.

Too bad 'Johnny' couldn't just leave notes!

An FBI Agent (Suzy Amis) is sent to find him, but the only source they have is a Prisoner (Ice-T).

This means doing something nice and low-budget- driving around Los Angeles.
They get in a few shoot-outs and eventually track down Peebles.

And no, this is a different Film with the same Title.  Looks neat though, right?

Can they get to 'Cage' in time?
Can they do anything other than meet a random person, get info and then get them killed in their next appearance (or, in one case, the same appearance)?

I mean, you know they will right.  This is also a different Movie, but f#%k getting Screencaps today.

The End.

It's...pretty nothing.  It's not badly-made.  It's not badly-written.  It's just...kind of there.

Armageddon (which, as a reminder, is somehow part of the Criterion Collection!) had the big Budget, silly Plot and Story behind it.
Deep Impact had the big Budget, grand scale and, well, Morgan Freeman.

Judgement Day has a pretty small Budget (the CGI is very '90s and there are like 3 main Sets), a pretty small Story in scale (broken up by random crashes) and Ice-T trying to expand his emotional range.

Like I said, it's not bad.  It just doesn't try too hard.  They even got Coolio, but only for one Scene.

Even just describing the Plot is a bit silly, to be fair.  An Agent must get a Criminal to help her find a Scientist who's been kidnapped by a Cult in order to stop an Asteroid crashing into the Earth.  It's a bit muddled, no?

I did like Amis here, to be fair.  She must have thought she peaked, since she married James Cameron and retired from Acting after this Film.  'I can't do better than this.  Now let's find the Titanic!'

On the plus side, it comes to us from John Terlesky, most known as the Star of Deathstalker 2.  Why not?

When you don't aim high, you don't make something too exciting.  Reach for the Stars, Kids- just avoid the Asteroids!

Fred Oh-Lord Ray: Air Rage

I guess it's a step above Rage in a Cage.  Today's film is Air Rage, a lovely bit of DTV Action from Fred Olen Ray.  He sure makes a lot of this shit!  The film was a *steal* at $2.99.  Thanks, Action Clearance Section at Moviestop!  The film is an amazing exercise in just how much work you must do to be lazy.  Confused?  Essentially, the film's plot picks and chooses major or minor plot points from Action Films made in the years before this film's 2001 release year.  I'll highlight the aspects stolen here and there throughout the film.  Notable Cast Members include Ice-T as the Star and Gil Gerard as Random Mean General Guy.  It's pretty standard fare, but I'll try to get my (small amount of) money's worth for this review.  To find out how much you can 'be inspired by' at once, read on...

This Colonel is being sent to Jail for leading his Unit to blow up some bad guys after a mission gone awry.  This makes him...mad, I guess.

His men break him out.  That makes him happy.

That's the look of a man that just found out that Uncle Grandpa was cancelled.  Lucky bastard.

He sneaks on a commercial airline (this was still slightly-pre-9/11), he goes on a mission to get some General on the plane.  That makes him...pensive.  He's not good at emotions, you know.

The group take over the plane.  That makes this plot a weird mix of The Rock (with the former Soldiers gone rogue), Die Hard 2 (only with the bad guys controlling the actual plane itself) and Turbulence, with a dash of Turbulence 2.  More on that film later though.

Ice-T FINALLY shows up over half an hour into the film.  He's a Commando that's going to lead a rescue mission in mid-air.

Yeah, it's Executive Decision.  Unlike that film, he doesn't die in an over-dramatic fashion.

Summon the grainy Stock Footage of Military Planes!  This totally matches!

Ice-T's team is actually killed pretty quickly, proving that they would have failed out of the Epilogue of Modern Warfare 2 within seconds.

Don't worry- Ice-T survives, but apparently just kind of passed out from his non-fatal leg wound (which would be very fatal in real life).

As it turns out, the Colonel isn't out for revenge against the General (who convicted him).  He's after a Disc that he's carrying.  It contains...a list and description of every known undercover operative in the World!

Yeah, it's the NOC List from Mission: Impossible.  Sigh.

The villain is stopped and held at gunpoint by the General's Assistant.  However, he pulls an off-camera double-cross, which is right out of Turbulence 2.

With Ice-T wounded, the final fight with the bad guy is done by our heroine.  It's a blatant rip-off of Turbulence.  Oh and watch for the wires when the guy is sucked out of the plane.

Don't worry, Ice-T doesn't die from his several wounds in every non-vital area of his body.

The day is saved in part by an Airport Tech, who's played by the original Detective from Law & Order.  I never thought that I'd see a Dick Wolf crossover in a film like this.  The End.

Consider this a gag gift.  Air Rage is a dumb, silly movie.  If you're looking for subtext, there is none.  If you are looking for subtlety, there is none.  If you are looking for original ideas, well, you get the idea.  When we get a sub-plot about the Government being willing to do whatever is necessary to take the plane down, Gil Gerard literally points a gun at a man's head to make him comply.  That kind of sums up the movie in alot of ways.  The whole thing is silly Action fare.  It's a step or two above Andy Sidaris films though, mind you.  It is the kind of stuff that they used to show on TNT on Saturday Afternoons.  Hell, it probably was!  In the End, it's a goofy, run-of-the-mill film that is a good for a laugh or two, provided that you have no shame.  Case in point: Fred Olen Ray isn't even Credited as the Director!

Next up, let's ring in the Holidays with a killer Jew dressed as a Germanic Character.  That's right- Santa is coming to Slay you.  Stay tuned...

St. Patrick's Die!: Leprechaun in the Hood

Another year, another Leprechaun film.  Mondo Bizarro has covered three films in the series so far- Leprechaun 2, Leprechaun 4: In Space and now today's film.  We're covering fifth and penultimate film in the series today: Leprechaun in the Hood.  Just read that out loud and try not to laugh.  You can't.  It's impossible.  The film stars Warwick Davis and Ice-T, a pairing that has not been seen before or since.  What is the plot of this train-wreck, you ask?  Well, Ice-T steals a magic flute from the Leprechaun and becomes a famous rapper.  In the present, the flute is stolen again, putting our hero in between the two men (sort of).  This will probably hurt...a lot.  Get out your woodwind ex machina as we go to visit the...

The film begins in the 1970s, which they show us by having Ice-T wearing an afro wig.  It's odd how he appears to be the same age over twenty years later too!  Ice and a buddy accidentally wake up the Leprechaun (so much for continuity in the series, I guess) and he kills the guy.  That's what you get for hanging out with Ice-T!  The creature gets turned into a statue when a necklace is put on him.  In the present day, we meet our heroes- a trio of wannabe rappers.  Their whole plot involves trying to win a contest and go to Las Vegas...to win another contest.  Actually, this happens after they fail to get a record deal with Ice-T.  Why does he reject them?  Because one of them tries to touch the Leprechaun statue.  You're a great businessman!  Our heroes decide to rob Ice-T and use the money to buy new equipment.  They manage to steal a magic flute from him, as well as a bunch of jewelry, and escape...after they wake up the Leprechaun.  He immediately begins making pop-culture references...which he wouldn't be aware of.  How do you know who Tiger Woods is?!?  He rips off Ice-T's finger and tells him that he has to steal the flute back.  Oh yeah, the Leprechaun starts smoking pot too.  Cut to the face.

What follows is a pretty transparent and silly series of events.  Our heroes meet someone as part of their goal (i.e. the guy who sells speakers, the grocery store owner) and, two scenes later, the Leprechaun kills them.  The pair have a couple bits with Ice-T, but they always get away somehow.  Oddly, one scene involves the trio being confronted by both Ice and the Leprechaun (best movie title ever!) & Ice steps out of the way, apparently just leaving off-camera.  Who writes something so haphazardly?  We also get some other cliche characters that include a Preacher at singing black Church and a Pre-Op transvestite.  Our hero slowly figures out that the flute is magical and makes people like whatever music you play.  To review: Ice-T stole a Leprechaun's magical flute and became a rap mogul.  Words fail me, gentlemen.  I also have to take a moment to address a line that just sticks out to me: "I need to summon my zombie Fly Girls."  I had to just pause the film for a minute and say to nobody in particular (I wasn't watching this with company) "Someone wrote that.  Someone was paid to write that." After a couple rap numbers to pad out the run-time, our heroes win the contest to go to Vegas.  Nothing can kill their excitement.  Oh, hi Leprechaun.

Things turn sour when the trio lose the flute and one of them gets killed by the Leprechaun.  To be fair, the creature was leaving when the lead guy provoked him, leading to the death.  Yeah, I'm blaming you!  They work up a plan to get the flute back...which involves dressing up like women.  Waiter, it appears that you got some terrible, black comedy in my horror film!  Oh yeah, we also get a new Leprechaun Rule: They temporarily lose their powers when exposed to four-leaf clover essence.  They use this by making a 'doobie' that has four-leaf clover essence in it and giving it to the Leprechaun.  They escape, but run into Ice-T, who randomly forgets that he's in this movie.  I don't blame him.  During a hail of bullets fired, the other friend dies. Aw, I'll miss you...not.  Ice-T tries to get our hero to work with him to stop the Leprechaun, but just gets shot.  Don't worry- he's not dead...until the Leprechaun blows his heart out of his chest.  Now he's dead!  When he's hit, Ice conveniently tosses the necklace he was carrying into the air, causing it to land on the Leprechaun and turn him back into stone.  No, really.  In the Epilogue, our hero is now a big-time rapper.  More importantly, we get a shitty rap number by Warwick Davis over the credits.  The End.

Rap (at least in this movie) is crap.  The plot of this movie is awful and just doesn't work.  It's half-comedy, half-horror.  Of course, you know what I'm going to say next.  The humor is not funny and the horror is not scary.  The film is just insulting- plain and simple.  It's a good thing that I'm not black, because I'd be pissed.  I am part-Irish, however, so I retain the right to be a little mad at this.  There are just so many things wrong here.  Davis seems to have had fun in the role, even if his rhyming dialog is so trite and cliche that I could finish every one of them for him!  The Leprechaun has a big presence here, but a number of his kills are just very weak.  One guy is killed off-camera by a Fly Girl, while he just chokes another.  The whole 'shotgun blast' trick is nice, but nothing all that special.  What happened to the crazy kills like the pogo stick one or when he put his pot of gold in the guy's stomach?  The movie is just terrible.  It has some funny moments (the ones that aren't on purpose), but it mostly just hurts.  On the plus side, I have another 365 days until I have to cover this...

Up next, we return to the Mechanical Terror theme for a movie about a deadly hologram.  It's much more action-packed than that premise sounds, I assure you.  Stay tuned...

Guns Guns Guns!: Mean Guns

Much like the last film, this movie is all about shooting. It also has it's share of stabbings, beatings and explosions too though. It comes from the mind of Albert Pyun, a director with a fairly-dubious reputation. He is the man behind such film as Captain America and Alien from L.A. Yeah, it's a movie full of shooting by a pretty incompetent director- you can see why I picked this now. So is there any redemption for this movie? Find out in my review of...

Mean Guns

The film begins with Ice-T (not a good sign) talking cryptically about his plan. This is followed by a series of shots of random criminals arriving at an abandoned prison. Ah, it must be their annual Bake Sale. The group is quite mixed, from Chinese killers to ladies in catsuits to...Christopher Lambert with bleach blond hair. You don't see that every day- thank God! After a couple minutes of 'I don't like you' and 'Why are we here,' we get an explanation from Mr. Ice-T himself. Since he wants all betrayers to the Syndicate dead and wants it done in a hurry, he has a plan. The plan is simple: kill each other until there are only three of you left. When that is done, the winners will be given a split of $10 million dollars hidden somewhere in the building. But won't it take forever for them to kill each other with their bare hands?

*

Ice-T answers your query by dumping a tub full of guns into the room. Unfortunately, they are all empty. A mad scramble begins with two more tubs are dumped down- one with baseball bats and one with bullets. Everyone runs around like crazy and the shooting begins. Only two people are not keen on the killing: an accountant for the Syndicate and a hooker who just got taken with. They spend most of the movie running and/or talking about how they 'should not be there.' Could you guys do me a favor and not rip of Clerks? In fact, there is nothing you can do to redeem yourself for...ooh, Lambert singing while beating people to death with a bat and spinning it like a sword (a trick later used by Adrian Paul in Code Hunter). Movie forgiven! There is still no other plot in the movie, save for the random back-stories of the killers. Is that enough to sustain another 70 minutes?

*

The movie is not without its faults, although there still are plenty. Lambert and company are entertaining, so the movie, naturally, continues to cut away from them for random action scenes. One amusing duo is a pair of killers who enjoy the wholesale slaughter just a tad too much. They even hum a jaunty tune while on the elevator between killings. There is loving your job and then there is loving your job. Like nearly everyone else in the movie, they meet a violent death. Oh, the movie also loves to pause for some weird flashbacks that loosely tie up in the finale. Aside from more shooting, there is only one other thing to really not about this movie- vampire Lambert! Okay, not really. In reality, he suddenly just appears hanging upside down from...something unseen and chokes one woman to death. Just like every other cool thing, of course, the movie jump cuts away too quickly.

*

I won't spoil the end of this movie for you, since, well, it barely makes any sense. A couple of last minute plot reveals add nothing but more confusion. If action movies should be one thing, it is not confusing.

*

This movie is fun to watch, but is highly-flawed. Much like the heyday of pro-wrestling in the 1990s, you can have a damn fun time if you ignore everything that is wrong- and there are plenty. The plot is super-minimalist and only serves to string together action scenes. On top of that, the acting is all over-the-place. The action itself ranges from good to bad to 'wannabe John Woo.' While the latter is not uncommon for films from this day (1997), it is still a bit silly. This is especially true when you replace Chow-Yun Fat with Christopher Lambert. In spite of all of this, I cannot stay too mad at this movie. Why? A hooker's head sets on fire and it is put out by having it slammed into a locker. You definitely do not see that every day!

*

Let's change gears and go from criminals to cops. Of course, you know that I will not pick just any sort of cop. Stay tuned...

Blaxplosion: Judgment Day (1999)

People always think about the two movies that compete during the summer- i.e. Dante's Peak and Volcano. What people often forget is the movies that try to grab onto the strands of interest in an attempt to make their own movie relevant. This is the idea behind today's movie. In the wake of Armageddon and Deep Impact, giant asteroids were huge...err, in movies, that is. To that extent, some producer hired a bunch of untalented black action stars and made this movie. It is...

Judgment Day

The movie sets up a very odd narrative, but, hey, let's go with it. A scientist discovers a giant asteroid coming towards the Earth. He has developed an elaborate laser weapon that can put a stop to the threat- simple enough. Unfortunately, he is kidnapped by a mysterious group (headed by Mario Van Peebles) before he can do this. For some reason, we cannot just use his device (I guess the instructions were in Esperanto or something), so we need a Plan B. This comes in the form of a female FBI agent, who is tasked with finding him. Their only way to get him is with the help of a convicted Felon (Ice-T), who used to be a part of the cult. Can you say 48 Hours, kids?

*

Our two heroes do not get along, so this 105 minutes is sure going to be fun. Meanwhile, our scientist friend is held in a giant cage and guarded by, wait for it, "Tiny" Lister. Geez, weren't there any good black actors available? Hell, Tony Todd and Keith David could probably have freed up a weekend or two for you. What's next- Coolio? Oh crap, there he is. He provides a lead to help find the man at his hide-out, conveniently located in a poor (read:empty) section of L.A. In the movies lone good move, the questionably-haired man is killed in a shooting battle between our heroes and the evil gang. Want to know why they are the way they are?

*

In a long monologue, Melvin's son explains that his group is a very strict Christian group (read:cult). They want to keep the man from stopping the asteroid, since they view it as God's instrument of retribution. They tend to view it as the opposite of the biblical flood, since, according to the book, He promised only that he would not use water again to cleanse the Earth. It is one thing to think crazy stuff like that- it is another thing to doom the Earth. Well, what else should we expect from Highlander 3's Kane?

*

As the movie goes on, we get some serious acting...attempts from "Tiny" Lister. The scientist tries to convince him that he should be free and questions his values. He seriously considers this moral dilemma. Excuse me, that is what we are supposed to see. In reality, he appears to just be constipated. Despite Peebles interruptions, he does free the scientist in time for Ice-T and his partner's arrival. He gets a belly full of lead in return for this. Two films with Lister and two deaths- good odds. We get more boring shoot-outs (maybe I am just jaded) in a dark, cheap setting. Eventually, Thomas Payne (Peebles) is killed and the scientist is able to avert disaster. Well, except for the one in Peru and a couple other ones. He is able to avert most of the disaster- close enough.

*

This movie is pretty bad. It is not 'I want to kill myself' bad (Blood Freak), 'I want to at least maim myself' bad (Robot vs. the Aztec Mummy) or 'I want to scoop my eyes out with a spoon' bad (Wild Zero). With a more competent set of actors, the movie could be more than passable. I get that you wanted to be like 48 Hours and Armageddon, but you could have aimed higher with your casting. To be fair, we need to take a long, hard look at the man behind the whole film: John Terlesky. That's right, the man who played the title hero in Deathstalker II directed this movie. The man who made Fire Serpent and Cerberus directed this. I should also mention that he was one of the credited writers on Warbirds, a film about WWII fighter pilots battling dinosaurs. Need I say anymore?

*

Let's keep the Peebles theme going with a classic action film by a future star director. Oh wait, I'm wrong about one of those things. To find out which, stay tuned...