Forgotten Toons: Inhumanoids

How the hell did I miss this show when I was a kid?!?  Inhumanoids was brought into this world in 1986 and...boy could it NOT be made today.  As best I can figure, I was too young for it- being only three when it ran for its one Season.  I don't ever recall seeing this in Syndication like so many other shows that came out before my time, but I saw later.  I wasn't even born when Thundarr originally-aired, but Boomerang played it enough for me to become obsessed.  At this point, I'm fairly-sure that there was a conscious effort to keep me from watching this, as I had somewhat 'overprotective' parents.  I turned out alright (up for debate, I know), but I was never allowed to have fake guns of any kind.  I was allowed to watch G.I. Joe, but not to play G.I. Joe.  I don't have a kid, so I can't judge (yet).  Made at the same time as other Sunbow Productions like Jem and the Holograms, the show is very dark, crazy and very much of the '80s.  Creatures from the center of the Earth are wreaking havoc and only Earth Corps can stop them.  Once you get past the stock aspect of it, you can really appreciate the bizarre designs and concepts behind the creatures.  While I only got a partial look at the show (more on that later), check out what craziness there is...

The Inhumanoids are creatures of varying sizes and creepiness.  Metlar is a giant, red dude with horns, while D'Compose is a yellow dinosaur with an exposed ribcage.  Crazy shit!

This is the Earth Corps, a group of Scientists that work to keep them in line.  I was forced to come into the show late, so I was mostly playing catch-up.  I can enjoy these silly suit designs though.

Even in Episode 6, the Show is nice enough to recap.  For example, Metlar has henchman that are animated statues from Gettysburg.  'Words fail me, gentleman.'

That is another thing that this show did differently- a continuous narrative.  If you watched Episodes 8 and 9 of this show, there would be continuous build-up.  If you watched Episodes 8 and 9 of G.I. Joe, it would just be two Episodes that existed independently.

Here's a taste of what the Show is like, here are snippets of what happened in the parts I saw...

In Episode 6, a rogue A.I. and Tendril- a Cthulhu-like Inhumanoid- team-up to conquer the world.  It sets some crazy shit involving the other Inhumanoids and this eye-threatening cave.

In Episode 7, those pesky Russians (having appeared earlier) try to flood a cave in the center of the Earth.  This forces Inhumanoids and Earth Corps members to team up, since this would kill us all...somehow.

After that, we see the main villain bring back D'Compose and use him to create the freaky Nightcrawler (more on him later), as well as making Zombies.

Why they grow to twice their size when zombified is anyone's guess.

In the final Episode available (Episode 9), the polarity of the Earth's magnetic core is reversed (don't ask!) and a now-good Metlar must help save the day.  You see, since the polarity was reversed, he's now good.

I don't question any of this.

Seeing this show as an Adult in 2014 is amazing!  It is not the greatest Show by any stretch of the imagination.  I remind you again that THIS was allowed on a Kid's Show in 1986!  Holy shit.

Interesting to note, there is a connective thread between the Sunbow Production Shows- Hector Ramirez.  He's a TV Reporter who showed up on G.I. Joe, Transformers, this and Jem!  Good for you, dated-Geraldo parody.

Inhumanoids was a crazy Show that was just way too freaky and dark for when it was made.  If someone came up with this same idea now, it would end up on Adult Swim between the current iteration of Aqua Teen and whatever Tim & Eric are shitting out these days.  If you are a fan of similar Shows from this time period like G.I. Joe and others, you need to check this out.  Here's the strange part (like Nightcrawler being put on trial in this Episode)...

There is no current DVD Release for this Show!  In 2001, it got two Four-Episode Releases...which didn't even complete the Series.  Said DVDs have been Out of Print for years.  Years!  This expression (which is sure to haunt your dreams) sums up my feeling on the matter!

Seriously, release this Show properly on DVD or Blu-Ray!  I'm waiting!!!

Forgotten *Holiday* Toon: Sonic Christmas Blast

Talk about your long-term planning!  Last year, I got my friend the Sonic: Christmas Blast DVD as a Gag Gift along with his actual present as part of our Secret Santa Gift Exchange.  Well, about a year later, I'm going to review the thing!  One thing to mention is that the DVD is a bit misleading.  You actually get a single Christmas-themed Episode of the Sonic cartoon- the goofy one with Chili Dogs- and three Episodes of Sonic: Underground, a completely-different show with the Sega mascot.  It is worth noting that Sonic has had THREE different shows.  He no longer has a Nintendo-less Console to call his own, but I guess this is just a consolation prize.  So we've got a Christmas DVD with one Christmas Cartoon and three unrelated ones- joy.  Let's get in the Christmas spirit and see what a Cartoon Show from 1996 has to offer us...

Santa Claus (who has bolts in his arms and legs) announces that he is retiring from defying all of the laws of Science to deliver toys on Christmas.  In his place, he appoints...

Robotnik Claus!  That and his Robot Minions- who are dressed like Cheerleaders for no good reason.  Naturally, this is all a ploy by Robotnik to...make people give him presents.

Lex Luthor- take notes!

Meanwhile, Sonic meets up with his lady friend (who is just taunting Rule 34) and is determined to get her a good present.  Shockingly, there is almost no pay-off to this.

I expected better writing from you, Direct-to-Video Sonic Christmas Special!

Sonic finds out about the scheme and goes to work!  His plan is to smash the Minions, let them fix themselves, blackmail them with a fake 'littering' (with their limbs) fines to get Santa's location and then smash them again.

Just to note: this was his disguise.

Santa is freed and Sonic is now tasked with saving Christmas.  He needs to be super-duper fast and it all has to do with a ring.

Said ring was given to Sonic LAST YEAR and he suddenly realizes now that it is a Deus Ex Machina.  Wow.  Just...wow.

Oh and Sonic saves the day with violence.  I hope you picked that lesson up, kids!

In the End, everyone gets their presents and Christmas is saved.  In a Shyamalan twist, Santa decides to retire (for real) and we get Sonic Claus.

Oh and they end by wishing the audience a 'Merry Christmas.'  Wait- you can see me?  Uh oh.

As a whole, it's just plain stupid.  Don't get me wrong- I'm much older than the target demographic.  Even so, good Kids Movies/Shows can appeal to Adults in some way or another.  This is just goofy.  This is just silly.  This is just innocuous fluff.  I do like to over-examine it to make it look bad.  Sonic saves the day with violence (on three occasions).  Sonic cares more about getting gifts for his lady friend than helping out any charity or homeless shelter.  I assume that in a world full of talking blue hedgehogs, three-tailed flying foxes and robot morons still has homeless.  Am I wrong to think that?  Ultimately, I shouldn't expect much from a Direct-to-Video Christmas Special starring Sonic the Hedgehog.  I didn't.  I got pretty much what I was expecting.  It is so inept that it is pretty damn funny though.

***

Incidentally, to those of you wondering why I don't review the rest of the DVD, here's why....

Yeah, you get it now.  Merry Sonic-mas!

***To see a bonus review of this Episode, go here.***

Forgotten Toons: Freakazoid

I love this weird stuff!  Freakazoid was the third show produced under the supervision of Steven Spielberg.  It followed in the 'footsteps' of Tiny Toon Adventures and Animaniacs.  To give you an idea of how little appreciation is thrown towards this show, the latter two are currently running in Syndication on the HUB Network, a Channel that runs new shows and older ones (like Batman and Superman).  Why no love for Dexter Douglas?!?  If you don't know about the show, I'll give you what-for...

Frekazoid is the alias of Dexter Douglas, your typical nerd.  Bad posture, glasses- the whole kitten caboodle.  Thanks to a freak accident, he gets sucked into the Internet and the combined data overwhelms his mind, turning him into Freakazoid.

Did that make any sense?  No.  Good- it's not really supposed to.  He has to have an origin story, so there.

The real meat of the show is the characters.  What they do and why is almost secondary.  They include...

1. Inspector Cosgrove: A Police Officer (voiced by Ed Asner) is a deep-voiced guy who is easily distracted.  It's a running joke that Freakazoid goes to him when danger is afoot and they go off somewhere else.  It could be The Jelly Museum, a Go-Kart Track, whatever.
2. The Douglas Family: They don't do much, but they play a nice Midwestern droll to Freakazoid's insanity.  His brother is a jerk, so he usually gets his comeuppance from Freakazoid aka The Blue Guy.
3. Steff: A classmate who's in love with Freakazoid, but can't stand Dexter.  As a parody of Superhero culture, they play with this Lois & Clark dynamic a lot early on.  As shown in 'The Island of Dr. Mystico,' this dynamic is even more confusingly-silly.
4. Roddy: He's a Scottish Computer Programmer (voiced by Craig Ferguson) who has ties to Freakazoid's origin.  He plays a bigger role in the second part of the show.
5. Ingmar: who's introduced as a mostly one-off bit.  The joke: he's a Mute Butler who Freakazoid doesn't watch.  All he can do is wave ineffectively in the background.
6. Professor Jones- Ingmar's replacement is a snooty, but loyal man who doesn't like indignity.  Voiced by the late Johnathan Harris, he's privy to a running joke about the Actor's most famous character- Dr. Smith from Lost in Space.
7. Your Announcer: Joe Leahy voices the show's Announcer.  He likes to chime in when he feels like it and actually acts as a Character in one Episode (I won't say which).  If you ever wanted to see an Animated Narrator playing a real (animated) person *playing a character,* this is your show.

Of course, no hero is complete without his villains.  Rather than having to make my own composite image like I did for The Monster Squad, someone already did...

The show's insanity is really highlighted by the villains it features.  Cave Guy is a super-strong Country Club snob who talks like Thurston Howell.  Candlejack is a spectral entity that appears when you say his name and likes to say 'boo.'  Longhorn is a criminal who got radical plastic surgery to look like a bull and wants revenge on Nashville for rejecting his demo.  Invisibo (who, sadly, only appears twice) is an Egyptian Noble who's invisible and talks like Vincent Price.

*

Sometimes even the one-off villains are wacky in origin alone.  Arms Akimbo, for example, is a former Male Model who's a criminal since his arms have locked in the 'Akimbo' position.  No, really.

*

There is something that has to be discussed as well.  There was a controversy when the show Debuted that it was a rip-off of the comic Madman.  I don't agree, but let me just put up this comparison shot all the same.

There are also some differences between Season 1 and 2.  In the first Season, Episodes were made up of three to four segments.  The reason for the multiple parts was to highlight Shorts for ancillary characters.  It's what they did for all of the other shows.

For Freakazoid, you'd get to see The Huntsman, The Lawn Gnomes (sadly, a one-off), Fatman & segments where Freakazoid teaches you Norwegian.  By now, you should realize that I'm not making that last one up.

In summary, Freakazoid is a weird, wacky piece of my childhood.  It has very little continuity, very little common sense and very little to complain about.  As an adult, the show still holds up.  If you can accept that it's not to be taken seriously, you can have a great time.  What other show features Cameos by the President of the MPAA?  What other show features a guy who looks like Lon Chaney Jr and actually transforms into the Wolfman (in fake time-lapse to boot!)?  What other show features a new car for its character, followed by a fake commercial for it (mocking the Cartoon As A Way To Sell Toys cliche)?  Hell, what show could combine a parody of Amadeus with a Guest Appearance by famous Home Repair Guru Norm Abrams?!?  If you haven't seen Freakazoid, you need to.  It's a work of ridiculous art that crazy people like me love.

Got a Cartoon that I haven't featured yet?  If so, shoot me a comment and I'll give it a look.

Forgotten Toons: Archie's Weird Mysteries

Much like a Singer at a Piano Bar (those still exist?), I take requests.

Okay, so Archie, Betty, Veronica and Jughead are characters that have been around for a long time.  I don't really care.

Even so, I'll gladly take on their 2000 cartoon that attempts to be like The 13 Ghosts of Scooby-Doo.  Yeah, I watched that show...because Vincent Price was in it.

One last note: there's no official Season release on Netflix.  As such, I'm reviewing the show via the only 4 episodes that I can.

So let's see what the show is all about...

To the show's credit, they do these 'Trailers' of sort at the beginning.  If you think that the audience might be unsure, this could help.

The stories are pretty stock sci-fi.  You have time-travel gone awry...

Invisible people...

...and people being shrunk down to face what wouldn't be ordinary menaces.  That and riding hamsters like they're horses.

There is one episode premise that kind of stands out though.  In it, Veronica makes a wish on a magical stone, which causes people to turn into her whenever they get whiny or complain.

This builds up to her realizing how annoying she can be and doing what she can to stop it.  It would be a neat character moment...if this wasn't the second of four Episodes on the Disc.  Maybe it worked better in a series run, but it seems forced in this small run.

As a whole, the show is kind of interesting.  If I cared anything about these characters, I might have more interest in a show that takes their normal lives & turns it on their head.  It's not a bad show though.  If I had to make a more general complaint, I'd say that the animation seems a little cheap.  There's not one major error to point too- like characters being off-model or the like-, but it just feels lazy.  Who's behind it?

Oh, that explains a lot.  Thanks, DIC!

Got any more suggestions/requests?  Hit me up in the Comments.  I await what weird shit you'll ask me to do next!

Forgotten Toons: Stargate- Infinity

I almost Forgot that this segment exists.

Stargate- it was a movie.  That movie did well and they made a live-action show.  They made a second one.  They made a third one, but quickly cancelled it- close call.  Shortly after the first show, they made an animated show.  How can this go wrong?

This is how.  Yes, the company behind such shows as Captain N: The Game Master, Sonic the Hedgehog and Street Sharks is behind the Stargate animated show.  I hope it translates to the animated screen as well as Swamp Thing did.

The show involves a bunch of aliens that weren't on the show (that I'm aware of) and a bunch of characters that look nothing like the ones on the show.

Well, there is a Stargate...so, yeah. 

Since the show has jack shit to do with the film or live-action show, what does it have?  Well, it has a giant squirrel...

...some wannabe-Ewoks...

...this Dragon Lady (who is apparently super-important and...something)...

...and the garbage version of Kimbo Slice.  So yeah, that happened...in the first three Episodes.

The rest of it is a slightly-reworked version of Quantum Leap, just with Stargate traversal.  Joy.

If you like Stargate SG-1, this is not going to do anything for you.  Even the Extreme Ghostbusters show had Slimer as a major character, in spite of the character changes.  This one is just about the laziest way to adapt the source material you could think of.  I just hope that the cast of Farscape got to be on this show too!

Did you miss Forgotten Toons?  Have some suggestions for ones for me to do?  If so, leave a comment, won't you?

Forgotten Toons: Monster Force

Because nobody demanded it and I watched it, Forgotten Toons is back!  If it stays back, well, that's up to you...

Thanks to Netflix, obscure crap like this is available.  On the flip-side, obscure crap like this is available thanks to Netflix.  This show is a bit complicated, so allow me to explain.  People in jumpsuits and coats fight monsters.  Actually, it's pretty simple.  This show is notable for trying to work in a number of famous movie monsters, including Dracula, The Wolfman and Frankenstein.  It's also full of many weird creatures, odd scenes and characters that defy explanation.  Let's read on, shall we...

Dracula is the main villain of the show.  In the Pilot, he tries to use an amulet of a Japanese Sun Goddess to block out the sun.  That's...unique, I'll give them that.

Adam- aka Frankenstein's Monster- is one of the heroes.  They don't explain how this works or anything.  However, he does share a bond with the team's psychic: Shelley Frank.  No, really.

Vampires can shoot lasers in this show.  I just wanted to point that out.

Another episode features the Creature from the Black Lagoon, although it is also tied into Lovecraft.  It has the power to change size via perspective as well...

Your hand got bigger.  You aren't going to tip the boat...

...over, are you?  That's impressive.

The third episode I checked out features a tale about a town that appears every 100 years and eats people.  You can't make this shit up!

The day is saved when our heroes create a storm by saturating a cloud to cause a storm that sends lightning down to super-charge Adam.  No, really.

In summary, this is a show with neat ideas behind it, but the introductory episodes left something to be desired.  Like a lot of shows from the '90s, it feels like the characters were taken from a list of cliches.  This applies to both design- check out the trenchcoats and M.A.S.K.-style masks- and personality.  The interesting characters- including a guy who can control his lycanthropy and the psychic Frank- don't do much to make themselves stand out.  I should also point out that the Pilot sets up very little for the characters, which is kind of the opposite of what you're supposed to do!  I have many questions about the science and magic mentioned in the show, but I won't waste your time with them here.  Overall, it's an interesting idea for a show...but it falls flat.  That said, the other episodes could make the show leave more of an impact.  I'm not holding out a lot of hope, however, considering this 'on the nose' reference...

Are you in the mood for more Forgotten Toons?  If so, Comment here and let me know how you feel.

P.S. VHS For The Win is pushed back to Tuesday.  I assume that you care, so there you go.