Leaving Well Enough Alone: Scream 4

Oh just go away, Ghostface!  Today's film is Scream 4, a film that I wasn't exactly hyped for.  To be fair, I've never been a Scream fan.  I've never hated them, mind you, but the series just seemed to not stop during the 1990's.  Of course, it did stop.  Eleven years later, the series came back, because...Wes Craven needed to be relevant, I suppose.  Is there a better reason?  So here we are- a new Scream, but the same Main Cast, Director and Writer.  So it's Scream for a new generation...with the same people that ran it into the ground in the first place.  Isn't it like hiring the Chaffeur who crashed your car to become your Limo Driver?  So what's new here?  Meta, Meta and more Meta.  I like Meta, when it comes naturally.  Here's a quick analogy for you.  Good Meta writing is pointing out something to someone on the street.  Bad Meta writing is taking a guy and twisting his neck to show him something.  It just makes you look annoying and insistent.  Scream 4 features the return of Courtney Cox, David Arquette and Neve Campbell to the Franchise since Cougar Town is barely hanging on, nobody saw The Tripper and being naked on film didn't help at all (respectively).  All you need to know is that Ghostface (the IV) is back to kill people for a silly reason.  To find out a bit of why this shouldn't have been made, read on...

Oh wait- this is the fake out title.  They wasted my time once, but it was for a gag.  Let's properly read on...

Oh come on!  Was that worth it for having Anna Paquin and Kristen Bell in your film?  Now here's the real title, so read on...

Back in Woodsboro, Neve is back to sell her book about not being a victim.  New crimes start to occur, a fact not aided by suspicious evidence placed in her car.

Should I ask the obvious question- why does nobody move out of this murder town?!?

Here's another one- this is Scream for a new Generation, so Ghostface calls people on their iPhones...with a Ghostface Voice App.  My soul hurts writing that.

A bunch of people die.  Here's another gripe: all of the kill scenes have this super-dramatic music to build suspense.  The problem is that I know all of the people are going to die in these scenes.  Where is the drama?

Will Ghostface invade the Stab-athon?  Will teens die?  Will they lamp shade this thing to death before the Third Act?  Yes, no and YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!

Will Ghostface kill everyone?  Will the film continue to copy scenes from the original while excusing it as 'the killers acting as if they are in a Horror Remake?  Ugh.

All of the deaths seem to revolve around Neve's character.  This kind of makes the results obvious, especially given the whole 'They think that this is a Horror Remake story.'

Oh shit- Neve is actually in peril?!?  This changes everything!

No, not really.  The film sets up a silly, but clever ending...but shits all over it.  It brings to mind the 'Swiss Confrontation' Ending to Opera, only even sillier.

Seriously, who lost their balls here?  For shame.  The End.

Did anyone care?  I'm sorry, but this was really, really unnecessary.  Imagine if someone decided to make a new Saw film in five years?  Now imagine if everyone from the original was back and it became super-Meta.    How excited would you be?  Exactly.  It says something that no further sequels are planned- to my knowledge- but an awkward TV Series spin-off is possibly in the works.  When you can't get a sequel made, make a TV show.  Isn't that right, Zombieland?  The bottom line is that this movie continues to show why not everything can be repeated.  While the film makes a Meta point about being against Modern Horror films, they use CG Knives.  I don't hate them per se (see their use in The Walking Dead), but it shows that they seem to be embracing modern tropes while saying how bad they are.  It's like complaining about Government spending while waving your Food Stamps angrily.  Nothing all that special here.  There's no 'ooh, what have they been up to?' moments.  It's just 'we're making a movie- enjoy.'  I didn't.  There was almost no drama, it's over-Produced and just feels really, really unnecessary.  If you want to complain about Sequels and Remakes being done to death, don't do a pointless Sequel that constantly talks about being a Remake.  You just look like prick.  Kind of like this guy...

Next up, the bizarre ending to the Shaft trilogy.  We've gone from the city to...Africa, apparently.  Stay tuned...

Slasher Crap?: Venom (2005)

Can you really blame a natural disaster for a film's failure?  Today's film is Venom, a movie that didn't get exactly get a proper release.  The big problem was that it came out just after Hurricane Katrina and it was set in New Orleans.  Granted- the company behind its release barely advertised (supposedly only a week before its release) and barely even bothered to put it out (putting it in less than 500 theaters).  So why should you care about the film after nearly 7 years?  Well, it is by- in part- Kevin Williamson.  Yeah, that should do it for some of you.  While I couldn't care less, he is a notable name in Teen-Based Horror.  The plot involves Voodoo, random sub-plots and a Jason-style killer.  To find out if the whole thing is worth remembering, read on...

In the intro, a Voodoo Priestess- who is the only other black lady in the film BTW- collects a bunch of snakes in a briefcase and goes to get rid of them.  Why does this matter?  You'll see.

In a roundabout coincidence, the snakes get loose and kill this Tow Truck Driver who tries to help her.  I should probably mention that the snakes are the hosts for evil souls, shouldn't I?

Hey, a Rapper is in this movie- playing a Cop no less.  I wonder what's going to happen to...oh, he's dead.

The killer is the reanimated corpse of the Truck Driver, now possessed by evil spirits.  Wouldn't they just be trapped in that body?  Mind you, I took Intro to Voodoo in High School, so I might be rusty.

Bonus points: Netflix's descriptions calls the killer 'Mr. Jangles.'  Nobody does that in the movie.

The killer takes out a bunch of people as part of its plan to...um, do something Voodoo-like.  Yeah, they're vague about this.  Ooh, scary.

The other black lady in the film- the Priestess' grand-daughter- gives us the info dump on the villain.  Thanks to Netflix's sleeve, this bit of dialogue is entirely-pointless.  Yea.

The climax of the film takes place at the Farm House and gives us some brief moments of gun-physics that would make the folks over at Mythbusters cry.  Yes, that happens when you're shot in the head!  Whee!

With the film's cast boiled down to one (it's the obvious Final Girl), the killer thinks that he/they has/have victory in sight.  However...

The heroine manages to run him down with his own truck- vehicular irony!- and cause his body to, well, explode.  Yeah, that makes sense...if your body is a balloon!

Regardless, the villain is dead...or is he?  There's no sequel, so, yeah, he's dead.  The End.

Eh, I kind of liked it.  To be honest with you, I've never been the biggest fan of this kind of movie.  No, not just Kevin Williamson movies, although that's true too.  No, I mean these slasher-style movies made for teenagers.  I grew up during the modern revival period of them and still didn't give half a shit.  To give you some idea, I've never seen Scream 2 or Scream 3.  I say all this not to draw up Comments, but to make it clear where I stand on this.  As far as this movie goes, it could have been better and it could have been worse.  I liked the setting and tone they were going for, but wish that they could have evolved beyond the obvious stereotypes.  Here's another thing: was there a point to one guy being the illegitimate son of the Killer (pre-possession)?  I mean, they don't play it up as a shock thing.  There's no dialogue after his death like 'If he could kill him, there's nothing he won't do' or some such thing.  Rather, the guy just off-hands mention his past and dies a couple scenes later.  This film has all of the makings of a series and its kind of a shame that it never got that.  Of course, my real reason is the desire to see Mr. Jangles...in space.  Take us away, best parts of the movie... 

Next up, a film about a Rest Stop.  Let's all do the torture porn tango!  Stay tuned...