Forgotten Sequels: Piranha 2- The Spawning

 Everyone has to start somewhere in any Industry.
In this case, it is James Cameron getting his first gig as a Director on today's Film- Piranha 2: The Spawning, the 1981 Sequel to the Cult Classic.

There are many caveats here, but I'll get to that.

This is a Sequel made in Italy by a man named Ovidio G. Assonitis.  And yes, that is his real last name.
He Produced many Films that only true connoisseurs of foreign nonsense have seen and sometimes love like Beyond the Door, Tentacles and The Iron Warrior.

In this case, he needed an American name on his Sequel (to a Film that he didn't make) and ultimately settled on James Cameron, fresh off working on Roger Corman's Productions.

The Plot involves those damn Piranhas back for more in a Plot that actually mirrors some future Jurassic Park Films.  

Is this Euro Trash with an American Title?  To find out, read on...

My version has a different Subtitle.

A Cold Open (literally) has a Couple diving down to have sex in a shipwreck.  Take note, Kash Patel!
They die.

The nearby Island is full of Tourists and overseen by a single Sheriff/Law Figure- Lance Henriksen.

There's a Jaws-like Mayor figure in the form of the Resort Owner.

He does all of the usual stuff you'd expect.

Our Heroine- who would reunite with Cameron for Titanic- is the Diving Instructor/Tour Guide.

She's this Film's Hooper, but she's also the ex-Wife of Henriksen (this Film's Brody).
As a bonus, their Son is in peril for the climax, giving us a taste of Jaws 2.

While this is officially directed by Cameron, he only claims credit for 2 Scenes.  

In the first one, the guy who kept hitting on 'Hooper' goes with her to check out the body of a victim.

They used a real Morgue btw!

They are chased off by a Local Worker, who sticks around with the corpse uncovered long enough for one of the Piranha to fly out of an open wound!

We later learn from the guy above that they were crossbred with a bunch of other species as some sort of military weapon (or something), but escaped.

Yes, this is oddly similar to Jurassic World in that regard.

One of the Fishermen- Gabby- finds his son killed by one of the Piranhas.

He plans revenge, using the dynamite that he and the son were fishing with when Lance first met them.

That night, all of the warnings are ignored and the beach is opened...but at night.

The Tourists act out a ritual where they march to the Sea...and the Piranhas fly at them, killing many!

Gabby shows up after the survivors are behind a door and plans his revenge...only to be killed instantly.

My...arc...was pointless.

The Son and a girl he likes snuck away earlier, setting up the Jaws 2 bit I mentioned.

In the other bit that Cameron Directed, Lance finds them in his Helicopter and, instead of landing, jumps out and it explodes.

Helicopters famously explode upon contact with water.

They take a boat to get away as 'Hooper' and the guy try to set up bombs made by Gabby to blow up the eggs in the wreck.

The guy is killed by the fish- as Story Law demands- and they save the day via a giant explosion.

The End (until the 1995 Remake).

A pretty forgettable 'Sequel,' save for a few minutes throughout.

This one was supposedly going to try and get Kevin McCarthy to make a Cameo as his Piranha character and die off.  That never happened.

What we're left with is a Film that very, very much feels like an Italian Monster Movie.
It has all of the benchmarks, including much superfluous nudity and sleazy people.

There is also LOTS of stuff ripped off of/inspired by Jaws, which is pretty damn common in Italian Cinema between 1976 and 1996.

The FX work also led to what made the Face Huggers in Cameron's Aliens, so some good came of this.

I'd love to say more about this being a 'hidden gem' or something, but...nah.
It has some moments, at least.

Speaking of moments, now is the right one to bring this back...

Next time, Roger Moore is back in his (arguably) most maligned Bond Film.  Is this Sci-Fi premise too much for the Series?  Stay tuned...

Crap For TV: Piranha (1995)

I have to ask yet again- what was the point?  The 1995 Made-For-TV Remake of Piranha is a bit different.  For example, the cast is different.  That's pretty much it.  You think I'm exagerrating, but I'm really not.  The film's plot is nearly identical.  Granted- it is a Remake, but they don't always have to be shot-for-shot.  Usually when they are, people get upset.  Isn't that right, Gus Van Sant?  There is one kind of interesting thing to discuss here, but it's otherwise me just trying to pad this out.  A great way to do that is to explain that I'm doing it.  Neat, huh?  In all seriousness, I'll give you the basic rundown on this hard-to-find film and let you know whether you need to make the effort or not.  To find out, read on...

As mentioned above, the story is nearly identical.  The leads have been recast, which is not too surprising given the 17 year time-gap.  You've got Alexandra Paul and William Katt, two actors who can't do a lot better these days.

I'm not surprised to see that Kevin McCarthy (RIP) is absent, but I am a little surprised to see them change the gender of the character.  Weird.

* The film does change the role of Dick Miller as a Park Owner to some other guy playing a Film Director.  Yea?

The only other casting news of note is that Katt's daughter is played by a young Mila Kunas.  You have to start somewhere!

* The biggest problem-the film reuses the Special Effects shots of the titular Fish.  No, really.  You cheap bastards!

The finale plays out exactly the same, but this one does end with the 'It's Not Over' Trope.  News Flash: It is. The End.

This is just a blatant attempt to make more money.  Granted, most sequels or Remakes are...but most are less transparent about it.  At least the Humanoids from the Deep remake did some NEW shots to mix in with the Stock Footage that they used.  It also mixed the plot up a bit, excising the 'Fishermen vs. Indians' sub-plot for one of 'Hippies vs. Industrialists.'  Granted, it's still a silly plot idea, but it is about something more modern.  Speaking of which, it is just a coincidence that both Remakes were made 17 years after the Originals?  Probably, but it is a bit odd to me.  Ultimately, this movie doesn't do anything new.  The only changes are in casting or slightly-tweaking the plot to excise the elements that were overtly ripping-off/parodying Jaws.  When in doubt, cut the humor and remove the film's sense of identity!  So, unless you thought that the Scientist just HAD to be a Woman instead of a Man, you can freely skip this one.  Although, it does have these...

Up next, a week full of Asylum films...since I clearly hate myself.  First up, another Dracula film that is sure to be less interesting than Dracula's Curse.  Stay tuned...

Aquatic Killers: Piranha (1978)

Well, I finally got it.  After a long time of waiting, I got my hands on a copy of Piranha, courtesy of Shout! Video's release and Blockbuster's Chapter 11 filing.  Their loss is my gain.  The original 1978 film is all about ripping off Jaws, but it is so much more than that thanks to Joe Dante.  As one of Corman's 'students,' he stepped out of the shadows with this film and followed it up with stuff like The Howling (before the shitty sequels) and Gremlins.  You get a good idea why he has been so successful (well, until Looney Tunes: Back in Action) with this film.  I'll be light in key plot details here, as I would like to encourage the DVD sales.  Hey, don't look at me that way- I can be SPOILER free sometimes!  Put away your 3-D glasses as we prepare to watch the original...

We get a Jaws-style opening as some people are killed by the titular fish.  To the film's credit, this actually is an event that drives the plot!  I'm looking at you, every After Dark Horrorfest film ever!  A woman is sent in to find the pair, but only after taking the time to play the Jaws video game for some sort of home video game system.  Seriously, someone tell me what that thing is (see the last picture)!  She gets a tour of the area by the town drunk just by batting her eyes at him and just being persistent.  They inadvertently release the fish into the lake, which may prove dangerous for the guy's daughter at her camp.  The worst part- the camp is run by Paul Bland!  Okay, it's just Paul Bartel, but that could almost be worse!  The pair are attacked by Kevin McCarthy (R.I.P.), but they fend him off and take him with them.  He tells them what they did, leading the pair to get in a raft.  By the way, that stop-motion piranha with legs- entirely-pointless.

The narrative splits between a couple of the movie's sub-plots.  The camp has its share of moments, including a bit where we almost see some nudity from one of the Counselors before Bartel shows up.  Damn you, Bland!  We also see bits from the nearby resort, which is run by Walter Paisley- I mean, Dick Miller.  It's a common mistake, you know.  We later learn that his resort is funded in part by the General behind the military experiment that created the fish.  Why?  Why not, I guess?  The heroes, meanwhile, go down the river and get attacked by the fish.  They rescue a kid and keep moving, only to run into the General and...Barbara Steele.  That's random, but okay.

Our heroes are captured by the military in order to keep them from talking.  They escape with relative ease, however, in a scene that's a bit anti-climactic.  They knock out one guard and are driving away- wow.  The fish run afoul at the Camp, a scene that surprised me quite a bit.  In the remake, the victims had to all be teenagers or young adults.  The hero's daughter manages to escape as the two leads try to get to the resort in time.  Unfortunately, the fish manage to take out a good chunk of the people there.  They even attack people doing a water show, a scene that would later be used in Jaws 3-D.  Our hero comes up with a really bizarre and dangerous plan to take out the fish.  Not surprisingly, this works, although he's a bit worse for wear.  Of course, the fish survived to star in Piranha II: The Spawning, as well as the 1995 remake and the one from last year.  Pesky fish.  The End.

Those fish be crazy!  The plot of this movie is nice and simple.  Unlike Razortooth, the sub-plots feel more natural as they congeal with the rest of the story well.  They aren't just there to take up time.  The acting is not the film's biggest selling point, although a lot of it is good.  Many of the actors- including McCarthy, Keenan Wynn and Miller- take this very seriously, as opposed to playing this for laughs.  It's the right approach, quite frankly.  When you try to make me laugh so overtly in a horror film, you take me out of the whole thing.  That said, the film has some humor in it.  It is a Joe Dante film, after all.  I love the bit where our heroine tries to distract the guard at the camp by saying 'Look- it's Superman' and then flashes him too.  Which one were you trying?!?  Seriously though, this is a fun film and I'm glad to see it get a nice, fancy DVD release.  Let's see if we can get that with some other Joe Dante films in the future.  Take us away, Jaws video game console...

Next up, I celebrate a religious holiday that has become all about rabbits and candy.  Don't worry- I found another killer rabbit film to review.  Stay tuned...

Immediate Response: Piranha 3-D

I just shelled out $13 to see Piranha 3-D in a theater slightly-full of people.  Was it worth it?

The Bad

* The acting is...well, mostly terrible.
* Jerry O'Connell can be very annoying (even more so than he's supposed to be)
* At times, the 3-D is pretty obvious and silly.
* The copious nudity is going to keep it from getting a mainstream market.
* Eli Roth shows up in the movie.  Although, to be fair...

The Good

* Eli Roth gets killed in a violent manner.  I can't see enough of that.
* The whole thing feels like a camp classic.  For the most part, all the notes it hits are strong.
* Jerry O'Connell does play his part to perfection.
* The 3-D is a big selling point here, as it is used in a very campy and fun way.

As a whole, the movie is certainly going to make it's original creators- Joe Dante and Roger Corman- very proud.  It is full of bloody death, lots of nudity & a story that's a combination of Jaws 2 and 3.  If you don't like nudity or death, you have no reason to see this movie.  I think that's kind of obvious though.  If you want to see porn stars (they have to be) torn in half or see the most blatant combination of 3-D and nudity, this is for you.

It's everything we hoped it would be.  We have nobody to blame but ourselves for how well it does commercially now.