End This!: Lake Placid- The Final Chapter

It's all bite, folks.  Today's film is Lake Placid 4 aka Lake Placid: The Final Chapter.  Is that promise?  I ask because I've been misled by that subtitle when it has come Angel, Walking Tall, Puppet Master, Friday the 13th and A Nightmare on Elm Street (which had The Final Nightmare).  Given the ending, I'm hesitant to trust you all the more, but let's just go with it.  So what new thing does the Fourth film give us?  Do we get to go to Space?   Do we get a Prequel set in Old West Times?  Do we get to Quest for Peace?  Nope.  Instead, we get giant Crocodiles...again.  I was really hoping that we'd get to collect whales, but I guess the same old shit will do.  To find out if the fourth time is the charm, read on...

Remember how Yancy Butler's character was clearly dead at the end of the last film?  Well, she agreed to appear in this dreck, so her character is alive here.  Writing!

After a vague time jump, she is working with the Fish & Game Department, since Poachers aren't often hired to do community service.  There is a new Sheriff, so Colin Ferguson is not in this one.  That will make at least one reader happy.

In the time between films, the lake has been locked down- finally!!!- and work is being done to fix the problem, once and for all.

In Plot B, a Hunter- Robert Englund- sneaks into the place to hunt some big game.  Yeah, I'd be raring to go hunt Crocodiles the size of a 4-Wheeler!

Plot C involves the daughter of the new Sheriff going off on a trip with the Swim Team.  Since the Driver is half-asleep, they manage to drive through the gate to the titular Lake, since the Hunters left it open.

Seriously, that's how they get around the giant Jurassic Park-style gate.  Ugh.

The goofiest kill: this guy getting sneak-attacked by a thirty-foot Crocodile.  Seriously, how is that possible?!?

This is only topped/matched by the stealth Gator from Supergator or the stealth bear from Grizzly.

Is it weird that they didn't give the Crocodile a gullet here?  I mean, if this CG model is accurate, it couldn't possibly eat anything!

I won't SPOIL the whole thing, but I will say that the Climax involves the classic pairing of shitty CG and Main Character Powers.  How is she doing this?!?

I will give you just this one SPOILER though.  It's clear that Butler is Immortal at this point, so you had to see this coming.

The one thing I should note is that this movie ends on some Sequel Bait.  Isn't this the Final Chapter?  Ugh.  The End.

Chomp chomp.  Okay, so is this really the end?  If so, I'm not going to shed a tear.  I would like to say that this film was the final, crowning achievement of the series.  It's not.  It's pretty much just the same film, only with four plots thrown together.  You have the Sheriff's romance plot, the Hunter plot, one half of the group in the Woods plot and the other half of the group in the Woods plot.  The remnants careen together like Nascar debris.  The parts they build up- like the Field & Game guy's son working with Englund- don't really go that far.  This is the usual Syfy Channel film- nothing more, nothing less.  The CG looks decent at times, with a lot of dark textures on the creatures.  I'm not exactly going to praise it for looking life-like, since none of them manage to pull that off.  In the end, this is nothing that you haven't seen, only with Robert Englund and CG Crocodiles.  That said, I'm not completely mad at their efforts for two big reasons...

Next up, the belated 4-Year Anniversary post.  If you want to see me cover something you never thought

Poor Bastards of Cinema: Lake Placid 3

Another Lake Placid sequel, another Poor Bastard of Cinema.  This time, it's the little dog owned by the Russian babysitter (why is she in Maine BTW?!?).  It gets too close to the water to bark at some crocodiles...

IN-COM-ING!!!!

Ewww....nas-tay.  That dog is not going to live.  The worst part though...

The kid's shirt got ruined!  It's bad enough that he's a Ginger, but now he has a shirt soaked in dog blood.  That shit doesn't wash out- I can assure you!

The bottom line: the dog was an idiot, but did not deserve to die.  Damn you, CG animals- the war between you and us continues!

Next up, a dad learns the true danger of rock and roll music.  On the plus side, he was doomed to be killed by the mob eventually.  Stay tuned...

Forgotten Three-quels: Lake Placid 3

Syfy Channel- give it up!  After Lake Placid was a surprise hit in 1998, a sequel was made...Direct-to-DVD...nearly ten years later.  Evidently, the film was profitable enough for yet another sequel.  The catch- no returning actors, plus Maine is being 'doubled' by Romania.  Instead of an actor who's career is defined by a TV show he made in the '70s, we get the star of a Syfy Channel series (Eureka).  I guess if we give them enough time and we'll see Lake Placid 4 starring Michael Shanks (from Stargate SG:1), Lake Placid 5 starring Pete Lattimer (from Warehouse 13) and Lake Placid 6 starring the team from Ghost Hunters!  Colin Ferguson is a good actor from what I've seen, but boy is he wasted here.  If you like your actors in a state of permanent confusion/bemusement, you're in luck!  Are you properly-prepared to be disappointed?  Good.  Let's put away our meat vests before our stop in...

After the opening credits, a couple goes out to the lake to have sex, but get eaten by baby alligators.

Said alligators grow much bigger in the THREE YEAR time-jump made in the film as Ferguson is now a resident of the town and works for the Fish & Game Agency.

 He suspects for a long time that crocodiles are still in the lake, a fact that upsets the new Sheriff (Michael Ironside).  Even after they find a dead, prop deer, he's still not a believer.

I should mention that the DVD version is the Unrated Version.  Can you tell yet?

In one of the film's many sub-plots, a man hires a well-worn Yancy Butler to find his girlfriend (the brunette above).  The trip doesn't go well since, well, they're on the titular lake.

The crocodiles find their way home (since Ferguson lives in the sister's house from Lake Placid 2) and eat some people.  Gotta love that CG.

Life doesn't go well for the hunters.  You won't believe who gets shot and why...because it's really stupid.

The battle moves into the studio back-drop town and the crocodiles chase them into a store.  Way to re-use those sets, guys!

The film's climax involves a gas station, a crocodile and some laughable, CG gore.  Boom goes the crocodile.  The End.

We're back- a crocodile tale!  The plot of this movie is a bit of a stretch, at least the way it's done.  Here's the thing- there is too much plot and too little focus.  We have the Ferguson sub-plot, the kid's sub-plot, the hikers' sub-plot and the hunters' sub-plot (which is itself mixed with the one guy's sub-plot).  The bottom line: there is too much going on here to ever get a vested interest.  Characters die in bursts or at random, while others survive ridiculous amounts of damage.  Note how durable the Russian nanny and Yancy Butler are!  Speaking of Yancy, hard-living is not good for you.  Kids, if you plan to start drinking, just compare a picture of her from the Witchblade show and one from here!  The Special Effects here are usually worse than in Lake Placid 1 and 2, which is astounding.  Mind you, the original film was made by a major studio, but the latter was not.  Even the good actors here (Ferguson and Ironside) do not bring this movie up.  There is a certain humorous appeal to be had here and the Unrated cut does have nudity, but it still sucks overall.  Did I just blow your mind?

Next up, William Peter Blatty delivers his second (and final- so far) film with a sequel to his own work.  My question- why is Fabio in it?  Stay tuned...
  

Poor Bastards of Cinema: Lake Placid 2

In a random, unrelated scene from Lake Placid 2, some guy goes to the lake with two random chicks.  It's a photo-shoot, I guess...but there's no camera...

Both women proceed to take their tops off and climb into the lake.  This is getting better.

Wow, they even throw in the glossy filter.  This is a dream come true!

...oops, the crocodile eats them.  It happens while the guy is rushing to get undressed.

'Ladies- I'm ready for the three...dammit!'

Oh yeah, the crocodile eats him too.  On the grand scale of things, it's a pretty minor thing.

Next up, a man learns that there is something worse than having to work in an unsafe, African mine.  On top of that, he's appearing in an Asylum film!  Stay tuned...

Aquatic Killers: Lake Placid 2

What a croc!  This is the Direct-to-Syfy-Channel sequel to the surprise hit film Lake Placid.  Let's consider the first film for a moment and see why it had no chance of being a hit.  Bill Pullman was in it.  In spite of that giant hurdle- and thanks to Betty White-, the film was successful.  This movie follows the original film's plot and involves the baby crocodiles shown at the end of the original film.  I'm curious to see what Lake Placid 3 will do, given its lack of foresight in that department.  Here's the big news- none of the stars are here.  They could not even get Betty White!  Before her big comeback, I'm pretty sure that I could have paid Betty White enough to be in one of my family's home movies!  Instead of Bill Pullman, Bridget Fonda and White, we have John Schneider, Sara Lafleur (no clue if she's related to Art) and Cloris Leachman.  Are you underwhelmed enough yet?  Let's get ready for our trip to...

The film begins with two guys out on the titular lake in a boat.  One is taking eco-samples, while the other is being an idiot.  Okay, they both qualify for that, I suppose!  They talk for a bit before one of them is killed.  Yawn.  The narrative switches to the Sheriff (Schneider) who has his son visiting for the summer.  Blah blah blah the kid doesn't like nature blah blah blah we all know where this is going.  The Sheriff gets called to investigate the death, but doesn't believe it at first because the witness uses pot all the time.  Ha ha- it's funny because someone was torn to shreds!  He meets up with the Fish & Game Warden who is...an ex-girlfriend or something.  This is an odd plot thread since this is the first- and only- film with these characters and we've just barely met the Sheriff.  They go out on the lake and the woman (Lafleur) goes swimming in her underwear until they find parts of the body.  Thank you, T&A filler.  They realize that there is a serious problem, which should be a given.  You guys did have a giant crocodile in your lake some time ago, remember?  They go to see Sadie, the old lady from the first film.  In one off-hand line, they say that the old lady (formerly-White) disappeared and her sister (Leachman) now lives there.  Lame!

So the plot basically breaks down to a series of scenarios that are all taking place around the same time.
* The Sheriff, 'the stoner' and the lady are looking into the crocodiles.
* Leachman is randomly-killing people via the crocodiles and/or trying to kill people with them.
* The son goes out camping with a local girl he likes, as well as her boyfriend, a hot chick and that jerk guy from Monster Man.  Yes, low-rent Jack Black is back!
* A rich hunter (played by character actor Sam McMurray) and his assistant show up to help our heroes.  For no good reason, McMurray has a very bad Irish accent.  Ugh.
* People die...a lot.

The occasionally-good-looking crocodies prove tough, but one of them gets taken out by the combined efforts of the hunter and our heroes.  Unfortunately, there are two more.  One of them attacks our heroes, while the other chases around the sun.  How conveniently the numbers work out, huh?  More of the 'teens' die, including Not Jack Black.  I'm so sad- honest.  Schneider gets a grenade launcher from McMurray and takes out one crocodile, while the other goes down a bit tougher.  The groups reunite and Schneider takes his son and the girl (the lone survivors- duh) to Sadie's house.  Yeah, that's totally safe!  Sure enough, the lady tries to set a trap for the 'teens,' but she gets eaten instead.  It's around this time that they learn that there was actually a FOURTH crocodile, despite no build up to this at all the whole time.  This leads to one final confrontation, which ends with the final crocodile being blown up.  All is well when everything is wrapped up. The End.

Are you surprised that this one didn't turn out good?  The plot of this film is alright, but nothing more.  It's pretty 'by-the-numbers' and routine.  I shouldn't be surprised by this, I suppose.  The acting is not all that interesting and the only one who really makes things watchable is Schneider.  McMurray is never bad, but his character is so lazily-written that he just can't do a lot with it.  In spite of his terrible accent, he tries.  Likewise, the CG work is decent at times.  The problem is that whenever the creatures move, they look very unrealistic.  In some of the still shots (see above), they are lit well-enough to be passable.  The best example of the core problem can be summed up in two words- CG plane.  The plane that McMurray shows up in is CG.  I get it being CG when it has to be attacked by the crocodile, but why does it have to be that way just to land on the lake?!?  The best part, of course, is a wide-shot used after his landing that reveals no plane to be there.  Yes, they forgot to insert the CG Plane into a shot!  Close (being generous), but no cigar guys...

Next up, a film about a giant killer eel.  When a key plot point involves poisoning the creature with sugar, you know it's not going to be good.  Stay tuned...