Rare TV Flix: Nightwing (1979)

Sorry, DC Fans.  Instead of being about Dick Grayson fighting crime in Bludhaven, this is about Indians fighting Bats in New Mexico.  There are still Bats involved at least!  Today's Film is Nightwing, a 1979 TV Movie about Animals on the loose (again).  There's no drugs or zoo escapes this time- just Nature being a dick.  The Story is a bit more complicated than that- it's also more obtuse.  This one is more about the Native Americans in New Mexico and their Heritage than, you know, the Plot of the Film.  To be fair, there was a bigger focus on Native Americans in the '70s- that's good.  The problem is that it takes away from what the Movies like this usually do.  I guess if you think that those Films are shallow, this may be a positive for you.  There are many Cast Members to note here.  For example, David Warner plays the Richard Dreyfuss role here as this is a post-Jaws Film.  It is also worth noting that Nick Mancuso plays the Native American bad guy (as it were) here...despite being Italian.  Close enough?  The Plot involve Vampire Bats, Indian Law and all sorts of vague mystical stuff.  Is it worth tracking down and tagging?  To find out, read on...

A Village area in New Mexico is having some troubles with strange illness, so they call in some help (Mancuso).

Unfortunately, he's more in this for himself.  Specifically, he wants to drill for oil!

Warner comes in as a hired Expert to deal with the suspected Bat Colony and there are some issues.

On top of all that (plus a Subplot with a Shaman), our Hero has a Love Interest.

So with all that, you have to wait about 45 minutes for any action (more like an Hour if you saw it on TV)!

Bat attack!  Hide Bernie Sanders there!

The Love Interest is the only to escape the attack, but now she is stuck in the middle of nowhere.

I bet you have more respect for your Cell Phone now!

They finally start dealing with Bats about an hour or so in.  They have to find a cure for the Disease that they are carrying.

Will our Hero going on a spirit journey help?  I sure hope so.

They eventually manage to set the Cave on fire (which has something to do with Shamans or something) and the day is saved.  Hurray.

It is...alright.  Nightwing is a Film that seemed to want to you to watch it for the Animals, but get drawn in by its weird Subplots instead.  Well, that didn't exactly work.  Tricking me into downloading and watching the Film over 35 years later wasn't exactly your plan.  Even so, I do like David Warner and the Story isn't bad.  Unlike most of these things, there's just not much in the way of the Animals.  The Beasts Are On The Streets came out a year earlier for TV and had lots more of that.  Who knows- maybe the giant mechanical Bat refused to work when they started shooting.  One thing I didn't mention earlier was that this Film was Directed by Arthur Hiller.  How you go from Silver Streak to this is anyone's guess.  If you get into the Story and all, this will work for you.  I should note that we get a Scene roughly an Hour in where the guy working with Mancuso just plain stops to recap the last 10 minutes.  Yes, I was there- thanks!  Nightwing is less weird and obtuse than bad, as opposed to this unfortunately-dated effect...

Next up, a Blaxploitation Film with a twist.  Will it be a big one or not?  Stay tuned...

Twin Piqued: Double Play

Another Saturday and another trip to the crazy Town of...

Big events go down!  Investigation, assault and lots of melodrama.

Important Stuff

- Cooper reveals his back-story to Truman related to Windom Earle.  He fell for the guy's wife while he was protecting her, but she died.  He thinks that Windom killed her!

- Big Ed seems to be freed up to go after his long-lost love, while the guy in the way is now going to go back to Jail.

- Major Briggs shows up, says that he thinks that he was at The White Lodge and then leaves.

- Leo is awake and tries to kill his wife.  After meeting with Audrey, Bobby goes home to save her.  Leo is wounded and flees.

- Ben Horne continues to be crazy, while the town Doc says that Nicky isn't a killer.  Is that the end of this Story?

- The Mayor tries to kill his dead brother's wife, but they end up together.  He's been dead for 2 days?

- Pete learns the truth about Josie's husband and who they think tried to kill him- Thomas Eckhardt.

- James' Soap Opera story seems to end with him leaving with Donna as the Police investigate the (unseen) death of the woman's spouse.  That was sudden, right?

- At the very end, we see Leo wander to a Cabin in the Woods (not that one!) and meet...Windom Earle!  Oh shit.

Theme(s)

The simple one here is Ghosts of the Past.  Not much has changed, but...

- James' past finds him in the form of Donna.
- The sins of Cooper's past return via Windom.
- The man from Josie and Catherine's past returns.
- Ben Horne channels the Civil War as he goes more insane.

I still have to ask- why is he a Southern General?

Weird Moment(s)

In Nadine's absence, Ben Horne takes the cake for his mental regression as a Southern General.  To help secure the spot though...

The Doctor is back, observing Ben from a large chair like a Lifeguard!  Weird.

This one leaned a bit more towards the weird, but it was still quite good.  James' silly Story seems to have wrapped up quickly.  It wasn't a bad one, but it wasn't really my take.  It didn't turn into To Die For, so kudos there.  The story with the Mayor and his dead brother's Widow took a weird, but expected turn.  You have odd taste, Teen Witch!  The Ben Horne stuff isn't really going anywhere that I can tell, but at least it is so bizarre that it is funny.  The Nicky stuff seemed to stop cold...or did it?  Seeing Leo finally awake and active was nice.  Will he ever live up to how bad-ass he thinks he is?  The bit at the end with him and Windom Earle makes me really intrigued.  Will Cooper and Truman be up to the task?  This turn isn't too much of a surprise, I will admit, but it is still so neat that I can't wait to see what happens.  As a bonus, we get David Warner- win, win.  I'm stoked to see what happens next.  Here's an interesting factoid for you: the one-time Episode Director here would go on to make a Film that many of you may have heard of...

Next week, what will Windom Earle do next?  Is Cooper up to the task?  See you then...

'80s Class: Waxwork

Anthony Hickox had a great few years.  Don't get me wrong- he still Directs films every now and then.  That said, he had a great run from 1988- his Directorial debut- to about 1993.  He made a bunch of kick-ass films- including Warlock 2 and Sundown: The Vampire in Retreat- and I love him for that.  It's a shame that his career has devolved to the point where he has a Seagal film- Submerged- on his Resume.  Let's enjoy the good times though, shall we?  Waxwork is the first film he Directed and it's awesome.  It's stylish to a fault at times, sure, but I just love the damn thing.  It has the same effect as The Abominable Dr. Phibes- I love it so much that it makes me forgive a lot of faults with the Sequel.  This is actually comparable in many ways to Phibes, as it is a 'hipster' version of classic tropes and stories.  If you have a reason for doing this, I like it.  If you don't, I hate it.  Make sense?  Good.  Waxwork is an excuse to put a ton of crazy, Horror characters into one film and, well, do you need to know more than that?  It has Dracula, a Werewolf, a Mummy, The Marquis De Sade, Night of the Living Dead Zombies and more.  If you haven't seen it, see it.  If you want to go in blind, don't read further.  Sadly, the film seems to only be available on an old DVD that collects both films with zero in the way of Special Features.  While Hollywood hopefully solves this dilemma, read on...

A bunch of hipsters- led by Zach Galligan- are going to College.  They...really have no plans, other than smoking, bickering and having sex.

Oh and they do the 'rich people talking at a giant dinner table' joke a year before Batman.  Suck it, Burton!

In a scene right out of Demons (another reason I love it), a man (David Warner) invites our heroes to his Waxwork for a private party.  What could go wrong?

As it turns out, the displays are a vessel used to kill people and harvest their souls.  To make the film only 90 minutes long, we don't get to see all of them.

Honestly, if I had the money and resources, I'd make a film showing the other dozen or so exhibits and how the people died.  It would have no drama, but it would rock!

Miles O'Keefe is here as Dracula.  I actually really like him here, which is something considering that he's in three of the four Ator films.

As it turns out, Warner killed one of Galligan's relatives is doing this to help Satan.  He needs eighteen exhibits to be activated since 6 + 6 + 6 = 18.  Math is evil, kids!

A key plot point here is also that the exhibits hold an artifact that the person/creature once held in life.  Bear that in mind for later.

All of the creatures are brought to life via cheating, but a squad of old men- led by Galligan's grandfather- come in to fight them.  This battle is sadly-short-changed in the long run, but the logistics involved make me accept it.

One of the exhibits' inhabitants is a killer alien.  No, really.  See why I meant about remembering the 'objects held in life' bit earlier now?

Yes, the killer baby, man-eating plant (Little Shop of Horrors reference) and snake-mutant thing I accept, but this seems silly.

 Highlights of the fight include Galligan killing a Werewolf, the killer baby being exploded by a shotgun and this guy taking out Dracula as he tries to flee.  Boom goes the dynamite!

In The End, Galligan and our heroine are the sole survivors.  Who will believe their tale?  What will they do next?  Why does a wandering Zombie hand seem important?  To find out...read about the sequel.

As you can see, I have really weird taste.  Waxwork is quirky, bizarre and has a goofy plot.  I still love it.  If anything, that's why I love it.  It's ironic and post-modern, while not making that the only thing of note.  So much of Ironic Horror/Sci-Fi/Action is just about the gimmick, be it Scream's Meta plot or other silly stuff.  At this point, we mostly remember those films for those elements, but forget most else.  That's not to say that the films are bad.  For those of us that remember Waxwork, we remember for all of the crazy shit that goes on.  There is so much to love if you are so inclined here.  I couldn't even begin to cover some of the weird, wacky and wonderful moments, even with my choice of expanded pictures.  I have at least a dozen more shots that didn't make the cut, sadly.  It says something that in a film with a guy sword-fighting the Marquis De Sade, John Rhys Davies becoming a Werewolf and a Mummy that crushes a man's head under his boot that I can focus on stuff like 'Why does the Invisible Man kill this lady with a gas hose?!?'

Up next, the sequel- which is on the same disc anyhow.  It's a lot sillier, but I still love a lot of it.  Stay tuned...

Slasher Crap: Ice Cream Man

At face value, there's nothing really notable about this movie.  Made in 1995, this film is another slasher film with a quirky lead and almost nothing else of note.  However, there are a couple subtle things to note here.  First off, the movie was directed by Paul Norman, the pseudonym of Norman Apstein- a man whose career is 99.9% porn.  Seriously, this guy made this movie as a 'straight' film, but has 121 other credits that include stuff like Stick It In The Rear, Intercourse with a Vampire & the Edward Penishands trilogy (yes, there are at least three).  Secondly, the film was co-written by Sven Davison and David Dobkin.  The first has one writing credit to his name, while Dobkin has gone on to direct Shanghai Knights, Wedding Crashers and Fred Claus.  Yeah- he started here!  Lastly- and most importantly-, the film stars my aunt (Andrea Evans) as a slutty housewife.  The only actor in my family line is a soap opera actress who tried to break into mainstream cinema.  The result: a very minor role in A Low Down Dirty Shame and an uncredited role in a film called The Opposite Sex and How to Live with Them.  Will my family live this movie down or will it raise us up?  Find out in my review of...

The film begins in the past with an ice cream man being gunned down in a drive-by shooting from the mob.  How do we know it's the past?  Because this part is in black-and-white, silly!  In the present day, the young man who witnessed the death has grown up to be Clint Howard- you poor bastard!  He has grown up to become an ice cream man himself, proving that no job has any sort of screening process.  As if we didn't know that he was the bad guy, his truck is full of bugs and body parts.  Yeah, apparently he's one of those independent ones who has no sort of boss or inspections.  We are introduced to a group of kids that are going to be our protagonists.  They're all pretty stock, including the small kid, the spunky girl and the fat kid.  Fun fact: their 'fat kid' is a normal-sized kid wearing what's clearly a pillow under his shirt.  The neighborhood is full of characters, including the girl's father, who's played by David Warner.  You never did get over everyone thinking they really killed you in The Omen, did you?  He plays a preacher, but ultimately adds nothing to the story.  In his first scene, we also see a janitor of some sort with a sharp stick.  He's killed off-screen by Howard and his stick is found later as proof.  Wow, you were pointless too.

Eventually, the titular villain captures one of the kids.  The 'fat' kid sees this happen and tells the police.  They go to Howard's abode and smash up his building full of ice cream supplies and equipment.  They leave when they find nothing...because they never check his truck.  Seriously, why don't they check his truck?  The kid had to have said 'he took the kid into his truck,' but they still don't look.  Oh yeah, the cops are played by Jan-Michael Vincent and Lee Majors II.  I know what you're wondering and 'yes, this is the biggest thing that Lee ever did.'  Well, aside from an obligatory role in all of the Six-Million Dollar Man/Bionic Woman crossovers- big surprise.  In spite of not finding anything, they suspect Clint of something and have him followed at all times.  Hello, lawsuit against the city!  As it turns out, he's actually kept the kid alive and has him locked away in the building that the police already searched.  The kid comes down with Stockholm's Syndrome very quickly it seems & he never tries to escape.  The kids take matters into their own hands and try to find evidence of the murders.  They take pictures of the inside of his truck, but that plot point won't be important until later.  After being propositioned by the slutty housewife (my aunt) earlier, he kills her beau and kills her.  Oh well, at least you got to go out with a silly effects shot...

Things don't go well for anyone involved, but especially for the town's random inhabitants.  The brother of the 'fat' kid confronts him about using his film for the pictures, since they have shots of him and his girlfriend having sex.  The point of this: to toss in some nudity.  Well, at least it wasn't my aunt!  The older brother is a wannabe cop and goes with the kid to catch the killer.  As it turns out, his 'I've got the gun- the badge will come later' plan fails and he gets killed alongside his lady.  The kids run around in fear as the villain uses the decapitated heads of the tailing policemen from earlier as puppets.  We get more chasing and stalking until the captured kid finally comes to his senses and aids his friends.  On the police side of the story, they find out about Howard's time in an asylum and visit it, only to discover that the patients are actually more sane than the doctors!  They casually-escape a riot and rush to the villain's lair.  Despite both of them being twice Clint's size, they accomplish nothing.  In the end, the captured kid rips off Friday the 13th: Part Four, knocks Howard into an ice cream mixer and the day is saved.  In the Epilogue, however, we learn that the kid is now insane, giving us a sequel bait ending that never got followed up on.

This is a very bad movie.  Don't get me wrong- it's pretty harmless and stupid.  The story is incredibly-stock and the only creativity has gone into some of the effects shots.  Most of the kills are either dull or are done off-screen.  Hell, my aunt only gets to do her best Jamie Lee Curtis scream before her throat is cut (I guess) in an off-screen shot.  All we get is the 'blood hitting the killer's face' scene to signify death- lame.  If you're going to kill one of my relatives, at least do it right!  The movie's pacing is a bit off, because it chose to do all of the 'flashbacks to Howard's treatment' scenes at random points in the movie.  You can't throw that in during the credits or anything?  The effect of this is to constantly stop what little plot the movie has going to make these bizarre scenes have room.  Do we need all of them?  No.  Just a hint to any future filmmakers that hire Clint Howard- one look at his face tells me that he's probably crazy.  If you feel the need to give me several scenes explaining why he's like that- just stop.  If you like shitty movies, this has a ton of those cliched conventions to laugh at.  It also has a cadre of actors that should/used to be able to do better, which is just icing on the cake.  For strong-willed fans of stupid cinema, this is a good viewing.

Next up, can you be a horror comedy without telling a single joke?  Tomorrow's crap film tries to answer that question.  Stay tuned...