Streaming Standard: Expendables 4 (aka Expend4bles)

As a fan of the original Trilogy (flaws and all), I was interested in a 4th Film...when it was announced in 2014.

When it finally came out in 2023, I skipped it in Theaters.

In 2026, I finally pulled the trigger.

In Expendables 3, we got a mix of the original Cast and a bunch of younger recruits- like Ronda Rousey and (yes, really) Glen Powell- to fill things out.

Even Schwarzenegger was around and we got Harrison Ford as the new government boss.

In Expendables 4, the new Cast is all gone.  Even Wesley Snipes.

Arnie is presumably busy making his Netflix Show and Terry Crews wasn't asked back (he has a theory).

Even Antonio Banderas was replaced by...his Son (?!?) on the team.

Instead, Stallone and *most* of the old Cast are being sent on a mission by their new Boss- Andy Garcia.

A new player- Iko Uwais- has broken into 'Gaddafi's Old Base' and stolen some nuclear detonators.
He died in 2011, but sure- that's still a thing.

They also think that this is the work of a rogue agent named Ocelot (not the MGS one) who is pulling the strings.

Remember Charisma Carpenter in the first 2 Films?
Well, she's essentially been replaced by Megan Fox as Statham's Girlfriend...and also on the team.

Can we get a Comic to explain all of the changes here?  I didn't think so.

The team's mission to stop Jaa goes poorly- I won't SPOIL why- and Statham is kicked off of the team by Garcia.

In the aftermath, the remaining team- alongside Garcia- go to a ship to stop the bad guy and recover the nuke.

Fortunately, Statham meets another former Expendable- Jaa- and they end up helping the others.

Can the group save the day?
Can they ever get the CGI sky around the boat to look convincing?

To find out, stream it now...

Oh jeez, I really wanted to like you, Movie.

As stated, I like the first 3.  Hell, I own them!
They have problems- I don't pretend otherwise.

That said, this one has so many things working against it...

* Previous Cast gone with no explanation
* New Cast gets no buildup

* This random Vietnamese lady (who they say is Chinese) joins up off-screen.
* Stallone does nearly nothing here (he is older than both of my Parents TBF)
* They don't even do the Opening Action Scene right (it's crosscut with Stallone's bits)

* The twists were way too obvious

* The CGI blood is silly.
* The CGI for the night sky around the boat (and for moving vehicle shots) looks TERRIBLE.

Positives include the influx of Thai/Indonesian Action Stars, Statham still being Statham and some fun action at times.

Otherwise, this one should have either been made by 2017 (at the latest) or not at all.

Unless, of course, they could make the Film that people wanted based on the many, MANY Fake AI Trailer Images...

Really Old Man Barney!

A Film that goes from being fun to painful.  The whole thing is a mess and not even an enjoyable one.

Should You Bother?: The Expendables- Extended Director's Cut

 I liked The Expendables when it came out in 2010.  It was a Film that knew what it wanted to be and was just that.

I've seen the 2nd and 3rd Films.  I'll see the 4th in time.

Hell, I own all 3 Films.

So, I was surprised as hell to find the Director's Cut sitting in a bin at a Thrift Store.  It was a thing?!?

Well, it is.  
It came out in 2011, released during Production of The Expendables 2.

This one is a bit complicated, but worth talking about...

A quick recap and then I can get into the meat of things...

The Expendables are a group of Mercenaries who take out bad guys.  They're a bit jaded, but take an assignment to help out an Island nation under a Military Coup...and the CIA.

They come in and save the day, growing as people and regaining some humanity in the process.

All yours now, Sly.

Should You Bother?

The big additions here are, get this, Character Moments.

Yes, in a Film like this.

Most of the new Content is about that, including showing a longer version of Statham's initial breakup with his girlfriend and having him talk about how it upsets him later as they explore the Island.

I've read some people say that this is annoying, but, let's be honest- we've all been around guys- and gals- like this.

Other Characters like Jet Li's Ying Yang (they all have codenames FYI) getting some time to talk here and a longer version of Toll Road (Randy Couture) talking about his past experiences.

He gets a nice monologue about his cauliflower ears and how they shaped him, which will surely run during his eventual Oscar Reel.

A small change, but a big one.

In the Theatrical Cut, we see Gunnar (Dolph Lundgren) hired by the bad guys to take out the group (after they fire him).

In the Extended Cut, we see how he got there- he stowed away on the Plane.

On top of that, HE offers them his services, not the other way around.

Mind you, he seems to die in both Cuts and then is just happily alive and back with the group at the End.

There are other changes here, like switching out Music Tracks to better fit the mood and using the Theme Song during the Climax.

Most of them, however, are very minute.

Simply put, Movies- unless you're Clint Eastwood Directing them- do multiple takes and pick the best (hopefully).

As such, nearly every Scene that isn't added is a slightly different take.

To give just one example, this is the Theatrical Cut...

...and the Extended Cut.

This is a Director's Cut after all, so he is just picking the takes that he preferred.

Verdict: Yes.

You can argue about whether he should have cut 'The Boys are Back in Town' from the Film and stuff like that, but honestly, this Version is what Sly wanted to make.

His Characters are more nuanced, have an Arc and are fully formed.

The Theatrical Cut is mostly there, but this is an improvement.

Project Terrible: Mercenaries (2014)

Another Asylum Film- thanks Maynard- and this one dares to copy The Expendables series...

Sisters are doing it for themselves!  

Mind you, what they are doing is Starring in a pretty shit Action Film.  This is not great.  

Considering the caliber of all of those involved, this should come as no shock.  

Cynthia Rothrock has some diehard fans, but you'd be hard-pressed to name any legitimately great Films she's been in.  Zoe Bell is a great Stunt Performer and looks bad-ass, but is kind of in the same boat.  

Kristanna Loken has been in way too many Uwe Boll Films (and the Mortal Kombat show).

 Brigitte Nielsen is more famous for dating Flava Flav these days.  

Vivica A. Fox was in Sharknado 2.  Now consider that this is an Asylum Film and...well, you get the idea.  

With the bar appropriately low, I will say that this Film does have some decent moments.  They are really buried among the terrible ones...but they are there.  

The Film walks that fine line between being fun and being insistent.  It often steps over it though, sadly.  

The Plot involves some bad lady kidnapping the President's daughter overseas and holding her hostage.  She apparently hates men and doesn't respect women, so the government decides to send 4 women soldiers to save her.  I can't see why that is a bad idea!  

Can the rag-tag group work together and save the day?  Can they possibly match up to the Expendables?  To find out, read on...

Evil Brigitte has kidnapped the President's Daughter...who is traveling through a war-stricken country in a two-car convoy.  Why would you question that?

Let me also note that Brigitte was married to Stallone at one point.  Coincidence?

With only 48 hours, the U.S. Government decides to take 4 ladies out of Military Prison and make them a team.  

They say that there aren't any lady Soldiers around...but who buys that?

After the standard 'Here is what you do and here is your gear bit,' they deposit the foursome in the field.  

Time to work...after you're done posing.

They get off to a rocky start, but each team members' skills pay off in their own way.

They infiltrate Brigitte's gang with the help of an inexplicable urchin (don't ask) and work to free the First Daughter.  

What could go wrong?

Well, of course, something does go wrong...but I won't SPOIL what.  

I'm just a dick like that.

Will they make it back or will they fail?  

To find out, watch the Film (if you insist).  The End.

It is really not that good.  

The Asylum did try a little on this one- just not nearly enough.  There is an attempt to make this a fun, comic-style Action Film.  You have mostly big personalities (although Lokken still doesn't emote much), sometimes silly Action and a Comic Book-style Panel Transition between Scenes.  

Unfortunately, you can only gussy up something like this so much.  Am I allowed to say 'lipstick on a pig' yet?  

The Action, Story and Presentation defy logic in many ways.  

Can you make buttons that apparently function like C-4?  

Can you survive a 2-Story fall onto a metal truck roof AND being shot?  

Why does a villain fire a half-dozen shots at your prone body, but never hit your head?  

Why do armed men continue to insist on only karate-fighting you?  

This and many more questions will be asked by you if you choose to watch this Film.  There are just way too many logical leaps that you will have to make here.  

The whole thing just feels kind of cheap too.  Not once did it ever seem like they were not still in California.  It just doesn't feel as fun as they want it to be, as interesting as they think it is and as exciting as they intended.  

I still have seen worse Asylum Films (like the ones I gave Maynard this Round), but *gasp* I have actually seen better...or at least more entertaining.  

On the plus side, they can actually spell 'Mercenaries' here...

Next up, I dig into some Creature Features that have been eluding me for awhile.  Will I go mutant mammal or giant bug?  Stay tuned...

Immediate Response: The Expendables 3

Nobody else is apparently seeing it, so I will (and did last night)!

Can Stallone and company keep it up in a third film.  Let's see...

The Good

- The film plays to its base (like me) well.  Big Action, Characters and explosions.
- The new guys like Snipes, Banderas and Rousey all bring something new.

- There is some fun Meta Humor involving Snipes being broken out of jail and Bruce Willis being gone ("Church is...out of the picture.").   Plus 'Get to the Choppa!'
- Even though I hate him as a person (do I need to explain?), Mel Gibson is a good Gonzo villain.
- The youth influx is a good idea and could play into future tales.

The Bad

- I missed Terry Crews here (his part is small).
-With the whole Youth vs Experience Story, poor Liam Hemsworth (who was a young member in the last film) gets no mention?  Weird, right?

- Jet Li is back...to do no Kung-Fu.  Alright then.
- While it is fun, the movie's talk of mortality and revenge doesn't make it deep.  Sorry, Stallone.

Ultimately, The Expendables 3 is a big, loud and fun film.  

Everyone shines a bit.  If you aren't a fan though, this one probably won't convert you.