Holiday Re-Post: Goodbye Uncle Tom (aka Addio Zio Tom)

***I feel the need to preface the entire review by saying that I pretty much agree with nothing that this movie says. When you read what this movie has to say, you will understand my discretion.***

In the wake of Mondo Cane, the Mondo sub-genre was born. You had a ton of imitators (including the makers of Mondo Bizarro) and a slew of follow-up films by the men who started it. Their latter films- including Africa Addio and Women of the World- were met with controversy related to their impartiality and just how real the events were. The bottom line-they faked stuff.  They didn't always fake the Animal stuff, unfortunately, but their Films were full of staged crap.  The other critique- their Films were Racist.  I can't deny the facts that people cited for their case (which you can read for yourself), but I also can't speak to the state of mind of two people I never met- both of whom are also dead.  Sufficed to say, the accusations affected them deeply.  With that in mind, they naturally, they followed this up by making a fake Documentary (presented as if it was shot at the time it took place) about very real events- the Age of Slavery in America. It was called...

There is pretty much no getting past that title, is there? I don't blame you. It is what kept me from renting this film for months. Am I glad that I did? Well, I would answer with an emphatic 'Yes...and no.' It's as emphatic as I am going to get.

To note- this Reviews is based on the Italian Cut (shown below), but the majority of content is shared between this and the U.S. Release.  There is not much point in covering them both separately.  Got it?

The begins darkly enough in the wake of Martin Luther King Jr.'s death- thanks, Movie. It gives you the dark side of the Black Power movement and its statements. Are you ready for the other side? Tough shit- you ain't getting them here! Therein lies the biggest problem of the movie: representation. More on that later.

A little bit later (though longer than it should be), the film finally introduces the most controversial element of it: Time-Travel. Yes, you read that right. It also gives us the title screen a good 20 minutes in.  What is this- a Christopher Nolan Film? 

The bulk of the film is done in a Faux-Documentary style. The idea is that when we are in the Antebellum times, the camera(s) are the eyes of Italian documentarians who are visiting (ha ha, real clever).  Of course, they also fly in via Helicopter, so...logic?

Unfortunately, the Movie can't agree on a format. We get numerous shots from behind cells or from really awkward angles that would not be a place where a person would go. We also get time jumps back to the present (of 1971). This is like Lost, only a lot more racist and annoying.

The movie is very long (the cut I watched was 136 minutes), so I will give you a bullet point representation of the film's narrative...

-Black people are put on a boat, mutilated and sent to a camp to be 'cleaned.'

-Black people are used as slaves/sex objects/breeding machines/cattle.
-White people are all self-righteous assholes who think that black people are animals.

-All white Preachers in the South think that slavery was ordered by God.

-All white men want to have sex with black women and not their wives.

-All white women don't give a shit about their slaves and/or abuse them.

-Oh yeah, black slaves never talk. Ever!

Just picture that for two hours, throw in some random nudity (male/female and adults/children) and horrible, horrible dialog and you have the movie. They throw in horrible imagery (the little girl leading the naked black boy being one of the worst) and expect you to go 'whoa, it's so profound.' 

Here is the other big problem: they just make shit up- all the time. 
- Did Andrew Jackson hunt runaway slaves? No. 
- Did French nuns keep slaves? No. 
- Was there a black whorehouse run by a half-black midget called 'The General?' I seriously doubt it. 

So why put it in the movie and taint any good narrative/sense of reality that you had? Because you're a bunch of idiots. At least the later realized how bad the Movie is (according to a 2003 documentary about the pair of directors).  Better late than never, I guess.

After all that, the Film ends with the Black Power people starting a violent revolt and killing the 'White Devils' (at least in the Italian Cut).  See what I meant about representation now?

A bad Film for a number of reasons.  One we'd like to forget, but really shouldn't- no matter how hard it may be.

Rare *Parody* Flix: Mr. Mike's Mondo Video

It's obscure and weird- my kind of movie!  Today's film is Mr. Mike's Mondo Video, a weird weird film by a weird, weird Writer.  Michael O'Donoghue was a Writer on Saturday Night Live when it first came out and made TV History.  His warped sense of humor really helped the show stand out as being weird.  This is the show that somehow segued from two men dressed in bee costumes to men in bee costumes singing Sam & Dave to The Blues Brothers.  The goal of this film is simple (yet ridiculous): parodying Mondo Films.  Laughing at Mondo Films- who would do such a thing?!?  The film is described as a direct Parody of Mondo Cane, but that's a bit misleading.  One thing that makes it somewhat different is that the Host- Mr. Mike, naturally- appears on-camera and serves a bridge for the segments.  The segments are quirky and strange- that's for damn sure!  You get cats, claymation skeletons and men disguised as dogs.  The film is notable for being an early prototype for experimental comedy used alot these days by people (as opposed to comedians) like Tim & Eric.  To see a Rare Flick that's crazy and random, read on...

This is Mr. Mike (aka Writer/Director Michael O'Donoghue).  He seems trustworthy, right?

The first segment is highlighting a man who trains cats to swim in France (to cut down on drownings).  This means tossing cats into the pool...alot.

Yeah, it is awkward to watch as a cat-lover, but it is much tamer than the shit done to animals in real Mondo films!

In the next segment, we see the secret Church of Our (Jack) Lord.  They worship the Hawaii Five-O (the original, young people) and are led by Dan Akroyd (with accompaniment from Paul Schaffer).

It is strange, but one of the stronger segments as far as being a Mondo Film Parody.

They do a Parody of the 'Man on the Street' Segments by asking people weird questions like 'Should Deaf and Dumb People Be Allowed to Sign With Both Hands While Driving.'

As a bonus, they use it as an excuse to show the Edison film in which he electrocutes an Elephant.

There's a strange bit where we see Sid Vicious sing 'My Way' as part of his solo career.  I say 'see' since the music rights were challenged for Home Video (and DVD) Release.  Rather than cut it, they just left it in to highlight the loss.

Incidentally, this same footage would be used in another film the same year (1980) and be allowed.  Weird.  It also appears in the Credits of Juan of the Dead.  Double weird!

In the 'Man on the Street' bits, we see one of the many SNL alumni here: Bill Murray.  He doesn't do a whole lot, but it's still Bill Murray.

One bit of footage is built up to for the first half of the footage.  We finally get it (after two teases).  The footage: The Laser Bra 2000.

I'll just leave it at that.

The most star-studded bit is one where women explain why they like jerks.  Said women include Margot Kidder (below), Larraine Newman, Wendy Malick (pre-Just Shoot Me), Gilda Radner, Terri Garr and Debbie Harry.

Another pair of Segments are 'Dream Sequences.'  One of them is a bit with a claymation skeleton and a cat.  The other is...Klaus Nomi.

Yes, the Pop Star/Performer/Venture Bros Character was so weird in his day that footage of him singing an Aria is weird enough to be a 'Dream Sequence'...in this movie.

The final bit involves an African Tribe that only gets our Pop Culture leftovers (like Pet Rocks, etc) and has abandoned their old ways.  Mike makes derisive commentary about how their society has collapsed...until they hear him and kill him.

Here's a twist: someone is doing the Cannibal Holocaust bit- 2 years before that film would come out!  The End.

It's a weird, mixed bag of madness.  There is no theme to this film other than 'Random Ideas Are Weird.'  Yes, it is framed as a film made by Mr. Mike.  Other than that though, he has no message or anything.  He doesn't even really pretend to.  Far be it from me to nitpick a film from 1980 made by a guy who died in 1995, but maybe he should have done it.  As it is, it is slightly more cohesive than A Kentucky Fried Movie.  That film tends to be more laugh out loud funny, while this one is often laugh at how odd things are funny.  I've used the word weird- or other synonyms of it- alot here.  Given that this film features footage from an old skin flick, someone's home movies (don't ask) and footage of Dan Akroyd's webbed feet, what other word(s) fit?  The whole thing is a nice bit of experimental film-making that is an easy recommendation to those who like the modern versions of such thing.  If you're not, you are just going to be very confused by the whole damn thing.  As someone who watches bad movies for a living (you pay me to do this, right?), I get it.  Let this man's fashion sense say it all...

Next up, an important film to look at for those like me who skipped the 2013 Carrie Remake.  Let's see how the 2002 Version ended up to gauge our interest level.  Stay tuned...

Fake-o Documentary-o: Mondo Freudo

Strippers.  Exotic Dancers.  Ladies of the night.  This is their movie.  Today's film is Mondo Freudo, a film whose title makes later sense.  'Freudo' is not a word.  Mondo Bizarro sounds weird, but does actually translate (roughly) into 'Weird World.'  Using that logic, the film's title translates to 'Freud World.'  Yeah, that's not a thing.  According to Google, Freudo-Marxism is a thing.  It's a deep and complex study about Sociology, so it has nothing to do with this film.  Released the same year as Bizarro, this film feels almost like its weird leftovers.  I'm actually a bit surprised that the shitty globe doesn't reappear here.  The premise of the film: people are really weird.  Yeah, that's about it.  To find out why this film is practically-considered to be an Extra on the Disc as opposed to a companion film, read on...

The film begins with a Crew Member- actually Director Lee Frost- setting up a camera near a beach.  This is followed by B-Roll of people who clearly didn't sign Releases.

After that, we see the beach at night.  Why you'd frolic on a beach where cameras have been set-up all day is anyone's guess.  The pay-off: sex on the beach (in red vision).

Strippers exist in Los Angeles!  Scandalous.

Oh and for some reason parts of the film are in black and white.  No, they don't explain this.

More Strippers- now in Color.  Joy.

...and we're back to black-and-white.  This time we get something really scandalous: lesbian escorts!

At least, that's what they tell us.  If you think that ANYTHING is going to happen in this film, you are sorely-mistaken.  Sorry, Freud(o).

We get more scandalous with alleged footage of some Cultists doing a ceremony with a lady (with implants), hypnosis and red paint...I mean, blood.  It sure was nice of those people to let you film this.

Of course, they didn't let you film them taking her virginity...because this lady with the implants is pure as white snow.

We get some real Foreign action as we see Japanese Fetish Models doing a show.  In 1966, this may have raised some eyebrows.  Today...we have the Internet.

There is no big climax here.  Well, okay, there is mud wrestling, but...yeah.  Instead, let's close the film with some place who's name had to be removed from the Credits.  I'd love to know that story.  The End.

For crying out loud, do you have a message?  I mean, really now!  Mondo Bizarro wasn't much better, but they at least...okay, that was a bad example.  Mondo Cane had a message about how strange the World that you don't know is.  Good-Bye, Uncle Tom (aka Addio Zio Tom) had a message about how Slavery was bad (as if that wasn't obvious).  Brutes & Savages is about how one White guy can apparently survive the dangers of the Wild (of California).  None of the films are honest at all.  This film is no exception.  At least Mondo Bizarro the website is completely-honest (except when it makes fake movie posters).  The big difference here is that this film is 90% footage of Strippers/Exotic Dancers/Performers.  Mondo Strip Clubo would be more honest.  I would like to recommend this film.  However, it has much less to talk about than the film that it is bundled with.  That film is stupid, but is so hilariously-fake that I kind of love/hate it.  This film has no point, other than to establish that breasts exist.  By the way, breasts exist.  Take us away, angry kid in the B-Roll (who didn't sign a release either)...

Next up, a film from Cuba.  I'm all about firsts here, so let's take a bite.  Stay tuned...

2,300th Post Celebration: Mondo Bizarro (1966)...Again

My how time flies.  Way back in July of 2009, I reviewed a film called Mondo Bizarro.  I had no idea when I started a website of the same name that it was a movie and a Ramones album.  Hell, I barely knew that it actually translated into a real expression: weird world.  The movie- which comes bundled with Mondo Freudo- is a curious one.  In case you're new to this, here's a quick summary of what Mondo Films are.  Mondo Cane was a big hit that 'showed people the World.'  Remember that this was in the very early '60s and long before National Geographic had its own Channel (or three)!  'Mondo Cane' translates to 'A Dog's World' and was apparently what the film was showing you (allegedly).  After the film was a hit, a lot of imitators jumped on board- in addition to the successive films made by the Directors.  That is how we got such classics as Mondo Magic, Mondo Topless and *arguably* Faces of Death.  This film is notable because it clearly is not what it claims to be.  It claims to be a look at real, weird facts and behavior around the globe.  What it actually is however is a film shot almost entirely in Los Angeles that is full of mostly-fake, mostly-staged events.  It is films like this that have given Mondo Films their alternate meaning- faked Documentaries.  Depending on your point-of-view, many films from recent times could be considered to be 'Mondo Films,' usually political films that don't align with people's own opinions.  That's far too serious to be talked about side-by-side with this film.  To see if I named the site after a terrible, terrible film, read on...

This is a globe.  This is a globe in a terrible movie.  Any questions?

Our first scene is a bunch of women being filmed by a 'hidden camera' in a 'real changing room.'  Some poor guy had to spend hours (possibly days) physically-scratching the film's negative to 'blur out' the eyes of these women.

You'll learn later that it has nothing to do with them suing.  I'm 99% sure that doesn't work that way anyhow.

The first real segment is about how people practice Voodoo in the Bahamas.  To maintain the 'this is real' illusion, they shot from about a mile away...at night...in the dark.  Enjoy.

In the next bit, we see a man going for a 'special massage' in Japan.  In one shot, it appears to be a Japanese man (who signs in the log book in Japanese), but suddenly becomes a white guy who speaks no Japanese for the scene.  Weird.

Oh and it's a joke bit.  The special massage: it's just being rubbed down with egg yolk.  Ha ha?

The next segment is informative.  In it, we learn that boobs exist and that bras hold them in.

It's actually about Frederick's of Hollywood, but...just look at this shot.  Russ Meyer approved!

This guy supposedly is a Yogi and can do ridiculous things like sleeping on beds of nails.  The scary part isn't when he drives nails through his body.

No, it's his freaky, super-thin, attached to his lip mustache that makes him look like a massive pedophile.

We next see a play allegedly being performed in Europe.  It's mostly an excuse to have a woman whipped and naked on stage.

Apparently plays like this were a thing.  I still 100% doubt that what they were showing was real though.  Could you imagine a Stage Show about Naziis whipping a 'young girl' would play to an audience of middle-aged couples?

The big finale takes place 'in Lebanon' (they even thank the Bureau of Lebanese Affairs).  Naturally, this film spends a good five minutes SHOWING YOU HOW THEY SET UP THEIR EQUIPMENT.

This film was ahead of its time.  It included a Making Of Featurette...only they put it into the film itself.

The big scene worth all of this build-up: illegal slave trade in Bronson Canyon...I mean, Lebanon.  The evil Arabs sell three ladies and a young man...which our Documentary Crew do nothing to stop.

Now here's the real reason for that 'eye blurring out' bit from the beginning- they use the same ladies.  Only this time, they blur out their genitals.  That's...good.

One awkward wrap-up and shot of that stupid globe again...and we're out.  The End.

This film has not aged well (in the four years since I saw it last).  Oh and it definitely hasn't aged well in the forty-eight years since it was made too.  As a product of its time, it is mostly an excuse to show Hippies, boobs and more boobs.  As a film viewed in a modern context, it is a stupid and shallow experience.  I'd love to know if someone saw it long ago and actually bought into it.  I really do.  As a modern viewer, this film has no real plot and just panders.  It is ironic that a film with 'Mondo' in the title never leaves the State of California!  The segments are mostly-silly and ridiculous.  A man eating 'glass' for dinner?  Sure.  A freaky man poking needles through his cheek?  Alright.  All those shots of women in bras- Damn!  There is a certain air of ironic hubris about the film too.  Like I said, they 'Thank' all of these places like Japan and Lebanon for their assistance, while clearly never needing to renew their Passports.  If nothing else, these people had cajones!  If you are a more forgiving viewer and want to see what people thought the 1960's looked like, this film does that well.  If you're looking for a real film about the world, look elsewhere.  This film has such a one-track 'mind' that they even find a way to include nudity in their B-Roll of Los Angeles...

Next up, I actually cover that Norwegian film that I promised.  It sure is...a movie.  Stay tuned...

Mondo Does Mondo: Brutes and Savages

It's important to remember that this is all true.  Oh and it's not racist.  Today's film is Brutes and Savages, a film that just screams 'totally not judgmental.'  For the uninitiated, here's a quick summary of what Mondo Films are.  Starting with Mondo Cane, the genre came about.  Mondo Films are Documentaries...but from a skewed perspective.  Mondo Films are 'Message Films' (films that go out to prove a message, no matter what they actually find).  Mondo Films' messages are almost always 'look out how weird other people are- they don't act like us!'  Mondo Cane and (most of) the rest were about showing you other Cultures from an 'unfiltered perspective' and telling you 'the truth.'  So that's what this film is.  With a title like Brutes & Savages, you must know what to expect.  You will see 'weird cultures,' 'crazy rituals' and lots of Animals killed on-screen.  Yeah, the 1970s were a bit more lax about that thing- especially if you were Italian.  I will be very selective with my shots, so don't worry P.E.T.A.  To see if this lesser-known Mondo Film is worth a look, read on...

I have a question right off of the bat: who the hell is Arthur Davis?!?

Seriously, they advertise this like you should go 'Oh look- it's Arthur Davis!'  This is his only IMDB Credit, so...yeah.

This, however, is the most telling Shot of all.  Just read the last bit of text above the Copyright Information.  I'll wait.

So yeah, The Man in the Yellow Hat here is telling you that he's going to stage some (if not most) of the scenes.  Feel free to doubt anything you see here.

The first part of the film involves him 'finding' some 'Tribe' (who's name I'm sure that I can't spell) and watching their rituals.  They apparently love to paint their faces.  Is this guy the head of Anonymous' African Branch?

There's not much to talk about here.  The Tribe has a ritual involving a bunch of people fighting.

My question: where did the 'Natives' get the plastic tubing for this mask?

There's this guy.  I think that this speaks for itself really.

Oh and there's an hilariously-fake bit with a Crocodile.  More on that in the wrap-up.

Skipping past some Animal killing, some Animals killing each other and a half-hearted expose on people that grow Coca Leafs, we see people in Central America who run around and beat each other as part of some totally-real ceremony.

This guy is the winner...or loser, depending on how you look at things in the long-term.

After a random sub-plot about Arthur Davis getting the guy brain surgery (for his concussion...apparently)- which I'm sure was top-notch back then-, we get a guy showing us some pornographic sculptures.  No, really.

Will I ever run out of different things to censor?  I hope not!

The film ends in Central America with Llamas having sex.  There's more, but...can you really think about anything else right now?  I thought not.  The End.

Yeah, it's not good.  Let's not split hairs: this is a silly and fake movie.  If you skip the real scenes are Animals being killed (whether by 'Natives' or each other), it's all pretty harmless.  That's not counting the racism that it helped 'justify,' of course.  This is not Faces of Death.  Mondo Cane is kind of the same way.  Aside from certain parts (where they may or may not have killed that Turtle by flipping it), it is mostly 'look at how weird this is!'  I was expecting more graphic stuff.  The worst part (content-wise and ethically) is the bit near the End where they imply that the Tribe will actually have sex with the Llamas.  Implied (and mostly-staged) bestiality, folks!  Bear in mind, I've seen a film where a 'Native' appears to screw a Goat, so it's not the worst thing that I've seen.  Even so, Ew.  The counterpoint is the hilariously-bad scene where the men do a 'rite of passage' where they must cross a Crocodile-filled river.  Yeah, that is totally a thing.  When the man is attacked, you see an awkward mix of a puppet Crocodile kind of gnawing on a guy's hand in a muddy river and a real Crocodile...in a pool.  Yeah, it's silly as hell.  Whoever thought that this Scene was convincing really needs some glasses!  In summary, Brutes and Savages is a lot more tame (and boring) than you would think.  If you can skip/gloss over the Animal deaths, it is mostly a silly look at how life was before the Discovery Channel.  Take us away, awkward comparison shots...

Next up, a Kurt Angle movie that I bought from Blockbuster.  With a Cast of Wrestlers, you just know that it's going to turn out great!  Stay tuned...