Shudder Day: Sea Fever (2019)

 In spite of living on a peninsula, I'm not much of a 'go on a boat' guy.

That said, Films like this remind me that maybe it is for the best.

This is...

Siobhan is a Marine Biologist who is studying for her Education.

As part of that, she must work on a boat to get firsthand experience.

Things are awkward enough- a tightknit crew welcoming in a stranger- but she's also a redhead.

They go out to Sea, but there's clearly some tension already.  Money is tight and they need this haul to go well.

This leads the Captain- almost Wolverine once Dougray Scott- to go into an area that's off-limits, hoping to catch more.

Instead, they are caught by...something!

They send Siobhan down to check the water around the ship, thinking that it is barnacles.

As you can tell, she's thrilled about this.

It turns out to be the tendril of some sort of strange creature, like a jellyfish or a squid.

She spots a ship nearby and goes to it with two of the crew.

In case you didn't know, we are in full The Thing territory, so the nearby group are all dead.

Things get bad on the ship as one of the crew gets infected and acts strange.

He dies and the risk of infection is now clear.

Siobhan wants them to wait 36 hours to make sure that nobody is infected.

The trip back to the mainland is slowed down and now we go full The Thing with the group testing the others.

Who is infected?
Who will die?

To find out, stream it now.

A slow burn Horror Film, which is ironic given how much water is always on screen.

The Film does a nice job of setting up the 'world' of the Film with its characters, setting and intrigue.
You get why people make the choices that they do.

Things happen really organically, as well.  It is nice to see.

The creature of the Film (teased on every other Poster than the one I picked) is an interesting one.  This is another case of an animal as the 'villain' by way of it just doing what it does naturally (pun fully intended).

There's no evil monologue or big reveal- it is just a creature.

The conflict comes from how the people react to it, the situation and each other.
And yes, it does somewhat borrow that from The Thing as well.

All of that said, this one is a recommendation for those looking for a more nuanced and less visceral Film.
And no, it's not about this thing...

Seriously, who made this?!?

A Film about what happens when everyone starts to make bad choices.  Nature is not always there to help you out either.

Shudder Day: The Mortuary Collection (2019)

 As a connoisseur of Horror Anthology Films, I'm actually surprised that I've missed this one.

Let's make up for lost time with my Review of...

Clancy Brown runs a Mortuary- naturally- and he has a Help Wanted sign out front.

After a kid's funeral, a young lady is hanging around and asks for a job.

He tells her that he has a Library full of stories about how people ended up in his care...

In the first Segment, a thieving woman gathers her ill gotten wares in the bathroom.

However, there's a danger hiding behind the mirror!

The young lady is less than impressed with this tale.

As such, he tells her another- 'Unprotected.'

A dirty young man- Jacob Elordi- is part of a Fraternity that focuses on hooking up with chicks.
So, a normal Fraternity.

After he hooks up with a young lady without protection, he starts to feel...different.

After a brief bit in the Mortuary, we get the third segment- Till Death.

A man marries a woman and she goes into a seemingly irreversible vegetative state.

A Doctor- the same one who saw Elordi- gives him a way out.

Taking it, however, won't be as easy as he hoped.

Another bit at the Mortuary sheds more light on the new hire before she tells a story of her own- The Babysitter Murders.

A young woman battles a stranger in the House after hearing about a breakout at the Asylum.

Of course, there are twists and turns galore.

The finale is the end of our Framing Device.

The truth about all parties comes out and fate changes for them all.

To find out more, stream it now.

A very different kind of Anthology Film- and that's not necessarily a bad thing.

A typical one of these has disparate Stories with a Theme throughout.  A more modern approach is making up the Film out of Segments by many different Directors.

This one is more like the former, having one single Director and a general Theme.
It's also the 2nd one of these I've watched about a Mortician telling tales to someone.

In fact, the last Story is just a Short Film made a few years earlier by the same Director.

With one Director, you get little throughlines and connections, which I like.

The Doctor in every Segment (save the Bathroom one) is one of the guys from the 'Progressive Helps You From Turning Into Your Parents' Ads, so that was a nice refrain.

The Segments were a bit varied in both story and setting, but not direction.  If that's alright with you, great.

As a group of segments, I've seen better.
As a singular Film, it looked pretty good.

Will this face help me with the algorithm?

An Anthology Film that is more of a sampler of a Director's work than anything.  It's still quite fun overall, especially with Clancy Brown in it.

Yuletide Terror: Black Christmas (2019)

 Black Christmas, I gave you, my heart.
The very next....13 years later, you gave it away.

This is 2019's Black Christmas, a Film that was, well, not received well.  I've gone all of this time without watching it.

That said, it took me 17 years from its release date to watch the 2006 Remake.  This one was only 6 years.

The Plot, well, is a loose Remake of the original Bob Clark Film.  Much like the so-called Prom Night Remake, it takes some elements, uses the name and...that's it.

This one has ladies in peril on Christmas, but not from an unseen killer, not trapped in the House...and not with a bizarre, tacked on Third Act in the Hospital.

So, if you want to be mad at this Film, do it for different reasons than 'It's another Remake.  LOL.  Hollywood has no original ideas anymore!'

Can our vastly different Cast of would-be Victims stop the killer (or killers) before it is too late?

To find out, read on...

In the (wintery) Cold Open, a person is stalking a woman down the Street and sending threatening texts.

She thinks she escapes...but fails.

The Story follows a Sorority that has some issues with many people on campus.

One of them is a Student who 'took advantage' of Riley here.
The other is a Teacher (Cary Elwes) who is accused of misogyny.

But who cares- it is Christmas!

After a satirical remake of the Christmas song from 'Mean Girls,' they start getting threatening texts from...the Founder of the School.

Said Founder is obviously dead, but they did force the Campus to remove his bust from display.

'Do you like Christmas Movies?'

Things escalate when some of the girls go missing.

Riley begins to suspect that the guy she (accurately) accused of assault is behind things.
Is he?

We also get some light homages to the original (and possibly Exorcist 3).

The group manages to band together when the killer breaks into their Sorority House.
Just like in the Original...kind of.

However, things take a turn when more than one killer appears...and it only gets weirder from there.

This is one of those Films with a bizarre turn (or 3) in Act 3 that you will either love or hate.

I'll share my thoughts on it shortly.

Until then, feel free to (festively) stream it now...

A Film that I honestly liked more than the official Remake from 2006.

Should I set the bar higher?

For me, this has all of the now-classic elements of a Modern Slasher.  
The only thing missing for me is the excessive gore.

Don't mistake this for a Family Film, but some Scenes- like, say, an arrow to the face- are far more subdued than you would expect from this kind of Film.

This Film is one that really benefits those that pay attention to the little details and can make some interesting, logical leaps too.  I won't SPOIL the big Twists, but they are hiding in plain sight.

I know that the whole 'Girl Power/Girl Boss' energy turned many people away.  You do you.

Said Twists do elevate this one for me from, say, another Scream Film or one of its ilk.  It is a freaking bonkers twist, but I liked it.

It is what I call 'a big reach' and it worked out for me.

If you're burnt out on Remakes, consider a Film like this that is less paint-by-numbers than many.  Whether you let this Film play out or not, there's something there to see- even if it is well hidden.

A 'Remake' that gave me lots of bizarre joy.  It's definitely 'a lot' though!

A Merry Christmas to all who read this, whether you give this Film a chance or not.

Tubi Thursday: Rabid (2019)

 Did I specifically watch the 1977 version of Rabid so that I could then talk about the 2019 Remake?

Duh.

Let's see how they compare...

Our Heroine- Laura Vandervoot- is supposedly an ugly duckling of a lady working for a Fashion Designer.

'Just give her reddish cheeks- she's hideous!'

After hearing some bad news- a guy she liked was asked by her friend to ask her out- she gets in an accident on her motorbike.

How bad is she?

Well, she looks a bit like Jennifer (from Jennifer- Masters of Horror and Comic).

The Soska Sisters and company made it pretty freaky, so I'll spare you from it.

She's horrified by her appearance and is given free medical care by a Doctor named after William S. Burroughs- a name you can trust.

For some reason, he's dressed like the Doctor from a DIFFERENT David Cronenberg Film.

***See the original for reference***

In a weird subversion of the Original Film, our Heroine starts attacking people and then doesn't remember it.

In the 1977 Film, she remembered, but the victims didn't.

She attacks some other people, while putting on a show of being normal.

Amongst her victims is...CM Punk.

Look in my eyes.  What do you see?
A guy about to be turned into a rage zom-bie!

She tries to keep working as she struggles with her body's changes and the spread of infection, as her victims attack others.

Can she balance work life balance with being a Typhoid Mary?

To find out, stream it now.

A Film that is pretty flawed, but is a good example of how you should do a Remake.

This is not a 1-to-1 Remake.  It would have been easy to do it.

We get key moments shown- like a Santa being shot by Cops- or TOLD to us having happened- we hear about the Subway Bite Attack.  
It is not a bad idea- mostly.

This version does do a better job of making the Heroine/Typhoid Mary into a real Character.  Chambers wasn't bad, but she was just going from place-to-place infecting people.  Her ending Arc was good, but that's about it.

Which one is better?
As a Film, I'd say that the Original is still better.
The Remake does many things right and different though and it is more than just a soulless copy.

At least I'm done with David Cronenberg Remakes, right?
Right?!?

A Film that is honestly a fair attempt at doing a new Version of a classic Film.  If you like it or not, they did try some things.

Tubi Thursday: The Final Level- Escaping Rancala

 As far as Reboots go, Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle was fine.

Since it made lots of money, they made a Sequel in 2019.
The Asylum made a rip-off that same year...

In 2012, a kid goes missing inside of a video game.

Oh, so this is just Tron?

10 years later, his Sister reopens the Arcade he disappeared inside of.

They activate a game called Rancala and see that he's apparently trapped inside.

They agree to enter the game, since he's listed as Player One and the game is seeking Players 2-4.

They appear on a Beach.

Despite two of them being Gamers, they somehow forget how Games work.

We also get an NPC like Rhys Darby, but worse.

Can they get a hang of things?

Could they have made her look more like Karen Gillan?

Asking for a Lawyer.

Many fights occur, complete with on-screen graphics.

If only they were really good.

They're...alright...I guess.

Remember how Bai Ling is Credited on the Cover?

She finally appears at 58 minutes in the Film.

They find her at the Final Level (oh, I get it!) and she helps them fight the Super Boss.

Can they win?
To find out, stream it now.

This sure...exists.

Positives- this is a bit more like Tron, at least with the Setup. 
How the Game works without it being semi-alive like in Jumanji though...is anyone's guess.

I can also appreciate focusing on an all-Female Cast in place of getting a guy who looks like The Rock or Kevin Hart.

With that said, the Action is pretty underwhelming, the Productions Values are minimal, the Acting is only so-so and they don't do much with the Setting.

We get a few teases of what Jumanji did, but that's it.

In exchange, we get a bunch of so-so Fights, melodrama and that's about it.  Maybe that's why they rebranded it for other releases...

She fights a tiny T-Rex once, so...

A pretty underwhelming Film that feels far more like Cosplay.  I'd love for someone to do something fun with this Theme...but this isn't it.

Aquatic Killers: Crawl (2019)

 A Film that I bought before it was recommended to me.

Now that I'm back from my trip, let's end January with this 2019 Thriller...

A young woman is a trained Swimmer trying to rise up the ranks.

She's dealing with personal issues when more arise.

She's told that her estranged Father is not answering any calls and he's in the path of a Hurricane!

She drives down to find him, but is told that she can't go any further.

Since the Movie would be boring if she just sat in a Diner waiting for his call, she goes ahead and bypasses the safety stop.

She goes to his last known address and finds his dog.

Said dog indirectly leads her back to the family home, which they haven't been to in a long time.

Oh, and that Hurricane is not slowing down!

She ends up in the crawl space looking for her Father.

She eventually finds him lying there wounded as the water lever slowly rises.

Oh and there's also a hungry Alligator down there.

Worst

Roommate

Ever!

Can they survive against an Apex Predator?

To find out, watch the Film now.

A really strong Film that I'm sorry about 'sleeping on' for so long.

Sidenote: I remember going to buy Rifftrax Live tickets in 2019 and was surprised to see the old couple in front of me buying tickets for this one!

The Film is a masterwork in regard to doing so much with so little.

They have a simple, but effective set. 
Simple, but effective CGI for the Alligator effects.
The weather provides the ticking clock for the Story that creates tension.

I was wary of this one, if I'm being fully honest, as this sounded like another 'Person Trapped with X' Plot (a la Open Water or the like).  I've found those surprisingly boring and have put off others (like the original Frozen).

I was wrong.
Crawl is great.

If you still haven't seen it, check it out.  Or you can be like my Facebook buddy and just watch it again.

I'll leave you with some subtle, but also inaccurate foreshadowing.

Next up, I might as well go all in on this Theme.  Let's begin February with yet another killer reptile, which is the counterpart to Primeval.  Stay tuned...