Tubi Thursday: Prospect (2018)

Pedro Pascal.  Star Wars.  Grogu.
Does this please you, oh Algorithm?

With that out of the way, what is this actual Film like?

Let's find out...

A young woman and her father are living out in Deep Space and make a living going to Planets to prospect rare minerals.

Things take a turn when their potential haul is interrupted by the world's meanest beekeeper (aka Pedro Pascal) and his henchman.

They want their haul and their ship.

Things end up poorly for the Dad and now the Daughter has to run back to the ship.

She tries to leave, but their pod fails.

Things take yet another turn when the survivor of that incident (Pascal) shows up at her pod.

He tries to make a deal for profit and escape from the Planet (which you must wear a suit to survive on).

Can they make an uneasy alliance to get off this dusty, verdant death trap of a Planet?

Is this accidentally another Pedro Pascal Mentors Young Person in a Sci-Fi Story?
Yes, kind of.

To see how it all ends up, stream it now.

It is good, but it definitely takes its time.

This one of those Films without grand narration, some sort of dialog about the Plot or even an Audio Log.
It just throws you into this bleak World(s) of Prospectors and slowly fills in the blanks.

If you want 'hand holding' or anything other than intuitive observations to fill in the gaps, this is not for you.

The Film is full of atmosphere- and not just the vague alien spores that kill you...I guess.  It's not clear what they are, but don't inhale.

It takes some good risks and does attempt to implicate a bigger World(s) out there to explore.
There is currently not a Sequel & Pascal is probably booked steadily until 2035, so maybe do it without him.

The Film is a nice 'proof of concept.'  I'm curious to see what else they have done/will do now.

Oh no, I just blue it!

A Film that is filled to the brim with potential.  It is great with worldbuilding, but will not exactly satisfy those looking for all of the answers.

Tubi Thursday: Elves (2018)

 Oh joy, a Film that is even LESS about Elves than the 1980s Horror Film also called Elves.

This one is less disturbing for its Plot, but does have its moments...

In the Cold Open, a couple of kids seem to be corrupted by some Elf Dolls.
Is this how the last Film worked?  No.

The one left convinces his brother (I guess) to climb into the oven and he turns it on...only he clearly doesn't.

They couldn't put fake lights on the stove?!?

As noted, this is technically a Sequel to The Elf.  I covered that in 2023.

Instead of being about people killed off one-by-one thanks to a doll, this one is about people writing down their bad deeds on a 'Naughty List' as some sort of Party Game.

I'd stick with Exploding Kittens.

This plays out by one of the Elf Dolls (there are basically 2 and they never act like the Cover Photo) being near you and someone's face being morphed into Elf-like faces.

It is a genuinely creepy and good effect, to be fair.

So, naturally, this Christmas update of The Happening Meets The Boy can't just feature this.

Between attempts at lore establishment, we get a guy killed by Christmas lights and now folks in...Krampus masks?

No, I'm not counting this for my Krampus list!

To see if this all ties together, stream this Film now.

How do you make me bored with tiny, creepy little killers?

Oh right- YOU DON'T HAVE ANY.

Yes, technically, one lady throws an Elf at a guy and they imply that it bites his face.
That's it though.

The Film is so disappointing because it is just so pedestrian.  Outside of the morphing effect, they just drag every Scene out to hit their preset time limit.

If you can't be a Film worth seeing at 90 minutes, just be a Short Film!

Outside of a few key moments, the Film is just kind of dull and unfocused.  Was this someone's Sizzle Reel turned into a 'Film?'

Regardless, it doesn't exactly bring the Christmas cheer for all you weirdos like me.

A Film that has a good effect...and not much else.  It is padded to hell and just can't decide on what it should be about.

Tubi Thursday: Tomb Raider (2018)

Well, I've seen the knockoff.  
Let me see the original...

Well, the original Film based on like 10 Video Games and that is like 3 Reboots deep.

It's...

In London, Lara Croft is a grizzled(ish) woman is working dead end jobs.

Why is she so upset?

Well, her Father disappeared 7 years ago.

He was a Businessman and now she learns the truth.

He was an Explorer looking for the Tomb of a Japanese Death Goddess...as you do.

In spite of him telling her to burn his notes (to keep it from a group called Trinity), she keeps them and uses them to find the Island that supposedly houses her body.

She's rescued (but also not really) by Walton Goggins, who has been stuck there the whole time trying to find the Tomb himself.

She teams up (albeit relatively briefly) with the Boat Captain who took her there.

They work to free the people forced into slave labor.

Her Arc from Aimless Would-be Badass to actual Badass is nearly complete.

It is also worth noting that adapting a high end game made to run on PCs (even in, say, 2016) means that distinguishing between Game Footage and Film Footage is not as easy as it should be.

Do we need this?

Can Lara go full Rise of the Tomb Raider here?

Can she stop Goggins?

Can she find out the secret of the Death Goddess before it is too late?

To find out, stream it now (although it expires in 13 days at time of writing)

An enjoyable Action Film that is slightly elevated by the talent involved.

Right off the bat, this one is far more engaging than The Asylum's.  That one just didn't hook me.

It is a credit to the Cast- especially Vikander and Goggins- that the Characters are fleshed out and somewhat interesting.  The former really commits to the physicality and how it would effect Lara.

The latter is still mostly just evil, but you can understand his motivations.

It is hard not to compare this one to Uncharted- for obvious reasons.  This one feels a bit more intense and more focused, if we're being honest.

In a way, I'm sad to see this be a one-off.  Some of these people really tried hard.
Alas, we're getting yet another Reboot...but this isn't it.

This is a Chinese Bootleg I'll inevitably review.

A fairly enjoyable Film that works by feeling grounded and intense.  I do wish that they'd taken some more actual risks and less stock elements though.

Tubi Thursday: Tomb Invader (2018)

The Live-Action Tomb Raider Film from 2018 is on Tubi.

So is The Asylum's 'inspired' Film.

Let's check that one out first...

In a Cold Open, 2 ladies and a dead meat guy try to figure out which key will open a door.

They chose...poorly.

In the Present, we meet Alabama (or Ally) Channing is a Tomb Ra...er, Invader.

They basically give you the Temu Version of the Intro to the first Indiana Jones Film.

She goes back to her College Job and gets a mysterious package- her dead Mom's Journal!

A rich guy calls her and offers her a chance to get the treasure that her Mother tried to get.

She goes to the Tomb- the Title would be a lie otherwise- with her two friends, a Love Interest guy with Stubble and the rich guy.

Who will live?
Will they find the Treasure?

Our Heroine also doesn't quite dress like Lara Croft, despite what the Cover Art says.

I'm shocked.

To find out how her adventure begins (and also ends, because they decide to reboot Tomb Raider instead), stream it now...

A so-so adventure that doesn't do all that much.
I guess it does that stuff alright though.

Is this just a way to do 'Tomb Raider' without paying for the licensing?  Yes.
Not Lara Croft is good, but I never got much more out of her than 'I want to return treasures to their people' and 'I'm sad sometimes.'

She's definitely going for more...but it is missing.

The Film is set in China.
They clearly shot all of it in California.

Oh right- they used a few CGI shots of an Asian Temple they bought from a Stock Footage Website a couple of times.  I'm now convinced.

This is the kind of DTV Film that is just kind of so-so, inoffensive and you kind of forget about in a week or so.

Now let's change the Actress for the Foreign Cover...for some reason.

A Film that is halfway decent, fairly low budget and inoffensive.  Do I expect more from The Asylum at this point?

Holiday Flix- Top Gun- Maverick (2022)

 A Film that has the need- the need for speed.  That's why it took 4 years to finally come out in Theaters after they shot it.

This is Top Gun- Maverick, the Film that 'saved' Theaters.  That was the hype, wasn't it?

Thanks to my Illinois Family for getting me a free Digital Copy of this one- and the Original too.

Tom Cruise is back in the role of Maverick after (roughly) 30 years and he's here to teach the next Generation how to do it.  That's what Flight School is for, but.... shut up.

In all seriousness, the Plot involves a super-dangerous mission and they want him to prepare them for it.  Can he stop being a, well, maverick and learn to teach?

To find out how this Legacy Sequel turned out, read on...

In 2018 (when this one was actually shot), Maverick is testing a new plane, but the Military wants to put the money into drones.

Thanks, Obama!

He is told that they will only extend the program if they can get it to go Mach-10.

He does it- as the General arrives to shut things down- and then goes to 10.1 and the plane explodes.

Of course he's fine- why would you ask?

See you never again, Ed Harris.

The mostly-offscreen Iceman (Val Kilmer) keeps Maverick in the Navy, as he apparently is the Commander of the Atlantic Fleet.

He gets him a new job- as a Trainer for Top Gun (which is still NOT a real thing).

He's got to teach a whole group of Navy Pilots, including a bunch of future MCU Stars.  The first meeting of Sentry, Mr. Fantastic and new Falcon- neat!

The key person is Rooster, aka the son of his Wingman Goose.

Assuming that the timeline is 1-to-1 here, he's pushing 40 (as we see him as a 4–7-year-old kid in the Flashback) here.
Also, his Mom died between Films, since we couldn't bring back Leading Ladies from Top Gun.

The Mission is next to Impossible (see what I did there?) and he trains them for it. 

 
He also makes them simulate dog fights against him, in spite of the fact that the whole point of the mission is to get out BEFORE the enemy planes arrive.

Oh, well- an excuse for 'the old dog' to teach the young ones some new tricks.

Maverick does have a support system, including his old buddy Sundown (recast from Clarence Gilyard, since he mostly-retired from Acting in 2002).

However, hee keeps butting heads with another authority figure in the form of John Hamm.

He's never happy, until he's proven wrong by Maverick (naturally).

Back in his old stomping grounds, Maverick reunites with Charlotte to.... oh right, she aged differently than Cruise, so she's out.

Instead, he reunites with Penny, who he totally has a long-term relationship with.  Honest!

The whole thing builds up to the mission, which is to keep some Country from getting nukes.  What country, you ask?

Anyhow, it all comes down to Cruise leading the Pilots to save the day.

Can they do it?

To find out, stream it now.

A pretty enjoyable Film that really excels when you see them fly.

Did I care all that much about whether Maverick would get to keep flying?
What about Rooster and his drama?
Whether Maverick will end up with Penny?

Not that much.

They spent lots of time and money really making the interior shots of them in the jets look great.  No question- it is amazing work.

My issue is that this Legacy Sequel never quite wants to admit that the new, younger Characters can be his equals.  We get a line about them 'all being great, but this mission is difficult' to explain why he needs to lead the mission.

Wouldn't it be better if they could do it on their own and he helped them out somehow?  For all its many faults, that last Jurassic World did that right.
See also that last Indiana Jones Film.

For pure spectacle, this is great.  I saw it on 36 inch TV, so I can imagine what a Theater one was like.  I just wish that it led its newer Stars shine more.

A Film that looks amazing on so many levels and is genuinely thrilling.  As far as Legacy Sequels go, however, it is a bit noncommital.

Tubi Thursday: Triassic World (2018)

 The Asylum strikes again!  This time, let me check out their response to Jurassic World....Fallen Kingdom.

I was expecting Triassic World - Fall of the Kingdom, but alright.

A dinosaur is on the loose in a Scientific Facility.

It appears to be a mix of a Raptor and a T-Rex.
Is this a Plot Point?

No.

Our Heroes have been cloning dinosaurs and then giving them human DNA to make them into Organ Farms.

A rich guy wants to invest, but he shows up the day that everything goes wrong!

The Dinosaur attacks the potential Donor, but doesn't kill him.

As time goes on, him (and another guy who was also wounded) start to act strange.

Meanwhile, the others try to contain the creature, while coyly ripping off Jurassic Park.

The Director is clearly up to no good and knows more than they let on.

She *might* be inspired by a certain Jurassic World Character, though I can't Bryce it...I mean, place it.

*******

Can they figure out the cause of the strange behavior (that might be a bit inspired by The Last of Us)?

Can they stay alive with the Dinosaur on the loose?

Or will the release of more of the same CGI Models...I mean, Dinosaurs spell their end?

To find out, stream the Film now.

A Film that has none of the ambition of what it is ripping off.

Does that make it bad?

Positives first.

I like that they seemed to have a practical Dinosaur body for some shots.  Good.

The Acting is pretty good.

The one CGI Model looks fine.

The Film really leans into being bloody, so just be aware.
The Tone is very morose.  It is a Film where joy goes to die (at the bloody teeth of dinosaurs).

I'm all for making fun Dinosaur Films, whether you spent $1 million or $150 million.

I just wish that this was fun.

Sorry, Japanese Poster- you're too good for this one.

A Film that is a much lower scope and scale rip-off marketing-wise.  I just wish that it was really fun or interesting.

Tubi Thursday: Children of the Corn- Runaway (2018)

 What happens when you don't want to lose a license?
You make a Film that nobody asked for- that's what.

Dimension Films did this a couple of times in 2018 and this sure is one of them.

Want to see more evil Children?
Someone use Corn Magic (that's a phrase coming out of the moth balls!)?

Well, you're in luck...

...kind of.

You get a little bit of that.

You mostly just follow this lady named Ruth who apparently was 30 when she left the Cult, burned down the field and had a kid.

13 years later, she still looks 30 and is now raising said kid.

They go from town to town to get as far away from Gatlin as possible.

I guess a plane trip was just out of the question, eh?

The Film gives you snippets and teases of what it could do with new, updated effects.

Let's see people get killed and the blood/viscera float in CG freeze frame!

Ooh, let's play a death backwards.

Now let's only do that like 3 times over 80 minutes.

Instead, let's continue to follow Ruth as the people around her are killed and she tries to avoid the Cult...by not leaving Town.

It's a thrill ride...if the ride breaks down right at the start and makes you wait an hour.

The End.

I really don't like to be negative.  I really don't.

That said, this was not an enjoyable Film.

It wasn't even a well-made Film that happened to be bleak and/or depressing.

I can live with those.

Instead, this one- by Feast Trilogy Director John Gulager- is slow, plodding and intentionally vague.  The hints of a better Movie make everything just so frustrating!

You know what to do...but don't do it.

At least Tommy Wiseau never accidentally made a great shot in The Room, you know?

I don't want to point fingers here, but if you make a quick Film to keep a license and don't have a good idea...maybe just don't make it.

A Film that is not incompetent- it's just dull, listless and frustrating.  I want something either great or silly and this was neither.