WTF Japan?!?: X-Cross

Welcome to Brian De Palma's wet dream!  Today's film comes to us from Japan.  What does that tell us?  One- the movie is going to be weird.  Two- it's going to feature some 80 lb Japanese women in the lead.  Three- there is probably going to be J-Pop.  Thankfully, the last part is not true here, at least for the most part.  The film is another movie by Kenta Fukasaku, the man who brought us Battle Royale II and Yo-Yo Girl Cop.  I'm sure that I can expect a random, bi-polar film that is inexplicably-violent then.  This film is oddly-paced and has a narrative trick to that is both baffling and, at times, annoying.  I'll go into more of this in the full review.  Get out your O's as we prepare to go...

The film begins In Media Res with one of the young women getting a phone call warning her of the villagers, followed by them trying to bust down the door.  This is followed by the woman and her friend going to a small village's spa.  Ruh roh!

The duo get split up and the first young lady is chased by the mob.  We only hear the friend over the phone before this side of the story stops and...

You're kidding me!  This movie is just going to constantly cut between 'Chapters' to show their parallel stories.  That's unique...but also kind of silly.  It's especially-silly when you consider that one Chapter is only two minutes long!

As if the film wasn't weird enough, the friend's Chapters involve her being chased by the ex-girlfriend of some guy she stole.  Oh yeah, the lady is trying to kill her with GIANT SCISSORS!

In Chapter 4, the two fight in a battle between Giant Scissors and chainsaw.  Only in Japan, folks!

Getting back to the, you know, plot, our heroine is captured by the villagers, who are part of a cult that cuts the leg off the women, so that they won't leave while the men are out hunting.  What happened to locks on the inside?

Thankfully, all of the plot threads- including a man who was on the phone the whole time and Giant Scissors Lady- come together, leading to an odd finale.

Hey guys, don't stop driving just yet!  Okay- now it's safe...or is it?  The End.

Chapter Four- Wrap Up Paragraph!  The plot of this movie is interesting and definitely has potential.  The problem is that the gimmicky execution will turn a lot of people off.  It was very distracting for me, but I'm sure that a lot of people will just plain hate it.  On a related note, why is the lady with the Giant Scissors in this movie?  It's like they took one of the unused characters from Tokyo Gore Police and stuck it into this movie!  This is by the same guy who wrote Battle Royale II's script- which is full of random anti-American rants- and made Yo-Yo Girl Cop into a somber drama.  I guess I should expect something like this, but I still didn't.  I'm not saying that the film is terrible or anything, but the choices made really shrink the market for this.  It's weird, random and totally Japanese!  Take us away, totally-not-creepy greeters for the village...

Next up, a movie whose plot synopsis promises something gory and dark.  The actual film- not exactly the same.  Stay tuned...

Forgotten Sequels: Battle Royale II

The second time is not the charm!  There are a lot of people or decisions made in regards to this movie to criticize.  The first one- forcing a sequel out when your most interesting star (Takeshi Kitano) got killed off.  If you had planned a sequel, don't kill him or leave it ambiguous.  This leads to my biggest problem with the film overall, but I'll get to that later.  Another problem is the change in tone.  A lot of people on Netflix harp on this film for one reason- it's anti-American stance.  A big chunk of the film's plot is centered around how bad America is for always attacking everyone.  Just to note- this was made before the 'Bush Jr. Wars,' so I find it hard to defend.  The biggest thing about that stance- it's entirely-pointless.  It doesn't fit in with the narrative flow of the series (at least not the film one) and just feels intrusive.  Another thing that's intrusive is the new focus on the BR program in this film.  I get it contextually, but also feel that a better choice could have been made.  According to what I've read, the one person I can't blame is the Director, who apparently died during the film's production.  I could probably blame his son, who took over and helped make this film the mess that it is.  Do I?  I'm on the fence right now.  Before I complain any more here, let me complain as I join in on the...

The film begins with your basic recap of the first film, focusing on the two surviving characters.  They explain that the situation has not improved with their escaping and thanks in no small part to the evil country of America.  Strike 1.  The film talks about the teacher who was running the program (Kitano) and then shows his daughter, who just happens to be the right age for the BR program.  That's just silly, but whatever floats your boat.  Before we get to know the kids too much (especially in comparison to the first film), they end up in the familiar, military convoy and at the site of the new BR program.  They meet up with...well, this guy.

The new kids don't take well to their orders, leading a prolonged section of them being threatened and/or yelled at.  Someone apparently thought that this part of the original film was the best, so they try to 'make the most' of it.  They finally get their mission: dress up like soldiers and take out the two survivors from the last BR program in order to kill them.  That's a bit in contrast to the original film!  Especially when you consider that the bad guys' plan is to arm the kids in order to have them kill other kids, but also put exploding collars on their necks.  Work together to kill people...or die.  They are sent out to assault a beach, a scene stolen right out of Saving Private Ryan.  Yes, it is based on history, but most people know the visual best from that film.  Plus, this film was released only two years after Spielberg's.  Side note- they use American history as a template in a film that derisively-insults America- odd, right?  This scene goes on for a bit, but lacks the drama of the original film.  One- they're being attacked by the heroes of the first film.  Two- I still don't know who the hell these people are!

Things take a turn when the survivors from the last BR program finally realize that the people shooting at them are students.  Nice of you to notice the giant collars on their necks!  The group still have a big face-off circa The Rock before the resistance fighters jam the signal to the collars.  The two groups agree to work together. The lead guy from the new group goes to talk to Shuya, who proceeds to give a long speech condemning America yet again.  Amongst his list of countries that America has attacked/invaded is Bosnia.  Yeah, not so much.  In fact, I don't think I can take any more of this movie.  The End.

Holy disappointment, Batman!  The plot of this movie is pretty embarrassing, especially when compared to the original film.  While I was not the film's biggest fan, I saw what they were going for.  This one- I don't see it.  The resistance movement is bad because America made them bad by...um, doing stuff.  Seriously, what part did America play in this?  They are attacking you because you strapped explosive collars to their necks and made them kill each other.  Why did you do that?  Because your economy was going badly and people got upset.  It's not like these kids were outright attacking you a la Class of 1999 or anything.  You picked a random group of kids & put them through hell in order to scare other people.  Take note of how I'm talking more about the original film now than this one.  To put it simply, I didn't care for this film.  As I said in the intro, there are a lot of people to blame for this one.  The bottom line is this- this movie has no purpose.  There is nothing that had to be done here.  Someone just saw dollar (or yen) signs and said 'let's make another!'  I think that this reaction shot best expresses my feelings...

Next up, we wrap up this week with a Direct-to-DVD sequel to the sequel of a remake.  It's less confusing and more silly.  Stay tuned...

Bi-Polar Cinema: Yo-Yo Girl Cop

I get the impression that it will seem like I am picking on Asia with this series. That is far from the truth. That is what 'WTF Japan' is for. They just seem to have this weird mind-set for it. Today's film does not sound like it belongs, but, oh does it indeed. It is...

Yo-Yo Girl Cop

This is billed as an action movie centered around an undercover lady cop who infiltrates a High School and uses a quirky weapon. Sounds fun, right? Sigh.

*

The film begins with...a young person wandering the streets in a daze. People ignore her and try to go on with their lives. That proves to be a bad decision as a bomb was tied to her and she blows up in the center of Tokyo's famous square (basically Time's Square). Still having fun?

*

This event leads the government to bring out a prisoner whom they think can help solve the crime. No, this is not 48 Hours. The prisoner is a young woman with a dark past who they keep in a big, open cage a la Hannibal Lecter. After some reluctance, she agrees and...puts on a Japanese school girl outfit. Right.

*

She finds it hard to get in initially, but works her way to be friends with a sad young woman. Thanks, movie, we needed more. After a while, she finds out why. A friend of her's was constantly being bullied and snapped. She decided to commit suicide, although she only managed to be put in a persistent vegetative state. More fun! Our hero learns that something else came out of this incident: the formation of a terrorist cell. That's right- a terrorist cell of Japanese 'teenagers' (most of them appearing to be at least 22) in a High School. As far as the movies I watch go, this seems logical.

*

Over forty-five minutes in, we finally get some real action and it is...actually pretty good. First, you get the hero's change into her battle uniform. She fights one of the ring leaders, who has similar taste, in an area surrounded by lots and lots of metal pipes. Will that play a factor? This gives the first major use of the titular weapon. It is a badge that doubles as a battle yo-yo. I wonder if mine does that? After defeating the woman, she battles the real villain and his group of armed thugs, one of whom is played by Versus' Tak Sakaguchi. Why? Who the hell knows?!?

*

It turns out that the whole thing is a red herring to commit a robbery. Wait, what?!? Anyhow, this fails as well and the villain is blown up. The day is saved...although hundreds of people have still died from that first major attack.

*

I really wanted to love this movie. My friends can attest as to just how much I tried to pressure them into renting it as a group. In a way, I'm really glad that they turned me down so many times. After enduring stuff like Moon Child and Feeders 2, I am glad that I did not force them to watch another misleading movie. Of course, we later ended up watching The Human Robot vs. The Aztec Mummy, so I only delayed 'judgment day' it seems. Ah well.

*

Let's switch back to America and their love of dogs. This one is not so nice. Stay tuned...